The Final Toast: Answering Your Burning Divorce Questions
In this farewell episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright tackle a collection of diverse listener questions about divorce, relationships, and co-parenting. From custody concerns to financial disputes, they address the complex challenges many face during separation.
Key Questions Addressed
The hosts explore crucial topics including coercive control in divorce, psychological evaluations for new partners, dissipation of assets, and enforcing custody agreements across international borders. Seth provides practical legal insights while Pete offers thoughtful perspective on navigating these challenging situations.
Notable Legal Insights
Co-Parenting Challenges
Seth and Pete discuss strategies for handling difficult co-parenting dynamics, including:
Financial Considerations
The episode covers important financial aspects of divorce:
As their final episode, Seth and Pete reflect on over 230 episodes helping listeners navigate divorce while preserving relationships. While new episodes won't be produced, the extensive archive remains available as an ongoing resource for those facing divorce and separation challenges.
This farewell episode encapsulates the show's core mission: providing practical legal guidance and relationship-saving strategies to help listeners move forward constructively after divorce.
Links & Notes
Looking in the Mirror: Finding Self-Awareness Through Divorce
Family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Lionel Moses, a Desert Storm veteran and relationship coach who helps people break unhealthy relationship patterns through what he calls "the mirror effect." This powerful episode of How to Split a Toaster explores how divorce can become a catalyst for essential self-discovery and growth.
The Mirror Effect in Relationships
Drawing from his experiences through two divorces, Lionel shares how seeing himself as the common denominator led to transformative insights about relationship patterns. As a self-described "people pleaser," he discovered that his tendency to fix others' problems masked deeper emotional needs that went unaddressed in his marriages.
Breaking Cycles Through Self-Awareness
Seth brings his legal expertise to the conversation, highlighting how emotional readiness impacts divorce proceedings. When clients focus exclusively on their former spouse's behavior rather than their own growth, it often complicates and extends the legal process. The discussion reveals how self-awareness can lead to more constructive co-parenting relationships and healthier future partnerships.
From Performance to Authenticity
Lionel's concept of "performative relationships" resonates throughout the conversation, as he describes moving from seeking external validation to developing genuine self-love. This transformation enabled him to build more authentic connections and achieve amicable co-parenting relationships—a goal many find challenging during divorce.
Key Insights
• Examine your patterns in relationships rather than focusing solely on your partner's behavior
• Develop emotional resilience by understanding your authentic needs versus performative habits
• Build self-awareness before entering new relationships to break recurring relationship cycles
This episode offers invaluable guidance for anyone navigating divorce or seeking healthier relationship patterns. Through Lionel's candid sharing and Seth's legal wisdom, listeners gain practical tools for self-reflection and personal growth during major life transitions.
Whether you're considering divorce, in the midst of proceedings, or rebuilding after separation, this conversation provides a roadmap for using life's challenges as opportunities for transformation and healing.
Links & Notes
Self-Sabotage in Divorce: Understanding Hidden Patterns
In this compelling episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the psychology of self-sabotage during divorce with guest expert Dr. Philip Agrios. The conversation delves into how unconscious patterns can derail both relationships and divorce proceedings.
Understanding Self-Sabotage
Dr. Agrios identifies three fundamental reasons for self-sabotage: past success followed by loss, avoiding necessary actions, and fear that success brings more pain. These patterns particularly impact divorce proceedings where emotional stakes are high and rational decision-making is crucial.
Legal Impact and Court Behavior
Seth Nelson emphasizes how self-sabotage manifests in legal settings, particularly during depositions and court appearances. Clients often undermine their cases by over-talking, treating minor issues as emergencies, or failing to provide required documentation timely—all of which increase legal costs and complexity.
Key Insights:
Breaking Free from Self-Sabotaging Patterns
The discussion outlines practical strategies for recognizing and addressing self-sabotage, including:
The episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating divorce while dealing with self-sabotaging tendencies. Dr. Agrios' expertise combined with Seth's legal experience offers practical tools for maintaining focus and making better decisions during divorce proceedings.
