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Unapologetic Parenting

Carl Knickerbocker

35 episodes

6 months ago

In this revealing episode of Unapologetic Parenting, host Carl Knickerbocker tackles the all-too-common struggle of trying to co-parent with a narcissistic ex, and why it often feels utterly impossible. Co-parenting typically requires flexibility, shared goals, and mutual respect – qualities a narcissistic ex may refuse to engage with, prioritizing control and conflict instead. Carl delves into the traits that define narcissistic behavior in co-parenting situations, explaining how a narcissis...

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Self-Improvement,

Health & Fitness,

All content for Unapologetic Parenting is the property of Carl Knickerbocker and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.

In this revealing episode of Unapologetic Parenting, host Carl Knickerbocker tackles the all-too-common struggle of trying to co-parent with a narcissistic ex, and why it often feels utterly impossible. Co-parenting typically requires flexibility, shared goals, and mutual respect – qualities a narcissistic ex may refuse to engage with, prioritizing control and conflict instead. Carl delves into the traits that define narcissistic behavior in co-parenting situations, explaining how a narcissis...

Show more...

Self-Improvement,

Health & Fitness,

Episodes (20/35)

Unapologetic Parenting

You Can't Coparent with a Narcissistic Ex

In this revealing episode of Unapologetic Parenting, host Carl Knickerbocker tackles the all-too-common struggle of trying to co-parent with a narcissistic ex, and why it often feels utterly impossible. Co-parenting typically requires flexibility, shared goals, and mutual respect – qualities a narcissistic ex may refuse to engage with, prioritizing control and conflict instead. Carl delves into the traits that define narcissistic behavior in co-parenting situations, explaining how a narcissis...

9 months ago

10 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

You Are Not Weak For Staying Too Long

We hear mixed messages about leaving relationships all the time. If only you were stronger, you would have left sooner. If only you were stronger, you would have stayed longer and tried harder. Weak people focus on themselves too much...and weak people don't focus on themselves and their needs enough.Such messages are unhelpful and often get us nowhere except bogged down in shame and self-doubt.The better path is to focus on what's ahead and to pour our energy into moving fo...

2 years ago

3 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Why The Court Treats The Abuser Like The Victim And The Victim Like The Abuser

Hypothesis: the heart of so many of the family court’s judgment errors boils down to the emotional illiteracy of the lawyers, judges, therapists, and other paraprofessionals attached to the system. The family court system is not trauma informed. The judges are not therapists and spend the least amount of time learning about the case out of all the players. The therapists attached to the system are often opportunists to make matters worse for their own gain. Facilitators and e...

2 years ago

6 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

When Court Ordered Coparenting Is Not In Anyone's Best Interests

Court-ordered coparenting is pretty much doomed to fail when one of the parents is highly narcissistic. When the courts take a one-size-fits-all approach to coparenting expectations and standards, they end up creating a sure-to-fail situation where everyone involved loses. That is, everyone except those who directly profit from the increased conflict, legal expenses, and court-ordered therapy work that is generated by trying to force those who are incapable of collaborative parent...

2 years ago

9 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Don't Wast Your Life Arguing With Those Who Believe Their Own Delusions and Lies

2 years ago

7 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Mantras For Dealing With A Narcissistic Coparent

We begin with the principle (the fact) that the narcissist's words and actions are caused by their disorder...not by you. Their words and actions are disordered, not personal.From there, we focus our attention on the things we love and the things we are creating. We avoid mantras and affirmations that refer back to the narcissist because such affirmation work to produce more of the same. Instead, we direct ourselves to the things we love about ourselves, our kids, our home, our li...

4 years ago

7 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Uncomfortable Child Exchanges

Child exchanges can be uncomfortable and tense...been there! This episode discusses several potential remedies and rules of thumb for conducting child exchanges with a high-conflict or disordered coparent.

4 years ago

14 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Teaching Your Kids About Narcissists

We do not teach out kids about narcissism, borderline, and other disorders because of their other parent. We teach them about high-conflict individuals and about the importance of standards and boundaries because those lessons are crucial to a good life. Whether the other parent is high-conflict or narcissistic or not, it is important to teach our kids about how to handle themselves in a real world that is populated by significant numbers of problematic people.

4 years ago

11 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

What To Document To Protect Your Sanity

When we deal with high-conflict and disordered coparents, it is vitally important to document certain things and collect data. In this episode, I discuss the importance of tracking data to establish patterns for the purpose of not only clarifying those patterns, but to be able to use those patterns as permission to forgive yourself and believe in your own sanity.

