🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2022.12.18
🔹Question: Thank you for allowing me to ask a question. My daughter is going through a divorce, and she is separated from her husband about two months ago. They had agreed to share caring for their 13 year old son and 11 year old daughter by alternating weeks. My grandson refused to stay with his mom when she lived with me, but he said that when she lives on her own, he would live with her. So last month, she got her own place and she drove both children to her new place and the 13 year old refused to get out of the car. He told my daughter that he loves his dad and that he hates her, and he refuses to stay with her. So, the divorce has been very difficult for everybody.I'm wondering what advice can you give us?
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2022. 10. 09
🔹Question: I'm very honored to ask the question, and thank you very much. In June of this year, my dad passed away. We installed a memorial tree and a memorial bench in the honor of my dad to help my grieving mom. My dad was cremated. At the time, we didn't know what to do with his ashes. Recently, my mom wanted to bury his ashes to a cemetery. So, I asked all my siblings sending out an email if they would like to share the cost of the burial. All of our four siblings are financially stable. One of my sisters got angry and said, "We did the memorial tree and the bench. Why do we have to share the burial cost? This seems like an endless cost. This is very burdening on me!" She said "Budam" in Korean. I said to my sister, "If you feel that way, you don't have to." There was tension in the conversation. Since then, she hasn't contacted my mom or called her who is grieving. Currently, I am a student of Jungto Buddhism Course, and I've learned what you said about knowing the truth. The truth is that my sister and I are different. I have found some peace in that, but I don't have peace some days. It's like a seesaw. Some days, I have peace, and other days, I'm angry and sad. So, I ask for your guidance in having peace in my heart.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2024. 11. 3.
🔹Question: Questioner)Hello, Sunim. Nice to see you again. Can you hear me, everyone? Yes? OK, good. I drew a map here. My dad lives here, and my sister lived over here. This is north. My dad wants me to move there to this house. He sat me down when I was over at his place last weekend. But I don't want to move there. I'll just admit that. It would really disrupt what's happening in my life right now. The thing is that he helped my sister with this house, and as my dad is getting older, he wants to make sure everyone is taken care of before he dies. He helped my sister build this house. It was his land. He built a shop which was a wood shop. He likes to do wood carpentry as a hobby, make things out of wood, and I guess he's doing it even less nowadays. And he also designed it so that somebody could move in, put a kitchen and a shower in. And he was definitely thinking that somebody was me. I never tried to argue with him about it. I just sat down and listened, and he said, "Please think about it seriously." And he rammed me. As much as it would be good to save money on rent, I really appreciate where I live now. And I need to have this conversation with him somehow. So far, I've let it be one way. Thank you.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2024. 7. 9
🔹Question : Thank you for taking my question. Wespend a lot of time, money, and effort on our kids, or example, on private school, extra curriculum classes, music, and sports. As parents, we are working very hard to support all of these. And we hope that our time, money, and efforts are well spent, and the kids would appreciate it by fully utilizing these opportunities. I know that this is our desire to properly train the kids, and we shouldn't have that desire. However, it's hard to not expect anything. I don't mean to expect that they will take care of us when we get older, or they will buy us something. But we hope that they can work to their full potential. Sometimes, when we see kids watching YouTube videos or playing games, we feel that they don't really appreciate these opportunities. And I ask myself why I have to spend the money and effort on private school, sports, and music. We can save that money to do more good for society or retire early. Sometimes, I think it's my own anxiety that I have to spend that money on kids because I'm afraid that they might fail in the future.So, I'm trying to figure out what is the problem and trying to stop it.I've been thinking about that for over two months and I couldn't find the answer.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms:http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2024. 7. 9
🔹Question : Good morning, Sunim. It's good to see you. Ihave a family-related question today. My mother, who lives alone, would like to sell her home and move to a new house. However, she has a lot of difficulty making decisions, and she's fearful of change. As a result, she suffers from anxiety. My sister has been the main person helping my mother to look for a new home. But, because of my mother's fear of making a decision, she's been unable to choose anywhere. My sister is also reluctant to make a decision because she doesn't want to be blamed in case my mother regrets her choice. This situation has been dragging on for a long time now, and my mother has lost a few opportunities to sell her house because the buyers didn't want to wait for her. My question is, "How can I help my mother overcome her fear so that she can move forward and hopefully live the remainder of her life comfortably?" Thank you very much.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
Selection from Casual Conversation with Ven. Pomnyun Sunim(October 3, 2021)
