Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
05:49 Sigmund Freud
09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)
10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows
12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)
13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE)
14:38 The masks vs. the Self
15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man
17:15 Using logic to hide from passion
17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)
19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions
21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity
23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith
24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class
26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)
27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level
27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions
29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial
31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion
33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection
34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative
34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity
35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions
36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self
37:17 Does everyone have a calling?
38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions
38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder
39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it
40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions
41:50 Lightning round recap
EPISODE LINKS
• Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)
• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)
• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)
• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:00 My “what now?” rut
06:46 Roadmap out of your rut
08:06 1. Get your story straight
08:29 You haven’t ruined your life
09:48 My bar exam story
15:48 You are not alone
16:26 Lifequakes
17:55 You are not lazy
18:54 Are you burnt out?
20:44 The classic existential crash out
22:14 Are you in functional freeze?
23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle
26:31 2. Make a plan
26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)
30:01 Smallest possible actions
32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it
33:43 The photography class experiment
38:13 3. Have grace for yourself
38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?
39:20 What you have to give right now is enough
39:53 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?
In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you.
A few things we dive into:
Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:51 The formula for attraction
04:21 1. Proximity
07:10 2. Similarity
11:43 3. Familiarity
14:03 The 3 month rule
16:55 The curse of comfort
19:31 The sunk cost fallacy
21:06 The fear of starting over
22:37 4. Reciprocity
23:13 The harm of playing games
26:36 5. A spark
27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls
27:31 1. Repetition compulsion
31:04 2. The stigma of being single
36:45 3. Situationships
38:23 The commitment-readiness scale
40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <3
42:09 Lightning round recap
43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you?
PERSON IN PROGRESS
If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!
What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:23 1. The likability paradox
03:12 2. The paradox of choice
06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge
06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect
08:22 4. The paradox of failure
09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)
10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper)
11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree
12:20 6. The paradox of moving on
12:46 Ironic process theory
14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure
15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness
16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness
17:07 The dopamine trap
18:03 8. The paradox of freedom
18:33 Self-determination theory
20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)
20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung)
22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone
24:46 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback
03:22 1. Believing you're behind
06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want
07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence
08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you
10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind
10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation
12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too
14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why
14:47 Nietzsche's will to power
15:20 Chasing superficial whys
17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes
19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear)
21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control
21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche)
23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now
24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner
25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start
26:30 Hiding in the planning phase
26:51 The confidence-competence loop
27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel
29:56 Lightning round recap
30:56 Give yourself some credit
EPISODE LINKS
Michigan State Study on accountability
Study using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortex
The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession
03:45break
06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder
06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash
11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due
12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems
12:39 Hemline index
13:36 Moral panics during recessions
13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core
14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation
16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other
16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor
21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever
21:44 Lipstick index
22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator
23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions
23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator
24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion
25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal)
26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession
26:42 1. Other people are not your competition
27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems”
27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor
29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused
31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
We all want to be happy—but so many of the ways we chase happiness actually leave us more disconnected, burnt out, or empty than before. In this episode, we’ll walk through five of the most common happiness traps: the things we do to feel better that often make us feel worse. Along the way, we’ll explore what Nietzsche, Marx, and modern Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek have to say about the pursuit of joy. Then, we’ll turn to one of the longest-running studies on happiness to ask the big question: when it comes to feeling good, what actually works?
No one has the secret to happiness. But a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things that might help you feel better and access a little more joy. Let’s talk about it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:18 Break
03:22 5 happiness traps
03:27 1. Overconsumption
06:00 Overconsumption starts with scarcity programming
07:11 Nietzsche & overconsumption as a way to fill the void
10:37 2. Chasing achievements
11:46 Slavoj Zizek and the duty to enjoy the grind
13:26“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everyone wants this.”
14:18 Superego injunction: “a million girls would kill to have this job”
15:22 On using a lack of happiness as fuel to grind
15:56 3. Comparison
18:11 Downward social comparison
22:12 4. Self- and symptom-focused spiritual practices
22:55 Marx on how economic systems shape values
23:28 Self-centered spirituality in the West
24:41 Spirituality as a bandaid vs a root cause solution (Zizek)
25:45 5. Isolation
27:03 The hyperindividualism crisis
28:00 We owe each other stuff
28:17 We want things from each other, and we should
28:23 Harlow’s monkey study on attachment
30:13 We’re living in our own worlds
31:28 So what DOES work?