4 years ago

11 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

How Not To Get Baited In By The Narcissist

Narcissists seek attention, plain and simple. They thrive off of baiting others into conflict and needless interactions. The same generally goes for Borderlines and other various disordered exes.When baiting is an issue (i.e. the narcissist acts out in one of their many attention-seeking ways), the best antidote is to remain deeply focused on your own vision of what you are working to create in your life. The narcissist seeks to divert your attention away from you own life s...

4 years ago

9 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Divorce Does Not Define You

ou are not defined by your divorce experience. Your value as a parent is not determined by a custody schedule. What your ex says and does is not a reflection of your worth.Shared custody does not make you a part time parent or less of a parent. Having a high-conflict ex does not indicate any lack of worth in yourself. Their behaviors often reflect their disorders and not anything personal about you.Your divorce story is not the narrative of your life. At most, it is a few scenes in a chapter ...

4 years ago

5 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Handling The Narcissistic Parent's Lies And False Accusations

Narcissistic coparents, as well as Borderlines and other similarly disordered individuals, have a nasty habit of making up lies, fictitious events, and false allegations. Those of us who have dealt with such people know that there is no end to what they will cook up and pretend to be real.This episode focuses in on getting very clear on the facts, clear on your own character, and discusses the importance of being impeccable with your word. Once those spaces have been managed, anything t...

4 years ago

11 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Getting The Court To See The Narcissist For Who They Are

Can we get the court to see the Narcissistic coparent for who they truly are? Most likely not, especially since the Family Court System is 1) not equipped to handle mental health matters 2) is predominantly trauma-uninformed and 3) financially incentivized to not see such things clearly.That said, there are still powerful strategies for protecting yourself if you end up back in the court system.

4 years ago

13 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Covert Narcissists

We are generally well aware of what overt narcissists look like, but narcissism can manifest in different ways, including the covert or vulnerable narcissist. This episode touches on the traits of the covert narcissist, and then discusses what to do when it becomes clear that you are dealing with this type of narcissistic person.

4 years ago

19 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

When The Kids Are Failing School At The Other House

When The Kids Are Failing School At The Other HouseOften times when we step in to bail the other parent out, we are enabling them to continue failing as parents. We think we are helping the kids, and perhaps they do benefit in the short-run in some way, but in the big picture we are usually playing into codependency dynamics.This is a game that currently gets played out with the kids' schooling, especially when they are learning remotely. One household lets them fail and the other gets pulled...

4 years ago

8 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Preparing for Crazy - AKA Preparing for The Ex's Lies

If you haven't discovered it already, many people seem to have a near limitless capacity to make stuff up and lie, especially in the divorce and coparenting context. This episode digs into these behavioral patterns and discusses strategies to protect yourself for the crazy when it comes. And it will come.We should never under-estimate an ex's capacity to completely fabricate conversations and events, especially when any Cluster B personality disorder traits are involved. Don...

4 years ago

15 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

When The Other Parent Sucks At Being A Parent

It is difficult, if not impossible, to comprehend parents who literally do not show up for their kids...especially when that absentee or negligent parent is the other parent of your own child.Many times the child neglect is part of an attention seeking game played out by a narcissistic parent. The game is designed to keep you enmeshed in contact and enabling.This episode discusses those situations where the other parent sucks at being a parent, what often lurks behind such behaviors, an...

4 years ago

18 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Divorce Battle On Multiple Fronts

For those of us who have gone through the divorce process, we often figure out fairly quickly that there are more adversaries than just the ex. We are up against the ex as well as their divorce lawyer, who has a vested interest in stirring up as much conflict as possible. We often have our own divorce lawyer who is aligned with us on one hand but against us on another. Many people end up misused, exploited, and dropped by their own lawyers.Then add to the mix the court syste...

4 years ago

23 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Narcissistic Parent Games - Lesser of Two Evils

Narcissistic parents often work to create situations where you are forced to choose between two unsavory choices. They don't want you to have you time. They don't want you to have a good time. So they create situations that feed them attention while simulteneously diminishing your experience with the kids.And when you choose to take the higher path that actually serves the kids...they use that against you, too...#coparenting #coparentingdoneright #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparentingwithat...

4 years ago

12 minutes

Unapologetic Parenting

Get Out. Stay Out. Stay Safe. How Not To End Up Assaulted.

In this episode I tell my story of how I messed up on my own rules and ended up assaulted, which resulted in me having a permanent neck injury. When it is time to move out...get out, stay out, stay safe. If you must go back to the house for any reason, do so in a way that provides for accountability and protection.

4 years ago

11 minutes