Well, sort of. Listen, life took a lot of turns, and I am SO SORRY it took so long for this update but it's a big update.
See you on the other side :)
The hosts Tanushree and Anu delve into the profound impact of emotional immaturity within South Asian families. Building on their previous discussion, the overarching questions guide the exploration into the depths of emotional immaturity, specifically how it manifests in South Asian parenting. The hosts dissect cultural collectivism, enmeshment, and the intricate dynamics within mother-son relationships versus those with the oldest daughter. They unravel habits ingrained in South Asian parenting, referencing unsupportive social emotion strategies, such as suppressing emotions for the sake of harmony.
They further scrutinize emotional incest, the choosing of favorites, and the lack of privacy between parents and children. They ponder the definition of emotional maturity versus immaturity, and explore the concepts of true self and role self within the context of culture. Key traits of emotionally mature individuals are highlighted, providing actionable items for listeners to identify and foster emotional maturity within themselves and those around them.
The hosts address the challenge of breaking family patterns, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between relatedness and relationships.
They wrap up with a powerful conclusion, urging listeners to detach from expectations and see their parents for who they truly are, freeing themselves from the chains of emotional immaturity.
In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex world of emotional immaturity and its profound impact on South Asian families and their children. Drawing inspiration from Lindsay C. Gibson's book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," we explore the history, cultural context, and real-life stories that illuminate the struggles and triumphs of individuals raised by emotionally immature parents. We delve deep into the intricate world of South Asian parenting and uncover the roots of emotional immaturity within these families. Our leading question takes us on a journey through cultural norms, historical influences, and the impact on the wellness and socialization of South Asian children. Our exploration begins with a critical look at South Asian parenting through the lens of emotional availability and connection. We question the essence of "good parenting" and the extent to which emotional needs are acknowledged in this culture. We examine the significance of emotional intimacy in parent-child relationships and dissect what successful parenting looks like in South Asian households. The legacy of Partition in 1947 casts a long shadow on mental health and emotional expression in South Asia. We explore how the upheaval disrupted healthcare services, and the silence of mental health professionals had lasting consequences. We introduce the ancient Sanskrit text Natyasastra and its "rasa" theory, which forms the basis of the Indian approach to emotions. Shifting our focus to parental emotion socialization, we delve into strategies used by South Asian parents, ranging from problem-focused and emotion-focused reactions to non-supportive methods like punitive reactions, minimization reactions, and distress reactions. We contemplate the profound implications of these emotional dynamics, including the development of internalizers and externalizers in adult children.
Sources to publications referenced in the episode can be found on tdcpodcast.com
We chat with Mansi Choksi: Dubai and Mumbai-based journalist, author of "The Newlyweds: Rearranging Marriage in Modern India" and one of the brilliant minds behind NPR's new season of Rough Translation, titled "The Love Commandos."
Mansi writes about crime, gender, identity, opportunity and pop-culture and serves as the guest co-host of Love Commandos. Mansi joins us to talk about what happens in the aftermath of when young Indian couples choose to marry for love. Her work on “Love Commandos” draws on years of in-depth reporting in India by NPR correspondent Lauren Frayer and investigations on the enigmatic, controversial figure of Sanjoy Sachdev, founder of non-profit organization The Love Commandos.
Mansi also discusses her preconceived notions on love marriage shaped by Bollywood depictions and media portrayals. While doing so, she highlights the stark contrast between her previously held beliefs and what she learns over time to be realistic consequences that South Asian couples face when questioning the stronghold of arranged marriages in India. In our conversation with Mansi, we discuss her book, “The Newlyweds” and have an open and honest discussion about how India is raising a generation with distorted views on their sense of agency in regards to choosing their partners.
Mansi's work can be found:
Instagram: @mansi_choksi
NPR's Rough Translations: https://www.npr.org/series/1195777940/rough-translations-love-commandos
We interview Neelu Kaur, a seasoned author and leadership expert with 15 years of experience in adult learning. On January 24, 2023, she unveiled her debut book, "Be Your Own Cheerleader: An Asian and South Asian Woman's Cultural, Psychological, and Spiritual Guide to Self-Promote at Work." This book was born from her personal struggles with self-promotion and advocacy in the professional realm. Neelu's story is a compelling one, as she shares her journey as an Indian-born, American-raised South Asian woman. Her life involved navigating two distinct cultures, East and West, throughout her education and early career. She illuminates the sharp contrasts between the values and behaviors surrounding advocacy in a collectivist "We" culture, which often prioritizes others' opinions over one's own, and the individualistic "I" culture prevalent in Corporate America. Neelu's experiences led her to seek alignment and integrate purpose-driven living into every facet of her life. During our conversation with Neelu, we delve into the challenges South Asian women face in learning to advocate for themselves while shedding limiting beliefs and behaviors that may hold them back, offering insights and inspiration for personal growth and empowerment.
Neelu can be found:
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/neelukaur
Be Your Own Cheerleader, Amazon
Instagram: neelu.kaur
Krishma Tuli Arora: poet, writer, public speaker, and mother. On May 23rd, Krishma debuted her first fiction novel, From Ash to Ashes, inspired by her time of grief following the death of her first-born son. Krishma comes on the show to talk about how she and other members of her family grieved, and how these experiences translated into major themes in her novel (don't worry, there are no spoilers!). Krishma shares how grief affected her marriage and family dynamics. She shares how societal pressure rushed her into motherhood while stymieing her path to therapy. She implores the audience to accept accountability for tragedies, when appropriate, and to get help when needed.
