Lend me your ears, lend me your eyes, lend me any organs you can spare, and prepare yourself for a vampire story like no other. 

Keen's Turn is a horror comedy audio drama packed with thrills, chills, and more puns than you can shake a stake at. 

The trailer video that accompanies this episode is parked on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UHPyOtYF19I 

When righteous daydreamer Jared Stern becomes the chance witness to a vampire's murderous meal, he decides to take it upon himself to rid his city of the threat. But the vampire Keen, not so easily defeated, takes an interest of his own in his would-be slayer. 

It's neck and neck in ensuing bloody battles, a bout of about turns of turns of mind, and an obsession with wordplay set upon a deadpan penchant for puns. 

And that's only the beginning. So join me for an action-packed horror show—a tale of tricks and traps traversing New York City, either to repair the world…or to stain it. 

Welcome to Star–Cross, book one: Keen's Turn. 

New episodes moonly at https://melainablanc.com/. Sign up for the mailing list for updates. 

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Star–Cross: Keen's Turn is written and produced solely by Melaina Blanc, your friendly basement podcaster. Music and sound effects are owned or produced by me, or public domain, except as noted.

© 2021 Melaina Blanc. All rights reserved.

A lowly servant stands beneath Rashōmon Gate, waiting for a break in the rain. 

Notes: 

• A raccoon dog, or tanuki, is neither a racoon nor a dog, and like the fox it is regarded in Japan as a trickster animal. 
• "Kimono" literally translates as "thing for wearing" and as such refers to an ungendered garment. 
• The Heian Period was from 794 to 1185, when Kyōto ("Capital City") was the capital of Japan, which it remained for over a thousand years, before the royals moved east to Tōkyō ("Eastern Capital"). 
• This story was first published in 1915. I've tried to keep the translation as close to the original text (his newest version) as possible. I could go on about it, but I won't. 

Sound: 

Astounded
Christopher J Astbury
Switzerland 

On the surface superficial joy in rhyming interstitial, 

There is nothing artificial in the poem here in store— 

Not a stanza injudicial in the poem here in store. 

                                                   Quoted here for evermore. 

Notes (words are defined in the sense they are used in the poem): 

surcease: an end 

obeisance: gesture of respect 

mien: appearance; attitude 

Pallas: Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom 

Plutonian: of Pluto, the god of the underworld in classical mythology 

nepenthe: potion of forgetfulness 

is there balm in Gilead?: echoes a Biblical verse, "Is there no balm in Gilead?" where this is a rhetorical question (Gilead being a place that was known for its healing balm), so to the effect of, "isn't there healing to be found where there's given to be?" modified here to, "is there healing to be found where there's given to be?" 

Aidenn: Eden; paradise 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com 

This tale of vengeance begins in Italy, amidst the madness of the carnival season...

"Nemo me impune lacessit." No one impugns me with impunity. 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com "Immuration" 

As the merry-making extends towards the very witching hour of night, a ride homewards promises our hero a journey through the haunts of that infamous spectre, the HEADLESS HORSEMAN of Sleepy Hollow. 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com "Creepy Hollow" 

With his heart set on the attractive Katrina Van Tassel and her even more attractive inheritance, Ichabod Crane finds a formidable rival in the person of BROM BONES, the town rowdy. 

Music:
https://www.purple-planet.com "Creepy Hollow" 

If you are familiar with the lands just north of the largest port city in the great State of New-York, you may have heard of the region known as SLEEPY HOLLOW, and of the strange tales and superstitions which seem to float in its very air, and infect any who tarry there overlong. 

Music:
https://www.purple-planet.com "Creepy Hollow" 

You may have heard something of the accursed affair already, with the rumors in the papers of imprudent scientific pryings, and it is these not unsubstantiated rumors that lead me to break my silence on the matter of my best friend, Crawford Tillinghast. Although it is not a tale which I recount with any eagerness... 

Ending music:
https://www.purple-planet.com 

Now I comprehend you think me mad, but harken well to my tale, and I am assured it will convince you of my perfect sanity, as it would any sane person... 

The music is by Setuniman on Freesound (https://freesound.org/people/Setuniman/). Copyright Setuniman, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial License (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/legalcode). Used with permission. Modifications: volume reduced, faded out. Source: https://freesound.org/people/Setuniman/sounds/166473