Welcome back, my fellow creatives!
Yup, I'm back to looking at the first five pages of various stories, for those five pages can make or break the engagement of a reader--or an agent. So, let's scope out the stories of others to see how they hook an audience!

I have a feeling I’m going against the flow with this one. OurLast Resort by Clémence Michallon has an enticing premise: the protagonist Frida and her brother are visiting a secluded desert resort in Utah. According to the book’s blurb, they had escaped a cult together fifteen years ago, and soon her brother will be the prime suspect in a series of murders.What could possibly go wrong with such a premise?!

For the record, I’ve nothing against the premise. The sibling relationship is effectively portrayed in the first chapter before the brother’s even had a chance to speak. There is also a brief flashback to Frida’s childhood, alluding to the violence inflicted on children who try to seek help from the outside. All this is masterfully done by Michallon.

However, the opening chapter focuses on Friday sneaking out of her suite to eavesdrop on a couple by the pool: a tabloid publisher and his hot young wife. Why did Friday sneak out to look at them? There is no clear motivation. She heard the couple and decided to go listen to them. That’s it. The first page had us learning about Frida's frantic triple-checking of her apartment every night, but at this hotel, she's totally cool leaving at random to listen to people. Another couple of pages in the publisher threatens violence to his wife which causes Frida to remember her child abuse, and THAT could have made for good motivation, but before it’s just talking. And in this tense moment of hiding and possible violence, Friday starts describing the resort’s landscaping. It’s an odd mix to me, and I can’t wrap my head around whatMichallon’s aiming for here. Perhaps some quirky juxtaposition, perhaps some intentional delaying of relaying action to build tension, I don’t know. But as a writer, this structure doesn’t seem to fit. Writers may able to play aroundwith character motivation and structure a bit more after the story’s established itself, but in the first chapter, it is CRUCIAL readers see motivation and action sync up. And I just don’t see them syncing up here. I’ll see what other stories await in the library next month.

Read on, share on, and write on, my friends!