Send us a text Episode 5. Publish And Be Damned All is abuzz in the sleepy little hamlet of Nottlikely. Nigella is over the moon that her autobiography “Eat, Pray, Fillet” is to be published by Gaga Books. The news is tempered by Lily’s announcement that her children’s nature story “Eats Roots and Leaves” has been published as well. When Courtney arrives to breathlessly announce that “I Did it Her Way” is hot off the presses Nigella smells a rat. Seeking advice from the only sens...

Send us a text Lockdown Smockdown! Inspired by the runaway success of Lily’s home delivery phone sex start-up “Deliverude”, Nigella launches "Meat Your Maker", delivering freshly butchered meat to neighbouring villages. Her plans are soon threatened when a “cease and desist” demand arrives from Mother Theresa who claims the name infringes the copyright on The Abbey’s new home delivery service (from Baptism to Last Rights in the comfort of your own living room). The streets are no longer safe ...

Send us a text A rumour sweeps the village that an entertainment superstar - let’s just call him “Robbie”, has checked in to The Cliff Richards (sic) Wing of The Abbey to detox. The news stirs up “old feelings” for Nigella & Lily , both of whom “knew him” in their “previous lives”. Meanwhile, head of the school board Hillary is at loggerheads with Courtney over her “inclusive” direction of the school Xmas pageant, featuring five baby Jesus…es, Three Wise Queens plus Mary...

Send us a text Lily discovers Nigella with blood on her hands and … the walls and the floor. Not to worry its “Just Offal” - her new tinned food concept. The village is abuzz as it’s The Festival of St Stevie where all the women gather in the forest, wearing handkerchief dresses, to summon the spirit of the Welsh goddess Rhiannon. There is controversy as town Mayoress Hillary has banned Courtney (again) because she is not really a woman - but our drag queen has other ideas! On hea...

Send us a text New to the leafy English village of Nottlikely, Nigella has signed up for the Tuck Shop roster at the local school where she encounters the effervescent Lily, flamboyant Courtney, over committed Hillary and a raft of colourful townswomen. She discovers that they have something in common; all their husbands have mysteriously disappeared, not that they’re particularly concerned. The exception is Mother Theresa (no, not that one), Abbess of the local convent and keen amateur sleut...