The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Robyn Gobbel

320 episodes

5 days ago

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesAppl...

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All content for The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} is the property of Robyn Gobbel and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesAppl...

Show more...

Health & Fitness,

Episodes (20/320)

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 225: How to Stay Curious When Behavior Makes No Sense

When your child’s behavior leaves you feeling confused, frustrated, or even hopeless, staying curious might be the last thing on your mind. But curiosity is actually SO COOL! It’s both a parenting strategy AND a nervous system state. In this episode, we’ll explore how to access curiosity, even when behavior makes no sense, and how that curiosity helps us find the path forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why curiosity is a sign your owl brain is online, and how to use curiosity...

1 day ago

30 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 224: Is Behavior Change the Goal?

When you're dealing with whining, hitting, defiance, back talk…well, of course you want it to stop. But what if behavior change isn’t actually the place to start? Not for long-term behavior change, at least. In this episode, I explore why behavior change does matter, but why it’s not the first goal, especially for kids with vulnerable nervous systems. HEADS UP! I’m not necessarily asking YOU- the one facing these out of control behaviors- to change your goal of behavior change. But…what...

1 week ago

34 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 223: What a Trigger REALLY Is

Have you ever freaked out at your child and then later thought, “Where did that come from?” Yup, that’s being triggered! In this episode, we’ll unpack the neuroscience behind why we get triggered, what memory processing has to do with it, and how to find your way back to presence and connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: The anatomy of a triggerWhat’s actually happening in your brain when the past takes over the presentWhat to do next- how to help your owl brain come back and parent in t...

2 weeks ago

40 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 222: Lying, Stealing, Regression & Baby Talk

Why do kids sometimes - or a lot of the time! - suddenly act much younger…or sneakier?! In this episode, we use Dr. Bruce Perry’s concept of state-dependent functioning to reframe some of the baffling behaviors as signs of stress, not signs of defiance. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, join us over in The Club. In June 2025, we’re having a masterclass all about behaviors and state dependent functioning- complete with a brand-new illustrated resource. If you’re hearing this episode...

3 weeks ago

40 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 221: A Brain-Based Way to Understand Baffling Behavior

Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s "owl brain flew away"? Or do yoRu know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors? In this episode, I revisit - briefly- what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it's such a helpful way to understand your child's baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down ...

4 weeks ago

31 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 220: Mini Pep-Talk for When You Feel Like You’re Failing

If you’ve clicked on this episode because you’re feeling like you're failing—at parenting, at keeping it together, at helping your child—I'm really glad you’re here. Because first, I want you to know this: you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, whether your child has been impacted by trauma, or has sensory differences, or just has a brain wired a little differently, is extremely intensive parenting. I created this ...

1 month ago

19 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep 219: 20 Non-Therapy Therapeutic Interventions

If your kid refuses therapy, what other options are there? Or maybe they don’t refuse therapy, but you’d still like to increase the therapeutic support for your child and family. Here are 20 different non-therapy therapeutic supports based on Dr. Perry’s work of ‘moments of healing’ and experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory Over on my website, you can download a handout that lists them all out (and was generated with the help of AI) so you don’t have to take...

1 month ago

49 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep 218: Questions to ask a Potential Therapist

Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system? No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website! PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thoroughly. I’m certain there are many important questions left off of this list. I’m also certain there ...

1 month ago

53 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 217: Co-Regulating? Or Masking?

Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting. Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?! It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are. And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’t want you to feel bad or even try to do anything different. In this episode, you’ll learn...

1 month ago

31 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 216: "On Purpose" Behavior

Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel 'on purpose' fit into this nervous system approach? They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved. But they certainly aren't behaviors of connection!!! This episode will: Demystify 'on purpose' behaviorsRemind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety...then strategize how to respond to those 'on purpose' behaviors accordingly Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts ...

2 months ago

37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 215: The #1 Ingredient of Self Regulation

Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills. We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills! This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation. Remember ...

