1412 Wrestling Episode 55 PreviewAfter the cataclysmic chaos that defined Episode 54, the world of 1412 Wrestling barely had time to reassemble itself before Episode 55 was announced—and what a lineup it is. Last week saw a controversial and violent Tag Team Championship defense, the unraveling of Rachel Green’s loyalty to the Foot Clan, and the shocking emergence of Ross Geller as its new heart. Meanwhile, Vegeta recently shocked the universe by taking the Sword Fighting Championship from Katy Perry with plenty of supernatural help, and Alf continued using the Ancient Relic in absurd, reality-breaking ways. As factions collide, stakes rise, and magical forces creep into the ring, this week’s episode promises more smoke, more steel, and more existential screaming than ever before. Let’s break it all down. Sword Fighting Championship Match:Vegeta (c) vs Carl Winslow vs Ludwig van BeethovenVegeta may be royalty in the Saiyan sense, but now he’s got classical competition. Ludwig van Beethoven makes his 1412 debut, armed with a blade and a deafening scowl. Joining them is none other than Carl Winslow, returning from suspension and still steaming from the last time his authority was disrespected. Three men. Three swords. One championship. And a high probability of someone getting sliced during a crescendo. Hitmonchan & Hitmonlee vs Bill & TedThe Pokémon duo are in the midst of their pursuit of the tag titles, but this week they face Bill & Ted, who bring not only the power of rock but a time-traveling entourage of historical chaos. From Station to Genghis Khan, expect interference, banana peels, and the possible invention of jazzercising karate. Tag Team Championships:Michael Jackson & E.T. (c) vs Scottie Pippen & Michael JordanTwo icons from Earth and one from outer space defend gold against Chicago royalty. Michael Jackson and E.T. have been unorthodox but effective, with assistive reffing from Andy Warhol of all people. But Pippen and Jordan are back from a slam-dunk hiatus and want their titles back… even if it means moonwalking over alien bones. Triple Threat:Cory Matthews vs Strong Bad vs Emeril LagasseIt’s one-third teenage heartthrob, one-third masked internet warlord, and one-third culinary menace. Cory’s been on a bizarre winning streak fueled by chaos and confusion. Strong Bad is convinced the system is rigged by email elites. Emeril wants to kick it up a notch—by hitting people with cookware. Expect explosions, nonsense, and a heavy helping of paprika. Jason Marsden vs Jason VoorheesIt’s Jason vs Jason in a match that no one fully understands. Marsden, voice actor and now wrestling enigma, faces the machete-swinging Voorhees. There will be screaming. Most of it from the production crew. Hardcore Champion Segment:The Angry Video Game Nerd reviews The X-Files for PS1The AVGN sits down with a CRT and an original PlayStation copy of The X-Files: The Game and promises “a review so brutally honest it’ll be classified by the government.” Will he destroy the disc? Will Mulder make a run-in? Will he even survive the menu screen? Who knows. Special Challenge:L.A. Beast attempts to eat 175 powdered donuts in 20 minutesThere are no rules. No referees. Just L.A. Beast, a mountain of sugar, and a ticking clock. He’s done it before. Can he do it again… or will he flatline at donut #88? Bebop & Rocksteady vs Happy Gilmore & Bob BarkerWhat began as a golf feud has turned into an interdimensional street brawl. Happy is still swinging his putter with attitude, and Bob Barker has never forgiven the Foot Clan for not spaying or neutering their monsters. This is personal. And potentially televised by The Price Is Right. Fatal Four-Way:Yamcha vs Shredder vs Michael Myers vs Topanga LawrenceAn unstable mix of karate, evil, quiet stalking, and self-care affirmations. Topanga continues to amaze with her lethal blend of yoga and destruction. Shredder has vowed vengeance for his recent embarrassment. Yamcha