There is nothing abnormal about having the "holiday blues," which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Whenever news about a mother is sensationalized or controversial, my readers ask for my reaction. I tell them that I cannot judge on what a parent should or should not do. Like any parent, I made mistakes in the past, learned from them and never did it again. Now the next question comes up with “How do you know whether you are being responsible or irresponsible ?” How do we teach our children what it means and how to act accordingly? Ellen Schrier on “What Exactly IS A “Responsible” Parent?” gave me wonderful insights on parenting without being preachy and calls upon your better judgment, maternal instinct and being honest about your role as a parent/

It is actually simple. Remember these key phrases. To be responsible means to respond appropriately.

It’s quite common to hear oh she is so brave! when the broken-hearted person appears controlled and poised in the face of grief. How is someone supposed to feel when their heart is broken?

And yet we continue to admire those who do not show their grief in public, who receive condolences as though the occasion were a pleasant Sunday afternoon blabber. He was so brave. I was proud of him. He didn’t break down, not once, and so on and so forth…we hear people say.

Really, whose benefit is this tight hold on our emotions? For the griever’s sake? For the sake of the consoling friends, who may be afraid of being swept into their grief?

I learned from my parents. When the girls consulted with me on their college degrees, I said “Do whatever you want. Follow your passion. Because if you are happy in the work that you do, there is no need for me to worry if you will be successful. You will be successful if you’re doing something that you love to do.”

I am so excited that I got accepted as a program participant of YouTube's Creator Program for Independent Journalists. YouTube announced on August 5  "the selection of nearly 50 independent journalists and over 40 digital-first newsrooms across the programs." The Creator Program for Independent Journalists aims to give the growing number of reporters publishing independently the tools needed to succeed on YouTube. I will continue to cover underplayed stories, fighting disinformation, Covid-19 and Voters' Education. So I am just learning how to do video production.  I started practicing a few videos at my channel. Don't worry, I will get better. Here is my channel https://www.youtube.com/user/noemidado. , You can read more about it here https://blog.youtube/news-and-events/supporting-news-industry-and-next-generation-journalists-youtube/

This podcast episode is a departure from my usual post on grief recovery so this will be a public service post. 

I wasn't planning to write about my housing loan experience right after the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) last year, but I continue to receive queries until today. Because of my Facebook post on accrued interest payments in October 2020, four other clients with a similar experience from the same commercial bank asked me about the process for its reversal, so let me share my experience. (I published the printed version of this podcast at the Sunday Business & IT, Manila Times, August 1, 2021.)

I know I haven't posted anything for over a month. Here are some updates in my life and celebrating my son's 28th birth anniversary. Death ended my child’s life but not his relationship with my family. Even if there is no birthday boy to celebrate his 28 th birthday with, I know that a spritual bond exists between us. As I gaze at the lovely flowers I bought at the Market! Market!, I marvel at God’s creation on the beauty of life. It’s good to be alive and to have survived the past 21 years of this grief journey. True, my son might not be around but his memory lives in my heart. We can still celebrate his birth anniversary at home.

I like looking back to what I wrote back then. Here is an affirmation that I took from my recovery notes:

For too long, I have been hard on myself. Others have spilled their negative energy on me. I know it had nothing to do with me. I am a gift to myself and to the Universe . I am a child of God. I do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything I am not. My beauty lies in me just as I am each moment. I will celebrate that.

I will take time to pause, reflect and rejoice in my accomplishments. For too long, I have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what I have done lest I will fall into the arrogance trap. Celebration is a high form of praise of gratitude to God. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.

Today, I will celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth of friends and family. I will continue to enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to me. I will celebrate all that is in my life and all that is good.

I will celebrate me.

I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” Says Robert Browning

Dear Luijoe,

It’s been 21 years . 21 years today…

· without seeing your impish smile,

· without receiving wild flowers with a note “I love you so very much, mama”

· without your gentle reminder to pray

· without your lectures on parenting

· without your crazy jokes

· without pinching your handsome cheeks

These are all vibrant memories now tucked in my heart, which I stitched back together.

Oh yes. the tears still stream down my cheeks just like today because I miss you terribly. Love never died, even if you are gone from my embrace. 21 years ago, I felt the world swallowed me up. I thought I could not live with the unbearable, gut-wrenching pain in my heart. At times, I thought I went crazy. I barely survived. I had to find that courage to live because your two sisters and dad needed me. That difficult journey left me literally with a broken heart but not too broken, because why did God give me a second wind in life to make a difference in this mortal world?.....

