Is it defensiveness? Or, is it a deficit? Understanding this could make a huge difference in improving your communication as a couple when recovering from betrayal trauma and infidelity.



We all know that being defensive destroys connection and increases conflict. But first, we need to be sure that the person really is being defensive.



Not every reaction comes from a defensive place. Often, people act the way they do because they lack maturity in that area. Empathy, conflict resolution, communication, compassion. All of these skills must be developed as a child. If not, you may struggle using these skills as an adult.



What may look like defensiveness may actually stem from a deficit in his/her ability to interact in this high-stress and deeply emotional environment.



The truth is, many sex addicts in recovery did not learn how to practice empathy, healthy conflict resolution, and compassion. Their parents and mentors did not help them develop these skills. Many aspects of masculine culture label these skills as weak or feminine.



It's never too late to learn healthy relationship skills. And, we need to make sure that we're not shaming someone who is trying their best. It's hard enough to do something that is foreign to you. It's even harder when you feel like you need to be ashamed of your inability to do so. Being supportive is always the best route you can take.



In this podcast episode, Dr. Jake Porter and I discuss how to determine if your partner is being defensive or if they have a deficit in this area. And, what can be done to address this issue so that it does not continue to harm the relationship.



If you would like a free copy of Jake's book, you can download it here: https://drjakeporter.com/breakingbarriers/



If you're a high-achiever looking for a group of like-minded men to recover with, visit my website: successfuladdict.com



My book is now on Audible for those of you who have been waiting for the audiobook. You can listen to it here: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-High-Achievers-Guide-to-Sex-Addiction-Recovery-Audiobook/B0F5XZ85XV

Financial success and recovery are two different things. Often, the things that made you money may be some of the same things that caused your sex addiction.



This doesn’t mean that you need to stop being successful in your career. It means you need to become aware of when to use each skill set.



Many of the skills needed to recover from sex and porn addiction are different from the skills you’ve used to make money.



In this episode, I’m joined by MaryAnn Michaelis, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. We discuss the difference between success in business and success in recovery.



You can do both!



If you want to contact MaryAnn, you can reach her here on her website: https://maryannmichaelis.com/



If you’re interested in checking out the courses she referenced during the episode, head to https://www.humanintimacy.com/courses



If you are a high-achiever in recovery and you are looking for a group of like-minded men to recover with, visit my website and fill out an application: successfuladdict.com



Each group of 10 men uses a daily accountability system, weekly Zoom meetings, and in-person 4-day intensives.



Visit my website to apply and book your interview on my calendar.

Coping mechanisms have the potential to ruin your life. But changing them can be difficult if you don’t know WHY you’re doing it.



In the addiction space, you will hear professionals talk about the power of discovering your “why.” But, it's a bit more complicated than that.



In this podcast episode, I help men understand what coping mechanisms are, how to recognize when they’re being used, and how to change the harmful patterns.



If you’re a betrayed partner, I would recommend listening to this episode as well. It may help you understand what your husband is doing and what will be required to change.



If you’re a successful guy in recovery and need help discovering your WHY, my recovery groups can guide you. Visit my website to learn more: successfuladdict.com

Candice Christensen is well known for her ability to use Internal Family System (IFS) with both Sex Addicts and Couples to help them navigate the root cause of the sexually compulsive behavior.



I personally believe IFS is one of the best forms of treatment for sex and porn addiction. I personally used it in my recovery, and my clients who use it seem to get better results than those who don’t.



In this episode, Candice and I break down IFS and how it can be used to organize and accelerate your recovery.



It’s also a great tool to use when explaining your process addiction to betrayed partners.



For those who want to explore working with Candice and attending one of her intensives, visit her website here: https://www.candicechristiansen.com/



If you’re a high-achiever, business professional, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group full of other successful men, visit my website: successfuladdict.com



Our approach is organized and efficient with an emphasis on peer support, connection, and accountability.



You cannot overcome this alone. You need to find a tribe of like-minded men that you can lean on in recovery.

Are you an addict or a selfish womanizer? Historically, it’s been said that you are either one of the two. But, is it really only limited to these two options?