31:57 Harvard happiness study
35:13 Challenge
36:19 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
I’m thinking of someone. Guess who? They’re a trailblazing artist. LGBTQ-adjacent. A Gemini from Long Island. An artist trying to make sense of rapid technological change and political division. No, not Lady Gaga. Not RuPaul. Not Frank Ocean. Think older. Centuries older. Today we’re talking about the great American poet, Walt Whitman.
Walt Whitman was born in 1819, but his world feels eerily familiar. His New York was reeling from technological change and caught in a web of political division. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore Whitman’s life—from his roots as a Brooklyn typesetter to his rise as the great American poet. We’ll unpack his most famous work, Leaves of Grass, and the ideas in it that scandalized entire towns. We’ll talk about the beauty of contradiction, the divinity of the mundane, and the radical interconnectedness of all things. We’ll ask: what does it mean to write about hope and unity at a Time Like This? If you’re questioning how your art (or your heart) fits into a collapsing society, this episode is for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:56 Life Update: Tour! USA Today Bestseller! Bali?
05:32 Walt Whitman: a Long Island Gemini
06:03 1800s NY: Nationalism, populism, manifest destiny
07:52 Sound familiar?
09:02 Walt Whitman’s early life
10:11 Walt Whitman, the reluctant teacher
11:05 Walt Whitman, the starving artist
12:27 Walt Whitman does a social media detox
13:00 Walt Whitman emerges with a first draft
13:14 Leaves of Grass: not like other girls
14:00 1855 Walt Whitman is giving Woodstock
14:14 Publication expert level: just like us
14:44 Walt Whitman gets left on read
14:48 Enter: Ralph Waldo Emerson
15:54 Walt Whitman is his own cheerleader
17:47 Walt Whitman is as petty as the rest of us
18:22 Leaves of Grass starts to get legs
18:41 Leaves of Grass gets smuttier
18:57 Walt Whitman is not an angel
21:02 The Civil War changes everything
22:21 Leaves of Grass, an OG banned book
23:01 Walt Whitman’s legacy
24:03 Walt Whitman quotes that will change your brain chemistry
24:18 1. “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you”
25:07 My ego nap
25:59 2. “I am large, I contain multitudes”
26:39 The categorification of the human experience
27:10 you are not a cottagecore coastal grandma clean girl mob wife u are a spiritual being having a human experience
28:48 3. “The smallest sprout shows there really is no death”
31:09 4. “Do you guess I have some intricate purpose?”
EPISODE LINKS
• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
• Stuff You Missed in History Class episode
• My Writer’s Digest article on writing about hope
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
When was the last time you felt genuine awe? Not just happiness, not “that’s cool,” but deep, childlike wonder? In this episode, we explore 7 five-minutes-or-less practices that can help you feel more present, more alive, and more connected to the quiet magic all around you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:28 MAKE BELIEVE is out now
02:50 Come hang with me on tour?
03:51 7 tiny ways to cultivate awe
03:54 1. Look closely at ordinary nature
04:20 The goggles of habit
04:41 Walt Whitman: what is the grass?
05:27 Thich Nhat Hanh’s tangerine meditation
07:31 Rumi & the blurriness of separation
09:14 2. Look up
10:00 The benefits of tree gazing
10:29 Mary Oliver’s When I Am Among the Trees
11:48 3. Unitask music
11:55 Music used to be the main course
13:06 One song no multitasking challenge
13:29 Make an awe playlist
13:40 4. Make unsmall small talk
14:19 Martin Buber’s I-Thou vs I-It
15:50 Challenge: be aware during small talk
16:17 The sacred ground of connection
16:50 5. Remember pale blue dot
17:08 The Voyager photo
17:36 Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot
19:10 Pondering our tininess
21:04 6. Make an awe signal
22:21 7. Keep an awe list
22:43 The Zeigarnik Effect
24:53 Lightning round recap
EPISODE LINKS
• @boywaif post on the goggles of habit
• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
• Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Sometimes & When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver
• Rumi (Coleman Bark’s Essential Rumi)
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
We romanticize big life changes—quitting the job, moving to the dream city, chasing the thing we’ve always wanted. But big changes have big side effects. And if you don’t see them coming, they might just send you running back to the life you were trying to leave behind. In this episode, we’re breaking down six warnings I wish someone had told me before I changed everything. If you’re craving a big shift, let’s make sure you’re ready for it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:45 Life update + tour!