Links & Notes
Digital Divorce: Managing Your Tech Life After Separation
Seth Nelson and Pete Wright discuss the often-overlooked digital aspects of divorce. They explore how to handle shared digital assets, from photos and passwords to smart home devices and streaming services.
Key Digital Assets to Address
The hosts identify several critical digital touchpoints that need attention during divorce:
Legal and Security Considerations
Seth emphasizes the importance of proper timing when modifying digital access, particularly regarding shared homes and accounts. The discussion covers potential legal issues with unauthorized account access and the benefits of starting fresh with new accounts post-divorce.
Key Insights:
• Create new separate accounts rather than trying to untangle shared ones
• Turn on two-factor authentication for all important accounts
• Don't delete digital content until after divorce proceedings conclude
Practical Digital Separation Steps
The hosts recommend:
Smart Home Security
Pete and Seth discuss the delicate timing of changing smart home access, emphasizing that modifications should align with legal possession arrangements rather than emotional impulses.
This episode provides essential guidance for maintaining digital boundaries while navigating divorce, highlighting both technical and legal considerations for separating intertwined digital lives.
Links & Notes
Navigating Modern Divorce: Technology, Communication, and Moving Forward
In this listener Q&A episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and host Pete Wright tackle pressing questions about divorce in the digital age. The discussion covers everything from managing electronic communications with ex-partners to the challenges of relocation and new relationships.
Digital Age Divorce Challenges
The hosts explore how technology has transformed divorce and co-parenting, addressing concerns about constant communication through phones and co-parenting apps. Seth provides practical strategies for setting boundaries while maintaining necessary contact, especially regarding court-ordered response times and children's FaceTime calls.
Legal Considerations and Personal Growth
The conversation shifts to critical legal topics like relocation, annulments, and protecting oneself in future relationships. Seth emphasizes the importance of consulting local jurisdiction laws while offering insights on navigating high-conflict situations and managing communication effectively.
Mental Health and Moving Forward
A significant portion focuses on the value of mental health support before, during, and after divorce. The hosts discuss how emotional work can positively impact custody arrangements and co-parenting relationships, while emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries.
Key Insights:
• Set clear communication boundaries through co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins
• Consider mental health support early in the divorce process to improve outcomes
• Protect yourself legally and emotionally in future relationships through careful planning
The episode provides practical guidance for managing modern divorce challenges while maintaining focus on healthy relationships and effective co-parenting. Listeners gain valuable insights from both legal and personal growth perspectives, helping them navigate their divorce journey more effectively.
For anyone facing divorce in today's interconnected world, this episode offers essential strategies for managing technology, protecting their interests, and maintaining healthy boundaries while prioritizing children's well-being.
Links & Notes
What do you do when the most emotionally complicated part of your divorce isn’t your ex, your kids, or even the lawyer sitting across the table—but your living room? On this episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the profound entanglement between memory and materiality in divorce, with guest Nanette Murphy—a certified divorce and life transition coach who specializes in helping women navigate separation after long-term marriage.
Nanette brings a compassionate, lived-in expertise to the topic of shared spaces—how the family home, often the most contested asset, transforms into a symbol of what was, and what needs to be left behind. The conversation unpacks how emotional attachment to a home can cloud decision-making, stretch finances, and stall healing. From repainting walls to rerouting your daily path through the kitchen, Nanette offers strategies to reclaim space—both literally and psychologically.
Seth adds the critical legal perspective, offering insight into when it makes financial sense to keep the house, when to walk away, and how to ensure you’re not mortgaging your future just to hold onto your past. And Pete probes the deeper question: is your desire to stay rooted in care, or control? Together, the trio explores how to break up with your home, make peace with your stuff, and move forward with purpose.
Key Insights
This episode is for anyone facing the wrenching choice of what to take—and what to leave behind—when your relationship ends but your memories remain. Divorce isn’t just a legal process. It’s a spatial one. A sensory one. And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is move your pizza cutter to a new drawer.
Links & Notes
We missed an episode! No, it doesn't happen often. But sometimes life kicks you in the sniffles. Here we are without an attorney and, as the old saying goes, "what's a podcast if we don't have an attorney?" I'm sure someone said that. In any case, thanks for being here and we'll see you next week!