What if you’re neither?What if you are a selfish womanizer?What if you’re both?



Is the treatment the same?If not, what’s different?



Does your wife need to be worried?If you’re not an addict, should she leave you?



Sex Addict or A-hole? In this episode, I discuss a third option.

The truth is… recovering from sex addiction is hard. And, healing your marriage is even harder.



In this episode, we give it to you straight (no sugar coating).



Jackie Pack is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist with a no BS approach. She and I have a raw and real discussion about the reality of sex addiction recovery.



Mental health is far from black and white. Every human is different. Every relationship is different. Therefore, many of the strategies that worked for others… might not work for you.



All of this said, there’s always a way to recover and move forward. The goal of this episode was to show you that you do have options and to help you take control of your unique recovery plan.



If you enjoyed Jackie’s approach, you can contact her here: https://healingpathsrecovery.com/



If you’re a high-achiever in recovery and you’re finding it hard to connect with other men at 12-step groups, visit our website and fill out an application: successfuladdict.com



We provide high-achievers with a tribe of like-minded men to connect with in recovery.

Sex addiction is classified as a “process addiction.” This is important as your treatment strategy may need to change depending on the thought processes that you’re addicted to.



In this episode, I discuss:Why the term “sex addiction” may be a distraction.Why the term may make it difficult for your wife to move forward.Why the term may be creating an inaccurate enemy.



For more about process addiction, check out my book on Amazon or audio book on Audible. Here’s the link: https://a.co/d/dCpfAlf



If you’re a high-achiever looking for a recovery group full of other high-achieving men, visit my website: successfuladdict.com

When most guys get into recovery for their sex or porn addiction, they think this will be out of their lives in a few months.



While sobriety can be achieved, healing your marriage is a different story.



In this episode, Cory Anderson (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) and I discuss what guys need to do to go the distance.



As you have probably figured out… this is not a quick process.



Sex addiction recovery is a marathon, NOT a sprint.



This episode will help you get there.



If you want to work with Cory or any of his therapists, visit their website here: https://www.integritycounselinggroup.com/



If you have not yet bought my book, you can download the first chapter for free here: https://successfuladdict.com/booksample



If you’re looking for a recovery group that places you with 9 other like-minded men you can connect with in recovery, visit our website. Our groups are exclusively for successful professionals recovering from sex addiction. We use weekly calls, daily accountability check-ins, and biannual 4-day intensives. Go here for more info: successfuladdict.com

Good life events may be more traumatic than the negative ones.



Trauma comes from the conclusion you came to after the life event… Not the event itself.



In this episode, I talk about how success, advice, mentorship, winning, and other accomplishments may be more traumatic than some of the negative events that have happened in your life.



All life events have the potential to influence your belief system.



Therefore, you should make sure that your recovery plan includes examining all potentially problematic beliefs. Even if they look “good” on the surface.



I spend a good amount of time talking about trauma in my book. If you have not yet bought my book, you can download the first chapter for free here: https://successfuladdict.com/booksample

Sex addiction will destroy your marriage. The only way back is to create a new marriage that will likely look much different than the old marriage.



Your wife will be with a guy who she knows has the capability of lying to her and cheating on her.



You will have to be with a wife who is frequently triggered by trauma and may ask you to modify your lifestyle to keep her safe.



On this podcast episode, I am joined by Dr. Corey Allan, host of one of the top relationship podcasts, “Sexy Marriage Radio.”



Corey and I address a common question men ask themselves when in the depths of relational recovery… “Would it be easier if we just got divorced?” And, another question: “Should I just be single?”



All are fair questions when trying to heal the marriage after sexual betrayal. It's not an easy road for couples.



So, why be married? Well, that's exactly what we address in this podcast episode.



Listen to Dr. Corey's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexy-marriage-radio/id472302597



If you have not yet bought my new book, you can access the first chapter here for free: https://successfuladdict.com/booksample



If you are looking for a sex addiction recovery group designed specifically for high-achievers, executives, business professionals, and entrepreneurs, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com

The word “trauma” is often misunderstood. It’s not just abuse… Trauma can be a result of advice, mentorship, or any event for that matter.