2 months ago

45 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 214: Helping Kids with Medical Trauma with Rose LaPiere

Medical trauma can feel confusing because in many circumstances, we are seeking out the very medical interventions that our kids experience as traumatic. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Some kids experience trauma due to their time in the NICU. Some kids experience trauma at the dentist. Some kids experience trauma due to an emergency or accident. Much of the time, parents feel helpless or even guilty for ‘causing’ the trauma. In this episode, you’ll learn How medical ...

2 months ago

47 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 213: Resentment & Parenting

Resentment. We’ve all felt it. Very little about this parenting journey has gone according to plan. We’ve done the hard work- the never-ending work actually - of rewiring everything we thought we knew about behavior, what it means to be human, how to parent, and how to have a family. Some days we do it without a second thought. Some days are full of resentment and anger. You aren’t a bad person. But resentment feels bad! In this episode, you’ll learn The very important job that resentme...

2 months ago

42 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 212: Are We Just Rewarding Bad Behavior?

One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior. Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good. If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior?? In this episode, you’ll learn What it might be signaling if you’re wondering if you’re rewarding bad behaviorHow to avoid unintentionally inc...

3 months ago

43 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 211: Hard? Too Hard? For PARENTS!!!

We talk a lot about hard very too hard for your kids (thanks Amanda Diekman for that hard vs. too hard language!). But have you considered applying that concept to yourself? This is intensive parenting! Far beyond when parenting is supposed to get less intensive, you’re still giving super-hero level scaffolding, supervision and co-regulation - and it’s a LOT! In this episode, you’ll learn How to assess for when it’s just TOO hard- for YOU!The importance of making an owl-brain decision...

3 months ago

27 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

{BONUS} Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior- webinar replay

This BONUS episode is the audio from my FREE webinar, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior. This webinar aired lived on 02/04/2025. You can watch the video webinar for free over at https://RobynGobbel.com/webinar You can also download the free, accompanying resources, including: eBook, fridge sheets about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum, all the slides as handouts, and some additional accompanying infographics. ::: The Club is open from now until March 4! Looking for a com...

3 months ago

54 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep 210: Sabotage and Being Set Up

It’s very common to feel like our kids are either intentionally sabotaging good things or that they are purposefully setting us up to be mad or disappointed or to have to say no. You aren’t imagining this phenomenon! All humans do it, but our kids with vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors may seem like they do it more often. In this episode, you’ll learn The neuroscience behind WHY our kids sabotage situations or set us up to be dysregulatedWhat they are really doing ...

3 months ago

36 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 209: No One is Coming to Save Us

It took me a looooooong time to really truly believe and understand that- no one is coming to save me. I had to do the hard work to take responsibility for my own triggers, my own nervous system, my own change. This only happened after oodles and oodles of safety, connection, and co-regulation. Maybe you, like me, have held onto the hope that someone else will fix this. Your child will change, you’ll get the services you need, something will happen and everything will get better. Maybe ...

3 months ago

41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 208: Bravely Being With Grief with Rose LaPiere

Rose LaPiere LPC, RPT-S, and ACS invites into a space of safety and connection so we can make room for grief. Rose brings her own experiences of grief to her work as a play therapist (and co-leader in Robyn’s immersive training program for parenting professionals, Being With) so she can bravely welcome in, and be with, her client’s big, at times overwhelming, feelings. In this episode, you’ll learn The importance of authenticity, naming, and acknowledge even really really hard feelingsT...

4 months ago

48 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 207: Is It Time to Raise the Bar?

You’ve lowered stress and demands. You’ve reframed your child’s behavior as a response from their autonomic nervous system. You’ve worked hard to help your child’s stress response system rest and begin to heal Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn How rest is only one part of the healing processThe importance of reintroducing stressThe difference between stress that prompts growth and stress that leads to injury and burn-outResources mentioned in this podcast: Stress Response System {EP 94}...

4 months ago

40 minutes