05:52 6 warnings about changing your life
06:14 1. It will not automatically make you happy
07:44 Harvard happiness study
08:34 The hedonic treadmill
9:54 2. You will have an identity crisis
10:12 Ship of Theseus
11:40 3. You’ll probably feel stuck
12:04 Diamond Example
13:12 Change happens at tipping points
15:31 4. It never stops feeling vulnerable
15:55 Asch conformity study
17:18 The neuroscience of fear & hope
19:43 It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed
22:33 5. There’s no magic pill
24:32 6. You’ll feel torn between who you were and who you’re becoming
24:52 Janus, the Roman god of transitions
27:18 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy
• Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more
• Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
EPISODE LINKS
Don’t press play unless you’re ready for big change. This isn’t a normal podcast episode—it’s a guided practice designed to help you step into the next chapter of you with clarity and intention. Maybe you’re on the brink of a big life change. Or maybe you feel stuck and just know it's time for a shift. This episode will walk you through the five-step practice that completely changed my life. In it, we'll learn about the neuroscience of manifestation, do a guided meditation, journal, and come on the other side of the episode with a clear plan routing towards our dreams.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
08:13 Agenda
09:25 Plato's Cave Allegory
13:22 The neuroscience of manifestation
16:14 The reflection practice that changed my life
16:36 Step 1: Define your current chapter
20:37 Step 2: Define your next chapter
22:53 Step 3: Guided visualization meditation
37:32 Step 4: Journaling
38:26 4a. Reflect on the chapter that’s ending
40:56 4b. Set intentions for your next chapter
43:29 4c. Set SMAAART* goals
47:33 4d. Plan your trust-building week
52:23 Step 5: Believing
MY LINKS
Admit it: you’re still thinking about that cringey thing you did 6 years ago. Maybe it was something you said. Something you did. Something that haunts you at 2 AM when your brain decides to rerun its most humiliating blooper reel.
Today, we’re breaking down exactly how to move past an embarrassing moment in 5 steps. We’ll talk about why your brain refuses to let things go, how the spotlight effect makes you think people care way more than they actually do, and the five fastest ways to shake off the cringe and move on with your life.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:06 Preorder Make Believe! Come see me on tour!
02:44 Why do we feel embarrassment?
03:50 Embarrassment scale
03:57 Tier 1: slight cringe
05:07 Tier 2: mild cringe
07:07 Tier 3: proper humiliation
11:09 Tier 4: deep humiliation
13:29 Tier 5: existential humiliation
15:45 Jean Paul Sartre’s the gaze
17:50 The spotlight effect
18:44 Social media and the spotlight effect
19:30 5 tips for navigating embarrassing moments
19:3 6 Break - Book! Bali! Tour!
25:25 1. Remember the spotlight is not real
29:51 2. Call it out as it’s happening
32:49 3. Tell someone
34:27 4. Figure out the root
35:58 5. Own it and then move on
40:07 Challenge
MY LINKS
EPISODE LINKS
Creatives, I’m looking at you. In today’s episode, I walk you through exactly how I lost my creative spark in the Internet’s sea of opinions and how I got it back. When did we forget that art is supposed to make us clutch our pearls? And how do we remember? If you want to stop praying to the altar of the comment section, this episode is for you. We’ll walk through 4 things that helped me start making chewy, brave art again.
You owe it to yourself to stop sanitizing your art. This episode is a messy, raw field guide on how to do that—from another creative climbing out of the same boat.
00:00 Intro
02:09 Preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Let’s hang on tour!
02:44 Are vulnerability and nuance needed for good art?
03:13 Did video kill the radio star? Will IG poetry kill literary poetry?
04:04 Taylor Swift’s quill, fountain pen, glitter gel pen buckets of art
04:40 Sugarcoated self love: helpful or hurtful?
05:28 Should we think about the audience when we make art?
