NOTE — for a glossary of "flash" terms used in this episode, see pennydread.com/discord. (Flash was the slang lingo used by the criminal underworld of the Regency and early Victorian period.)

A one-hour Ha'penny Horrid 'Hursday episode! In two parts, to-wit:

PART I: "THE HA’PENNY HORRIDS," 0:00 — 32:30:

This first segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter of Sweeney Todd, along with the more darksome, loathly, and horrifying tidbits of the week: Tales of horrid murders, public executions, disasters, brutal crimes, and similar rays of sunshine — INCLUDING ...

• 03:23: DICKENS' DREADFUL ALMANAC for today: A horrible mystery of the death of a boy abducted and murdered by persons unknown.
• 06:55: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Chapter 61: Johanna and Arabella meet up with Colonel Jeffery in the Temple Garden and he tells them about Tobias’s adventures. Arabella seems to be meditating on something, hatching a scheme. What could it be? And will it lead to ruin?
• 25:29: BROADSIDE BALLAD: A celebration of the sentencing of Barney, the Oilman of Brick-lane, to three weeks in prison for severely beating his 11-year-old shopboy with a cane.
• 29:07: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE: A dreadful tale, purportedly true, of a bad seed who made a shocking deathbed confession.

PART II: "THE TWOPENNY TORRIDS," 32:40 — 1:14:20:

This second segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter or two of Dick Turpin's adventures, along with all the more salacious, cheeky, and naughty elements of the week — INCLUDING ...

• 33:10: BLACK BESS; or, THE KNIGHT OF THE ROAD (starring HIGHWAYMAN DICK TURPIN), Chapter 27-30: Turpin and King return to the Hand and Keys. Davis still has not returned, and Dick is getting very worried. He decides to travel to London and investigate, and free Tom Davis from the clutches of the grabs if he’s been touched; King volunteers to come with him. On the way, they talk over plans to rescue Black Bess. Then, in Chapter 29 — Turpin and King, on their journey to London, decide to “do a little business” with the horseman who’s coming toward them, reasoning that it won’t delay them much and he might have a rich booty. Accordingly they give him the old “Stand and Deliver” line; whereupon he draws his sword and attacks. He ends up in a great sword fight with Tom King. Then he calls a halt and offers King his purse; but King declines it, as does Dick. Both agree he’s defended himself so valiantly and cleanly that he’s earned their respect and friendship, and they don’t rob friends. Then he introduces himself — and both are astonished when they learn who they just tried to rob!

• 1:03:00: A FEW DIRTY JOKES from a collection from "The Chestnut Club," circa 1870.
• 1:05:55: TWO VERY NAUGHTY COCK-AND-HEN-CLUB SONGS: "The Chickster to her Dab has Gone” and “O Saw You My Ass When ‘Twas Out on the Green.”
• 1:11:10: A FEW SQUEAKY-CLEAN DAD JOKES from the early-1800s' most popular joke book: "Joe Miller's Jests; or, The Wit's Vade-mecum."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John 18th Baron Dunwitch,* for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London!

*The Barony of Dunwitch is located in a wood west of Arkham (where “the hills rise wild, and there are valleys with deep woods that no axe has ever cut; there are dark narrow glens where the trees slope fantastically, and where thin brooklets trickle without ever having caught the glint of sunlight.”) Actually it is a good 3,000 miles west of Arkham. It is not to be confused with Dunwich, the English seacoast town that fell house by house into the sea centuries ago, or Dunsany, the home until 1957 of legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

Our main one-hour Sunday-night episode! In two parts, to-wit:

PART I: “The HALF-CROWN CAMPIES” segment: 0:00 — 32:00:

This first segment of the Sunday show contains a chapter of Varney the Vampire, along with what we think of as the more humourous, melodramatic, and high-campy tidbits from this week’s explorations of early-Victorian street literature — INCLUDING ...

• 01:37: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE; or, THE FEAST OF BLOOD, Chapter 23: Charles Holland consults with his uncle, the admiral. He has determined to challenge the vampire to a duel. He is a little surprised to find his uncle is enthusiastically supportive … suspiciously so. What scheme does the old admiral have in mind? And will it work, or is Charles doomed to fall beneath the fast-flickering blade of a vampire?
• 29:30: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE: We take coroner’s inquests for granted in the case of sudden death, but did you ever wonder how they got started? It’s all to do with this one woman … and her six dead husbands.

PART II: "THE SIXPENNY SPOOKIES," 32:00 — 1:02:00:

This second segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter or two of Dick Turpin's adventures, along with all the more salacious, cheeky, and naughty elements of the week — INCLUDING ...