Moving Forward: Understanding Second Marriages and Divorce Stigma
Family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome guest Kara Chrobak to explore the complexities of second marriages and divorce stigma. Chrobak, a Colorado-based family law attorney specializing in high-net-worth cases, brings valuable insights into how society's views on multiple marriages impact relationship decisions.
The conversation examines why prenuptial agreements become increasingly important in subsequent marriages, particularly when children from previous relationships are involved. Seth explains how prenups can actually demonstrate commitment rather than distrust by allowing couples to thoughtfully plan their financial future.
The hosts and Chrobak dive into estate planning considerations across multiple marriages, addressing how life insurance policies, beneficiary designations, and asset distribution become more complex with each relationship transition. They explore practical solutions like aliquot reductions in life insurance policies to balance obligations to current and former spouses.
Key Insights:
The conversation reinforces that divorce—whether first, second, or subsequent—doesn't represent failure but rather demonstrates the courage to make healthy choices. Listeners gain practical insights into navigating complex legal and emotional terrain while maintaining focus on building positive future relationships.
Links & Notes
Navigating Emotional Avoidance in Divorce
In this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.
Understanding Values in Conflict
Dr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.
Breaking Down Emotional Avoidance
The conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.
Practical Tools for Emotional Regulation
Dr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.
Key Insights:
The Role of Professional Support
The episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.
Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.
This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.
Links & Notes
Healing After Betrayal—A Guide for Co-Parents
Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome relationship coach and betrayal trauma expert Mr. Jay for an insightful discussion about healing and co-parenting after profound betrayal. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Mr. Jay helps people navigate from devastating betrayal to healing, offering unique perspectives on how this specific trauma affects every aspect of life.
The conversation explores what makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma—particularly how it reshapes not just our present and future, but also our understanding of the past. Seth and Pete dive deep into practical strategies for managing ongoing relationships with former spouses when children are involved, while Mr. Jay shares powerful insights about healing personal wounds first. The discussion covers everything from financial betrayals to infidelity, examining how different types of betrayal trauma affect co-parenting relationships and personal recovery.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
The episode provides essential insights for anyone struggling with betrayal during or after divorce, offering practical tools for healing while maintaining necessary relationships for the children's sake. Mr. Jay's approach emphasizes personal growth and self-care as fundamental steps toward building a healthy post-divorce life.
Links & Notes
Faith, Family Law, and Finding Peace: Understanding Catholic Annulments
In this enlightening episode, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Father David Mowry, a Roman Catholic priest and assistant professor at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois. With the recent election of Pope Leo XIV (the first American-born Pope), the conversation explores the intersection of Catholic faith and family law, specifically focusing on the church's approach to marriage, divorce, and annulments.
Seth and Pete dive deep into the Catholic Church's perspective on marriage as both a sacred covenant and a legal institution. Father Mowry explains how annulments differ fundamentally from civil divorces, detailing the extensive process and support systems the Church has in place. The discussion reveals how the Church's approach to failed marriages isn't about finding loopholes, but rather about determining whether a true marriage existed in the first place according to Catholic teaching.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the complex intersection of faith and divorce. Whether you're Catholic or simply interested in understanding different approaches to marriage dissolution, Father Mowry's explanation of the Church's compassionate yet structured approach to failed marriages provides a fascinating perspective on healing and moving forward.
Links & Notes
Mastering Stoic Empathy During and After Divorce
Divorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome leadership expert and author Shermin Kruse to explore how combining stoicism with empathy can transform the divorce experience. Kruse, who grew up in war-torn Iran before becoming a lawyer and author, brings unique insights on maintaining emotional control while staying attuned to others' perspectives during high-conflict situations.
