Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists)
03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”)
11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act)
14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship)
20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes)
25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law)
30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett)
34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter)
37:57 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
• Plato, The Republic
• Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity (2022 and 2025)
• Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being
• Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe
• Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
• Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett
• Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice
• Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)
• Join the waitlist for future retreats!
• Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of)
08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time
10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began
18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self
19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better
26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity
27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole
29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus)
30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong
32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice)
33:53 What “god” means to me now
35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you?
36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus)
36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson)
38:14 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849)
Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction Story
Blaise Pascal, Pensées (1670)
St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE)
Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)
Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE)
Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023)
Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016)
MY LINKS
• Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify
• Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)
• Join the waitlist for future retreats!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
RESOURCES
Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect
06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect
08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)
14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically
16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle)
18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative
20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates
23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts
23:49 the Gottman institute
24:44 Confrontation don’ts
26:14 Confrontation dos
26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships
26:53 Bids for attention
27:59 Soft startups
29:08 Repair attempts
32:09 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
MY LINKS
Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE:
00:00 Intro
04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill
11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations
18:30 3. Asking more questions
25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected
29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality
33:27 Lightning round recap
36:19 Challenge
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Simulacra and Simulation, Jean Baudrillard (1981)
TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (2025)
Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
04:53 You’re stuck because…
05:00 1. You’re free
05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)
06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre)
07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath)
13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience
13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson)
22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself
23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka)
26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places
27:04 The Trial (Kafka)
35:14 5. You think nothing matters
35:24 Mechanical life (Camus)
36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus)
37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus)
40:08 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
On Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard (1844)
Being and Nothingness, Jean Paul Sartre (1943)
The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath (1963)
The Big Secret, Deepak Chopra (2008)
Epiphenomenal Qualia, Frank Jackson (1982)
The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (1915)
The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925)
The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus (1942)
19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
06:34 The camel spirit
11:32 The lion spirit
17:25 The child spirit
25:40 Lightning round recap
26:43 Challenge
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join the waitlist for future retreats!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:14 1. Take notes
06:57 2. Write by hand
08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber
11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect
14:54 5. Change your conversation norms
18:08 6. Practice hard attention
21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule
22:33 8. Chew your brain food
23:54 9. Show what you don’t know
26:20 Newsletter recs
27:41 Philosophy podcast recs
28:08 Poetry recs
29:40 Lightning round recap
So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night.
Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
03:35 How to follow your intuition
06:38 How to know the right choice
10:50 The effect of your ego
14:10 The impact of who you keep close
19:27 The importance of confrontation
23:21 The impact of tiny choices
26:40 How to shift into the next chapter
28:59 Hard versus wrong
SOURCES
Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action
Churning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata
How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life.
EPISODE OUTLINE
04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return
12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean
19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law
23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority”
25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman)
31:59 Dharma
37:22 My weekly routine
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join the waitlist for future retreats!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural
07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do
16:07 3. You should care what some people think
18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people
19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually
26:21 6. You don’t know what people think
30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are
35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own
37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good
39:27 Lightning round recap
42:29 Challenge
EPISODE LINKS
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
• The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
• The Art of Living by Epictetus
• Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers
• Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join the waitlist for future retreats!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
05:49 Sigmund Freud
09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)
10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows
12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)
13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE)
14:38 The masks vs. the Self
15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man
17:15 Using logic to hide from passion
17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)
19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions
21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity
23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith
24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class
26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)
27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level
27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions
29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial
31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion
33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection
34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative
34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity
35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions
36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self
37:17 Does everyone have a calling?
38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions
38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder
39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it
40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions
41:50 Lightning round recap
EPISODE LINKS
• Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)
• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)
• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)
• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:00 My “what now?” rut
06:46 Roadmap out of your rut
08:06 1. Get your story straight
08:29 You haven’t ruined your life
09:48 My bar exam story
15:48 You are not alone
16:26 Lifequakes
17:55 You are not lazy
18:54 Are you burnt out?
20:44 The classic existential crash out
22:14 Are you in functional freeze?
23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle
26:31 2. Make a plan
26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)
30:01 Smallest possible actions
32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it
33:43 The photography class experiment
38:13 3. Have grace for yourself
38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?
39:20 What you have to give right now is enough
39:53 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?
