There are certain things about parenting that are physically exhausting: waking up for a baby in the middle of the night, folding piles of laundry, chasing a toddler around.
So let's do whatever we can to avoid making it mentally exhausting, too.
One of the BEST ways to free up your mind mentally as a parent is to recognize all the little ways you are treating your child as an object or project rather than a real, full-fledged human. Stop putting on the "parent" performance, and you will witness a much freer, happier version of yourself emerge.
In this episode, I'm exploring simple ways that we can drop performance from parenthood and replace it with relationship. I promise that implementing this mindset shift will make your days feel easier, lighter, and overall much more enjoyable. Because instead of acting out the behaviors of a "good parent," you just get to be the best version of YOU. Which is so much more sustainable and impactful in the long run.
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Today I'm sharing some recent reflections on perfectionism, a condition I've dealt with my whole life.
Becoming a parent has shown me the dangers of perfectionism. Yet I realized recently that pursuing perfection or excellence isn't the problem.
The problem is thinking you can make yourself perfect on your own, and letting your own (or the world's) definition of perfection guide you.
In this episode, I'm unpacking how we can let Christ perfect every moment, which will turn the pursuit of perfection from arduous to life-giving.
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In this episode, I'm discussing how the way Jesus addressed the woman caught in adultery is the PERFECT, grounding story to remember when we are parenting our own children in public.
Like Jesus, we can slow down and remember that impressing other people is never worth sacrificing our relationship with our kids.
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I’ve been thinking about the argument “but kids need structure!” for some time now. The mentality seems to be, “Yes kids can have some autonomy, BUT they need to be controlled a little bit too.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that kids DO need structure, but it’s not what most people think. It’s not a flawless bedtime routine, three perfect meals a day, or strictly delegated chores.
I’m not saying these things don’t work for some families
BUT the one “structure” that ALL kids truly NEED is a parent whose character is steadfast and immovable. A parent who can stand still in any storm. No external structure is as valuable or necessary as your internal structure.
I'm thrilled that one of my friends from law school, Paris Thomas, could join me for this episode. From an outsider's perspective, his childhood was very lacking in the "structure" department. His dad was incarcerated, his two older brothers were killed in gang violence, and he experienced several years of homelessness.
Yet in spite of it all, Paris went on to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served in the Navy. He ran for office at the age of 28. He went to law school. And he's now working as a prosecutor.
And Paris credits all of this accomplishment to his mother—the woman who gave him the structure of her character rooted in Christ. In this episode, he shares stories of how she laid the foundation for Paris's remarkably giving spirit, even in the midst of constant trial and hardship.
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Today I'm challenging a popular paradigm in the world of faith-based leadership: the "high love, high expectations" framework.
High expectations can be detrimental. When we set an expectation, we make our emotions and reactions dependent on another person's behavior. Essentially, we say "I will only be happy with you if you do X."
A more scriptural approach is high "faith, hope, and charity." With faith, we always believe in the child's unseen potential. With hope, we always allow for repentance and change. With charity, we respond with kindness regardless of the child's behavior.
While expectations can go unmet and be disappointed, faith, hope, and charity never fail.
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Today's episode is a quick hitter on a topic that can be triggering for a lot of parents: tone.
Short story shorter, the best way we can help our kids speak in more "respectful" tones is to (1) dispel the fear, and (2) model what we want to hear.
Listen to the full episode for more.
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In this episode, I'm sharing how prayer is saving me from some of the most intense guilt I've ever felt in my life.
Since. I was very young, I've struggled with perfectionism and the crippling, sometimes physically painful guilt that comes along with it. Nowhere has this been more true that in my relationship with religion and God.
Until one day, a friend asked me a question that started to shift my view of how God sees my mistakes and how He wants me to see them.
Motherhood is solidifying my new view of how God wants us to respond to our guilt, because there are SO many opportunities to fall prey to "mom guilt." It's been especially prevalent for me as I've welcomed a new baby into our home. When everyone needs my love, it's too easy for me to believe that I'm never doing enough for anyone.
Join me as I share what God is teaching me through this chapter in my life.
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This episode is all about the most important skill you can develop as a parent: seeing correctly.
In a book I read recently, I learned that the difference between a good artist and a not-so-good one is not a lack of skill or talent. It's a fundamental difference in the way the two artists see.
The same is true in parenting.
If you can see your children accurately, you don't really need to worry about anything else. You will naturally say and do all the right things.
And if you don't see correctly, nothing you do can really be right, even if it appears to "work" some of the time.
I'll give you practical tools on how to SEE by outlining how the five basic perception skills in drawing are excellent parallels for the perceptions skills we need to thrive as parents.
Drawing Skills:
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This episode is for anyone who feels a bit of panic while noticing their old habits and weaknesses creep back into sight.
This is where I have been the past few weeks. But the panic has dissipated due to some scriptural truths and spirit-given analogies that are helping me as I regain strength. I'm understanding weakness in a way that is more empowering and hopeful than ever before in my life.
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I'm so lucky to have my cousin Melissa and her husband, Lawrence, join my on the podcast today.
Melissa and Lawrence Stone have been through the gauntlet of grief: In 2012, they lost their oldest daughter Ethne in a car crash when she was 2 years old. A couple years later, their third son was born with a birth defect. And only a few years after that, their son Thomas was stillborn.
Miraculously, the Stones have taken these experiences and reaped from them blessings, both for themselves and for others. One of these blessings is their book Our Story(s), which will be published on September 15, 2025, just two days before what would be Thomas's 8th birthday.
In this episode, the Stones share highlights from their book, including:
Join us in honoring the lives of Ethne and Thomas Stone by performing an act of service on their birthdays:
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Right after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God said to Eve, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children . . . .”