Watching Navillera, this heartwarming K-drama tv series reminds me of getting out of my comfort zone. What more can be inspiring than a 70-year-old grandpa trying to learn ballet despite his age? But it’s not only that, this drama will also teach that age is not just numbers, their age comes with knowledge that is based on years of experience.

We are so accustomed to the comforts of “I cannot”, “I do not want to” and “it is too difficult” that we forget to realize when we stop doing things for ourselves and expect others to dance around us, we are not achieving greatness. We have made ourselves weak.” Pandora Poikilos, Excuse Me, My Brains Have Stepped Out

If I tell my daughters that gossiping is bad, am I right? If psychologists inform me that gossip is inevitable and extremely beneficial, are they right as well? Yes, there is good and bad gossip and we need to distinguish the two.

As psychologist James Lynch puts it: “Human dialogue can be a great healer or a great destroyer.”

In my opinion, there should be two separate words to connote spreading information in the absence of those about whom we speak. “Gossip” should be reserved for the negative transmission of stories that aim at maligning one’s character, integrity, behavior and essence. “Godspeak” could serve as the term used for dispensing positive, admiring, loving and positive information about others.

Today, May 5 is our 36th wedding anniversary, but we were a couple for 7 years before our wedding day. That means 43 years together.

But instead of focusing on our wedding anniversary, I want to share the wedding vows of Alma and Mario who share the same wedding date- May 5 with us.  10 years ago, I was honored to be part of their 40th wedding anniversary celebration. We celebrated our Silver anniversary in 2010. Just looking at their photos, one can see that they still look young and very much in love. We have another thing in common. We both lost our beloved child many years ago. It is because of this unspeakable loss of our child that we found each other and co-founded a grief advocacy group in 2005 together with Cathy Babao.

A few years ago at Plurk, once my favorite micro-blogging, social networking tool, a plurk  caught my attention:

Someone asked civil and plastic what is the diff? Does it annoy you? When you learn someone is plastic?

My friend goes further to explain that

1. Civil is being nice and mannered while plastic is brown nosing. Does it annoy me? There are times of course I am only human.

2. Plastic has the element of design or wanting something. You trust less the plastic. Anyway, that is for me.

What I found interesting is a Plurk Friend’s response :most people confuse being polite and the social graces with “plastic”.

Imagine the following scenario.

Forgiveness sets you free from resentment’s confines; it breaks down the walls that anger builds and negativity reinforces.

When we forgive, we stop letting our pasts dictate our presents. We acknowledge we want the very best for ourselves; accepting that our past makes us the person we are today, and embracing that.

Letting go of resentment doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness, but when you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.

I know that I cannot control what other people do including family members, but I can control how I react.

Once upon my early motherhood days, I often deprived myself of nurturing because I found it silly and self-indulgent. Of course, I didn’t know that nurturing is neither silly nor self-indulgent. Years later , after a million mistakes with myself and family members, I found out that nurturing is about how we show love for ourselves. I needed a loving relationship with myself that works so I can have a loving relationship with others that work.

I am not where I am today if I didn’t learn to nurture myself. I wouldn’t have a second wind in my marriage if I didn’t have a loving relationship with myself first. How do I nurture myself?

They say marriage is for better or for worse. Couples try to support and care for each other, through good times and bad. Usually, when one of us hits rock bottom, the other can try to be the mainstay for a little while, to help the other along. But what happens when our child dies? The couple is now cast into the same dark place, struggling with the worst thing they have ever faced. Couples are there together, but they may discover that they are also there alone.

Now not all couples in grief experience this dilemma. I believe that marriages with “wounded bird syndrome” suffer the most. What is the “wounded bird syndrome”?

Who says it is too late to redefine your life? I was 48 years old when I made a decision to choose happiness over misery.

Ever since I changed my attitude towards life, I have never felt so much joy. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that I decided to look beyond the tragedy. I now share that happiness with my husband.

Come to think of it, children are born without baggages. Children are wonderful. It is adults that give them the bad habits. Parents help shape their thoughts and habits in their early years. When I wrote this anecdote, Luijoe was only 4 years old. True, Luijoe was a good boy.

It occurred to me that Luijoe taught me a lot about parenting. Luijoe did not mince words when he found something wrong with my parenting style. I am sure most of you have learned some important lessons from your children. I would like to share some of these poignant memories from my son.

Sometimes I wished I had the power to go back in time and stopped his death. Of course, that is not possible. Those wonderful words he told me weeks before his death is what keeps my faith alive.

Luijoe’s words never fail to bring me hope that we will reunite one day. It gives me the courage to put meaning in my life.