In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you.
A few things we dive into:
Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:51 The formula for attraction
04:21 1. Proximity
07:10 2. Similarity
11:43 3. Familiarity
14:03 The 3 month rule
16:55 The curse of comfort
19:31 The sunk cost fallacy
21:06 The fear of starting over
22:37 4. Reciprocity
23:13 The harm of playing games
26:36 5. A spark
27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls
27:31 1. Repetition compulsion
31:04 2. The stigma of being single
36:45 3. Situationships
38:23 The commitment-readiness scale
40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <3
42:09 Lightning round recap
43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you?
PERSON IN PROGRESS
If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!
What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:23 1. The likability paradox
03:12 2. The paradox of choice
06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge
06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect
08:22 4. The paradox of failure
09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)
10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper)
11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree
12:20 6. The paradox of moving on
12:46 Ironic process theory
14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure
15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness
16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness
17:07 The dopamine trap
18:03 8. The paradox of freedom
18:33 Self-determination theory
20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)
20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung)
22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone
24:46 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback
03:22 1. Believing you're behind
06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want
07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence
08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you
10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind
10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation
12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too
14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why
14:47 Nietzsche's will to power
15:20 Chasing superficial whys
17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes
19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear)
21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control
21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche)
23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now
24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner
25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start
26:30 Hiding in the planning phase
26:51 The confidence-competence loop
27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel
29:56 Lightning round recap
30:56 Give yourself some credit
EPISODE LINKS
Michigan State Study on accountability
Study using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortex
The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession
03:45break
06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder
06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash
11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due
12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems
12:39 Hemline index
13:36 Moral panics during recessions
13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core
14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation
16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other
16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor
21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever
21:44 Lipstick index
22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator
23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions
23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator
24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion
25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal)
26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession
26:42 1. Other people are not your competition
27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems”
27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor
29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused
31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
We all want to be happy—but so many of the ways we chase happiness actually leave us more disconnected, burnt out, or empty than before. In this episode, we’ll walk through five of the most common happiness traps: the things we do to feel better that often make us feel worse. Along the way, we’ll explore what Nietzsche, Marx, and modern Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek have to say about the pursuit of joy. Then, we’ll turn to one of the longest-running studies on happiness to ask the big question: when it comes to feeling good, what actually works?
No one has the secret to happiness. But a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things that might help you feel better and access a little more joy. Let’s talk about it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:18 Break
03:22 5 happiness traps
03:27 1. Overconsumption
06:00 Overconsumption starts with scarcity programming
07:11 Nietzsche & overconsumption as a way to fill the void
10:37 2. Chasing achievements
11:46 Slavoj Zizek and the duty to enjoy the grind
13:26“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everyone wants this.”
14:18 Superego injunction: “a million girls would kill to have this job”
15:22 On using a lack of happiness as fuel to grind
15:56 3. Comparison
18:11 Downward social comparison
22:12 4. Self- and symptom-focused spiritual practices
22:55 Marx on how economic systems shape values
23:28 Self-centered spirituality in the West
24:41 Spirituality as a bandaid vs a root cause solution (Zizek)
25:45 5. Isolation
27:03 The hyperindividualism crisis
28:00 We owe each other stuff
28:17 We want things from each other, and we should
28:23 Harlow’s monkey study on attachment
30:13 We’re living in our own worlds
31:28 So what DOES work?
31:57 Harvard happiness study
35:13 Challenge
36:19 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
I’m thinking of someone. Guess who? They’re a trailblazing artist. LGBTQ-adjacent. A Gemini from Long Island. An artist trying to make sense of rapid technological change and political division. No, not Lady Gaga. Not RuPaul. Not Frank Ocean. Think older. Centuries older. Today we’re talking about the great American poet, Walt Whitman.
Walt Whitman was born in 1819, but his world feels eerily familiar. His New York was reeling from technological change and caught in a web of political division. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore Whitman’s life—from his roots as a Brooklyn typesetter to his rise as the great American poet. We’ll unpack his most famous work, Leaves of Grass, and the ideas in it that scandalized entire towns. We’ll talk about the beauty of contradiction, the divinity of the mundane, and the radical interconnectedness of all things. We’ll ask: what does it mean to write about hope and unity at a Time Like This? If you’re questioning how your art (or your heart) fits into a collapsing society, this episode is for you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
02:56 Life Update: Tour! USA Today Bestseller! Bali?