• 32:40: EARLY VICTORIAN GHOSTLY SHORT STORY, TO-WIT: Carmilla by J.S. Le Fanu, Part 5 of 9 (chapters 7 and 8): In Part Five, we see Laura sinking beneath the influence of a terrible Something, and becoming pale, languid and melancholy, like Carmilla. Then one night, she is awakened by the voice of her long-dead Hungarian mother warning her to beware of an assassin! Waking up in a fright, she runs to Carmilla’s room … and finds her gone! Where could she be? And why?
• 47:25: A SHORT GHOST STORY from the scrapbook of Charles Lindley, Viscount Halifax: An account written by Lord Halifax himself recounting his personal experience meeting the ghost of an Argyll harper who was hanged by Marquis Montrose’s men during the Scottish Civil War.
• 59:20: A COUPLE SQUEAKY-CLEAN DAD JOKES from the early-1800s' most popular joke book: "Joe Miller's Jests; or, The Wit's Vade-mecum."

A new episode of the show is released every Sunday and Thursday evening at 5:37 p.m. London time. (5:37 p.m. is Dick Turpin Scragging Hour: It's 17:37 in military time, and Dick Turpin — the historical figure — was hanged in 1737 A.D.)

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John 18th Baron Dunwitch,* for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

A full glossary of the flash-cant terms used in this episode at https://pennydread.com/discord .

*The Barony of Dunwitch is located in a wood west of Arkham (where “the hills rise wild, and there are valleys with deep woods that no axe has ever cut; there are dark narrow glens where the trees slope fantastically, and where thin brooklets trickle without ever having caught the glint of sunlight.”) Actually it is a good 3,000 miles west of Arkham. It is not to be confused with Dunwich, the English seacoast town that fell house by house into the sea centuries ago, or Dunsany, the home until 1957 of legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

A one-hour Ha'penny Horrid 'Hursday episode!

PART I: "THE HORRIDS," 0:00 — 32:20:

This first segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter of Sweeney Todd, along with all the more darksome and horrifying elements of the week — INCLUDING ...

• 02:30: DICKENS' DREADFUL ALMANAC for today: We hear of the sentencing to a lenient rap of a woman who, thinking her first husband dead after he was transported to Australia and dropped contact, remarried, only to have the old bad penny come back and press charges.
• 04:20: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Chapter 60: We cut to St. Dunstan’s Church on a Sunday morning, with Sweeney Todd in attendance. He chats up the beadle, who mentions the “suicide” of John Mundel; and mutters to himself that the smell isn’t really so bad, before returning to his shop. He is advertising for a “pious boy” as a barber’s apprentice … will he find one? And will the boy he finds survive the ordeal of serving as Todd’s apprentice?

• 20:15: BROADSIDE BALLAD: The story of a landlady who murdered her wealthy tenant, and two Londoners who murdered a third in a brothel, sent to the gallows at Newgate.

27:46: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE: The true-crime story of a black-widow bride's plan coming to fruition ... and to ruin.

PART II: "THE TORRIDS," 32:20 — 1:08:00:

This second segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter or two of Dick Turpin's adventures, along with all the more salacious, cheeky, and naughty elements of the week — INCLUDING ...

• 33:00: BLACK BESS; or, THE KNIGHT OF THE ROAD (starring HIGHWAYMAN DICK TURPIN), Chapter 25-26: The inquest on the suicide is held, and the verdict is suicide. According to the ancient custom, that means the body will be buried at the nearest crossroads, at midnight, with a stake driven through its heart. Will the townsfolk really be barbaric enough to follow through with this revolting procedure?
• 55:10: A FEW DIRTY JOKES from a collection from "The Chestnut Club," circa 1870.
• 59:10: TWO VERY NAUGHTY COCK-AND-HEN-CLUB SONGS: "The Tinder-box" and "Of All the Blowings On the Town."
• 1:04:45: A FEW SQUEAKY-CLEAN DAD JOKES from the early-1800s' most popular joke book: "Joe Miller's Jests; or, The Wit's Vade-mecum."

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• SQUIRT QUESTERS: Bartenders.

• CATGUT TEASERS: Fiddle players.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• BLOWINGS: Prostitutes.
• PRIGS: Thieves.
• LAGGED: Transported to Australia.
• LUSHINGTON: Habitual drunk (a reference to Lushington's, a famous London brewery, and its products).
• IN QUOD: In jail.
• SWAG: Stolen goods — booty, basically.
• SESSIONS: The season when criminal court is in session.
• KEN: Home or place, the root of modern "kennel."
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• FLATS: Suckers.
• FLY TO: Wised-up about, aware of.
• FAKEMENT: Plot or scheme.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

Episode 1 of a new season! With new bed music and more ghost stories!

03:55: VARNEY, THE VAMPYRE; OR, THE FEAST OF BLOOD (1845), Ch. 22; In which —

• Henry, Charles, Mr. Marchdale, and Admiral Bell sit down for a planning meeting to decide what to do about Varney and Bannerworth Hall. They have just about decided to sell or rent it to Varney, but the idea of doing so under duress sticks in everyone’s craw a bit. Then Charles asks Henry to hold off for three days so that he can undertake some sort of plan, but he won’t say what it is. What can he have in mind? Is it some rash plan to challenge the vampire? If so, will he survive the encounter?

20:50: THE TOWN IN AN UPROAR (broadsheet ballad from 1829):

• Tells the story of "a Grand Boxing Match, between a young Lady, and her Maid, for the sake of the handsome young Coachman, both of them being in Love with him; Together with a merry Song."