Seth and Pete dive deep into practical applications of stoic empathy—from courtroom strategies to co-parenting interactions. The conversation explores how intentional discomfort practice builds resilience, while cognitive empathy helps navigate challenging relationships. Kruse shares powerful examples from her personal journey and professional experience, demonstrating how these principles can help anyone handle difficult conversations and negotiations more effectively. The discussion particularly focuses on how divorcing couples can maintain their authentic selves while managing conflict constructively.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or high-conflict relationships. Kruse's blend of philosophical wisdom and practical experience provides actionable strategies for maintaining composure while building stronger post-divorce relationships.
Links & Notes
Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Divorce: A Guide to Repair and Healing
Seth Nelson, a Tampa divorce attorney, and Pete Wright explore the complex journey of repentance and repair during divorce with special guest Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, author of "On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World." Rabbi Ruttenberg brings ancient Jewish wisdom to modern relationship challenges, offering insights into healing and growth when marriages end.
The conversation dives deep into what true repair means in divorce, exploring the difference between reconciliation and healing. Seth and Pete discuss with Rabbi Ruttenberg her five-step framework for meaningful repentance, examining how these principles apply specifically to divorce situations. The discussion illuminates how personal accountability and genuine healing can occur even when one party refuses to participate in the repair process, and explores the impact of this work on co-parenting relationships.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or its aftermath. Rabbi Ruttenberg's framework, combined with Seth's legal expertise and Pete's facilitation, creates a powerful roadmap for personal growth and healing during one of life's most challenging transitions.
Links & Notes
Protecting Your Kids Through Divorce: A Mental Health Expert's Guide
Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Dr. Larry Waldman, a psychologist with over four decades of clinical experience helping families navigate divorce. As the author of "Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex," Dr. Waldman shares crucial insights on protecting children from trauma during divorce and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships through major life transitions.
The conversation explores the often-invisible ways parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce, from erasing evidence of the other parent to making children emotional confidants. Dr. Waldman, Seth, and Pete discuss practical strategies for maintaining stability, fostering healthy co-parenting relationships, and ensuring children feel secure and supported throughout the divorce process. Their discussion weaves together psychological insights with legal considerations, offering a comprehensive guide for parents navigating this challenging transition.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides essential guidance for any parent going through divorce, offering both practical strategies and deeper insights into protecting children's emotional well-being. Dr. Waldman's expertise, combined with Seth's legal perspective and Pete's facilitation, creates a valuable resource for maintaining healthy family relationships during and after divorce.
Links & Notes
De-escalating High-Conflict Divorce: A Rabbi's Perspective on Finding Peace
Rabbi Avi Kahan joins Seth Nelson and Pete Wright to explore how de-escalation techniques and cultural sensitivity can help families reach sustainable resolutions during divorce. As a mediator handling complex religious and cultural divorce cases, Rabbi Kahan brings unique insights into managing high-conflict situations and helping couples transition from being spouses to successful co-parents.
The conversation delves deep into how fear and conflict often mask deeper emotional struggles during divorce. Seth and Pete explore with Rabbi Kahan how the legal system's focus on "fairness" can sometimes escalate tensions, while religious and cultural perspectives might offer alternative paths to resolution. They discuss how divorce doesn't actually separate parents—it unifies them in a new way as co-parents, requiring them to articulate a new future together for their children's sake.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
The episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating a contentious divorce, especially those dealing with cultural or religious complexities. Rabbi Kahan's perspective on viewing divorce as a unifying rather than separating force provides a fresh framework for approaching this challenging life transition.
Links & Notes
Helping Kids Navigate Divorce with Parent Coach Danielle Lindner
Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome parent coach and early childhood education expert Danielle Lindner to discuss how children process divorce and what parents can do to help them stay resilient. Lindner, author of "The Parent's Pocket Guide to Surviving the Preschool Years" and several children's books, specializes in helping families raise emotionally healthy kids while maintaining their own wellbeing during major life transitions.
Seth and Pete explore key indicators that children might be struggling with divorce, often manifesting in behavior changes opposite to their typical personality. The discussion delves into positive parenting strategies during divorce—including the importance of consistency, emotional validation, and avoiding negative talk about the other parent. Lindner emphasizes the power of age-appropriate communication and explains how "scaffolding"—building supportive steps toward greater emotional agency—can help children develop resilience during challenging times.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides practical, actionable advice for parents navigating divorce with young children. Whether you're just beginning the process or already co-parenting, Lindner's expertise offers valuable insights into supporting children's emotional health while maintaining positive family relationships during and after divorce.
