messy diary of an Albanian girl! enjoy!!!

In this episode I explore both the beauty and complexities of cultivating and maintaining friendships as an Albanian girl.Drawing from the responses submitted by my incredible Albanian female listeners, we explore the distinctive qualities that make these friendships and how our culture, upbringing and mentality plays in a role in our friendships dynamics. We can't ignore the mighty influence of Albanian culture on these friendships. Our culture fosters an incredible sense of loyalty and sisterhood, and it's a big part of why these bonds are so tight. But, let's face it, there's a flip side too - some cultural aspects can contribute to a bit of toxicity in our friendships. So, we're going to have an honest chat about that and see how it affects the way we relate to each other.

In this episode I share my journey with tarot and interview an Albanian tarot reader named Krystal. We discuss her personal spiritual journey, motherhood, Albanian spiritual customs, and tarot. As a tarot enthusiast who taught myself the ancient art, I begin by sharing my personal odyssey with tarot, how it enhanced my intuition, and ignited my curiosity about my ancestors. I often ponder on the inherent power and mystique possessed by Albanian women. I strongly believe that we come from a long line of women who harnessed power; each of us carrying within ourselves a wellspring of intuition and psychic prowess, and I am eager to get the conversation going about this fascinating aspect of our heritage. I share my musings on how we, as daughters of this ancient lineage, might unknowingly inherit a legacy of spiritual prowess. Tarot, for me, became a key to unlocking the hidden potential within myself, strengthening the connection with my ancestors and their profound wisdom. In this immersive episode, I had the privilege of sitting down with Krystal, a remarkable Albanian tarot reader. She takes us on an enchanting voyage, recounting her own spiritual journey, how motherhood was the catalyst of that by her desire to heal herself and show up as the mother she wanted to be, her journey and knowledge of tarot, and how she incorporates sacred spiritual customs that have been woven into the fabric of Albanian culture for generations into her own spiritual practices today. As we explore the depths of our ancestral connection, we celebrate the indomitable spirit of Albanian women throughout history. Their innate ability to tap into the mystical realm continues to inspire us to embrace our own intuitive gifts. The tarot becomes a bridge between our world and that of our powerful witchy ancestors, as we seek to unlock the secrets they left behind for us to discover.

FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK FROM A SHORT BREAK. Enjoy this episode on how to get out of a "funk" (comfortable angst), and responding to your guys' responses!

What is Internalized Oppression? What does it mean? and why do so many Albanian-Americans face it? In this episode, Dita and Dajana read a personal email from a listener who elaborates on her own identity issues she had to navigate as an Albanian living in America. As they read the email and discuss it and relate it to their own struggles with this as well, they categorize this dilemma in one perfect sentence: Being too foreign for America but being too American to be Albanian.

Lets talk about sex, baby!! In this episode, Dita and Dajana talk about one of the most taboo topics around the world and within every culture: SEX. Of course, they only speal from experience so they share how sex was presented to them growing up, how the ides of sex is tainted with myths, misconcpetions and misogyny within the Albanian culture- of course all directly affecting the sex life of the women within the culture. They read an anonymous submitted to and posted by the @balkanism Instagram page, where an ALbanian woman goes into her battle with Vaginismus; a pelvic floor disorder that disrupts the ability the have sex by making it painful, unpleasurable and sometimes physically impossible to do. They read this post because it is essentially the consequence of growing up in an ethnic household where the idea or sex, sex before marriage, and virginity are so prominent and are aligned so strongly with the value of a womens overall being, and how that has such a negative affect on the education, awareness of ones body and rights, and pleasure of sex for these women.. The cover topics such as arranged marriages, the importance of virtue in the Albanian culture, the double standard (men vs. women in this regard), and give advice on how to overcome the shame and guilt that an Albanian woman (or a woman who grew up in an ethnic household) may face in their sex life. By accepting and acknowledging awareness around the different ways sexual repression can arise and impact one’s life, a person can avoid its effects and open up to the possibility of healing and changing it. This can be an important first step for a healthier and more aligned relationship with one’s sexual feelings, beliefs, and experiences. Lastly, they remind their audience that sex is supposed to be enjoyable! It is not a chore nor is it supposed to only be done for the intention to bear a child for your husband. Know your body, love your body and in doing so you will feel an overall sense of power within yourself inside and outside of the bedroom.

