Well look who's being super patriotic to cover up the fact that he's destroying the town by colluding with Russians...
It's the mayor, Tru- I mean... Larry... hmmm...
Scoops Troop is still miles down under the mall and unsurprising to no one, they get caught... BUT the teens are good people who send the younger kids out for help but really they are sacrificing themselves to save the kids and I respect it, I have to...
The other teens are at Hopper's cabin arguing over who has agency over Eleven, is it Mike, herself? but really Mike loves her and men think that is the same as being able to control women just automatically...
Alexei is getting Burger King and a strawberry slurpee but he wanted cherry... so Hopper throws him around and out and he decides Strawberry is pretty good compared to getting murdered by his own country for betraying them by getting kidnapped by some Americans
Anyway he loves Woody woodpecker and american food so... he's smart enough to know where his whopper is buttered and it's not in the icy tundra where his life is threatened daily by a nine foot tall man that never smiles...
Steve and Robin get tortured and drugged because these super smart guys in this underground compound can tell they are spies even though they are dressed like Popeye and Pippi Longstocking and are both clearly teenagers.
Dustin and Erica actually save them though which, good for them.
Hopper and Joyce find out that the machine which Alexi calls a "key" is to open a door to the upside down and they call Owens at the fake library and Joyce has to be a "Karen" not wheeler just in the way that she's acting like a "karen" but really also a desperate mom which is understandable and she probably could take over the world if she wanted and I wish she would honestly.
Eleven finds Billy but he's just sitting there staring at the wall like he just realized he has a mullet. But actually it's a trap and they all know it but El sees a box of Lucky Charms and follows the rainbow to an idea to piggyback into his memories like she did her mom last season...
That's what El calls it, not yet, but she will, what do you want me to do?
And Billy knows it and lets her do it, and guys I can't even make jokes because these scenes are incredibly done. She goes through his traumatic past and sees his dad was the A-hole and it's not an excuse but it is the reason Billy is messed up.
And then she gets out of there but not really because the Mind Flayer has to threaten her and everyone else and make a little girl cry. Which makes Billy somewhere deep inside cry and honestly the scene is magical and tragic and I love it. Dacre is incredible, Millie is also as usual and the fact that the show would show a horrible character like Billy having compassion about at least some things is really good and it sucks that some people think this is a redemption because it's not... it's just that people are not ALL bad, even if they are still MOSTLY bad... and it says a lot for how bad the mind flayer is if Billy is not down for what he's doing... it's kind of like Christopher Columbus who was not just evil but was so evil that the colonizers of his day who were pretty bad were like "whoa my guy, you suck!"
Anyway happy indepence day Hawkins, you're about to feel those bombs bursting right up your asses!
It took the Scoops Troop and entire week to get to the bottom of this elevator shaft. Steve pees on the wall and it's gross.
Erica thinks she's going to drink some green sludge like she thinks it will make her a ninja turtle instead of just killing her.
Hopper almost blows Joyce up for speaking to any male in the world. And this Russian scientist is the second one in a week. Joyce you slut...
Joyce's new bf Alexi finds a 7/11 where he finds out about slurpees and it's the cutest thing. Hopper steals a car from the Todd Father which, eww and tells him that the adorable man in the back seat is a child murderer.
Underground in the elevator they finally find a way out but find themselves in the tunnels that are just about as long as the conclusions Hopper has been jumping to about Joyce.
Nancy wakes up Jonathon and only he would reference Oliver Twist before 6am...
In Mike's basement El is talking about Bad screams and Lucas questions what a good scream is and Max stops her from answering which is hilarious.
Nancy and Jonathon join the kids and they compare notes and go investigate more.
Steve finally wins a fight and they see the new gate
Hopper and Joyce and Alexi go to be around yet another man and I hope Hopper's head doesn't explode like his bronco did.
The rest of the cast is led to the hospital where they are again separated and El is extending grace to Mike who surprisingly doesn't mess it up.
He LEARNED and LISTENED and reacted in a non problematic way... maybe he should teach Hopper some things...
Jonathon has also learned that Nancy and every other female on this show is always right and why do they keep having to prove that?
They get to stab their ex bosses and it probably is pretty satisfying until they melt into a flesh jello mold that joins together in one big gross flesh monster and credits...
We start with the sweetest scene of Max explaining Wonder Woman to Eleven and it's a win for feminism...
Mrs Driscoll wants to go to the rat farm really really badly but little does she know they no longer farm rats there, they are harvesting souls mwahaha and are getting nothing from Tom because he never had one...
