Just kidding!!!! We're back though, and it took us a little while to really get into the swing of things, but I think we found it. Some amazing pizza disasters this week, some great fast food analysis, plus maybe my favorite kölsch EVER. Tony enjoys the Bourbon County game this year and I really think my variants are even better than the real ones.

You wouldn't believe the type of hellhole warzone I just got out of. I was stuck eating pizza, sushi, pour over coffee, fresh hop beers. Won't somebody think of the children, my goodness!!

Also Tony had to pause the show to use the toilet. Which is just what they call it there, he’ll get pissed at me if I call it a “restroom” or a “bathroom.” It’s the toilet!! Today we came upon the weirdest beer related PR push of all time, and I honestly cannot unlock what is happening there. Some really bizarre stuff.  

I would try “Dale’s IPA,” I just want that out there. I would try it and I think it’ll be pretty good. I would also try a beer called Lucky O’Reilly or Mo’Mummy. Even if they are actually slot machines, I would give them a shot. Anyways, see you next week.

Honestly I think today was the most difficult Untrappd game ever, and was absolutely based on total falsehoods. This was a fake news version of Untrappd. I also spend some time trying to legitimize shrimp pizza, trying to decode pizza bots, and bragging about my Russian River intake. 

The conservative dad has been defeated, I repeat, the conservative dad has been defeated by Anheuser-Busch!

On 12 October 1810 Crown Prince Groff of Bavaria married Princess Tony of Maffcohausen. Munich officials invited the public to celebrate on fields outside the city walls; the site was named Tonywiese (“Tony's Meadow”) the following year and is still called Wiesn.

The highlight of the first festival was a beer rating guessing game modelled on the medieval Scharlachrennen once run at Karlstor. Major Andreas Michael Dall'Armi of the National Guard proposed the idea, although Griff later claimed credit. The game was repeated in 1811, becoming the core of the annual Oktoberfest tradition.

*Matt Berry voice* ah yes, the Beer Engine PodCAST! Yes, we’re finally back, the great Beer Engine Podcast, doing our usual stuff. Do they like beer, we don’t know, are they drinking beer, we don’t know! Tony makes a big bet on the Measles taking over a certain, non-vaccinating state and Griff eats fancy bread and fancy burgers. It’s just what we do. Pizza is discussed and also a man is angry about dynamic beer pricing on the strip. I dunno dude, it’s the Vegas strip, shit is expensive, just go to the ABC Store and get a -196 and some Hurricane Popcorn. OK good game this week so listen to it, bye bye.

Don’t say it! Another podcast came out today, much to the chagrin of the haters and losers. It was nice to catch up with my friend Tony (or my friend Griff, depending on whose perspective you tend to read this from). We talked about some of our wonderful recent travels, our beautiful very sweet stouts we are cooking up and drinking, and how cool it is to get rained on sometimes. What else, what else, well we played a very, very difficult game with Tony that was frustrating for sure. And we checked in on Seth Weathers. Actually it was kind of a throwback, we saw Seth Weathers and James Watt in the same podcast, again!! What a treat, please enjoy.

It’s over. The bubbles have settled. The Fruit War is done.

This week, we break down the final results of the Seltzer Bracket in all their sticky, citrus-stained glory. 44 flavors entered. Only one remained standing — and it might surprise you. Was it a refreshing underdog? A nostalgic juggernaut? Or a mango-tinted fever dream from the depths of the convenience store fridge?

Tony and Griff walk you through each region of the “Flavor Personality Party”:

• 🍋 Bright & Zesty — where citrus ruled and kiwi died trying
• 🍑 Sweet & Juicy — the dessert aisle meets a heatwave
• 🌿 Bold & Complex — where lavender got weird and tamarind got weirder
• 🧃 Nostalgic & Classic — soda-inspired chaos and childhood trauma in a can

We revisit some of the biggest upsets, controversial matchups, and questionable judging decisions (Griff defends “Papaya Punch” like it owes him money), and name the Ultimate Champion of Fizzy Regret.

