I turned 24 this week and NO Gemini slander will be tolerated here! More importantly, my hidden talent is impressions from the cinematic masterpieces that were Barbie movies circa 2004. Rapunzel, Swan Lake, Princess and the Pauper??? GOATED. Someone hire me to be a voice actor pls.
In case you couldn't tell, my life peaked in 2013 when I won the NY State Odyssey of the Mind championship dressed as a fish made of dryer sheets. As it should have.
Who's buried in Grant's Tomb? NO ONE YOU IDIOT! My weekend consisted of two things: assorted savory finger sandwiches and Union General Ulysses S. Grant. Enjoy.
Ya'll sorry about this poopy audio once again... technology and I are enemies. BUT please join me as I recount my harrowing week of art, sex, and marine mammals! Like and share this podcast if you agree that children should be banned from aquariums.
Am I a man... or am I a muppet? In light of a certain a-hole defunding PBS, let's take a little walk down memory lane and reminisce about the wonderful world of Jim Henson and if Fraggle Rock was just a fever dream I had.
I'm in my witchcraft and wizardry era and I'm not sorry about it. Let's discuss how Minerva McGonagall is a girly pop, how I don't understand time travel, and what my Hogwarts house is! As a wise man once said, "Yer a wizard, Harry."
Will you go to prom with me? (Circle yes or no) Sorry I've been MIA ya'll but now that I'm back, let's talk about my Catholic school prom, my psycho date, and the harrowing era of Sherri Hill. ALSO: PESTO POD POSTINGS WILL BE MOVED TO WEDNESDAYS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
The great and powerful LaKenzo and her love of dandelion crayons has consumed me to no end and now I am preoccupied with collecting various knick knacks and bric a brac. Other than that, this week consisted of 70s music and a whole lot of motion sickness.
The Catholic Church is an institution of power run by white men so obviously it's CORRUPT! Have you ever wanted to be yapped at about Vatican conspiracy theories, The Da Vinci Code, or my harrowing encounters with lesbian nuns? Great news for you!
Guys I don't understand art. If I throw a jar of pesto at a canvas and say it represents my inner turmoil, does that mean it'll be worth $50 million? Anyway, I had a great time in the Windy City, including a sold out show, a wicked hangover, and remaking Ferris Bueller scenes.
DUN DUN. Sorry I'm a day late ya'll, I had an all-night lettuce-induced panic attack followed by catching a glimpse of the most beautiful and perfect woman to ever exist. But please enjoy me losing my mind and yapping about the greatest show in the history of sexy cop shows.
HAPPY ST PADDY’S DAY LADS AND LASSES! Let’s reminisce on when I absolutely dominated the eight-year-old Irish dance community and also when I slept on the floor of the Shannon airport. Here’s to shepherds’ pies, celtic music, and fresh pints of Guinness! SLAINTE!!!!
Nothing I love more than being stuck on the 1 train underground in a smelly box with no service for 20 minutes! But if we didn’t have the New York City Subway system, the rats would have nowhere to live and, more importantly, I would have no way of getting to my favorite hot dog stand. CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADEEEE OFFFF
BTW if you're from Chicago you should get tickets to my show on March 28th!! Details on my Insta :)
Some important lessons to take away from this week: everyone in The Great Gatsby is bad, you don't have to do drugs at a club if you don't want to, Survivor is 99% social game, and dogs are better than kids. I have spoken.
Despite sobbing over being an oink oink piggy at a boxing gym with a bunch of models, I had the best week! Shoutout to: my wonderful friends and fam, everyone who came to the Pesto and Goat Cheese first ever live show, Connor and all our guests comics, and, of course, Aunt Kathy.
I'm gonna show this episode to my therapist Kelly. Valentine's Day sucks but also I'm trying to love myself?!? Also that anglerfish has me questioning the whole meaning of life.
Aur naur Cleor! This is episode is about mermaids! It's only fitting that I just rewatched a monumental piece of television gold about three Australian girls with tails and magic powers. Also this week I cried at Pilates and also killed Voldemort.
I'm just a girl who wants to play Wii. Like I just want to experience the unimaginable thrill of getting a bullet power-up on Rainbow Road and zooming from 12th place to 1st. Is that too much to ask?
PESTO AND GOAT CHEESE LIVE IN NYC FEB 21ST! TICKETS IN INSTAGRAM BIO! This weekend I went to Chicago so naturally I flicked the bean, geeked out at an aquarium, and had a rather unfortunate incident with a bouncy ball. Now no one talk to me because I'm in mourning over Buffalo.
This weekend was a doozy, team. It appears I'm employed again but man I was STRESSING. I laid in bed reflecting on my traumatic OBGYN career, my acting skills, and my mental dependency on the Buffalo Bills. The only thing that saved me was Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, naturally.