Hopper is NAKED and Joyce is embarrassed and probably tired after lugging him home from getting beaten like a Harrington but she tells him that his attacker was driving a motorcycle and he's seen a motorcycle helmet exactly once in his life apparently and he knows where he saw it... coming out of Trum-- I mean the mayor's office because the mayor has been colluding with russians because this plot line is so dated to that particular time in our lives and Larry is really Donald but does anyone really get or remember that reference years later?
Anyway Larry pulls an Angela from season 4 and says A**hole things about Hopper's dead daughter and gets what he deserves for it...
Scoops troop is still doing a better job at defending the country than Hawkins lab or the real gov. but they hit a couple snags because for one, Steve can't win a fight with a human to save his life or anyone else's and for two a capitalist gets involved and dude you could have found any other child but people think this one is cute and funny for some reason thatI can't figure out because to me she's as annoying as all the other pro capitalist patriotic people I've known...
Mike and Lucas contact the girls post sleepover and they are ANNOYED but then it's a code red so it's fine... Will asks if they know what roller coasters feel like and they are all like of course, except for El who is like "does everyone forget that I was kidnapped and held captive for my entire childhood or what?" so they spy on Billy because El was right about him being wrong but not his regular wrong, a new wrong... and two wrongs do make El right... they plan to trap him in the sauna because he is not as hot as he thinks he is, not yet...
Nancy has gotten herself and Jonathon fired and she's like "I'm a woman" and he's like "well I'm poor" and they are like we should fight with each other and not the rich white a**hole men who are oppressing both of us and in that way they are the most American people in this episode...
The scoops troop does make it into the secret room of boxes and then they find out it's an elevator that goes all the way down to the standards of any girl who would go out with Billy...
Mike corners El and tries to mansplain his way out of trouble for lying and she's like "Hopper is right because Max taught me feminism with a comic book and I make my own rules, excuse me because i have to prepare to beat Billy/the mind flayer up like he's a Harrington"
And she does, she does and it is bada**
We start off at a slumber party in a cabin in the woods where El uses her psychic abilities to spy on people and she gets scared of a fart and a possible murder. This is not the babysitters club people, this slumber party is almost as weird as the ones in Jessica Jones (inside joke with myself)
Hopper comes home drunk and stood up but he's happy his daughter is making out with Max instead of Mike now because she's just way cooler than him. (kidding, well not about Max being cooler because she is, but the rest of it)
Steve, Dustin and Robin are doing a better job of defending the country than anyone has since the 1960s by spying on a jazzercize class and hopping up on tables in the mall and yes they are still doing a better job of catching Russian spies than Brenner and the actual government irl
Joyce tells Hopper she was in the same room as another man for important reasons and his man brain can't handle that because he's suddenly an annoying jealous bf, even though he's not her bf at all... chill out Hopper, I know you are better than this. But he promises to take her on a date at the place were all her troubles came from and where her last bf died which is a great idea...
Mike and Lucas are simping over their exes who are way too busy tracking down a missing lifeguard and having a good time to care about stupid boys but when Will wants the boys to stop caring about "stupid girls" Mike does an accidental homophobia and then feels bad... dude you should have just played D&D because you trying to do things in the real world just pisses everyone you care about off badly... you are not good at real life...
Nancy tries really hard to get men in suits in the 1980s to stop being misogynist A-holes and take her seriously and girl... this runs in the family because you are fighting a losing battle, move on because you are better than them anyway, but she's relentless and her and jonathon find Mrs. Driscoll eating fertilizer in her basement and it is disgusting.
Hopper get's his ass kicked at the lab like he's Steve Harrington or something...
El and Max track down a red door and find Billy pretending to be a normal person and not being very good at it
He stares El down because he is also the mindflayer and several other names that we won't find out about until season 4...
Heather thwops her dad, Tom (nancy's boss) upside the head with a wine bottle and it's mildly satisfying except for the fact that she's only doing it because she's been 'flayed' by Billy/the mindflayer... and Nancy didn't even get to see Tom get owned by his own daughter, what a shame
Named after my favorite Kevin Smith film. I guess that makes Eleven- Silent Bob and Max-Jay?
Just like Mallrats, we don't start at the mall, we start at the rat farm where Billy is running away seemingly unharmed, because of racist white male privilege probably.
Mike lies to Eleven because as we find out, just because "friends don't lie" it doesn't mean boyfriends don't, boyfriends lie- ALL.THE.TIME.
Hopper is a little too happy about El's sadness but that's okay because he will have a date with Karma later at Enzo's.
He celebrates with Joyce and almost slips on a MAGNET
and Joyce fixates on those for this entire season starting now
Billy smashes Karen's head in but not really, and then a lifeguard named Heather says "take me to him" but also not really... and this man can not stand the heat of facing the reality of women around him and like most men deals with that logically by kidnapping heather, I wonder if this is even the first time he's done this.
We find out that he has been recruited into being the foot soldier of a genocidal maniac but to be honest if he'd have lived in 1940 or today the same thing would have happened to him anyway.
Max takes El to the mall where she shops and explodes orange julius all over that bitch Stacey (Karma at the mall for rejecting Dustin)
Max is teaching El to be herself and to be a strong independent woman and it is literally the best day of El's life even after she dumps Mike's lying ass
Mike I know it's the 80's but shopping at the mall with just $3.50 is completely ridiculous
Hopper has to stop people protesting Don- I mean the mayor because of the mall and Hopper begrudgingly arrests them and sends them off with Calvin because he's gotta get ready for dinner (it's not a date) riiight, that's why you had flo go get you a brand new magnum PI shirt.
But Joyce has to leave work to go to the middle school science teacher's house because MAGNETS
And Hopper is left at Enzo's all alone because Joyce stood him up because MAGNETS
Dustin and the rest of the scoops troop are busy all episode decoding a russian message and Steve figures out the call is coming from inside the mall because of a song from a horse... Stranger things indeed, yall get your clues about as strangely as Spencer Hastings when she got a phone number from a bird...
Nancy and Jonathon are being the journalist photographer duo and honestly, why would their lives or careers ever drive them apart, they literally have coinciding jobs, their dream life is literally the same one, another rat pops and it's disgusting and all the other rats slime shows up at the end to save heather from Billy I presume because what the freak man? Is this a hobby? Where did you learn to tie up girls and take them to abandoned buildings because this does NOT look like your first rodeo, let's hope the rat blob saves her in time :)
FINALLY, I return to give everyone what no one asked for...
my opinions... tee hee
Had a hard and busy year, mostly bad stuff but some good, I love my new husband!! (so far ;) )
Now back to Stranger Things
We start in Russia, where right off the bat several people are fried by white rose's machine... oops wrong show... anyway the terminator kills a scientist and they say comrade a million times... later in Hawkins,
El and Mike make out even though they are THIRTEEN and Hopper is being "strict" by allowing this as long as the door is open three inches. It does make him turn into a tomato though.
There is a mall in town now where Steve Harrington is yelling "AHOY!" at teenage girls and sneaking kids through the back halls so they can watch horror movies as if their lives aren't enough of that already.
Will touches his neck for the first of a thousand times. The electric goes out and the mall is the center of all evil. Except the rat farm at the edge of town is also the center of all evil.
The next day Nancy sneaks out of Johnathon's bed and Joyce thinks it's adorable and we all think she is adorable for finding it adorable.
Dustin is back from Camp Nowhere or whatever it's called and can't believe no one cares that he's home and they can't believe he has a girlfriend.
Hopper gets Joyce's help drafting a heart-to-heart with El and Mike and tries to date her but she's got plans to pair the two grossest things to eat at the same time ever.
Karen is trying seduce a teenager and he's cool with it but no one else should be.
Again Will grabs his neck and looks terrified like he just saw his own haircut, or maybe he's worried that he'll never play D&D again and this will be about the only thing he does for the entire season
Dustin builds a radio tower and tries to contact his "perfect" girlfriend and Lucas says "no girl is that perfect"
But Max is perfect OBVIOUSLY!! And Suzie is not real OBVIOUSLY and only one of those things are for sure the truth
Hopper tries to talk to the most annoying couple ever but the annoying half of that couple makes him mad so he threatens to kill Mike's Nana before taking Mike out to the Bronco and threatens to kill him instead lol
Karen sees her husband asleep and he's not so bad when he isn't talking so she decides not to sleep with a guy her daughters age after all
Billy is more than ready for the date though as he talks to himself in his car, something wrecks him right beside the rat farm and he gets out to yell at the car for it.
Then suddenly karma grabs Billy by the ankles and drags him to the basement of the barn where rats are grown and exploded like so much popcorn. :P
Carla Gugino? Ted Wheeler? Cole Sprouse? Mary Shelley? A PINK house? How could I NOT cover this on the podcast?