05:42 Rick Rubin & “the audience eats last”
06:20 Is social media tainting our intentions as artists?
08:13 Art as an offering vs. art as an outlet
08:33 How to gut your art of meaning
09:20 My own experience navigating this, good and bad
11:47 Should artists care about views and engagement?
12:27 Microwaving our art to keep pace with the algorithm
13:52 Having no haters is not a badge of honor
14:45 “Bad takes” vs “good takes” and the erasure of nuance
15:10 Moral imposter syndrome and curated vulnerability
16:55 The big, messy mistakes we don’t hear about
17:33 Stop sanitizing your art
17:57 Ellen Bass & art that makes you clutch your pearls
18:31 Relax by Ellen Bass
19:11 Art for likes versus art for thought
19:36 So how do we take our brains back?
19:59 Break - with a big surprise!
23:47 4 ways to take our creative spark back
23:57 1. Notice the voices in your head
24:57 2. Temper vulnerability with respect for your privacy
26:07 3. Create art with urgency
26:21 A Little Life & commodified art vs art for art’s sake
28:42 Mary Oliver on getting distracted from your art
30:55 4. Get off your phone
32:00 How to start a fire, literally & creatively
33:57 Your art misses you
35:34 I ♡ your thoughts
36:27 Challenge: make something scary this week
37:14 You are not out of good ideas
MY LINKS
EPISODE LINKS
Confidence isn’t just something you have—it’s something you do. Today, we’re breaking down 8 small but powerful shifts that will instantly change how others see you and how you feel about yourself. These aren’t generic “believe in yourself” tips. These are super specific, research-backed tips that will instantly improve your confidence. We’re diving into original sources ranging from Plato’s the Republic to HBO’s Euphoria to ask: what does it mean to be a confident person? And how do you become one? If you want to show up in the next conversation you have as most magnetic, grounded, and comfy-in-your-skin version of yourself—this episode is for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
03:42 The philosophy of confidence
03:55 Plato’s virtue of the mean
05:30 Maddy from Euphoria on confidence
06:49 8 shifts for instant confidence
07:18 Break - with a surprise for you!
11:12 1. The power of the pause
13:35 2. Watch overactive listening
16:02 3. Open body language
18:29 4. Handshakes are hot
20:34 5. Rephrase mirrored questions
24:04 6. Slow blink rate
26:43 7. Watch upspeak
29:22 8. Call them by their name
32:32 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
EPISODE LINKS
We live in an age of seemingly infinite options. The internet has thousands of pages of search results for that thing you need to buy. Endless entertainment awaits on streaming platforms and social media. Dating apps offer a never-ending scroll of potential partners. So why does it feel impossible to find what we need? Why can’t you pick a movie to watch? Why is it harder than ever to find someone to love?
This episodes discusses the paradox of choice: the idea that more choices often make us less happy. Is more less when it comes to choices? If so, how can we live happily in an age of infinite options? Let's talk about it.
EPISODE OUTLINE:
00:00 Intro
01:51 What is the paradox of choice?
02:37 Stanford jam study
06:12 Dating apps
07:10 Decision paralysis
08:53 Opportunity costs
09:13 Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory
12:08 Expectation inflation
15:05 So what do we do about it?
15:57 Break
21:01 Kierkegaard's leap of faith
22:10 The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
24:17 Nietzsche's amor fati
27:49 Satisficing
30:00 The next right thing
MY LINKS:
Friend breakups hit different. They’re messy, heartbreaking, and rarely come with closure. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down five of the most common types of friendship breakups, why they happen, and how to survive them without losing your mind (or your faith in humanity). If you’ve ever mourned a friendship like it was a death, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE:
00:00 Intro
03:21 1. The Mutual Drift
04:18 Aristotle’s utility, pleasure and virtue friendships
06:46 Dunbar’s number: how many friendships can we maintain at once?
08:25 Carl Jung & making friends while wearing a mask
09:40 Mollenhorst’s social pruning study
10:06 Getting through a mutual drift
11:51 Break - with a surprise!
15:23 2. The One-Sided Slow Fade
17:00 How to get through it on the receiving end
19:09 What if you’re the one who’s fading away from a friend?
