If the idea of planning sex makes you panic, this episode is for you.
And if you’re curious whether planning could help your sex life and relationship thrive - it’s for you too.
We often hear that spontaneous sex is the “real” kind of sex — and that if you have to plan it, something must be wrong in your relationship. But is that actually true?
In this episode, I unpack a new study on spontaneous vs planned sex and talk about how it plays out in real relationships.
I’ll share why planning can be a game changer for some couples, and why for others — especially if sex already feels pressured or stressful — it’s the last thing I’d recommend.
You’ll also hear what I do suggest instead if just the thought of sex makes your body tense up.
We dig into:
The study discussed in this episode is Is Spontaneous Sex Ideal? Beliefs and Perceptions of Spontaneous and Planned Sex and Sexual Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships by Kovačević et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research.
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Up to 40% of men experience low desire. But it's rarely talked about—in society or relationships.
In this episode, I talk with researcher Grace Wang about what really happens when a male partner is dealing with low sexual desire—and how the way we manage (or suppress) difficult emotions can make or break sexual communication in a relationship.
We unpack her study on emotion regulation and low sexual desire in men, including why “just regulating your emotions” is a lot harder than it sounds on social media, how societal norms make it even trickier for men to talk about low desire, and why hiding how you feel almost always backfires.
You’ll learn:
The study discussed in this episode is Regulate and Communicate: Associations between Emotion Regulation and Sexual Communication among Men with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and their Partners by Wang et al. and published in The Journal of Sex Research.
If you’d like to learn more about Grace Wang’s work, visit the Cash Lab at natalieorosen.com
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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This episode is a bit of a departure from the regular stuff! A personal update and a few important reminders about sex, desire, and overall well-being.
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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How can you tell if a new partner shares your turn-ons — without making it awkward?
In this episode, I answer a listener question about casual sex, power dynamics, and the kind of miscommunication that can happen when you don’t talk about your turn-ons out loud. We unpack a qualitative study on how people in BDSM communities use tech (like texting) to express desires, set boundaries, and build trust — especially when things are new or casual.
You’ll learn:
The study covered in this episode is: Sometimes It’s Easier to Type Things Than to Say Them: Technology in BDSM Sexual Partner Communication by Hamm et al., published in Sexuality & Culture.
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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Sharing what turns you on with a partner can be scary. But it can also be hot, and emotionally rewarding.
This episode dives into one of the most common but rarely spoken fears in long-term relationships: what will happen if I share what I fantasize about? We unpack a fascinating new study on why people do (and don’t) share their sexual fantasies with partners — and the surprising gap between what people fear will happen, and what actually does.
We'll cover:
The study covered in this episode is: A Content Analysis of Reasons for Disclosing Sexual Fantasies and Partner Responses by Kimberley et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research.
📝 Grab your free fantasy reflection exercise here
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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Do you ever feel like your sex drive is just… gone — and you don’t know why?
In this interview episode, I talk with researcher Dr. Simone Buzwell about how relationship inequity negatively affects female sexual desire — and why fairness outside the bedroom might matter more than you think inside it.
We unpack her study on desire, domestic labour, and gender roles — including why same-sex female couples often report higher desire, and what happens when heterosexual couples fall into default patterns neither partner consciously chose.
You’ll learn:
The study covered in this episode is: Fairer Sex: The Role of Relationship Equity in Female Sexual Desire, written by Buzwell et al. and published in The Journal of Sex Research.
📝 Grab your free relationship equity checklist here, created by Malmö Stad, Sweden.
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Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
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Is it normal for desire to fade in long-term relationships? Or can passion actually last?
This episode breaks down a powerful study of over 38,000 people in long-term relationships to uncover what really keeps sex satisfying over time. Spoiler: it’s not just about frequency or trying something new — it’s about how couples connect.
We explore the 7 key habits that set passionate couples apart — and the biggest mistake many people make.
You’ll learn:
The study covered in this episode is What Keeps Passion Alive? Sexual Satisfaction Is Associated With Sexual Communication, Mood Setting, Sexual Variety, Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Sex Frequency in a National U.S. Study, by Frederick et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854
🎧 Listen in — and if it sparks something, share it with someone you care about.
Interested in my services? Check them out here: https://leighnoren.com/all-services
Want to join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire? Here’s the link: https://leighnoren.com/redesire-sex-drive-course-apply
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link: https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form
Do you ever hesitate to initiate sex because you're afraid of being rejected — or feel guilty for turning your partner down?
In this episode, I answer a listener question about how to navigate mismatched libidos and the pain of repeated rejection in a relationship. We unpack the science of sexual rejection, and how it can shape desire, emotional safety, and long-term connection — often in ways couples don’t talk about.
You’ll learn:
→ The most common emotional reactions to sexual rejection — and why some responses shut down intimacy while others build it
→ What the data shows about how rejection impacts desire over time
→ A free list of conversation starters to help you open up this conversation with more clarity and less pressure
The study covered in the episode is: Comparing Responses to Sexual Rejection and Sexual and Relationship Well-Being in Couples Coping with Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Community Couples, written by Schwenck et al. and can be found here: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2282617#abstract
🎧 Listen in — and if you find yourself nodding along, pass it on to someone who needs to hear this too.
📝 Grab your free exercise connected to this episode here: https://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources
Interested in my services? Check them out here: https://leighnoren.com/all-services
Want to join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire? Here’s the link: https://leighnoren.com/redesire-sex-drive-course-apply
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link: https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form
A lot of us feel the pressure to perform well in bed — whether that means lasting long or wanting sex "enough".
In this episode, I talk to researcher Noémie Viens about how perfectionism can mess with your sex life. We explore why being hard on yourself (or feeling pressure from others) can lead to performance anxiety, shame, and disconnection — and how letting go of “perfect sex” can actually make it better.
You’ll learn:
→ The three types of perfectionism — and which one is most linked to sexual distress
→ Why some perfectionists report higher desire, and what’s really going on there
→ How performance pressure shows up differently for men and women
→ What to do if you or your partner tend to be self-critical or chase validation in bed
→ How to shift from pressure and performance to connection and pleasure
The study covered in the episode is: Multidimensional Perfectionism and Sexual Difficulties Among Adult Couples: A Dyadic Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Study written by Viens et al.
📝 Grab your free exercise to start dropping perfectionism in the bedroom, here: https://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources
Interested in my services? Check them out here
Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link
Are you someone who believes great sex should just… happen? Like chemistry either exists or it doesn’t?
This episode unpacks one of the biggest invisible roadblocks to intimacy: our beliefs about how sex is supposed to work. We break down a fascinating study on “sexual growth vs. destiny beliefs” and why couples who believe sex takes effort tend to experience more passion, responsiveness, and long-term satisfaction.
You’ll learn:
→ Why expecting sex to be effortless can damage connection
→ How believing sex takes effort is linked to greater support, responsiveness, and satisfaction — especially when things aren’t going smoothly
→ How to unpack your own beliefs using the free reflection exercise I’ve included
The study covered in the episode is: Responsiveness in the Face of Sexual Challenges: The Role of Sexual Growth and Destiny Beliefs by Uppot et al. and can be found here: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2175194
🎧 Listen in — and if you find yourself nodding along, pass it on to someone who needs to hear this too.
📝 Grab your free exercise connected to this episode here: https://leighnoren.com/podcast-resources
Interested in my services? Check them out here: https://leighnoren.com/all-services
Want to join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire? Here’s the link: https://leighnoren.com/redesire-sex-drive-course-apply
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link: https://airtable.com/apploL0ElRa01lJAk/pagT9VXL3OG25BwvA/form