Parenting is not about being a “good” parent. Oftentimes, it's “good parenting” that results in the most trauma to the child.



Kids don’t need someone to tell them who to become, what to believe, and how to live their lives. In fact, overparenting can sometimes be worse than neglect.



Why??



Because kids who have been overparented often believe that they had a “perfect childhood.” Whereas the neglected child knows that they had flawed parents, and they are often more open to being wrong and seeking out new ways of thinking.



This episode may be helpful when looking back and identifying where some of your sex addiction may have stemmed from.



If you want help identifying the root cause of your sex or porn addiction, visit my website: successfuladdict.com



It can be challenging to identify the flaws in your upbringing without a group to help you discover where your problematic beliefs came from and which ones are causing you to act out sexually.

In this episode, I’m joined by Jennifer Ginsberg, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.



While most men have already heard about the “3-second-rule” and the “3 circles of sobriety”… they typically have not revisited these circles since being in early recovery.



In this episode, Jennifer and I redefine sobriety so that it can be maintained for decades.



Too often, sex addicts set up a recovery plan that is unsustainable. It either gets boring or becomes ineffective.



Recovery needs to be mentally stimulating, enjoyable, and evolving. A boring recovery is a dangerous recovery.



If you want to get in touch with Jennifer, visit her website here: https://theintimacyclinic.org/



If you are a high-achiever, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website here: www.successfuladdict.com

Most guys want this to end at some point. The time spent in groups, therapy, couples therapy, couples groups… It's a lot. And, I see why guys feel like their life is being consumed by recovery work.



The good news is that you will be able to tone down the number of hours spent each week. However, you will likely always have a few hours each week dedicated to continued growth and maintenance.



The guys I know who stayed in good recovery… stayed in good recovery. Meaning that they still see their therapist once a month, and they still attend their recovery groups once a week.



Why? Because it’s not worth the risk of divorce.



No guy means to relapse. It just happens.



But, every guy who relapsed will tell you the same thing… “I stopped going to my groups and stopped seeing my therapist… and eventually I made a bad decision in a weak moment.”



And, just like that… they find themselves splitting their assets and seeing their kids 50% of the time.



Recovery is a lifestyle, and this podcast episode will explain how you can practice it.



If you are ready for a recovery group that focuses on self-mastery rather than sobriety, head to our website: successfuladdict.com



We provide high-achievers, business professionals, and entrepreneurs with a recovery mastermind full of like-minded men. Together, you can accelerate your recovery by having the other men see what you cannot see on your own.

Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith join me on this episode to talk about how to create a thriving marriage after infidelity.



There’s a ton of information out there about sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. But, what about thriving on the other side?



None of us gets into recovery just to have a mediocre relationship filled with triggers, a lack of safety, and arguments. 



You want to THRIVE!



This episode will help you and your partner get there. Matt and Joanna Raabsmith are inspirational leaders in the betrayal healing space. Their work has helped thousands of couples heal from the damage caused by sex and porn addiction.



In this episode, we talk about how couples can transition from crisis to thriving.



Here are the Free resources for couples provided by Matthew and Joanna: raabsmithteam.com/free. 



You can find their book here on Amazon: link to their book 



Go here for more info about the Renewing Us Program: https://raabsmithteam.com/renewingus 



If you’re a high-achiever, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group designed specifically for successful men with sex addiction, visit my website here for more info: successfuladdict.com

What is “good recovery,” and how do you know if you’re doing it?



It’s a question that most guys often ask themselves. Which is unfortunate, because I feel like this is something that should be very well-defined.



Yes, recovery is specific to each person. However, there are well-established practices and treatment strategies that we know work for everyone.



I’ve developed this checklist to help you determine if you are in “good recovery.”



Use this link to get the checklist: https://successfuladdict.com/goodrecovery



If you’re married, print it out and give it to your wife. She wants to build safety and trust. A good recovery plan will help you get there

Working with high-achievers and entrepreneurs, there are definite differences between these men and the general population. These differences require a unique approach when it comes to sex addiction recovery.