Okay Cole Sprouse could have the best chemistry with a lamp... thankfully in this movie we have Kathryn Newton who I haven't seen before this movie but I LOVE her... this cast is top notch...
this movie is so FUN and colorful and a pink house with a teal door... it's like it was made for me specifically because literally that's what colors my house is too...
"yea... yea... she's a bitch" possibly best line
I laughed a lot but I also cried... I don't care what critics say about this movie... also I want a Victorian man as a bf (mainly Charles Dickens) this movie is so cute, the romance is sweet and real and adorable, Cole is adorable... I love this mix of Edward Scissorhands meets Heathers meets all the best color schemes and fashions... it's all the things I love and this movie is not for the filmbros it's for the tumblr girlies so if you're not down for that... what is wrong with you? lol
what started out to be a podcast about Lisa Frankenstein turned into a rant about Riverdale, I promise I'll get to Lisa Frankenstein next episode
The season two finale, finally. Mike pulls a Noah from the notebook "I 'wrote' every day for a year" And El tells him she telepathically left him on 'read' and hopper takes the blame so Mike beats him up and hopper lets him because he's emotionally intelligent El sticks her thumb in Dustin's mouth and her cold shoulder at Max
Nancy and Jonathon get steamy again but this time it is not fun and his mom and brother is there (kind of)
Billy hits on Karen and then hits on Steve (in more than one way) Mike wants to start a fire and Steve says 'uh yea that's a no' El retraumatizes herself to save the world Nancy stabs a twelve year old with a red hot poker and it's all good Max lays down the law on Billy's racist ass and steals his car so they can go be arsonists underground Hopper is the best dad and El is the best daughter and Owens isn't so bad Murray gets revenge, barb is laid to rest There's a dance Dustin is sad and Nancy is not just badass she's a sweetheart and Jopper hug 🤗 Kisses, dancing, upside down It's not over yet
Travel back with me to the 90s to enjoy one of my favorite guilty pleasures...
This movie has a lot going on, but most of it is super fun and unexpected, it goes against a lot of stereotypes and introduces us to Carla Gugino, which is like so awesome.
The acting is really good, and yes lots of people complain about Pauly Shore but is he really that bad? Really?
He's at the very least adorable... I think he does a good job honestly and he's not NOT trying to be different character, the 'weasel' was kind of his whole thing on purpose just like "Jay and Silent Bob" are the same in all their movies, you go to see them, it's almost an IP ya know?
The 90s was a great time for movies, when even the stupid ones were actually pretty good and lowkey MVP of this movie was Tracy who did nothing wrong and got treated the worst for absolutely no reason until the end.
Also I come up with a new way to judge men, and it's kind of a thing I've been thinking about a lot lately. This is a long podcast and discription but oh well chill out bud-dy :)
Back to the lab again... oops there goes Rabbit... aka Hopper
"Who let the dogs out?"
Sorry corny music jokes aside...
So we come back to the lab and the dogs are busting through and this is an action movie for bit.
Joyce asks Will who she is and he hesitates to she stabs him...
Well with a needle to put him to sleep, his true dad (Hopper) comes and picks him up
Out in the woods Lucas and Dustin are still fighting over a girl and a dog. Steve hears something and they go to the lab where they find Nancy and Jonathon who have shown up to find all the lights out and the gate not working and Dustin shoves Jonathon and says "no you push button, I push button"
After Bob gets the lights on and dies the most unnecessarily brutal death in the history of streaming tv, the rest of them minus Owens who is a nice guy after all who stays behind to get them all out.
RIP Bob Newby, Superhero, but now #Jopper can be a thing
They all go to Joyce's and sit around sad and discuss giant monster nazis that take over brains and then take Will out to the shed for a good whipping...
Just kidding, they take him out there to interrogate him and tell him sad stories about his traumatic childhood
This forces the Will inside to tap out some morse code to let them know how to stop the smoke Nazi but not before those dang telemarketers ruin everything and Will figures out where he is and calls the hounds of hell (aka the upside down) to his side to kill his family, what a sweet little boy lol
They all stand at the ready but one by one hear the demo dogs getting demolished outside... then the door opens and it's our GIRL
ELEVEN is back BITCHES, she's home and she's kicking ass and taking names...
Hi Barbie!
I want — to make meaning — not be the thing that's made. I want to do the imagining — I don’t want to be the idea. Oh I went in excited for the PINK PINK PINK BARBIE GIRL PINK movie and came out with an existential crisis lol
(but in the best way) Thank you Margot, Thank you Greta and Thank you Ruth, Thank you Barbie and all the Barbies out there
And Ken is just Kenough lol
We start off with Eleven trying to track down her "sister" aka another child Brenner kidnapped, in case we forgot what an evil monster that guy was (is?)