29:59: REMARKABLE PREDICTION (article from The Terrific Register magazine):

• Tells of Jonathan Pyrah, who during the Thirty Years War took to prophecy and made some singular predictions which came strictly true, then returned to England and went mad.

33:35: CARMILLA, by J.S. Le Fanu (1871), Part 4 of 9. IN WHICH:—

• A picture cleaner comes to the castle with a load of family heirlooms belonging to Laura’s mother’s Hungarian family, which her father had sent away to be cleaned. One of them is a dead-on likeness of Carmilla, but the tag on the frame reads “Mircalla Countess Karnstein, 1698.” Everyone agrees it’s an amazing coincidence that Carmilla looks so exactly like the picture. — That night, Laura has another nightmare … but is it really just a nightmare? Or something more sinister?

PLUS —

• An artist sees a ghost — and asks her to sit for a portrait!

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John 18th Baron Dunwitch,* for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HIGH FLYERS: Well-dressed landowners and respectable gentlemen.
• NATTY NABOBS: Nabobs were bigwigs who have made a fortune overseas and come home. "Natty" meant neat and tidy.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A sporting man of rank and fashion. Word is best known for its use by author Pierce Egan for his character "Corinthian Tom" — the "Tom" half of "Tom and Jerry."
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• FLICKER: Drinking-glass used for gin.
• HOLY WATER: Gin.
• JOLTER HEADS: Dull, blustering landlord.
• DANDIPRATS: Insignificant or trifling fellows.

• GRETNA GREEN: A Scottish town famous as a destination for lovers to elope to for matrimonial purposes. Scotland's marriage laws were less strict than English laws.
• VADE MECUM: Latin for "hand book."

• RED WAISTCOAT: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• GAMMONERS: Swindlers or bullshitters.
• ROMONERS: Gammoners who pretend to have occult powers.
• OLD ST. GILES: The most famous slum parish of London, also called "The Holy Land"

• DUNWICH, Town Of (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea; only a few streets and houses remain
• DUNWITCH, Barony Of (note the "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, Barony Of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors.
• RUM TE TUM WITH THE CHILL OFF: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:15: THE BLACK BAND, Chapter 22:

• IN WHICH:— Ballet dancer Clara Melville, seeing Sir Frederick Beaumorris’s valet arriving with his traveling-things, is plunged into despair. Meanwhile, Sir Frederick is very pleased with himself, and looking forward to the conquest of breaking Clara’s spirit, right after dinner. He is on his way down to the table when who should make an unexpected appearance but Colonel Oscar Bertrand! What is he doing there? And what are Clara’s chances of getting out of this — stuck in a chateau in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country at the mercy of — not one, but TWO such thundering rogues?

0:25:30: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY (from "Dickens' Dreadful Almanac"):

• A little joking horseplay with what they thought was an unloaded antique blunderbuss hanging on the wall turned into a dreadful and fatal accident, 174 years ago today.

0:27:10: CRUEL AND INHUMAN MURDER COMMITTED UPON THE BODY OF CAPT. LAWSON: (street broadside)

• A broadsheet printed up telling the story of a maiden whose fiance, after throwing her over for a richer bride, tried to force her to give him back the letters he'd written her ... and she defended herself with a carving-knife. (The headline on this one is misleading.)

0:22:36: EXCESSIVE PUNISHMENT FOR A TRIFLING EXPRESSION:

• A story of the Bad Old Days of the Thirty Years War, in the late 1640s, when a Catholic gentleman's joke at the expense of Stuart Princess Elizabeth (who had married the king of Bohemia) prompted Parliament to impose an outrageous punishment upon him for daring to make fun of the precious royal family.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HABERDASHERS: Smugglers of liquor.

• BITS OF MUSLIN: Pretty girls.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• CULLS: Mildly disparaging term for men.
• DOWN TO: Wised-up about, aware of.
• FAKEMENT: Plot or scheme.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany (Lord Dunsany), one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors and a major influence upon his work.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:50: THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE, Chapter 10, IN WHICH —:

• We cut back to poor Edgar DeVille, who is being marched at pistol-point by the count into an inner chamber at the house, surrounded by the bloodthirsty ruffians in his gang of coiners and counterfeiters. A trap door opens in the floor before him, disclosing a deep well, in which obviously his body is to be thrown. The gang members want him killed on the spot. Can he change their minds? Is this the end for poor young Edgar?

0:22:30: BROADSIDE STREET BALLAD:

• "Courting in the Kitchen." When the lord of the manor came home, our lusty young swain found himself thrown under the hackney-coach by his erstwhile ladyfriend, the boss's kitchen maid, and draws six months on the Brixton treadmill!

0:24:50: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Ploughman and the Priest." When a newlywed ploughman finds himself unable to take care of his matrimonial duties, the town's parson steps in to help out!

0:30:20: THREE VICTORIAN-AGE DIRTY JOKES.

• From "The Chestnut Club."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• ACK PIRATES: Thieves who specialize in swiping cargo from riverboats and barges.
• ARCH DOXIES: Spirited, audacious, possibly dangerous ladies.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges
• BODY SNATCHERS: Police officers. (Actual body snatchers were called "resurrection-men.")
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.

• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

Episode 25 of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode!

01:00: AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT OR TWO.

06:10: THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON (1843), Ch. 10; In which —

• We cut back to Mrs. Arlington’s pad. Richard Markham is a regular guest, and is well on his way to falling in love with her. Then one day, she realizes how deep his feelings have become and, warning him that she is unworthy of him, tells him her story — how she went from being a respectable girl, to a kept mistress… and who it was that seduced her from the straight and narrow, and into a “life of sin.”

20:00: THE ACCUSING SPIRIT (article from The Terrific Register magazine):

• Tells the story of a man who was prosecuted and nearly convicted of murder based on the testimony of the murder-victim's ghost, as related to his widow by a neighbor, and how a clever judge figured out what was really going on in time to save an innocent man from an untimely scragging.

24:00: CARMILLA, by J.S. Le Fanu (1871), Part 3 of 9. IN WHICH:—

• We see how Laura and Carmilla get along together. And it’s definitely weird. Carmilla’s affection for Laura has a distinctly sapphic quality, although of course nothing sexual happens. Meanwhile, young ladies and girls around the neighborhood are starting to die of some mysterious wasting illness …

PLUS —

• We explore a "broadside ballad" published circa 1835 called "Allowed to be Drunk on the Premises," lamenting a particularly unfortunate law passed by Parliament (from a temperance perspective).

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

EPISODE ART is from The Mysteries of London, and depicts the visit of Richard Markham to the home of Diana Arlington at which she tells him the story of her reputational ruin.

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John 18th Baron Dunwitch,* for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• GENTRY COVES: Well-dressed landowners and respectable gentlemen.
• ELBOW SHAKERS: Gamblers who play dice games.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CLANKER: Pewter drinking-pot.
• HEAVY WET: Strong beer.
• IRON DOUBLETS: Parsons and preachers.
• TOWN TABBIES: Respectable and straight-laced older ladies.

• JOE MILLER: A famous Shakespearean player from the 1700s who was famous for being a stone-face deadpan actor. As an inside joke, his name was used for the collection of wisecracks that bears his name.
• VADE MECUM: Latin for "hand book."

• RED WAISTCOAT: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• GAMMONERS: Swindlers or bullshitters.
• ROMONERS: Gammoners who pretend to have occult powers.
• OLD ST. GILES: The most famous slum parish of London, also called "The Holy Land"
• CORINTHIAN: A sporting man of rank and fashion. Word is best known for its use by author Pierce Egan for his character "Corinthian Tom" — the "Tom" half of "Tom and Jerry."
• DUNWICH, Town Of (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea; only a few streets and houses remain
• DUNWITCH, Barony Of (note the "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, Barony Of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors.
• RUM TE TUM WITH THE CHILL OFF: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:05: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Chapter 59:

• IN WHICH:— We return to the scene of Sir Richard Blunt in Mrs. Lovett’s pie shop. Once Mrs. Lovett has gone to bed, he slips down the stairs on which he followed her to see if he can learn anything more about the voice that answered her from the room below. He arrives just in time to stop the captive cook from doing something very rash … and is then rewarded with quite an earful about Mrs. Lovett’s business model!

0:17:15: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY (from "Dickens' Dreadful Almanac"):

• An account of the tragic and untimely deaths of two young lads of about 7 or 8: one in a grisly industrial accident, the other at the brutal hands of a 12-year-old murderer with a bill-hook (a sort of hook-shaped machete).

0:18:20: THE LAMENTABLE ACCIDENT, WHICH TOOK PLACE AT GOSFORT PIT:

• A broadside elegy printed up in the aftermath of a horrific explosion in a Yorkshire coal-mine in 1825, which took the lives of 30 men and boys and injured scores more.

0:22:36: THE ROBBER BY NECESSITY:

• An uncharacteristically uplifting account of the redemption of a poor shoemaker, forced by hunger to turn to robbery, at the hands of one of his former victims. From The Terrific Register (1825). Yeah, I know, it's Horrors 'Hursday; but come on, we've just had two stories about dead children. I think we've earned this little ray of hopeful sunlight.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• BLACK SHARKS: Lawyers.

• BODY SNATCHERS: Magistrates, thief-takers and police officers.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany (Lord Dunsany), one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors and a major influence upon his work.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:50: BLACK BESS (starring Highwayman Dick Turpin), IN WHICH —:

• CHAPTER 23: Turpin and King arrive at the Hand and Keys Inn as the sun is coming up — just in time — and wake up the ostler to get their horses stabled and cared for. Tom Davis sets out a big breakfast for them. And Dick once again sets to thinking … how is he going to get Black Bess back?
• CHAPTER 24: We learn that the inquest is to be held on the old steward’s son, who shot himself in Room 8 at the Hand and Keys. Turpin reconnects with Ellen, and, while making sure she is happy at the Hand and Keys, tells her he feels that “my rescue of you from A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH is a good action in my life that will outweigh many of the bad ones I have done.” Then he prepares to hide out while the inquest is held.

