In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with Gretchen Costanzo, a certified integrative attachment coach and creator of the Living Connected Method, to talk about what it means to create a secure relationship with God — and how transformational that can be for your healing and relationships. We explore how God can become your steady rock, the connection between faith and secure attachment, and what it looks like to date from a place of spiritual security and emotional grounding.

Whether you’re rebuilding your faith or curious about how your relationship with God shapes your attachment patterns, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

Contact Gretchen:

https://attachment.coach/

Gretchencostanzo@gmail.com

Attachment Coaching with Jessica:

Book a free clarity call here

@thejessicadasilva

Not all anxious attachers look the same. In this episode, I explore the Passive Anxious Attacher, who protects against loss by shrinking back, and the Rigid Anxious Attacher, who holds on tightly to feel secure. You’ll learn how to tell the difference, why both stem from the same fear of abandonment, and how to begin moving toward secure connection.

💛 Learn more about my Attachment Coaching Services or book a free Clarity Call through the link here.

Not all avoidants look the same. In this episode, I break down the two common ways avoidant attachment shows up in relationships: the Passive Avoidant, who protects themselves by shrinking back, and the Rigid Avoidant, who protects themselves through control and high standards. You’ll learn how to spot the difference, why it matters, and how each can begin moving toward more secure and fulfilling relationships.

Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Instagram: @thejessicadasilva

Client Stories

In this episode of Let’s Talk Attachments, we dive into what compatibility in relationships really means—and why it matters so much more than chemistry alone. I’ll break down how to recognize true alignment in core values, lifestyle choices, emotional needs, and long-term goals, and share practical ways anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachers can assess compatibility in their dating lives. Whether you’ve been swept up by sparks before or want to avoid repeating old patterns, this episode will help you slow down, see clearly, and choose relationships that actually support the love and life you want to build.

*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Diving deep too quickly in dating can feel exciting, but it often creates premature emotional bonds that blur your judgment of compatibility. In this episode, I explore why anxious and fearful avoidant attachers are especially prone to oversharing, rushing intimacy, and confusing emotional closeness with true alignment. You’ll learn practical ways to pace yourself—so you can stay authentic while also assessing compatibility with clarity and balance.

*Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

In this episode, I open up about how I subconsciously molded myself to attract avoidant partners and how that pattern was rooted in my earliest experiences of love. I share how I learned to appear “cool,” independent, and unattached in order to feel wanted, and why that left me feeling disconnected and unfulfilled in relationships.

If you’ve ever found yourself downplaying your needs, pretending to be more “chill” than you are, or attracting people who can’t meet your emotional depth, this episode will help you reflect on those hidden patterns. My hope is that it gives you insight into your own subconscious motivations, clarity about how you’ve been showing up in love, and encouragement to realign with your authentic, secure self.

* Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Why is it that ambitious, successful women can thrive in their careers but feel lost in love?
In this episode, Attachment Therapist and Coach Carly Ann joins me to explore the emotional disconnect that many high-achieving women experience in relationships.

We dive into:

• How codependency is hardwired into our understanding of love

• The difference between caring for a partner vs. trying to fix or save them

• Why the skills that make you successful at work can backfire in romance

• How scarcity thinking keeps you stuck in unsatisfying dynamics

• Shifting from anxiety to emotional responsibility in relationships

• Understanding overreactions, jealousy, and shame through the lens of attachment science

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel powerful in every area except your love life, this conversation is for you.

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about the growing pains of becoming securely attached.⁣

It’s not just sunshine and inner peace—real healing requires honesty, self-responsibility, and often, some very uncomfortable shifts.

Whether it’s walking away from misaligned connections, holding firmer boundaries, or realizing that peace is better than intensity… becoming secure means learning to trust yourself, even when it’s hard.⁣

If you’ve been wondering why this healing journey feels so tough sometimes—this episode is for you. You’re not broken, you’re growing 💛

*Learn about 1:1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

We often talk about the emotional distance of avoidant attachers—but what if that “selfishness” is actually a protective coping mechanism?

In this episode, I unpack how avoidant attachment can stem from emotional neglect and how hyper-independence becomes a substitute for unmet emotional needs. I share a personal story, common patterns I see in clients, and why adjusting expectations (on both sides) is key for healthy, interdependent relationships.

Whether you’re dating someone avoidant or navigating your own avoidant patterns, this episode will help you better understand the “why” behind the behavior—and how to create more compassion and clarity in your relationships.

*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

What if some of your anxious attachment behaviors are actually rooted in…selfishness?
Not because you don’t care—but because fear can make everything feel urgent and all about you.
In this episode, I share my own hard truths, the rigid expectations I used to set, and how healing started when I finally saw the bigger picture.
This one’s for anyone ready to trade “me-focused” survival patterns for truly secure connection. 💛

Learn about Attachment Coaching with me HERE.

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by Lexi Stout—a former coaching client who opens up about her journey of recognizing how her avoidant attachment style was impacting her dating life, and what she’s been doing to break old patterns and move toward healthy relationships.

We dive into:

• How her avoidant attachment kept her stuck in unfulfilling situationships

• Learning to open her heart and receive love

• Breaking the habit of hyper-independence and accepting support

• Confronting her avoidance and becoming more assertive in communication

• Navigating her first mature, secure relationship with confidence

Tune in for a raw, relatable, and inspiring conversation about healing, self-awareness, and growth in love.

*Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.

Ever taken an attachment quiz and thought, “Yup, I’m anxious”… only to find yourself totally avoidant once real intimacy kicks in? In this episode, I dive into why your feelings might say one thing, but your behaviors—especially under stress—reveal the real story. I’m sharing insights, patterns to look for, and a personal dating example that might sound all too familiar. Let’s untangle the truth together.

Learn about attachment coaching with Jessica here.

Instagram: @thejessicadasilva

In this episode, we explore the hidden struggles behind avoidant attachment through a candid conversation with someone who’s lived it.

We discuss:

🔹 Why he resisted change in past relationships — believing emotional distance was a strength
🔹 How self-protection became self-disconnection
🔹 The breakup that made him realize his avoidant patterns were the root cause
🔹 Why avoidants do love deeply — and how fear keeps it buried
🔹 Reconnecting to his emotional self and finding fulfilling love
🔹 Closure for anyone hurt by someone with avoidant attachment

This one is for anyone who’s struggled to love — or be loved — with a guarded heart.

Learn about Attachment Coaching with Jessica HERE.

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.

As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.

I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.

If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.

Takeaways include:

• The difference between chemistry and compatibility

• How to identify your unmet needs in real time

• Why even "kind and available" people might not be the right fit

• What it looks like to actually date from your secure self

• How to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align

🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.

Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

Today on the podcast, we’re joined by the lovely Meghan Gatto.

Meghan went through the My Secure Self group coaching program this past summer with the goal of deepening her understanding of anxious attachment — and learning practical tools to break unhealthy relationship patterns.

In this episode, we dive into:

• ​Breaking the cycle of anxious attachment
• ​Attraction to avoidant partners—and how to stop that
• ​How your body signals when you’re in the wrong relationship
• ​Approaching dating from a secure lens
• ​Knowing your needs, raising your standards, and setting boundaries
• ​And we finish off with my signature Secure Self visualization to help you shift from anxious to secure attachment

My Secure Self Membership - Join for $1 today 🎉 

1:1 Attachment Coaching