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So, You Want to Read Tolkien

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

107 episodes

9 months ago

Have you ever wanted to know what the history of Middle Earth is, but have no desire to read the Silmarillion? Do you wonder about the most likely dark lord to rise after Sauron's downfall at the end of the Lord of the Rings? Do you just want to listen to some drunk friends dunk on the Hobbit movies? So, You Want to Read Tolkien brings you all of these things and so much more. Please join us in a discussion of history, literature, the absence of women, and why Frodo is the best. Also incest and rap battles.

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Have you ever wanted to know what the history of Middle Earth is, but have no desire to read the Silmarillion? Do you wonder about the most likely dark lord to rise after Sauron's downfall at the end of the Lord of the Rings? Do you just want to listen to some drunk friends dunk on the Hobbit movies? So, You Want to Read Tolkien brings you all of these things and so much more. Please join us in a discussion of history, literature, the absence of women, and why Frodo is the best. Also incest and rap battles.

Show more...

Episodes (20/107)

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 101: Peeled Grapes

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss the portion of Appendix A, Part 1 and Part 3. We’re skipping part 2.

* I think it’s very clear that we were not really into this.
* A lot of ridiculous names and quick flashes of cool stuff
* Tolkien is rolling over in his grave

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4 years ago

48 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 100: One Last Magical Girl Moment

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss the portion of Appendix A focusing on the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen.

* The tale starts with death…and ends with death
* a healthy amount of doom
* She calls him Estel their whole liiiiiiiiiives.
* You can’t tell me they didn’t bone on that hill.

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4 years ago

47 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 99: It’s Just Sad

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 9, The Grey Havens

* Rebuilding the Shire
* Galadriel’s genetics
* Only Frodo has PTSD
* WHERE IS THE FRODO AND ROSIE FRIENDSHIP?!?!
* The Ringbearers leave.

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4 years ago

51 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 98: Hobbit on Hobbit

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 8, The Scouring of the Shire

* So Many Hobbits In This Chapters.
* Is Frodo a wizard now?
* Sam, Merry and Pippin the bloodthirsty
* NINETEEN DEAD HOBBITS
* No wait, Frodo is a God now.

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4 years ago

1 hour 24 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 97: GodBlessed Beer

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 7, Homeward Bound

* Much less people in this chapter
* What does Rachel want you to do with your fingerprints?
* How long did we laugh at Rachel for?
* Bill the Pony, King of the Wolves.

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4 years ago

31 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 96: Rando Vibes

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 6, Many Partings

* Literally everyone is in this chapter. Again.
* There’s a funeral but it isn’t the saddest thing in this chapter
* We folks see each other again, or is it all a big death metaphor?
* Fucking Gandalf.

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4 years ago

48 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 95: Still the Bees

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 5, The Steward and the King

* Faramir and Eowyn meet!
* Faramir completes his hobbit pokedex
* A crown is taken from a dead man.
* A tree is found in the woods mountains
* But like…how do we KNOW Aragorn is really the king?

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4 years ago

42 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 94: Praise Them With Great Praise

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 4, The Field of Cormallen

* Sam has a real good sense of smell
* They have to get back in to their dirty clothes
* Emmy’s favourite line in the entire book
* And, as always, Aragorn needs that drama

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4 years ago

46 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 93: We Do the Thing

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 3, Mount Doom

* Wait, we’re still walking across Mordor?
* There’s just SO much Doom in this chapter, Rachel is very happy
* It’s already obvious that Caitlin isn’t happy with the movie adaptation
* The eagles are coming (next time)

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4 years ago

40 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Epiosde 92: A Date With a Nazgul

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 2, The Land of Shadow
It’s time to walk across Mordor!.
More comedic orc duos!
This Nazgul wants YOUR name and number.
A gobler?
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5 years ago

43 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 91: Keep Calm and Think of Frodo

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 1, The Tower of Cirith Ungol
In this chapter we are back with Caitlin’s favourite Hobbit! But that still isn’t enough to save this chapter from being mostly boring.
There’s architecture. And orcs!
There’s more architecture and more orcs!
There’s a touching reunion!
Also, uh, stay until the very end after the sign off if you want to hear us continue that Redwall discussion.
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5 years ago

34 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 90: Acute Depression of the Arm

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 10, The Black Gate Opens
In this chapter the army spends a lot of time getting to a battle…and then not much time on the battle.
Merry is left behind!
We were wrong last week about miles. Which is just typical us.
As the army retraces Frodo and Sam’s steps, how much have we forgotten from The Two Towers?
And Hobbits, man. They rock.
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5 years ago

53 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 89: Does Gandalf Yolo?

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 9, The Last Debate
It’s a chapter of standing around a talking in two different parts!
The Fellowship is reunited!…mostly.
Caitlin still doesn’t understand miles?
How far is it from Minas Tirith to the Black Gate? I have a feeling Twitter will let us know.
And Hobbits, man. They rock.

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5 years ago

41 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 88: Only Little Murder

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 8, The Houses of Healing
Some people are healthy, and some are not. We will point out each one just in case you are confused.
We meet Tolkein’s self-insert, self-burn.
Also another woman! That we had forgotten about. Whoa.
Caitlin has her most egregious forgetting of a name to date.
And Hobbits, man. They rock.

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5 years ago

41 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 87: Ultimate Evil Trilo

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 7, The Pyre of Denethor.
Our favourite boy does just a *little* murder, and maybe a bit of treason.
Feanor, thousands of years later, still causing problems for everyone.
Murder-Suicide always seems like the best plan, right?
We still don’t understand how the afterlife works in MiddeEarth. Presumably, we never will.

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5 years ago

38 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 86: Weed Wizard

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 6, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
Dernhelm is a girl? What?
Who killed the Witchking? Why was there a prophesy about that?
And, most importantly, Gimli has his axe.

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5 years ago

59 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 85: Second Best Horse

This week we discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 5, the Ride of the Rohirrim.
A little less Ride and a little more Eavesdropping. Come and discuss with us as Merry is very observant, but misses some vital facts. Theoden gives some speeches and steals a horn. Eomer is racist, and Snowmane is the best horse ever.
Well, the best horse that wasn’t stolen by Gandalf.
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5 years ago

39 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 84: Bettamir

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 4, The Siege of Gondor!
Characters

* Pippin – Guard of the Citadel, Faramir’s protector?
* Gandalf – bearer of bad news, Denethor’s worst enemy apparently
* Denethor – huge know-it-all, Steward of Gondor
* Faramir – Captain of the White Tower, generally an island. Horse whisperer. Human whisperer?
* Prince Imrahil – Faramir’s wing man and uncle
* Beregond – a soldier of Gondor, helps Pippin find his clothes
* Shadowfax – the best of horses
* The Black Captain – The Witchking of Angmar
* The Nazgul and their Fell Beasts – being that inspire terror

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5 years ago

51 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 83: Done-Here

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 3, The Muster of Rohan! Featuring a couple of folks who super don’t want to be left behind.
Characters

* Merry – a lone Hobbit
* Theoden – King of Rohan
* Eomer – Theoden’s nephew
* Eowyn – Theoden’s neice
* Dúnhere – He’s so very done
* Hirgon – A messenger from Rohan
* Dernhelm – A totally, completely, brand new character. Never met them before. Not at all.

Also some Dunedain! One of them is named Halbarad

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5 years ago

51 minutes

So, You Want to Read Tolkien

Episode 82: Did You Just Say Nipples?

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 2, The Passing of the Grey Company! We’re back with Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Merry! Also appearances from some new friends and fun cameos from some old friends.
Characters

* Aragorn – heir to the throne, which matters again
* Gimli – everyone’s favourite dwarf!
* Legolas – everyone’s favourite elf!
* Merry – Not everyone’s favourite hobbit (Frodo for life!)
* Theoden – king of Rohan
* Eomer – his nephew
* Eowyn – his niece, most relatable
* Elrohir – sons or Elrond, literally no one knows who is who
* Elladan

Also some Dunedain! One of them is named Halbarad

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5 years ago

48 minutes