At first glance, this looks like a punishment. It looks like God making Eve (and all women) suffer for what she did.
But some personal spiritual experiences I’ve had recently make me wonder whether childbirth has to be framed as a punishment.
Instead, I’m starting to see it as a gift given to Eve to help her understand Christ’s redeeming love.
I know that childbirth, more than anything else, has helped me come to understand Jesus’s sacrifice and how He feels about us.
Eve needed this understanding of Christ’s love more than anyone else, because more than anyone else she was set up to feel immense shame for her decisions.
And to this day, women tend to be the most hard on themselves, the most perfectionistic, the most prone to shame.
What if childbirth is not the punishment to further condemn us, but rather a gift to help us taste redeeming love?
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The phrase "give yourself grace" has been on my mind a lot as I navigate the postpartum period following my second daughter's birth. We often use this phrase to reassure someone going through a difficult time that they deserve mercy because they are doing the best that they can given the circumstances.
I am all for extending mercy—this is the essence of Christ's mission.
But true GRACE—Christ's grace—goes even deeper. It's not just about forgiveness. It's also about empowerment.
Am I actually doing the best that I can...or just the best that I know how?
What if I turned to the One that knows better? Who can help me find a way to show up how I want to even under difficult circumstances?
And is it possible to show up the way that I want to if I draw upon REAL grace—Christ's enabling and strengthening power?
Join me in this episode as I answer these questions and outline what it actually means to give yourself grace. Featuring lots of sweet newborn noises from baby Scottie :)
Scripture References:
John 8:1–11
This episode is part 2 of Baby Bird #2’s birth story. I’m comparing my first daughter’s birth with this one, laying out all the practical tips and gospel principles that helped my second birth experience go SO much smoother than my first.
My biggest takeaway? Everything is a choice. The noises you make during labor are a choice. The way you think about pain is a choice. The way you treat your spouse during a contraction is a choice. And I want to choose Jesus Christ's way in every circumstance, unconditionally.
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I am THRILLED to announce the birth of another sweet babe into our family!
This episode is a play by play of everything that went down to get our baby earthside. I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband, a.k.a. birth doula. So I decided I didn't want to do this episode without him, either.
Listen in to hear about shark fishing during early labor, our Mary and Joseph moment, and this baby's gender reveal.
In next week's episode, I'll be outlining all the perspectives that helped me stay strong through this unmedicated labor.
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In this episode, I'm discussing the power of welcoming our children's requests for the things they want, plus how we as parents and spouses can kindly make requests of our loved ones.
So many adults struggle to ask for help or go after the things they want in life. I'm confident that the fear of asking for the things we want is rooted in the way that adults responded to our expressions of desire when we were children.
Let's give our kids the confidence to ask for the things they want by celebrating their expressions of desire, as well as by modeling with our own kind requests that respect others' agency.
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With a lot of new listeners out there recently, I wanted to use this episode to shed a little more light on who I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I'm sharing my personal background, which includes a long history of perfectionism and high-achieving, but also a good dose of guilt and shame. All of which led me to be terrified of parenting. Not only because I was afraid of doing it imperfectly, but also because I didn't want to pass along my perfectionism to my children.
Even though I knew I wanted something different for my kids, I didn't know what the alternative was until my daughter was about 4 months old. Conscious parenting resources rocked my world, revolutionized my relationship with God, and ultimately changed the way I see and interact with every human being, including myself.
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Other good episodes to get you started with grasping how conscious parenting aligns with the gospel:
This past week I finished reading "The Outward Mindset," a book published by the Arbinger Institute.
Although this book is written primarily for leaders of business organizations, the principles it teaches are totally applicable to parents. Which makes sense, because parents are organizational leaders—the organization just happens to be called a family, and the people being led just happen to be small humans called children.
I love the mindsets taught in this book so much that I had to dedicate a whole episode to it. Join me as I discuss what it means to parent with an outward mindset. We'll also examine the "trappings" of parenthood that unintentionally disconnect us from our children.
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About a month ago, I quit my job as an attorney and went full-time, stay-at-home-mom mode.
In this episode, I’m sharing the questions and principles that have guided me as I’ve navigated law school, working as a part-time lawyer, and (temporarily?) "retiring."
Questions for decision making:
Resources Mentioned:
A Theory of Objectivist Parenting by Roslyn Ross
Scripture References:
Proverbs 3:5–6
The most stressful thing for me as a new parent was trying to figure out what the truth about parenting is. There is a LOT of noise out there, especially in today's world of social media and information overload.
In this episode, I'm sharing how I use 2 Timothy 1:7 (a.k.a. my favorite scripture verse of all time) as a framework to identify what advice is meant for me. This framework helps me decide whether the advice I'm receiving comes from a place of godly, eternal principles, or if it is merely "the philosophies of men."
This episode should be especially helpful for new parents who might be in the exact same mental space that I was when I became a parent. The truth is that there is no magic pill or one-size-fits-all solutions in parenting. But if you can ask yourself the right questions, you will land on ideas and tools that can be extremely empowering for you and your children.
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For the first three years of my marriage, I struggled to see my husband's and my differences in a helpful light. I was quick to judge, condemn, accuse, and go into an emotional spiral.
While I am still actively letting go of these natural man tendencies, since becoming a mom I have gained some perspectives that have blessed me with an abundant supply of compassion and patience for ALL humans. Not just my kids, but also my husband and myself.
In this episode I'm sharing the three perspective shifts that have helped me the most:
I'm so grateful that marriage has given me endless opportunities to learn and grow. It wouldn't be possible without my patient and forgiving husband.
Resources Mentioned:
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Episodes 15 & 16 of Walk Beside Me (deep dive on punishment—I accidentally said episodes 16 & 17 but I meant these ones 🙃)