Trust is one of the most complex foundations of any relationship — and few topics spark as much tension as snooping and location sharing.
In this episode of Modern Couples: What Your Therapist Never Told You, Rick Miller and Lillian Borges unpack what’s really happening underneath these behaviors.
They explore why so many partners resort to snooping instead of communicating, how gender roles and past relationship wounds shape trust, and why transparency can make or break emotional safety.
Whether you’ve snooped, been snooped on, or just want to strengthen trust in your relationship, this episode is a candid conversation about the messy, very human side of modern love.
When you hear the term “ADHD,” what do you think about? Someone with a short attention span, who is forgetful, who can’t settle down? This neurological condition is difficult to live with—whether you’re the one experiencing it, or are in a relationship with someone who is.
ADHD is like other disorders in that the resulting behavior, while frustrating, is never intentional, so both partners need to educate themselves about it and learn to manage the disorder together. Because it can result in some level of chaos in the household, as deadlines are missed, bills are unpaid, social obligations are ignored, it’s important to approach it in collaboration and devise a plan that will place guardrails around its worst consequences.
Oh, and how ADHD manifests will be different for men and for women, so watch that; it’s easy to make assumptions about your partner based on how you perceive the problem.
There are medications and cognitive-behavioral strategies that can help, and your therapist—you are seeing a therapist, right?—can help determine what treatment modalities arebest for you.
Who hasn’t at one time or another referred to someone else as a narcissist? But really, the clinical version of narcissism is relatively rare… which doesn’t mean that many people don’t have narcissistic traits! Some are healthy and related to self-worth, but others are harmful—and completely invisible to the person exhibiting them.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably already struggling. Whether you stay in the relationship or leave depends on your circumstances; if you choose to stay, you will need to set consistent boundaries with them, but know you will never be able to “fix” who they are.
What you can do: you might explore how and why you were attracted to your partner, and work with a therapist to discover the best way to move forward, regardless of whether or not you choose to stay in the relationship.
What goes unspoken when separate bedrooms become the norm?
More couples are choosing to sleep in separate rooms, but what does that actually mean for their connection?
In this episode, we explore the emotional and relational layers behind this growing trend.
Is it a practical move toward better sleep, or a quiet signal of emotional withdrawal? The answer depends less on the arrangement itself and more on the communication surrounding it.
Do frequent fights mean you and your partner are incompatible?
Could fights actually be part of how some couples stay connected?
In this episode, therapists Rick Miller and Lillian Borges take a closer look at what conflict reveals about relationships. They explore why fighting isn’t always a red flag, how our upbringing and attachment styles shape the way we argue, and the difference between conflict that strengthens connection and patterns that erode trust.
Along the way, they challenge the idea that compatibility is about avoiding arguments altogether and instead show how the willingness to repair, regulate emotions, and stay present makes all the difference.
Infidelity is one of the hottest of hot-button issues in relationships, and a never-ending source of judgment, recrimination, and pain.
But where all that misses the mark is in that infidelity isn’tjust about sex, and there’s never just one side to the story. Andsurprisingly, some relationships do survive one or the other “cheating” on them. While that’s not always possible—unmet emotional and other needs can make ending the relationship the healthiest outcome for both partners—with some work, there can be healing and reconnection.
“Some” work? No: a lot of work! It’s not enough toapologize and move on: partners have to work through the truth of what happened (truth, as opposed to painful details), and must be equally committed to the process.
Perhaps unexpectedly, the new relationship forged through this process may look completely different from the original one: it’s a transformation brought about what the partners went through and what they’re willing to commit to in the future.
By now we’ve all had a chance to try ChatGPT. And it’s probable that the first few times you used it, you were amazed, right? But as time went by, you probably found it less and less enthralling. And that goes double, or maybe even triple, when you’re using it for relationship advice.
So, yeah, trusting your relationship to a machine, no matter how quick and clever it might seem, may not be the best decision you’ve ever made. But let us tell you why…
First of all, it’s not replacing your flesh-and-blood therapist anytime soon. For one thing, AI misses a lot.
Secondly, the level of trust that builds between you and your therapist cannot be replaced by a machine. Therapists observe and accompany you (and your partner, if you’re in couples’ therapy) on a journey that isn’t on the AI menu.
Does that mean that a chatbot isn’t helpful in therapy? AI is a tool that can aid your therapist, but a lot of its success remains with you.
Chatbots can provide language and structure, but human skill, experience, and intuition are your therapist’s most useful tools for deep relational work.
In other words, ask AI for help in scheduling, or computing, or in fast answers to obscure questions… but don’t place your lovely and fragile relationship in its hands!
Marriages work (or don’t work) in a number of different ways. Some couples enjoy frequent sex; others have less sexual activity, or none at all. Whatever they choose is right for them, as long as both partners are in agreement about the level of intimacy they give and receive.
Problems arise when one partner wants more (or less) sexual intimacy than does the other. This can often manifest in thefeeling of being roommates rather than a couple. The partner who wishes for more intimacy can experience disconnection, rejection, and dissatisfaction, while the partner wanting less may be experiencing shame, discomfort, and pressure.
The key to solving the “roommate” problem is communication. Both partners need to be clear and honest about their needs—and about why those needs are important. A willingness to be vulnerable and not rely on assumptions is critical.
Sexual desire can wane for a number of different reasons: aging, childbirth, weight gain, life events, a lack of novelty, and more. Long-term sexual satisfaction often requires both emotional attunement and intentional efforts to keep engaged.
Different couples have different ways of viewing sexual intimacy, which can be affected by their ages, genders, agreed upon relationship models, and more. As long as there is open communication and regular self-reflection, then a healthy relationship connection is possible.