Links & Notes
Breaking Free from Toxic Family Patterns During Divorce
In this compelling episode, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright are joined by Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping people heal from dysfunctional and emotionally immature family dynamics. They explore how divorce often isn't the hardest part of ending a marriage—it's breaking free from the dysfunctional patterns that shaped you before you even got married.
Seth and Pete dive deep with Jerry into the concept of emotional enmeshment and how it affects divorce proceedings and co-parenting relationships. They discuss practical strategies for recognizing when you're emotionally fused with your ex-spouse and techniques for breaking free from these patterns. The conversation takes fascinating turns as they explore how unresolved family-of-origin issues can impact current relationships and how to prevent passing these patterns to the next generation.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or struggling with challenging family dynamics. Jerry's expertise, combined with Seth and Pete's practical legal and personal experience, provides listeners with actionable strategies for breaking free from toxic patterns and building healthier relationships moving forward.
Links & Notes
In this special season finale episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson joins Pete Wright to wrap up their comprehensive "Your Divorce Case" series by tackling pressing listener questions. This episode marks the conclusion of Season 10, where they've guided listeners through every aspect of the divorce process, from initial consultation to appeals.
The episode dives deep into real-world divorce scenarios submitted by listeners, covering everything from custody arrangements for children with ADHD to hidden cryptocurrency assets and international divorce complications. The discussion provides practical insights into how these situations are typically handled in the courtroom, while breaking down complex legal concepts into understandable terms. The conversation consistently emphasizes the importance of consulting with local counsel, as laws and procedures vary by jurisdiction.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode serves as both an excellent standalone resource for specific divorce questions and a fitting conclusion to the season-long examination of the divorce process. Whether you're just starting your divorce journey or looking for specific guidance on complex issues, this episode offers valuable insights into navigating the legal and emotional challenges of divorce.
Links & Notes
Navigating the Appeals Process in Divorce Cases
Continuing our season-long Your Divorce Case series, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome appellate attorney Ceci Berman to discuss what happens when divorce cases move to the appeals court. As a board-certified appellate practice attorney with extensive experience arguing before state and federal courts, Ceci brings deep expertise in family law appeals and complex commercial litigation.
The appeals process works very differently from trial court, with strict timelines and procedures that must be followed. Seth and Pete explore with Ceci how appeals aren't simply "do-overs" of the original case, but rather reviews of whether the trial judge made legal errors in their decision. Through their conversation, they break down the machinery of appeals - from filing deadlines to oral arguments before a panel of judges - and discuss what clients should expect during what can be a lengthy process lasting anywhere from 9 months to 2 years.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides an invaluable look at a complex but crucial part of the divorce process that many people misunderstand. Whether you're considering an appeal or just want to better understand how the system works, Ceci's expert insights combined with Seth and Pete's practical experience make this an essential listen for anyone navigating divorce proceedings.
Links & Notes
Mastering Courtroom Behavior: Your Guide to Trial Success
In this final installment of our three-part series on divorce trials, Tampa family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive deep into courtroom etiquette, behavior, and psychological preparation. As part of our season-long exploration of Your Divorce Case, this episode provides essential insights into how to present yourself effectively in court and work productively with your attorney during trial.
Seth and Pete break down the discussion into three key segments: mastering courtroom behavior, being an asset to your attorney during trial, and psychological preparation. They explore everything from appropriate facial expressions and dress code to the importance of proper note-taking and communication with your attorney. The conversation also covers critical aspects of post-trial procedures, including motions for rehearing and appeals, while emphasizing the importance of maintaining composure both inside and outside the courtroom.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
Whether you're preparing for trial or simply want to understand the court process better, this episode provides invaluable insights into navigating the complexities of divorce court. Seth and Pete's practical advice and real-world examples make this a must-listen for anyone facing divorce proceedings or interested in understanding courtroom dynamics.
Links & Notes