05:32 Walt Whitman: a Long Island Gemini
06:03 1800s NY: Nationalism, populism, manifest destiny
07:52 Sound familiar?
09:02 Walt Whitman’s early life
10:11 Walt Whitman, the reluctant teacher
11:05 Walt Whitman, the starving artist
12:27 Walt Whitman does a social media detox
13:00 Walt Whitman emerges with a first draft
13:14 Leaves of Grass: not like other girls
14:00 1855 Walt Whitman is giving Woodstock
14:14 Publication expert level: just like us
14:44 Walt Whitman gets left on read
14:48 Enter: Ralph Waldo Emerson
15:54 Walt Whitman is his own cheerleader
17:47 Walt Whitman is as petty as the rest of us
18:22 Leaves of Grass starts to get legs
18:41 Leaves of Grass gets smuttier
18:57 Walt Whitman is not an angel
21:02 The Civil War changes everything
22:21 Leaves of Grass, an OG banned book
23:01 Walt Whitman’s legacy
24:03 Walt Whitman quotes that will change your brain chemistry
24:18 1. “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you”
25:07 My ego nap
25:59 2. “I am large, I contain multitudes”
26:39 The categorification of the human experience
27:10 you are not a cottagecore coastal grandma clean girl mob wife u are a spiritual being having a human experience
28:48 3. “The smallest sprout shows there really is no death”
31:09 4. “Do you guess I have some intricate purpose?”
EPISODE LINKS
• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
• Stuff You Missed in History Class episode
• My Writer’s Digest article on writing about hope
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
When was the last time you felt genuine awe? Not just happiness, not “that’s cool,” but deep, childlike wonder? In this episode, we explore 7 five-minutes-or-less practices that can help you feel more present, more alive, and more connected to the quiet magic all around you.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:28 MAKE BELIEVE is out now
02:50 Come hang with me on tour?
03:51 7 tiny ways to cultivate awe
03:54 1. Look closely at ordinary nature
04:20 The goggles of habit
04:41 Walt Whitman: what is the grass?
05:27 Thich Nhat Hanh’s tangerine meditation
07:31 Rumi & the blurriness of separation
09:14 2. Look up
10:00 The benefits of tree gazing
10:29 Mary Oliver’s When I Am Among the Trees
11:48 3. Unitask music
11:55 Music used to be the main course
13:06 One song no multitasking challenge
13:29 Make an awe playlist
13:40 4. Make unsmall small talk
14:19 Martin Buber’s I-Thou vs I-It
15:50 Challenge: be aware during small talk
16:17 The sacred ground of connection
16:50 5. Remember pale blue dot
17:08 The Voyager photo
17:36 Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot
19:10 Pondering our tininess
21:04 6. Make an awe signal
22:21 7. Keep an awe list
22:43 The Zeigarnik Effect
24:53 Lightning round recap
EPISODE LINKS
• @boywaif post on the goggles of habit
• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
• Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Sometimes & When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver
• Rumi (Coleman Bark’s Essential Rumi)
MY LINKS
• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now
• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
We romanticize big life changes—quitting the job, moving to the dream city, chasing the thing we’ve always wanted. But big changes have big side effects. And if you don’t see them coming, they might just send you running back to the life you were trying to leave behind. In this episode, we’re breaking down six warnings I wish someone had told me before I changed everything. If you’re craving a big shift, let’s make sure you’re ready for it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro
01:45 Life update + tour!
05:52 6 warnings about changing your life
06:14 1. It will not automatically make you happy
07:44 Harvard happiness study
08:34 The hedonic treadmill
9:54 2. You will have an identity crisis
10:12 Ship of Theseus
11:40 3. You’ll probably feel stuck
12:04 Diamond Example
13:12 Change happens at tipping points
15:31 4. It never stops feeling vulnerable
15:55 Asch conformity study
17:18 The neuroscience of fear & hope
19:43 It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed
22:33 5. There’s no magic pill
24:32 6. You’ll feel torn between who you were and who you’re becoming
24:52 Janus, the Roman god of transitions
27:18 Lightning round recap
MY LINKS
• Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy
• Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more
• Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!
• Join me in Bali June 1-7!
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram
• Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
EPISODE LINKS