21:22 3. The Formal Breakup
23:38 How to break up with a friend ethically
24:47 Getting through a friend breaking up with you
25:34 4. The Blow Up
26:42 Sartre & conflict as a mirror of the self
27:44 Getting through a friendship blowing up
28:21 Hegel & conflict as an engine for growth
29:26 5. The Sudden Ghost
30:23 Getting through being ghosted by a friend
32:06 Lightning round recap
32:39 The peak-end rule
34:02 Journaling prompts for processing a friendship breakup
34:33 Poem: To Strangers I Used to Know
MY LINKS
Your attention is sacred. It’s also for sale.
Maybe the reason you can’t get off your phone or stop wasting your Saturdays streaming a show you’ll forget the moment you finish the last episode or do what you say you will isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s not because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s not because you haven’t locked in. Maybe the reason you can’t focus is bigger than you entirely.
Today’s episode dives into the hidden reason we distract ourselves from our own lives and leaves you with 5 bite-sized ways to reclaim your brain. My fellow doomscrollers, rotters, and TikTok ban mourners: this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE:
02:18 The spiritual source of distraction
02:29 I. Nietzsche: staring into the abyss
03:43 II. Kierkegaard: sickness unto death
04:46 III. Victor Frankl: the search for meaning
08:04 IV. Kali yuga: the age of distraction
09:16 Enter: the attention economy
10:15 The Dorito theory
14:23 So what do we do about it?
14:31 5 steps to take back your focus
14:42 Break - with a surprise for you!
18:14 Step 1: the art of unitasking
23:05 Step 2: giving attention vs having it taken
25:14 Step 3: Dorito vs dinner list
26:48 Step 4: Dorito ritual
29:18 Step 5: Focus ritual
31:24 Lightning round recap
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This episode should be called ten HARD TO HEAR things about dating I wish I knew in my twenties because... oof. Buckle up. The dating scene in your twenties is the trenches. I wish I could go back in time and tell all this to younger me. It would save her so many hours and tears and good outfits on bad dates with people who don't like her. Instead, I'll tell you. I learned each of these lessons the hard way, but you don't have to! I present to you: 10 things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:20 Break
04:09 If they treat you like they don’t care, they don’t
06:41 Someone not liking you doesn't make them a catch
10:06 Running at the first sign of conflict isn’t a flex
13:21 If you’re attracted to games, you’re the problem
16:36 Stop seeking closure from your exes
19:05 Don’t date their potential
20:14 Being single rocks
23:05 Love is not all you need
23:36 You can’t make them stay if they want to go
30:58 You can’t scare away the right person
33:39 Lightning round recap
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Feel like you’re meant for something more but can’t put your finger on what that “more” is? This episode is here to help. The bad news is: finding your purpose in a world full of distractions and expectations is hard. Like, super hard. The good news is: we’ve been struggling with this since the dawn of humanity, so lots of extremely smart people have piped up about it.
Clues to your purpose are hiding in unexpected places. Today, we’ll explore 8 of those clues, as proposed by some of humanity’s greatest minds. Consider this episode a field guide out of your existential crisis. Brought to you by me: your friendly neighborhood lawyer-turned-creative, fresh out of the trenches of living someone else’s life.
SHOW OUTLINE:
00:00 Intro
03:14 If you're looking for your purpose, look for...
03:42 1. What you loved as a kid (Nietzsche)
06:31 2. What makes you jealous (Nietzsche)
10:15 3. What puts you into flow state (Csikszentmihalyi)
13:00 Break
15:56 4. What you see everywhere
16:32 The Invisible Gorilla Experiment
17:30 The Cocktail Party Effect
18:34 Attention as Devotion (Mary Oliver and Simone Weil)
19:00 5. What makes you uncomfortable (Carl Jung)
20:56 6. What connects you to the world (Bhagavad Gita)
23:30 7. What you want your purpose to be (Albert Camus)
26:36 8. Here and now (Alan Watts)
30:07 Lightning Round Summary
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So you have a dream, huh? You're in the right place. You've probably heard this quote from the brilliant Brianna Wiest: Your new life will cost you your old one. Today we're diving into it. As someone who walked away from an old life for a new one this year, let me tell you - there are costs. In the past year, I have completely flipped my life on its head. I walked away from my job as an attorney to dive into the murky waters of creative work. This episode will discuss 10 things your new life will cost you.
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