Also in this episode:

– Tony delivers a eulogy for “Strawberry Vanilla”

– Griff invents the concept of “seltzer terroir” and immediately regrets it

– The boys debate whether anything with “Sunny D” in the name should be legal

– Listener feedback: Who hurt you, Quirk?

Drink pairing: Mighty Swell – Blood Orange, if you want to taste victory.

Listener homework: Make your own bracket at home and then immediately throw it out in disgust.

Damn, it is just so good being a Meadcaster. What’s great about it you ask: 1) every beverage I enjoy is one of the highest rated beverages on the planet. B) Beer people are jealous of me for my uncontroversially delicious honey booze. And 3) They just invented these automatic insulin pumps which really keep the tingling in my feet to a minimum. Tony had to guess the ratings on 5 meads and gang, it was a struggle. We also remembered the life and times of Hulk Boingo and Dan Hogan (RIP), and reminisced about our trips to the big city last weekend. Also, the highlight of the conversation: mergers & acquisitions baby, we love them!!!

Grab your weirdest fruit puree and pour one out for your dignity—this week, we say goodbye to the Seltzer Bracket in true Beer Engine fashion: with a burp, a rant, and a few questionable decisions.

Tony returns with sticky hands and suspicious cans after a hard-fought bracket finale, while Griff does his best to pretend this is a serious podcast. We crown a champion (spoiler: it’s not your palate), reflect on what we’ve learned (spoiler: nothing), and question the state of “craft” in a world full of glitter and guava foam.

Also in this episode:

– A Seltzer Hall of Shame induction

– Griff’s unsolicited thoughts on carbonation levels

– Tony’s plan for a hard kombucha deathmatch

– A quick detour into macro nostalgia and malt liquor futures

– Plus: Is this the last waltz… or just the intermission?

It’s bubbly. It’s dumb. It’s exactly what you need in your ears right now.

Drink pairing: Whatever’s cold, vaguely citrusy, and legally considered alcohol.

Listener challenge: Guess how many times Tony says “it’s not that bad” in one episode.

Gosh it's been so long since we recorded I nearly forgot to write show notes. My goodness what a shame that would have been. Well, we were back at it today in the midst of a lot going on! The final AF1 update of the week, and definitely not the last pizza group, discord, news segments and whatever else it is we do. They are all back! Also, Untappd screws me big time. Ok see ya!

This is what our discourse has come to in this country. Can we not have a CiViLiZeD dEbAtE?!?! Can we not call our leaders “perverts” and “freaks” and “psychos?” Can we not espouse wild conspiracy theories? Can we stop having to TIP these TEENAGERS who make our PIZZAS for $5 an hour?! Which is not enough to buy 1/3rd of a beer from Inter Miami? Huh?! 

Anyways we did pizza group and some other stuff and went on and on about whatever. Enjoy!!

Description:

This week on the Beer Engine, Griff and Tony stumble into another hour of beer-soaked banter, featuring everything from crispy bois to questionable adjunct choices. We dive into the ongoing lager renaissance, ask whether cold IPA is a scam, and offer unsolicited advice to macro brewers who’ll never listen.

Also on tap:

• Griff tries not to cry while reviewing another West Coast IPA made with fruit loops.
• Tony explains why pickle seltzers are a war crime.
• The boys react to Untappd reviews like they’re courtroom testimony.
• Plus: a surprise tasting of a beer that may or may not contain actual pastry.

Beer Shouts:

A few brews we cracked during the episode:

• [Brewery Name] – [Beer Name]
• [Brewery Name] – [Beer Name]
• (And something in a can that looked suspiciously like paint thinner.)

Links & Extras:

• [Patreon link if applicable]
• Follow us on Instagram: @beerenginepod
• Leave us a voicemail or send us hate mail at: beerengineshow@gmail.com
• Join the Discord: [link]

Timestamps:

00:00 – Cold Open & Beers of the Week

12:45 – Crispy Lager Talk

25:30 – Griff’s Hop Rant of the Week™

38:10 – Weird Beers & Untappd Drama

55:00 – Listener Qs & Outro

Dare I say, some of our best beer conversation and the most psychotic pizza group posts combined in a single episode ever?? Maybe, but it leads off with some of America and Australia’s favorite NBA, AFL, AF1 and Colorado politics conversation. Tony finally has some success in a game which was a real Caribou Slobber Knocker. I’m dreading leaving this room because I just know that SOMEONE is watching the show about Mormon Wives that drink 10  “Dirty Dr. Peppers” a day then go swing. It’s propaganda everyone! Don’t watch it!