0:22:30: BROADSIDE STREET BALLAD:

• "The Barber of Seville." Don't be fooled, though — when the REAL Barber of Seville came out in Paris, it became an instant classic. So a Salisbury-square printer, hoping to cash in but not knowing the first thing about The Barber of Seville beyond the title, commissioned one of his house hacks to dash off a poem about a barber in Seville, and put it out there to cash in! It's pretty bad, but the story is funny and the art is great.
• "Gentle Annie," an elegy sung for the memory of a love lost to Death's cruel hand, which if you like you can sing to the tune of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.

0:24:50: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Troubles of a Pair of Breeches," a humourous and ribald account in song of an evening on which the singer got so very drunk that his breeches started talking to him and told their life story.

0:30:20: THREE VICTORIAN-AGE DIRTY JOKES.

• From "The Chestnut Club."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• JACK PUDDINGS: Funny fellows, jolly companions.
• HIGH FLYERS: Spirited, audacious, possibly dangerous ladies.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges
• GET FLY TO THE FAKEMENT: Get wise to a swindle that's being perpetrated.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.

• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

Episode 22 of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode!

02:00: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE (1844), Ch. 21. In which —

• Admiral Bell is absolutely convinced, in spite of himself, and enthusiastically proclaims himself Team Flora. Then a scream rings out. The vampire has visited once again! They run for Flora’s room. Will she be OK? And can they catch the hideous vampire before he makes his escape from the house?

21:40: LET'S BASE HIRING DECISIONS ON PHRENOLOGY! (Satirical article from Punch Magazine):

• Written just about the time the average person was starting to realize "head-bump-ology" was a pseudoscientific joke, this comedic article suggests some ways phrenological insights could be used to make sure public servants are well suited to their jobs.

27:00: CARMILLA, by J.S. Le Fanu (1871), Part 2 of 9. IN WHICH:—

• Laura cannot wait to meet the new friend whom fortune has thrown upon her household. The servants are charmed by her, and speak very warmly of her; but the are a little freaked out by the glimpses they had of the other members of her traveling party. Finally the doctor comes and looks the new girl over and pronounces her fit to receive company. Laura needs no second invitation, but races upstairs at once, and finds — the girl from her dream, twelve years before!

PLUS —

• We explore a "broadside ballad" published circa 1835 called "The Prigging Overseers," celebrating the arrest and imprisonment of the Overseer of the Poor at St. Pancras' Parish for stealing from the collections.

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

EPISODE ART is cover art for an episode of The Phrenological Journal and Science of Health, published circa 1840.

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• WOODPECKERS: Punster, joker, or word-play artist.
• RUM BOGGIES: Good sports.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• BUMPER: A glass of liquor filled to the absolute brim. Often used in the context of draining one's entire glass in a toast, leaving no dregs ("no heel taps").
• RED TAPE: Brandy.
• BADGE COVES: Parish pensioners who were issued a badge that gave them license to supplement their pensions by begging.
• LAMBSKIN MEN: Judges.
• PRIGGING: Stealing.
• CRINOLINE: A steel-cage-reinforced hoop skirt worn by ladies, or slang reference to a gaol cell.
• PICKING OAKUM: Work given to prisoners, a tedious unraveling of the fibers of old worn-out ropes to make oakum for chinking ships' hulls.
• BLACKSMITH'S DAUGHTER: Fetters or manacles.

• JOE MILLER: A famous Shakespearean player from the 1700s who was famous for being a stone-face deadpan actor. As an inside joke, his name was used for the collection of wisecracks that bears his name.
• VADE MECUM: Latin for "hand book."

• RED WAISTCOAT: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• GAMMONERS: Swindlers or bullshitters.
• ROMONERS: Gammoners who pretend to have occult powers.
• OLD ST. GILES: The most famous slum parish of London, also called "The Holy Land"
• DUNWICH, Town Of (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea; only a few streets and houses remain
• DUNWITCH, Barony Of (note the "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, Barony Of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors.
• RUM TE TUM WITH THE CHILL OFF: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:00: THE BLACK BAND; OR, THE COMPANIONS OF MIDNIGHT, Chapter 21:

• IN WHICH:— We return to Clara Melville at the theatre. Reginald Faulkner has been wooing her for some time now, sending flowers every night, and eventually sending her a packet of books. We know a formalization of their relationship cannot be far distant … but then one day, as she is walking home, she is forcibly scooped up by a pair of rough-looking men in a carriage and hurried off to Calais. One of them tells her she has a rich maiden aunt who has ordered her kidnapped and brought to her, to settle her vast estate upon her. And, being young and naïve, Clara believes him … should she? We shall see.

0:16:15: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY (from "Dickens' Dreadful Almanac"):

• An account of an unsuccessful attempt at a garrote robbery.