In this episode, Dita and Dajana approach the controversial subject of dating/marrying outside of the Albanian culture. In this highly requested topic, Dita and Dajana approach the topic from both points of views which is: the comfort and familiarity of dating/marrying within the culture, and the acceptance and beautiful expansion of the culture that is a result of dating/marrying outside of it. They read out an email sent from a listener who shares her story of dating a Latino male in secret for five years and how it has affected their relationship in the past, and asks for guidance on how to approach this inevitable topic with her family as she is ready to have a high-level commitment with him in the future. Dita and Dajana share their own dating experience with non-Albanian men and explain why they themselves avert from dating Albanian men. They discuss the pro’s and con’s that come with this. They dissect the very taboo subject by understanding why Albanians feel this insane pressure to date/marry within their community, as well as challenge this on-going and outdated formality by emphasizing the beauty that comes with having the liberty to date/marry WHO YOU LOVE without having to face any consequences such as being shunned, singled-out, talked about or-worst case scenario- being “disowned”. Why can’t we accept all people regardless of race, religion, sex, and culture and begin to determine who we have a high-level commitment with simply on how they love and treat us? Why is it so hard for Albanians to grasp the notion that “outsiders” are just as eager to share the Albanian culture and indulge themselves within it? The fear that Albanians have of “losing” their culture/traditions due to the community expanding its horizons only manifests the fear into reality by rejecting people who do decide to date/marry outside of the culture. How are they supposed to share their culture with their new-found partner/family if you shun them before they can begin to do so? Why can't Albanians use their rigid belief of a tight-knit family moral and apply that to people who date/marry outside of their community to welcome them with open arms and allow people who aren't Albanian to embrace the culture as well?

In this episode Dita and Dajana discuss the concept of “immigrant child guilt”. Immigrant child guilt pertains to the feeling of guilt children of immigrant parents experience when they are exposed to resources, experiences, and opportunities their parents were deprived of by moving to a foreign country (usually to America) and having to start their lives over for the sake of giving their children a better life of education, jobs, and overall lifestyle. Even through the sense of gratitude, immigrant children experience roadblocks during their upbringing and beyond because of this. Experiencing their parents' struggle to adjust to a new life in a foreign land while they live what would be categorized as a “better life” than their parents comes with a lot of pressure to live up to their parents expectations that they have for them by moving to America.. But what should a child do if they don’t meet those expectations? What hardships do we still face even though we have all of these opportunities and more resources to achieve a better life than our parents? Dita and Dajana discuss the toxicity that comes with the repression immigrant children face- that many people avoid talking about or choose to not acknowledge- of expressing their own experiences or struggles because it may seem miniscule to that of their parents and may allude to a sense of unappreciation. How can we be appreciative of everything our parents did while still acknowledging our own hardships we still faced during our upbringing?

In this hilarious interview with up-and-coming comedian Kristina Narkaj, Dita and Dajana have an impromptu discussion about Kristina's life, her rising fame on TikTok, aspirations in the comedy world and her Albanian identity. Although this is Kristina’s first ever interview or appearance on a podcast, her comedic skills and naturally funny demeanor gives the intimate and powerful conversations within this episode a light-hearted narrative rather than a heavy one (which in retrospect is the whole point of comedy). The talented Kristina Narkaj is a first generation American-Albanian who gained much traction on the app TikTok where she posts controversial/peculiar rants, as well as personal stories which all end up with her audience wiping their tears or holding their stomach from laughter. Much of her content and stories stem from roadblocks or scenarios she has had to face by being a first generation American and her Albanian upbringing. In this episode she talks about constantly breaking the “glass-ceiling” as an Albanian woman and how although it alienated her from her family and she faced alot of scrutiny because of it, she in turn developed an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude towards it. She activley chooses to react to all her hardships in life by laughing about it and as a beautiful consequence has made other people laugh about their own similar difficulties or truamas as well, which makes her such a relatable inspiration to those facing hardships and influences their approach to such hardships to be looked at from more of a “fuck it” lense. She is transparent, honest, and quick witted and dominates any conversation by doing so. She currently does sporadic stand-up comedy shows and aspires to achieve performing an hour-long set and performing it in front of an audience. We greatly appreciate her being the first in-person guest on Vajza & Gra and we are eager to attend her hour long comedy stand-up specials in person someday.