🔹Question : In my family I feel like I’m being sort of annoying to them and I’m not doing enough for them. Usually even if they tell me that I’m doing fine, there’s some part of me that thinks that I’m just being annoying to them and I’m not doing good for them. I just want to know how I can change my mindset so I don’t feel so sad all the time.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2014.11.8
🔹Question : Hi, It is really nice to meet you. I am a Korean who moved to the United States about four years ago. I have a husband who is a Jewish- American and I am a Korean. I wanted to ask you what kind of effort I can make to make a peaceful and loving family in terms of raising children for the family.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
Ven. Pomnyun's Answer to " I Don’t Want to Live InCanada Just Because of My Husband." Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at UBC (Oct. 3, 2017)
🔹Question: I have a really personal question to ask you. I was born, educated, and worked in Korea. I came here to study temporarily and I fell in love with a guy, who’s Canadian and was born and educated here. Eventually we got married without any approvals from our families. It’s been already 19 years. Now they are super supportive, of course, my family. I really did my best to keep my family happy and healthy. But as I’m getting older, I feel like ‘Oh my god, what’s in our retirement?”, what’s in our picture?’ kind of desires. Of course I want to go back to Korea when I get older, because when I was young, I was happier. So these days I got to conclusion that ‘Oh, maybe I can live half and half.// I can go to Korea for a few months and then come here a few months. But my second thought is ‘Am I selfish or what?’ As you previously said today, I have my own confusion with my own value system. Is it a right thing? Since I was educated in Korea, I still have some Korean system that family should stay together, especially husband and wife. Even though our relationship is happy and healthy, is it really happy and healthy if I stay here just for him? So I’m stuck at this stage and I don’t know what to do.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms:http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at Bethesda ChevyChase Regional Service Center in Washington D.C. (September 18, 2019)
🔹Question: It’s been 15 years since I got married and my daughter is 12 years old. Just hitting the beginning of teenager age. Before I even resolved my relationship with myhusband, things that I do not agree with, like his personality-wise or daily habit-wise, I see my daughter displaying the same habits and personalities that my husband has that I’m not crazy about. So I noticed lately that the way I tryto handle the situation is I’m becoming way too strict and I try to discipline my daughter more than what’s needed because I have the frustration towards my husband and seeing that from my own child is making me go crazy. So I don’t know how to handle this without hurting my daughter because I sometimes do realize I go way above and beyond to try to fix it. I know it’s in her, she might have been born with it. It might be her genes. That’s the frustration I have with my own 12-years daughter, handling her. So if you can just advise mehow I should be a wise mom without worsening this relationship with my daughter, I’ll appreciate it.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms:http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s DharmaQ&A
Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at Bethesda ChevyChase Regional Service Center in Washington D.C. (September 18, 2019)
🔹Question: Hi! My father lives in California. He’s older, he’s disabled. He’s not very healthy. And he’s really strong in his faith in Christianity. So he has a really strong beliefsthat president Trump is there because God put him there. And the only way to have it end] is through Jesus Christ. [He’s also disabled] and he has almost died many times. So I feel that his faith and a lot of other ways and the life he has right now. On the other way when I go home, he asks me questions about am I saved, and what do I really believe and I find itreally uncomfortable because I know what he wants me to say and I know that he’s worried that I’ll go to hell and I’m not born again. And also he sends me stuff on social media. Things that are like, Jesus was born out of a virgin, herose from the dead, he did this Muhammad didn’t do that and all that stuff that isn’t helpful. And so right now up to this point I try to deflect, I try to be respectful, and I’ve tried to ignore. So I wan t to show up the best way I can for him, to honor him and also to ensure that I hold myself in a way that Irespect him fully. And not feel just some sort of frustration.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
August 14, 2021
🔹Question : My husband and I have been looking after his 87-year-old mother with dementia for the last 6 years. We both had to give up our jobs to look after her in her own home. She does not want to go to a nursing home. This has affected our marriage as well as our physical and mental health. We have asked for help from my husband’s older brother but he does not offer any help. Moreover, he only visits a few times a year. He doesn’t talk to his mom on the phone. So we feel very angry, disappointed, and hurt that he does not offer any help. How should we deal with this problem?
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2021. 4. 5
🔹Question : Hello Sunim, Thank you very much for this precious opportunity, I have been watching your videos for many years. I’m from Sweden and right now I’m in Taiwan learning Chinese. I have been separated from my son since 2009 due to perjury. From 2009 until now I have no contact whatsoever with my son. I do not know how he lookslike now. In 2014, the Swedish Court of Appeal stated that my son and I should be reunited. But again, because of foul play, this ruling was annulled by his father. My question is, should I practice moral courage and speak out against this human rights violation and injustice? Or should I just keep quite? How does it relate to the dependent origination and equanimity?
