We had Ann Betz, an expert on the intersection of neuroscience, coaching, and relational trauma on The Porch. She joined us to talk about recognizing toxic traits in the workplace and what to do about it. So many of our guests felt seen and heard by what she shared, one attendee even called it “balm for the soul”.
This is one of those conversations that can permanently change your perspective on toxicity in the workplace. If you don't have time to listen to the whole thing, here are some major key points:
1. It's the good, flexible, hard-working, intelligent souls that get worn to the bone by toxic relationships. In fact, having high empathy can make you a target for narcissism.
2. The FIRST sign of a toxic relationship is surprising because it feels good. It's called LOVE BOMBING and it's the initiation into a toxic dynamic. If someone is admiring you, lavishing praise on you, idealizing you, and it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
The irony is after being LOVE BOMBED for weeks or months, the individual is quickly DEVALUED and DISCARDED. All of a sudden, you aren't being asked to those meetings, and you aren't asked for your input. You may even feel accused of things you haven't done.
This roller coaster of admiration and then accusation can be very disorienting. The individual with "super traits" like extremely high empathy will give more to try to fix this pattern. The average person won't tolerate and flex that far and will leave before the dynamic continues further.
3. One of the best things you can do is listen to your body after you leave a meeting. Your body is telling you the truth. If it seems too good to be true, or you feel very disoriented, this is a sign that you are walking into a toxic situation.
4. If you recognize that you are in a toxic dynamic, don’t engage. You will not win. Do whatever it takes to get away (yes this may mean quitting your job). Ann said it best: "don’t wrestle with a pig in the mud. You’ll get dirty and the pig likes it..."
Want to learn more about toxic relationship patterns?
Video - Explaining Narcissism to others using the CRAVED Method- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4ypZnVF03M&t=0s
Book - Dying for a Paycheck - https://www.amazon.com/Dying-Paycheck-Management-Employee-Performance/dp/0062800922
Webinar Series - Narcissism at Work - https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.beaboveleadership.com%2Fwebinar-narcissim-at-work%2F&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1673466459561065&usg=AOvVaw2kZeanDgbw5hIIeIbGD6Nx
You can find Ann here ⬇️
LI Link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-betz-a6b31018/
Website: https://www.beaboveleadership.com/
KEEP IN TOUCH 🌏
LinkedIn: https: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindsayboccardo/
Website: https://www.lindsayboccardo.com