Sex addiction is a process addiction, meaning that guys have become addicted to thought processes. To recover, men need to discover what thought processes they have become addicted to. For successful men, these thought processes are generally not as sexual as you might think.



Typically, high performers are drawn to respect, admiration, accomplishment, and superiority. While great traits for becoming financially successful… they can cause problems in relationships.



Daniel Gowan, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and I talk about our experience working with high-achievers and how their recovery will need to look different.



If you are a high-achiever struggling with sex or porn addiction and you are looking for a group of like-minded men to recovery with, visit our website here: www.successfuladdict.comIf you live in Texas and are interested in working with Daniel or one of his therapists at D2 Counseling, you can follow the link here: https://d2counseling.com/

The sex addiction field has the crisis phase dialed in. We know exactly what to do to save your marriage and begin the healing process.



But… then what?



This is where things start to get murky.



Guys need to transition from sobriety to recovery.



And, the relational healing will also need to evolve.



It can be tough for addicts and couples when they head into year 2+. There’s a lot more individuality and uniqueness that will need to be accounted for.



In this episode, I discuss a plateau that many men and couples find themselves at when they are in the advanced stages of recovery.



Many of the guys in my groups are >2 years into recovery. This is actually why they joined my group. They knew that they needed to dig deeper if they were going to achieve long-term sobriety and heal their marriage.



If you find yourself on this plateau, maybe our groups are a good fit for where you are. Head over to our website and fill out an application: www.successfuladdict.com

Your Recovery, Her Recovery, Marital Recovery, Healthy Sexuality… How do you heal when this is so complex?



Dr. Laney Knowlton is working hard to help couples tackle all of the aspects necessary to thrive after sexual betrayal.



This episode is raw and real. Laney and I don’t sugarcoat anything. Recovery is hard… We aren’t here to convince you that it’s not.



However, we are here to help provide you with the information you and your wife need to move forward.



In this episode, we acknowledge how difficult sex addiction recovery can be. But, you’re not alone. We have helped hundreds of clients through to the other side, and we hope this episode can help you and your partner make it there too.



If you want to learn more about Dr. Knowlton and the Connected Recovery method, visit her website here: https://knowltoncounseling.com/



If you are a sex or porn addict and you are looking for a recovery group that will finally help you overcome this addiction once and for all, visit my website: https://successfuladdict.com/

You’ll see these ads for courses, books, and programs that claim to get guys sober from their sex or porn addiction in “30 days.” “The revolutionary formula to quit porn for good.”



I’m sorry… but how can you take these claims seriously?



Sex addiction is classified as a process addiction. Meaning that men have become addicted to a thought process. 



Each guy has a different thought process that’s unique to him. Therefore, there’s no possible way to have a one-size-fits-all program for recovery.



First, you need to determine what your process addiction. From there, you can formulate a recovery plan.



If you are looking for a group that you can rely on to get to the root cause of your process addiction, visit my website here and fill out an application: successfuladdict.com



If you’re curious about how to identify your process addiction, my book is a great place to start. You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/0tPwg5V

Shame halts recovery. But, not all shame is created equal.



Successful men are typically in positions of influence. They are either directly in charge of leading others. Or, they are admired and looked up to. In both cases, their actions have significantly higher consequences than those of the general population.



Kim Litton, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, shares her personal story of being an active sex addict while in a position of leadership and the shame that followed.



In this episode, Kim and I talk about how to make sure that shame is not slowing down your recovery. 



As a high-achiever, you may think you don’t feel shame (I know I didn’t). However, shame shows up differently for successful men. This podcast episode will help you make sure that shame is not hindering your recovery.



You can find Kim’s website here: https://klcounseling.com/



And her book here: https://a.co/d/09eU7TW



If you are a high-achiever looking for a sex addiction recovery book designed specifically for successful professionals, you can buy my book here: https://a.co/d/68Gpgvv



If you are looking for a recovery group designed specifically for successful men, visit my website: www.successfuladdict.com