0:18:20: BEAUTIFUL VENICE; THE SCAFFOLD; CHARMING MAY.

• A broadside printed up in 1835 with three ballads printed on it, differing hilariously in tone.

0:22:36: THE SANGUINARY REVENGE:

• A truly horrible account of the sufferings of Madame la Comtesse de Chateaubriand, caught up in a personal power struggle between King Francis I and her coldly murderous husband. From The Terrific Register (1825).

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HIGH PADS: Highway robbers who work on foot rather than mounted on horseback.

• CRACKSMEN: Housebreakers or burglars.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:52: THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE, IN WHICH —:

• CHAPTER 9: Rose learns her captors are working for Count Lerno. Then she sees her chance and bolts for the door, with the young man in hot pursuit. But she takes a wrong turn! The only escape is over the roof … can she make it? Or will she end up in a shattered, lifeless heap in the street fifty feet below?

0:22:45: BROADSIDE STREET BALLAD:

• "The Cruel Stepmother," which we visit briefly and summarize although it's too long to read. To read it in full, go to pennydread.com/discord and look in the "Welcome friend" server feed!

0:24:50: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Maid and the Fowls," a humourous and ribald account in song of how a clever maid got herself out of trouble with her master after her cher-ami stole his supper.

0:30:20: FIVE VICTORIAN 'DAD JOKES.'

• From "Joe Miller's Jests; or, The Wit's Vade-mecum."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Prime coves: Regency-era roysterers and young men-about-town.
• Dimber mots: Pretty, possibly dangerous young ladies.
• Knights of the Brush and Moon: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• Chaffing-crib: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• Chicksters: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• Ladybirds: Another term for chicksters
• Bully rocks: Brothel muscle men
• Abbess: Brothel madam
• Mother H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• Bolt the Moon: Fly by night
• Beaks: Magistrates and judges
• Get fly to the fakement: Get wise to a swindle that's being perpetrated.
• Dunwich, town of (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.

• Dunwitch, Barony of (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• Dunsany, Barony of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

Episode 19 of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode!

01:55: THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON (1844). In which —

• We learn the story of “Walter Sydney’s” deliverance from the filthy fate meant for him in the Fleet River, four years before. Along the way, we start getting hints that “Mr. Montague” knows more about the adventure than he would care to disclose … how deeply involved is he with Sir Rupert Harbrough, Diana Arlington, and Richard Markham? He visibly reacts when their names come up. Could this worldly businessman-about-town be the long-lost Eugene Markham himself?

22:49: A CRUEL INFATUATION (Terrific Register article):

• The story of an Irish adventurer who met a lovely girl in Italy; talked her into living with him; then, having murdered her when she turned up pregnant, finished his life as a galley slave.

26:45: CARMILLA, by J.S. Le Fanu (Part 1 of 9):

• IN WHICH: We meet our protagonist, Laura, a lonely little girl growing up in a musty castle deep in an Austrian mountain forest. She tells us of her dream, of a young woman laying down with her and then a sudden pain like a snake bite; but, was it really a dream? Then one day, a strange travelling-coach driving by overturns outside the gate ...

PLUS —

• We explore a "broadside ballad" published in 1843: "Beware of Rows at Notting-hill," by John Morgan, in which young men-about-town are advised to not get in fistfights around Clerkenwell, lest they be fined £15 for being lubberly, and an elegy for Augustus Frederick, Duke of Sussex written in barely-readable iambic pentameter;

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

EPISODE ART is a scene from Carmilla, showing Carmilla herself appearing at young Laura's bedside.

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Gnostics: Smart, well dressed men.
• High flyers: Exceptionally good sports.
• Knights of the Brush and Moon: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• Chaffing-crib: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• Tulips and Bigwigs: Preachers, usually Puritan and other nonconformist Protestant evangelical ones.
• Joe Miller: A famous Shakespearean player from the 1700s who was famous for being a stone-face deadpan actor. As an inside joke, his name was used for the collection of wisecracks that bears his name.
• Vade Mecum: Latin for "hand book."

• Red waistcoat: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• Gammoners: Swindlers or bullshitters.
• Romoners: Gammoners who pretend to have occult powers.
• Old St. Giles: The most famous slum parish of London, also called "The Holy Land"
• Dunwich: A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea; only a few streets and houses remain
• Dunwitch, Barony Of (note the "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• Dunsany, Barony Of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors.
• Rum te tum with the chill off: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:57: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Chapter 58:

• IN WHICH:— Tobias is better, and talks a little about his experience at the shop to Minna and Colonel Jeffrey. But he can’t shake the dread that “when I least expect it, round the curtains of my bed, or from behind some chair, or from some cupboard about twilight, I shall not see the hideous face of Sweeney Todd?” Colonel Jeffrey assures him such a thing is quite impossible. Watched night and day by officers of the law, Todd is “more securely kept now than any wild beast in his den.” Does Tobias believe such assurances? More importantly … should he believe them?

0:15:38: BURIED ALIVE.

• A brief and tragic account of a grave-digger who went to work in the morning and ... didn't return for lunch.