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
September 19, 2021
🔹Question : I get extremely stressed living with my mother and my husband because of their differences, and also from having to care for my mother-in-law who has cancer. The thing that stresses me a lot is the fact that my mother is helping too much around the house. Now that my mother-in-law is living with us, the amount of work that she’s doing at my house is unbearable and as a daughter, it stressesme out.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2023. 12. 19
🔹Question : (Questioner)I translated my question into English using Google Translator. So, please understand that it may be a bit awkward for other audience members. My question is...first, thank you for your valuable time. I know that this opportunity to ask questions is rare, like today. I thought carefully about what questions I would ask. I have many concerns and questions. I thought about why I have these thoughts and why I'm worried about them. I think it is because my words and actions do not match. As I raise my children, I hear all the tips people giveabout how it is good to do this or how to do something that is helpful. But there are many things that I do not put into practice. How can I improve my current situation of not putting them into practice? I know what I should do,but I don't do due to laziness
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2022. 2. 19
🔹Question : Hello Sunim. I live in Torrance, California. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to ask you a question.I have a sister who lives with her husband in country side inKorea.They used to be very rich but they lost all their fortune during IMF,so now, their financial situation is rather precarious.They have a son who is in mid 40s. He lives in Seoul with his wife and a daughter.He has a very seriousillness. He's losing his capability to take care of himself slowly and there's no treatment for that. So there's no hope for getting better. Her husband doesn't want to talk about their son's illness at all. He just ignores and doesn't offer any comfort to her son. So when my sister calls me on the phone,all her financial problems, her son's worsening disability, and her husband's indifferent attitude. So she has a lot of unhappy things going on in her life. And she says, "Sister, I envy you. You don't have any of my problems. That's why you're happy."That's true, really I'm very happy and I have none of her problems. I really don't know what to say to her. My question is when my situation is much better than hers, I don't experience any of her difficulties in her life, how can I offer any comfort to her? What is practical things I cando to reduce her unhappiness? Thank you. (Sunim) Do you want me to provide you words of comforts or provide you an objective analysis of the situation? (Questioner) What I want is when you're in a much better situation and when you hearsomeone's difficulty, I have so many problems, is there any thing I can offer to be helpful? Or I can say, "Yes, I studied Buddhism. I listen to the Dharma talk of Sunim. So all your problem is in your mind. This is the Buddhist truth." I don't think that's a very kind way to say things. So, both waysI want to hear. Thank you.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2019. 12. 3
🔹Question :Bottom of Form I’m recently looking to change careers. And due to incidents with my current living situation, I ended up moving back home with my parents. And it has been very interesting to be once again home and as a master role, a daughter, and not an independent person who is capable of doing whatever I would like, whenever I would like, where I would like in my own space and being sponsible for myself. And so I feel as though a lot of times I must be obedient first to my parents. But now that I am searching to change my career and pursue higher education, I find it difficult to make those decisions with my parents so close all of the time because they do care and they do love me. But I think there is a struggle for me to make good choices for myself but also be a good daughter. And I’m wondering if youcould provide some advice.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
October 10, 2021
🔹Question :Bottom of Form My wife and I married a few moths ago, but we’ve been seeing each other for a few years even before then. My question is she has a demanding career, and as a result, she’s stressed from trying to meet both her own and outside expectations. Is there any recommendation or advice as her partner. How I can support more effectively?
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
October 10, 2021
🔹Question : My mother seems like a very negative person. She tends to criticize and finds something bad in almosteverything and everyone. She doesn't seem to appreciate anything or anyone in her life. I see this makes everyone around her suffer, but especially herself. But I know she can not and will not change by herself. How should I make peacewith this? Sometimes I wish I had no family, because it's nothing but a source of suffering. But please don't tell me just stop seeing her or my family. That may be technically possible, in fact already happening with some members of my family. But I won't find peace in doing so.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven.Pomnyun's Dharma Q&A
Selection from Casual Conversation with Ven. Pomnyun Sunim (Aug. 28, 2023)
🔹Question: I'm a mom of a five year old boy.
I filed a divorce when my son was 14 months old.
Then I went through an extremely high conflict divorce litigation over three years. My son has been living back and forth between my house and his father's ever since.
He does not hate his father, but he does not like to go to his house. His lifestyle has a lot of inconsistency and he says he experiences tiredness. His academic plans and extracurricular activities are greatly affected and becoming limited due to the arrangement.
My ex-husband always sends me threats, complaints, and messages and violates the order here and there only to try to upset me.
I feel great difficulties raising my son this way and often the excess behavior and messages disrupt my mind to be peaceful.
I learned to manage my peace by listening to your talks.
But how should I explain to my son his situation and how should I treat and raise him for another 13 years to minimize my karmic result on him?
🔻Jungto Dharma School (Introduction to Buddhism): https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at the following links:
https://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/
https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/
https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote
https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea
🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A
2023. 11. 2.
🔹Question : We, as most people, are now living in such fast paced societies, and are so much focused on just one thing, and forget what's really important in our lives. For example, we can be focused on earning money and live almost not knowing what our priority is, like health, family, or even our own happiness. I want to ask Sunim, "In that case, where do we put a breakpoint and how?" Like if we lost where we are, sometimes we have to look back, put a break point, and look back to what the priorities are. To some people, maybemoney is priority, and to some people, happiness or families are priority. But we lose that during the time of chasing for something that we want. Sometimes we regret once...
For example, some people may be chasing for one thing andfind out that they're sick. And then, that's when they become, "Why didn't I think of that ahead of time?" So, from time to time, there must be some ways you can put a breakto it and rethink of your life.
🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/
🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea 🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms:http://linktr.ee/jungtoint