In this episode, Dita and Dajana interview Mirela Petalli, a Registered Nurse who specializes in Neurocritical care. She is a writer and translator, a mindfulness instructor, and also co-hosts a podcast called “Mindful Agility” that is aimed to help people live better lives by combining mindfulness and agility. Mirela provides the audience with facts about mental illness and depression: the symptoms, stigmas, myths, and relevant statistics. They dive into why Albanians dismiss the existence of mental illness and how that mindset can be troubling for children of immigrant parents who are dealing with mental illness. Mirela also speaks on the positives of being part of an Albanian community/family that can help one facing mental illness such as our values of tight-knit families who gather around each other and how that can be used to one’s advantage if the conversations we have during these times are more compassionate rather than talking about people who suffer from mental illness in a derogatory way. They ask Mirela about her personal journey and how she found spirituality during the fall of Communism in Albania, and is now using her knowledge and teachings to help others through her podcast that he co-host’s on called, “Mindful Agility”. She elaborates on what mindfulness and agility are and how they can be used as a powerful tool when combined together to prosper and live a more fulfilled life. They talk about the importance of how Albanian people can start to approach mental illness once they are fully educated on it and understand it. And as a special treat for the episode, Mirela closes off the podcast with a guided meditation.

In this episode Dita and Dajana talk about the very controversial subject of dating as an Albanian woman and all the roadblocks women face in this aspect such as: shame, guilt, unapproved/secret relationships, reputation, judgment, emotional repression, heartbreak and more. They tap into their own experiences dating growing up; how it was presented to them at a young age and how it affects them and their dating life/experiences today. They highlight the negative and positive aspects of being refrained or deterred from dating before most Albanian families would approve their daughter to do so. They present fairly recent evidence from an article that solidifies the stigma and stereotypes of dating in Albanian culture and share their own opinions of it. This episode is not meant to persuade an individual family's rules to allow their daughters to openly date and instead encourages you to ponder on this question: What is your INTENTION behind not allowing your daughter to openly date? Is it to protect her and not have her be distracted from her goals as an adolescent and to fully develop as an adult before involving herself with someone romantically, or is it the fear of your family's reputation being tarnished by the actions of your daughter (such as being sexually active at a young age) that society would shame your “family name” for, making her ineligible to be perceived as worthy enough to marry?

In this episode we interview a gay Albanian woman named "Dashuri". In this interview we ask her about when she knew she was gay, how her husband and children reacted to her being gay, and what it was like dating women after being married to a man! She bravely tells her coming out story to her Albanian parents/community as she was met with love and acceptance from her parents- though she has lost some other friends and family members in the process. She was called to share her story in hopes that the positive reaction from her parents and her children from her previous marriage with a man will inspire any closeted or hesitant Albanian child/adult to live with their integrity. She emphasizes the point of an Albanian parents reaction to their child and how it should be met with love and acceptance as well. If you tell your child you love them and will die for them, how will you LIVE by those words? How can we be more of allies to fellow Albanian members in the LGBTQ+ community and meet them with acceptance and support which is innate in our heritage? This episode is intended to draw awareness to this community and open the eyes to those who may be adamant on accepting themselves or their fellow Albanian LGBTQ+ peers. Her story is not unique, what makes her story unique is the fact that she is Albanian, and through this interview we hope to diminish this taboo topic within our community.

In this episode, Dita and Dajana describe what it is to be the "black sheep" of your family and dive into their own experiences of being the "black sheep" of their Albanian family. They give insight on to how they knew they were different from a young age, the struggles of navigating being the black sheep by being met with criticism and restrictions from their family members and their rigid beliefs. They offer advice and compassion to those who are currently facing the dilemma of being the "black sheep" and how you can navigate that yourself.

In this episode Dita and Dajana formally introduce themselves, talk about how they connected, what the purpose and mission of this podcast is, and what you can expect in future episodes!