El finds her in Chicago and overhears Aunt Becky (have mercy) tattling on her to Flo at the Hawkins police Dept.
El then starts her episode-long crime spree by stealing Becky's money and getting out of there, leaving Terry in her dream circle like the rebellious daughter she's been all season
Dressed in her most bada** bibbed overalls, El hits the mean streets of Chicago where she finds the island of misfit toys...
Meet Kali, aka 008 aka "sister"
She's a traumatized victim of the government who's the human version of an acid trip, she can like make you totally see glowing butterflies, it's like a total trip man, far out.
She's also totally healed of her trauma, completely, I mean she talks like someone who is emotionally dead inside but she's totally healed guys, we know this because she says it over and over and because healed people always travel around the country murdering all the people who've wronged them.
There's also the rest of the gang
Axel- he's pretty much just the joker with a mohawk and is scared of spiders
Mick- she worries and drives the van
Dottie- harley quinn/raggedy ann
and Funshine- he's a teddy bear (and I do actually like him because he's nice to 'miss jane')
learn them, know them, love them because you will never see any of these characters ever again.
Kali tells El that anger is good and forgiveness is bad and she should be angry enough to move a train car so El does that... then she gets a makeover that is apparently "bitchin"
They shoplift, El steals Eggos, Kali makes a good point actually about capitalism in the middle of a gas station where it won't actually change anything
THEN
Kali takes El to a man's home to break in and terrify him and his children and then tries to force El to murder him. El thankfully does not turn to the darkside and remains a Jedi who uses 'the force' for good by knocking the gun right out of Kali's (not traumatized anymore seriously guys) hand and straight out the window, anakin skywalker she is not, she's Luke
Then in true Kali fashion she gets revenge for that by making El see Brenner again to retraumatize her and I guess make a point or something?
"ELEVEN krr I am your FATHA krr"
But El doesn't really like putting up with this acid trip nightmare dad and screams at Kali to stop making her hallucinate her abuser like a cruel heartless b*tch
El checks in on her real dad the policeman aka daddy hopper a couple times and at the end sees that he and mike are in danger so she must use the force to destroy the Deathstar... wait wrong show...
the warehouse gets raided so Kali makes them invisible which is honestly pretty freaking cool and then they leave but before they can pull off El tells Kali that she is in fact not up for serial killing across the usa and has to return to the north pole to help santa guide the sleigh... oh crap wrong thing again
Anyway El tells her she has a better island of misfits to get to and admits her friends might not be able to save her but she can save them because she is *that bitch* and we all love her... she's going home because home is not a place, it's the people she loves :'(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BOY????
well he's a liar is one of the things... lol but no that's not really his fault but still, naughty
Steve gives Dustin terrible dating and hair advice while tossing raw meat around...
Max calls Lucas a mormon and Billy gets more buff and (Im assuming) racist by the second...
Mike is a good friend but more importantly for this episode he's a smart friend
Jonathon did indeed enjoy the pullout and from the grin on her face we can assume Nancy did too
Owens proves himself worthy of some of our trust... while insulting the mind flayer by calling him a virus... word
Bob makes me cry
Hopper makes me cry
Lucas and Max make me cry
Steve makes himself live bait
No but seriously Lucas deserves Max more than Dustin does (sorry not sorry) but really Dustin you're acting a little incel and Lucas is actually getting to know her
and once again we end on a cliff hanger of Hopper being in apparent mortal danger...
and this would be the worst time ever to make a hard left into a completely different genre and show so let's hope they don't do that for the next episode (what? they did what? right now? it couldn't have been placed somewhere else or split up into different scenes instead of making us sit through an entire episode wondering if Hopper was going to die? oh cool cool cool)
I lay it all out there, next episode will be about Stranger things, I promise... just wanted to give an explaination as to where I've been
"Ghost"
"I see that"
"Halloween"
"Sure is"
Why is this my favorite scene of all time? lol seriously... Hopper S1: "Mornings are for coffee and contemplation", Hopper S2: *wakes up early to cook breakfast* aka Eleven literally gave him a reason to wake up in the morning :'(
Joyce is a nervous wreck so... nothing new there, something's wrong with Will... so nothing new there either, the boys go trick or treating, Max is coming around, Billy is an a-hole, Jonathon doesn't want to party, Steve is trying to hold Nancy together and Nancy thinks this is BS, BS, BS!