0:17:05: AN ACCOUNT OF THE DYING WORDS AND EXECUTION of John, Peter, and William Stevens, A FATHER AND TWO SONS, who Underwent the Awful Sentence of the Law at Derby on Saturday, April 6, 1835, for Highway Robbery (an execution broadside).

• No Dick Turpin "Stand and Deliver" highway robbery here! The Stevens boys prefered to bludgeon their victims senseless with clubs and just take whatever they could find on them, as today's Execution Broadside tells.

0:22:36: THE TERRIFIC REGISTER:

• An account of the awful death of a young shipmate, when the trading vessel had put in to shore to hunt some deer to supplement rations on an island infested with tigers.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• TOPPING COVES: Hangmen.
• BODY SNATCHERS: Police officers, thief-takers, and other law-enforcement and para-law-enforcement men.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• TUCK-UP FAIR: Execution day at Newgate.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF: A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:45: BLACK BESS (featuring Highwayman Dick Turpin), IN WHICH —:

• CHAPTER 21: Dick Turpin, set free by the mob, shares every guinea in his purse with the mob. Now flat broke, he decides to rob the western coach to replenish his resources. He knows just the spot to do the job in, a dark thickly-wooded hollow called Deadman’s Hollow, and repairs thither just ahead of the coach. But as he approaches it, to take up his position for the ambush, a horseman surges out, pistol in hand. “Stand and deliver!” the newcomer shouts to Dick. “Your money or your life!”
• CHAPTER 22: Dick tells his new friend Tom the story of the spectre horseman whom he saw in the lane and who later drew the grabs off his track at the church where Elizabeth Chudleigh got married, and Tom confirms that it was indeed him. The two highwaymen formalize their partnership with oaths and handshakes. But by now dawn is breaking. Can they get to shelter before the sun comes up?

0:27:30: TWO SALACIOUS SALOON SONGS:

• "The Muff!" which was a scandalous tribute to every young rake's favorite furpiece, and
• "Bushey Park," a song in a similar vein. One does not envision these songs being chaunted in mixed company!

0:35:40: FOUR VICTORIAN 'DAD JOKES.'

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HELL CATS: Ladies who frequent gambling dens, which were called "hells."
• ARCH ROGUES: Leaders of a gang or gangs of thieves, Gypsy families, etc.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges
• GET FLY TO THE FAKEMENT: Get wise to a swindle that's being perpetrated.

• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF: A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

Episode 16 of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode (released a few hours early) IN WHICH —

02:45: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE, Ch. 20:

• In which: Pop quiz, hotshot: What two words should you NEVER say when you know there is a vampire in the neighborhood, and someone knocks on your bedroom door? Even if you think it’s your brother or fiancé? You know the answer. The legend is, they can only cross the threshold if someone invites them, right? So — the words to never say are, “Come in!” Guess someone should have told Flora Bannerworth that ….

15:45: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE, Ch. 21:

• In which: Admiral Bell is absolutely convinced, in spite of himself, and enthusiastically proclaims himself Team Flora. Then a scream rings out. The vampire has visited once again! They run for Flora’s room. Will she be OK? And can they catch the hideous vampire before he makes his escape from the house?

34:00: THE VAMPYRE, by Dr. John Polidori (Part 3 of 3):

• IN WHICH: Our hero, Mr. Aubrey, has returned to his native shore, a sadder and wiser young man ... or maybe not, because when the formerly dead Lord Ruthven makes his appearance, whispering "Remember your oath" to him, he seems unable to disobey ... this won't end well, will it? Tune in and find out!

PLUS —

• We explore a "broadside ballad" published in 1850: "The Sunday Trading Riot." In 1855, Sir Robert Grosvenor tried to pass a law forbidding anyone from buying or selling anything on Sundays — which were most people's only day off. A riot ensued in Hyde Park and a good time was had by all except Sir Robert Grosvenor ...

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

EPISODE ART is from Varney the Vampyre, and shows Sir Francis Varney conducting his second interview with Flora Bannerworth.

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Prime coves: Smart, well dressed men.
• Out-and-Outers: Exceptionally good sports.
• Knights of the Brush and Moon: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• Chaffing-crib: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• Autem bawlers: Preachers, usually Puritan and other nonconformist Protestant evangelical ones.
• Tip your rags a gallop: Run away at top speed.
• Red waistcoat: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• Gammoners: Swindlers or bullshitters.
• Romoners: Gammoners who pretend to have occult powers.
• Old St. Giles: The most famous slum parish of London, also called "The Holy Land"
• Dunwitch, Barony Of: A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• Dunsany, Barony Of: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.
• Rum te tum with the chill off: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:48: THE BLACK BAND; OR, THE COMPANIONS OF MIDNIGHT; IN WHICH —:

• The scene cuts back to Lady Edith Merton, now a prisoner in her boudoir and guarded by a trio of burly madhouse matrons. Then she is awakened in the middle of the night for a secret journey to MacLomond Castle, which is to be her own private asylum in Scotland. It’s a damp, gloomy place with watchtowers and a moat. Such surroundings might drive her mad for real, except for one thing — at one of the railroad stations along the way, someone sent her a telegram containing the single word “hope.” Who could have sent it? And why?

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• BULLY ROCKS: Thugs at the service of a brothel madam.
• COLLEGIATES: Penitentiary prisoners.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was located in Paddington parish.

A "spicy" (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:45: ROSE MORTIMER; or, THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE, Ch. 8, IN WHICH —:

• We return to the estate of Count Lerno. The Count has invited a young man named Edgar Deville to his estate for a week’s debauchery; then he has to run to town for a few days, leaving Edgar at the house. Make yourself at home, the Count tells him; but, do not enter the blocked-off portion of the house. Do you think young Edgar will be able to resist the temptation to investigate? And what will be the consequence if he does? We shall see …

0:15:40: TWO SALACIOUS SALOON SONGS:

• "Venus and the Devil; or, The Fiery Tail!" which was a jocular song about the alleged Satanic origins of venereal disease;
• "The Fresh-water Cods." A cock-and-hen-club song about a pair of skinnydipping maidens, and their adventures with a pair of strange-looking fish sticking up out of the water, which turned out to be attached to a pair of local young men ...

0:22:10: THREE DIRTY JOKES ... followed by ...

0:26:40: TWO CLEAN JOKES.

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• ACADEMICIANS: Bordello girls
• COLLEGIATES: Penitentiary prisoners
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges

Episode 13 of Season Three! — A Sunday-evening full episode (released a few hours early) IN WHICH —

01:50: MYSTERIES OF LONDON, Ch. 8:

• In which: “Mr. Walter Sydney”’s real name is, we learn, Eliza. She comes to her meeting with Mr. Stephens hoping for more information about what his plans are. She is worried that maybe her powers are being used for some kind of evil … well … are they?

19:20: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE:

• Lady Beresford's childhood friend, Lord Tyrone, appeared at her bedside one night. He had just died, and had appeared to her to warn her, so that she could avoid the fate that lay before her — to marry a cruel man and die young in childbirth. But would she have the strength to change her destiny?

35:45: THE VAMPYRE, by Dr. John Polidori (Part 2 of 3):

• IN WHICH: Our hero, Mr. Aubrey, falls in love with the lovely Greek maiden Ianthe, as he ranges around ancient Greece studying the ruins and antiquities. But when she begs him to be back before sunset from a visit that takes him through a certain forest thicket, and he’s distracted and runs a bit late, he has no idea what terrible things will result …

PLUS —

• We explore a "broadside ballad" published in 1850: "The Answer to the Wife's Dream" and "Woodman, Spare That Tree" ...

• We learn a few more Victorian "dad jokes" from good old Joe Miller!

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!

EPISODE ART is from The Vampyre, and shows the search party finding the body of the vampyre's fair victim.

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Knowing cards: What we might today call "smart cookies" — people who are sharp and on the ball.
• Lawful blankets: Legally married spouses.
• Knights of the Brush and Moon: Drunken fellows wandering amok by moonlight in fields and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• Lambskin Men: Judges.

• Pike off: Run away
• Red waistcoat: Uniform apparel of the Bow-street Runners, an early London police force replaced by the New Model Police (who dressed in blue rather than red) in 1839.
• Rum te tum with the chill off: Most emphatically excellent.

A half-hour- long 'Hursday Horrors Minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:11: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Ch. 57; IN WHICH —:

• Sir Richard is continuing his exploration of Mrs. Lovett’s pie shop. Suddenly he’s startled by the appearance of Mrs. Lovett herself — in her nightgown — with a candle in her hand, but with her eyes shut tight. She’s sleepwalking! Will she wake up and notice the intruder? Will he hear the secrets that she keeps, while she’s talking in her sleep? We shall see.

0:25:15: TRIGGER WARNING!

• This is a Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday episode. Thursday is the day we do all the grimdark, grisly, horrifying stories, starting right after the chapter of the daily Dreadful! So: If murders, war crimes, parricides, and other awful stuff are not something you are interested in hearing about, even 200 years later — you should skip to the next podcast in your queue after the Dreadful finishes up. Don't worry, we'll be back this coming Sunday for the regular Penny Dreadful Variety Hour, when this podcast will be back to being a bright, sunny romp through Penny Dreadful stories!

0:19:18: AN ACCOUNT OF THE CORONER'S INQUEST held on the body of Mr. John Davidson Pow, who Met a Violent Death in London, on July 11, 1838 (an execution broadside).

• Today’s broadside tells of the indictment for Wilful Murder returned against Henry Myers, the deceased's physician. The jury also charged his wife as an accessory after the fact. Mr. Pow was murdered by plying him with so much gin that he expired from alcohol poisoning.

0:28:05: THE TERRIFIC REGISTER:

• A short account of Dr. John Donne's discovery of a rusty nail embedded in the skull of a late parishioner, who had supposedly died of natural causes after a night of heavy drinking.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HOP MERCHANTS: Dancing teachers.
• JACK-A-DANDIES: Little impertinent fellows.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.