In Germany the Subway bread is GOOD. Griff is back from a long break and the guys are running through the important info for beer drinkers that follow the “Great Griff Trail.” Hey, check out the slideshow on the Discord!! Kolsch, Orvals, lambics, $25 stout, it’s all covered here. It’s the beer-lovers fantasy - “yeah sure, I can have the best beers in the world for $5 but screw that! I want to pay MORE for SUGAR. Also, the real Pizza Pope has come to power and is controlling our lives. That’s good enough for today, hey, I gotta keep going to work ova heah!!!

Ahhhhhh the French champagne!!! No, I don’t have to do an Orson Welles bit, and we didn’t even talk about the guy this week, but I had been watching those outtakes from the Paul Merson wine ads. They are great, you should check them out. Today is our last show for a few weeks, so we ran the gamut of all the things our fans love - kickass lagers from the STORE, the world’s finest football, Pope-talk, and of course, reading awards that people won and making a lazy-ass game out of it. It’s yet another Beer Engine, the last for a few weeks, so get your fill, gang. Just join our Discord or follow us on Untappd if you need a quick key bump of Beer Engine over the next few weeks -it’s fun!

What is it like being in a game where you are losing 79-0, or it ends 100-12? What’s it like being in the AF1, your floundering sponsorship from the Hulkster holding you hostage, forcing you to watch your team get obliterated by a QB who completes 10 passes, 7 for touchdowns, for a robust 110 yards? Do you look at everything that led you to this moment: the tears on the HS practice field, the brutal Summer training sessions in college, the letdowns on practice squads with the NFL, the XFL, the UFL? Now you’re here on the field for the East Kansas Pork Butts and you’re losing by 100 points. Where did it go wrong? You fell into that well that one time and hit your head and discovered a bunch of 70s porno mags. Maybe that was it? It was after you’d done really bad at figuring out the Untappd ratings for a bunch of grocery store beers or something? Maybe that was the moment. But now you’re in the locker room of the Buttman Arena and no one is there to interview you after the game. A gen AI model  generates some quotes that you didn’t say and slaps them into a shitty article by a fake man named Lyle Biscuit. This is America in 2025 - enjoy the Beer Engine Podcast.

What if there were a super league for the NCAA Tournament? Like, they took 8 teams that were just too good for the real thing and faced them off against each other. That would rock, and we did that today on the Beer Engine Pod.

Also, we took down the dead pope and absolutely did not make it political! I made a live bet on the Nuggets. And some of our favorites are now top 50 breweries due to attrition. Tony is stuck in the well all week?? What's he gonna do down there?!?

Greetings fellow pizza eaters and beer drinkers. Ah, mine pizza needeth 10 more minutes! Shan’t we enjoy a flagon of ale to cure our ails? Thine titular ethos are becoming quite the pedant in thine pantaloons! (Is that something?)

This week - some basketball had to be recapped as some of the basketball teams of great engines of the Beer Episode past had to be covered. The Arena Football season trudges on with an all Kansas showdown.  Griff wins the pizza group by eating the world’s thinnest “pie” and “za” and Tony goes full woke mode with prosciutto. Ultimately, they reach the final showdown and most important question the podcast has ever asked - which beer is better? Toohey’s Extra Dry or Hahn Premium Special Dry Light??? We’ll never know.

Well, I'll be! That is one extremely low rated beer by the Miller Brewing Company. Congrats! Today we talked about Tony’s time at GABS, how to order food for takeout  for the future and Australian triple doublers. 

Griff is back on the pastry stouts and Michael's Pizza, it's like 2018 all over again on this show! Then there is this week's bracket, which features some of the saddest beers you can buy at the Dollar General.