Krishma can be found:
Instagram/TikTok: @krishmawrites
Website: www.krishmatuliarora.com
Take all the stereotypes you’ve heard about people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and just throw them out the damn window. Host Tanushree sits with singer-songwriter and actor Vardaan Arora to get a real account of his personal journey with mental health and specifically, OCD. Although OCD looks and feels different for each individual, Vardaan sheds light on the cycle of obsessive thoughts, compulsions, and ritualistic behavior. Calling OCD “the doubting disease” is an apt descriptor; Vardaan opens up about his sense of identity and mental security as a result of the distressing, and sometimes dangerous, nature of ego-dystonic* thought. Finding help for OCD isn’t easy – and Vardaan covers why treatments like talk therapy or an attempt at logicking yourself out of obsessive thoughts only feeds the disorder. Finally, he shares how his OCD has affected his relationships as well as his life and craft as an artist.
A longtime mental health advocate, Vardaan has released several tracks on the topic including: “Feel Good Song”, “Obsessive”, “Imposter Syndrome”, “Do You Hate Me?”, and his latest single, “Diamond Tears.”
*Ego-dystonic thought refers to impulses, and behaviors that are inconsistent with one’s idea of themselves. They are often felt to be repulsive, upsetting, and unacceptable.
NOTE: This episode is only a personal experience. It is not meant to give actual medical advice. If you suspect you or someone you know has symptoms of OCD, always seek advice from a trained, medical professional.
Vardaan Arora can be found:
Instagram, TikTok, Twitter: @vardaanarora
Spotify
Apple Music
Welcome back to The Desi Condition! After a four month hiatus for the summer, we are back with new episodes. This time, Anu and Tanushree speak with horror filmmaker Anisha Savan about her third short film, I'll Never Be Alive Again. Inspired by themes of COVID-related depression, OCD, guilt, and grief, Anisha uses filmmaking to tell the story of a zombie attempting to come back to life. Though fantastical, viewers may find themes of hopelessness and a dystopian future that feels closer than comfort. Moreover, Anisha uses the film to interrogate the question of whether forgiveness is possible after committing the unthinkable. In the second half of the episode, Anisha speaks to her creative journey with filmmaking. She shares personal influences and thoughts on the future of South Asian representation in horror. Anisha can be found: IG: @anishasavan, @neveralive_film Website: anishasavan.com
It is 2015, and Nikhil and Shelly are staying in a quaint cabin in Wisconsin. They had been fighting for some time, and are hoping that this is a chance to rekindle their marriage. But back at the cabin, Shelly encounters her worst nightmare. Nikhil's face turns to stone as he says, "I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce." Shelly enters into hysterics. Divorce proceedings follow.But Nikhil and Shelly's story takes an unexpected twist when Nikhil is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. On this episode, we discuss their mental health journey as a family; sweeping issues under the rug, their marriage falling apart and coming back together, and coming to terms with seeking help. Shelly discusses her ability to separate Nikhil, the person, from his disorder even in the wake of all the hurt she faced. Nikhil shares his journey with his bipolar diagnosis and how Shelly helped him seek treatment. They describe how their kids and parents dealt with the diagnosis and their contentious divorce -- that never actually went through. Together, they weave a story of unwavering faith in the future and in each other.Shelly and Nikhil can be reached:shelly@untetheryourlife.comshellysood.comInstagram: @shellysoodofficial
Shelly Sood is the co-founder of Untether Your Life, a wellness platform that empowers individuals to reconnect with their inner peace, cultivate mindfulness, and create a life filled with purpose. Her approach is informed by more than 20 years of entrepreneurial and leadership experience in healthcare and other industries.
Shelly’s upcoming book Practicing Mindfulness on the Go offers accessible techniques for staying present in the midst of daily pressures and curveballs. Alongside this, her transformative course Reinvent Your Reality™ provides custom meditations, groundbreaking breathwork practices, and other tools to push clients past their limits to achieve the life they’ve imagined.
"Platonic love is the one we choose. That's why it feels so devastating when we lose it."
This episode is a throwback to a fan favorite. First published in March 2019 (pre-pandemic!) and always in TDC history's top five, this episode is a collection of stories about the heartbreak of an ending friendship. Though submissions came from across the country and around the world, somehow, the stories tie together with common themes such as mental health, family, socioeconomic status, trauma, and expectations, creating a greater narrative on heartbreak that is tragic, yet relatable.
Special thanks to Ravi (Ravi Ray Audio), who remastered the episode, and the original guests, who were willing to bravely re-open wounds to provide updates on their story years afterwards.
- Tanushree
Mytrae's story starts as a young adult in the U.S. in the 90's; an Indian graduate student in love with an American man. But her family's expectations catch up to her, and she quickly finds herself forced to give up her dreams, trapped in her family's home under house arrest and enduring abuse. Separated from the world she knew, she finds a way to carve a new path for herself.
Now a psychotherapist, author, and healer, Mytrae shares her story. She expounds on life with a narcissistic parent and how it can affect family dynamics. Outlining her journey through multiple abusive situations, she talks about finding strength to identify and leave those situations to find her own path. Perhaps most remarkable, she shares her journey healing trauma through the metaphysical. And at the end of it all, she shared how she was able to find forgiveness from the heart.
Connect with Mytrae Meliana: