Who’s short and spherical with a jaunty hat? Beau Basco! Who sees every clue with a lazy eye? Beau Basco! And who is facing the biggest who-dun-it of their career? Uhhhhh BEAU F. BASCO. The F stands for “Fuck.” NTWICS Vol 1: https://open.spotify.com/album/4Oithuobv9nJKIrXAyd2FX?si=Pq1urioWQkW1Jt9tl2iUJQ DEAD BIRD SONGS: https://www.patreon.com/collection/385604 PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt

The bell is ringing, children! Come inside, children. Hear about our new album: Now That’s What I Call Story - Volume One, children. We talk with Liturgical Director Carl about his musical deeds, children. Plus, children, there is a long-awaited Q&A! Hear us drop the veil and plant Truths in your heart, children. Children! NTWICS Vol 1: https://open.spotify.com/album/4Oithuobv9nJKIrXAyd2FX?si=Pq1urioWQkW1Jt9tl2iUJQ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt GOODNIGHT MY LOVE BOOK: a.co/d/bFlMta2

Gums of pink, are gonna stink / Gums of red, are fonts of dread. Teeth are unwelcome in our parish! Yet, hygiene is a virtue. Ohh, we’re complicated—no easy answers in the Story! You must yeeeearn. Invocation The Washing of Chalms Liturgical Reading: “The Swollen Mouth of Family” Concluding Prayer Grease unto thee. Be sure to check out the newest video on youtube.com/thestorymustbetold

Let the Story reduce you to flesh mulch! Let the Story compress you and your every neighbor into a lovehogpile. Let go and let STORY. We’re back, BABY, ohhhhhh for a just widdle bit of Story truuuuuth. Get ready for the highest concentration of annoying names any Story has ever held! Uh oh! DEAD BIRD SONGS: https://www.patreon.com/reidfaylor PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt GOODNIGHT MY LOVE BOOK: a.co/d/bFlMta2

Oooh, children, gather around for Vacation Story School. While the clerg' takes a breather, they gather to discuss and share the first chapter of Brother Reid (Reid Faylor's) audiobook novel: Dead Bird Songs. If you wanna skip right to the juicy audiobook chapter, go to 22:29, otherwise enjoy our chat about writing, editing, and peeing in pockets. Subscribe to Reid's novel at www.patreon.com/reidfaylor

We've got some BIG NEWS for all of you congregants courtesy of Brother Reid and Pastor Andrew, so if you're curious as to what's happening with TSMBT, it might be best to tune in now! We love and cherish each of you and remember - THE STORY WILL BE TOLD! ACTION BOYS: https://youtu.be/2DkqRs5TZhU PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt GOODNIGHT MY LOVE BOOK: https://a.co/d/gNjHAOM

Two outcasts are excluded even from apocalypse and must navigate a changed world. If there is truth to be found it is in each other. Return to where your Story began so it may now end. Guest Preachers: Betsy Winchester (TSMBT short film The Dog The Boy; VO artist betsywinchester.com IG: @betsywindy; formerly of Murderfist) Steve O’Brien (TSMBT short film The Dog The Boy, Xmas Futures short films christmasfutures.com) Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 and LPN Deep Dives ACOTAR podcasts, IG @jackthatworm) Announcements Velvet: THE LEAST OF CHIMPS Devon: THE AWAKENING Velvet: FLESH PILES Devon: FATHER Velvet: THE HIDING MAN Devon: ALONE PARADISE RISING EPILOGUE That’s it! For THIS SEASON. Some bonus episodes coming while you wait for season 2, plus MORE: a novella (already out!), a novel, and an album. See you soon! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com GOODNIGHT MY LOVE BOOK NOW ON SALE: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/book/1144436977

A child suffers mute the unutterable horrors of our past. Every step forward is a descent. Trust no family or institution that worships the god of your destruction. Guest Preacher: Betsy Winchester (TSMBT short film The Dog The Boy; current VO artist betsywinchester.com IG: @betsywindy; formerly of Murderfist and Skulk, The Hulking) Featuring: Marcus Parks, Ed Larson, Holden McNeely, Jackie Zebrowski Curtain Call Liturgical Reading: “Day for Night” The Chalmsening One episode left before our break to switch into seasons! The last one will be a gosh darn doooooozy PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

I’m a BIG SHOT at my job. I belong to an ELITE group of people who make work their ENTIRE identity. My testicles are made out of BRASS and I have NO outside relationships. What IS my job? Oh, I torture a big fucking worm. If I don’t do it someone else will! Featuring: Holden McNeely as the Taurus Salesman, Priest Ed Larson as Announcer, Man in Coat Jackie Zebrowski as Tomsha Mounting Cro-Crotoa The Story Must Be Told Clip Show Liturgical Reading: “The Fool and the Worm” The Price of Killing Chalms Two more episodes left before our break to switch into seasons. We’re hard at work on the new format and KNOW you’ll love us EVEN MORE. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

YUCK. GROSS. I don’t care how we’re related, family member! You aren’t family no more after what you did nuh UH. You’re what my family calls a hot sloppy “turd,” and I’m gonna scrape you off my boot. How did you become such a humble bootscraping? Uh, through CHANGES, bucko. Featuring: John Moreno as Dr. Greene Betsy Winchester-Parks as Katherine and the Lawyer Andrew Yackira as Doug and Mark Sailor Talk The Nature of Cro-Crotoa Liturgical Reading: “Changing. Do You See?” Parting Words Tune back in two weeks from now for the antipenultimate episode of the season! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

Some islands are SCARY—like Nantucket. Other islands will steal your very essence, halve it, and merge it with other unwitting victims—like Nantucket. THIS island? Shhhhh it’s a seeeecccreeeeettttt. Guest Author: Katherine Monasterio (author of The Age of Windpower) The Winners of the Big Surf Competition Are… The Switch Liturgical Reading: “Beneath the Compass Rose” The Return of a Familiar Face An Announcement Changes are coming! And a new Story TOO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

Oh bother, I’m a silly old bear. It’d be a SHAME if I were to MEET MY DEMISE. I hope nothing bad happens to me and my ragtag group of interspecies friends! Nothing that could stop us from loving that BOY. Oh bother! Confronting Chalms Chalms’ truth: “The Many Adventures of Chalmstopher Robin” The Public Domain A Prophecy Bags Packed Gosh oh golly what’s gonna happen next? I don’t even know! T-t-tune in NEXT TIME I’ll be different. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

Your father is watching you, and he’s SHAKING his HEAD. What did you do to deserve such a practical assessment? Did you follow your dreams? Probably! Nothing cheeses a dad like the passion of progeny. Guest Chaplain: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 and LPN Deep Dives ACOTAR podcasts, @jackthatworm on Instagram) Guest Author: Libbie Grant (Future Saint of a New Era podcast) Invocation Pastor Andrew’s Changes Liturgical Reading: “God’s Hotel” The Extent of Chalms If I could, I would pick you up and carry you to two weeks from now, so you could bask in a new, Chalmserific episode. Instead: you must WAIT. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com BROTHER REID ART: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ReidFarts

WOOOOSH! Kaboom! “I gotta fly this big bird REALLY fast!” Wow, aren’t airplanes neat? Gosh, what CAN’T the military-industrial complex do? If there’s anything, I don’t wanna know. Fly a jet into my eye and pop it out my heart, so I die filled with AIRPLANE. Inside Devon’s coma Liturgical Reading: “Cardinal Ed in Top Gunners: Mad Rich” A prophecy PROFOUND We return two weeks from now with a Story for your eager ears to gulp up like a hot hot soup. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com BROTHER REID ART: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ReidFarts

Look! A shooting star! Close your eyes and make a wish. Are you doing it? Good … good. What’s that? It feels like someone is stealing your wallet? Shh shh, that’s just the wish doing its thiiing. Hush, child, and next time: remember to carry CASH, baybeeeee. Wishes from Congregants Brother Reid’s Wish: “Truthy Truthy” More Wishes for Cheddar-Tossin ‘Grants Pastor Andrew’s Wish: “Bigger” WAGE-A-WISH HERO OF THE CENTURY: Erica! Devon’s “Wish”: “United States of Wishing” Concluding Remarks In two weeks a familiar friend will return to WOW us with some high octane Story deeds. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

It’s always the BOY! The BOY the BOY the BOY! Behind the curtain? The BOY! Under the floor? The BOY! Hiding inside your mouth, yanking on your tongue and poking your tonsils? THE BOY. The only thing better than HIM is a free trial of the new, very real TSMBT Silver Streaming+! It’s the future of content! Featuring: Henry Zebrowski (Last Podcast on the Left) as THE BOY Ed Larson (Brighter Side) as interviewer and paramedic 911 Call Liturgical Reading: The Boy: Omega Rising - A TSMBT Silver Streaming+ Free Trial! The Departure of the Paramedics Tune in a couple weeks from now for a new Are You Afraid of the Story! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx In this, the 6th and final part of Goodnight My Love, we finally say Goodnight … but to WHOM? My Love? Be honest: why are you even reading the episode description? Huh, Chester? You KNOW what the deal is. Just honk on in, ya goob! Featuring: MJ Knefel (Page 7) Steve O’Brien (xmas futures) Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) Betsy Winchester (Murderfist, The Dog The Boy) And John Moreno (Murderfist) as CEDRIC Invocation An Unfortunate Turn for Cedric Liturgical Reading: Goodnight My Love 6 Conclusion We return in a couple weeks with something decidedly different. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx No one ever talks about what religion aliens are. Is it Protestant? I bet a lot of them are Methodists. If I met an alien, I’d ask it two questions: 1) are you receptive to internalizing shame? 2) have you heard the good word of the Story? Goodnight My Love continues with TEEN SAM. Nothing wrong can happen in a Catholic school! Content warning: self harm, Catholicism. Featuring: MJ Knefel (Page 7) Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) And John Moreno (Murderfist) as CEDRIC Invocation MORE CEDRIC MORE CEDRIC MUCH MORE CEDRIC Liturgical Reading: Goodnight My Love 5 Concluding CEDRIC The series concludes in two weeks with part 6. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx Grandmas and Grandpas will give you a Bible and then YELL at you. Can’t trust a Grandma to buy the right Cro-Croa, can’t ask a Grandpa to turn off the TV. Ughh, but sometimes: you need ‘em. Today, we return to the Goodnight My Love series for the first of three concluding parts. Listen to parts 1-3, episodes 103, 118, and 119 respectively, to catch up and ENJOY. Guest Chaplain: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Featuring: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) MJ Knefel (Page 7) And John Moreno (Murderfist) as CEDRIC! Invocation CEDRIC Liturgical Reading: Goodnight My Love 4 Concluding Remarks The series continues in two weeks with part 5. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Wowee wow wow! Is it the false holiday already? Gosh oh fuck, what a blesséd surprise! Join the clergy as we goof and gab our way through the falsest holiday of them all, with nary a commercial or six! That's right, the 522 Club has for THIS EPISODE dropped its patreon veil and is blooming in every ear far n wide OK??? We’ll have a buncha new episodes SOON in the new year. If you even DARE doubt me I will CUSS at you. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt