J. Kenji López-Alt knows more about food than you or I put together. He has won James Beard Awards, contributed to New York Times Cooking and Serious Eats, and his books include The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science, The Wok: Recipes and Techniques, and a children’s book titled Every Night is Pizza Night. But he’s no snobby foody. He pays careful attention to how to stack ingredients in the humble hardshell taco so that you maximize flavor and minimize structural collapse. He also has thoughts on the burger (don’t think toppings, think bottomings). This is an episode that will fill you up, not with tacos and burgers, shouldn’t eat those in bed anyway, but with wisdom and practical advice on how to make your next meal architecturally correct and tasty too. For olives, he likes the sliced up ones. Yep, straight from the can.

Actor and comedian Baron Vaughn is familiar to audiences for his work on Grace & Frankie, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and The New Negroes with friend of the show Open Mike Eagle. He’s familiar to his family for watching a whole lot of those multi-episode, sepia photograph-intensive, history rich documentaries by Ken Burns on subjects like baseball, the Civil War, the Brooklyn Bridge, and Doritos, although we made that last one up. Baron tells us all about his favorite Burns works and why he actually hasn’t made his way all the way through most of them because, yeah you guessed it, he dozes off after a while. You’ll doze off as Baron shares his Burnsian adoration as well as his passionate interest in the history of comedy.

You have definitely seen actor, writer, and director Ravi V. Patel on a screen before. He’s one of those guys that seems to be in everything. Perhaps most recently as a team mentor on the new season of LEGO Masters Jr. or maybe co-starring on Animal Control with Joel McHale or acting in Ghosts or being put through some grueling paces on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test. All the while, he has a family with young children. It’s a very busy life for Ravi and he’s able to accomplish all this, in part due to an extremely detailed nutrition and fitness routine, which he will tell you all about. He’ll even tell you what type of book to read at bedtime (if you’re not listening to the show) and how many grams of protein to get each day (it rhymes with schmirty). You’ll be asleep before you know it, even as Ravi goes off to film some new television show.

When you have two guests on one show, you’re going to get a variety of topics, especially when they have such diverse interests as tennis great Patrick McEnroe and Broadway icon Melissa Errico. The two, married 26 years, take us on a very friendly and relaxing jaunt through a very old-timey English castle (that somehow has a sauna and Pilates room), various off-the-beaten-path tourist spots in Italy, plus Frankfurt, Copenhagen, and Capri, home of those pants. And we get in plenty of discussion of tennis, which you can enjoy without keeping score (in that weird tennis way), running, or grunting. You can just lie down and let the anecdotes wash over you. Patrick tells us that his older brother, John McEnroe, has recorded a sleep story for a major sleep aid app, but that will cost you money and our show won’t. Also, while Patrick will definitely send you to sleep, we have a hard time believing the same about John, having seen him get really super mad at line judges.

As hosts of the Happy Wife Happy Life podcast, comedians/writers/actors Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick help their listeners navigate everything related to relationships. Here on our show, in this episode, they bring that gift of harmony to society’s views of chihuahuas, especially their own rescue dog, Angel. As you drift off to sleep, you’ll hear about Angel’s peculiarities, why these dogs are not necessarily annoying but possibly misunderstood, and you’ll hear the surprising information that one of Paris Hilton’s chihuahuas was 23 dang years old when it finally passed away. 23. Can you believe that? Turns out, Paris was an excellent tiny dog caretaker. You’ll love spending your sleepytime with Kendahl, Jordan, and Angel who doesn’t bark at all during show. Not so yappy at all, you see.

The versatile Ana Marie Cox is a podcast host (Space the Nation, Past Due), a veteran journalist (MTV News, The New York Times Magazine), the founding editor of Wonkette, a writing instructor, and a political pundit and analyst, frequently featured on various cable news programs. But not to worry. Ana stays out of the political fray in this interview. I mean, nothing better to keep you stressed out and awake than the current political climate. Instead, Ana takes us on a tour of all the places she lived as a young person growing up in Texas, primarily around Austin and Fort Worth. Hear about the floor plans, the decor, and everything else you need to hear but not truly engage with as you drift off to sleep. Like all of our best episodes, it’s interesting enough to keep you distracted from your worries (like, you know, politics) but not so interesting that you lose sleep. Gotta have your sleep, Sleepyheads.

Here’s how we figure it: if you appear on our show (the most popular podcast in the world) (look that up) (don’t), you automatically become a celebrity. We have listeners all over this planet at least. That makes hardware store assistant manager Winter Burnett a celebrity. During our last Max Fun Drive, we set a stretch goal for new members and said if we hit that goal, one of you Sleepyheads could be the guest celebrity on the show. We hit it and received several excellent pitches. Winter’s concept: there are two laundromats in her town of Morris, IL (1.5 hours from Chicago, depending on traffic) so let’s look at the similarities and differences between Wash & Dry and Soaps. What kind of machines are there? What’s the TV situation? And which one has an adjoining hot dog place that also serves something called pizza puffs? You will be very, very mildly interested as you fall asleep, waking hours later feeling freshly laundered.

King of the multi-hyphenates Demi Adejuyigbe joins John to talk cameras, film, his favorite camera store, and... zzzzzz

You know Janet Varney from her starring roles in You’re the Worst and The Legend of Korra and from hosting two Maximum Fun podcasts, The JV Club and E Pluribus Motto, which she co-hosts with John Hodgman and which just launched its second season. But to the critters of the night, Janet is simply a friend, a liaison between themselves and all the diurnal humans. She talks about many nocturnal animals she encounters or nearly encounters around her Los Angeles home, including coyotes, possums, raccoons, and skunks, who, when they’re all out of stink spray, will pound their paws on the ground and make a “puh!” sound. It’s cute but not nearly as intimidating as the whole spray thing. Join Janet as she enumerates the various pals of the night and drift off to sleep knowing they’re out there.

Kathy Valentine is the bassist for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees The Go-Go’s. Emerging from the L.A. punk scene, ruling the charts, and still playing shows 47 years later, any member of the band must have a million thrilling stories about life as real live rock stars. But we’re a show that tries to put you to sleep so on our program Kathy talks about all the cats she has owned over the course of her life: Organic, Simon, Clorox, Protozoa, Greymalkin, Coconut, Elvis, Dart, Howard Hughes, Gingerman, Rocky, Dodge, Sylvie, and Mazzy. Learn the peculiarities of each kitty family member, their nuances and tendencies, as you drift off to sleep. Never mind your lips, your eyelids will be sealed. It’s like a vacation. We got the beat to your circadian rhythm. You’ll be head over heels in bed.

You may know Paget Brewster as FBI Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss on the television series Criminal Minds or as Joey’s girlfriend Kathy on multiple episodes of Friends. If you’re a particularly discerning entertainment consumer, you also know her from Andy Richter Controls the Universe or as Sadie Doyle on the podcast and stage series The Thrilling Adventure Hour. We’re not going to talk about any of that here, however, because we are going to spend a long time talking about bone broth. Paget walks us through the extensive days-long process of creating a broth that provides the foundation for many delicious meals. Listen to Paget’s soothing voice and drift off to sleep and maybe when you wake up you’ll have expert bone broth skills of your own.

Is this a feat that the beloved author, actor, and host of Maximum Fun’s Judge John Hodgman can actually pull off? Well, no, probably not. There are over 4,600 such islands and he’s only one mortal human. Come on. But will he make a pretty game attempt for a little while and invite you to join his efforts as you drift off to sleep? Oh yes. Oh absolutely yes. And together, we’ll learn about geodesic domes along the way and that will be neat.

The very funny and charming Julie Klausner is known for her starring role in the acclaimed Hulu dark comedy series Difficult People and she has appeared in Big Mouth, What We Do in the Shadows, At Home with Amy Sedaris, and many other beloved and hilarious programs. It’s stressful work, we think, because Julie has had a lot of massages over the years and she’s here to tell you all about them. We hope you’ll find our conversation as relaxing and sleep-inducing as a real massage but we assure you there will be no oils applied to you, nor will there be a CD of whale songs or the vague threat of wind chimes. And you can wear whatever you like.

Chris Duffy is a writer, extremely funny comedian, and host of the TED podcast How To Be a Better Human. He’s also a former contestant on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? (answer: well, we all do, of course) where a producer asked what he would do if he won the titular million bucks and Chris said he would buy a lifetime supply of new socks. That’s a bad answer, the producer said, but Chris stands by it. He loves the feel of new socks quite a bit and has many thoughts on sock selection based on length, material, and overall foot feel. He cares about socks a whole lot and, being the show we are, we let him go on talking about socks and you can listen while you fall asleep, giggling occasionally. Doesn’t that sound pleasant? Sure it does.

You know Tamara Keith as NPR’s Senior White House Correspondent and as one of the hosts of the NPR Politics Podcast. You can count on her to deliver up-to-the-minute news and analysis on the most dramatic beat in journalism, even if it’s news that you may find very alarming. But there’s nothing alarming or upsetting about Tamara’s thoughts on the vast and delicious world of pies, it’s all very pleasant. She tells about making her favorite cherry pie and the pecan pie served at the secret White House basement Christmas party. Tamara’s job forbids her from offering an opinion on politics but she offers one here: cheesecake is not a pie. Drift off to sleep and dream of delicious, delicious pie served by a gentle NPR voice.

Comedian, actor, and author Tamara Yajia has a new book Cry for Me, Argentina: My Life as a Failed Child Star that doesn’t spend all that much time on the subject of charcuterie boards. But that’s what our discussion is for. Learn about Tamara’s grandfather’s extensive and somewhat emotionally charged boards and how they inspired her to make vast boards of her own, first in England and then in America. Learn also about how Brad Pitt became such a fan of Tamara’s charcuterie-informed podcast that he invited her over to his place for... charcuterie. Truth be told, he probably had someone else put it together but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. Tamara lays out a spread of conversation about salami, cheese, but never candy or fish, as you drift off to a delicious sleep.

Hanif Abdurraqib is a poet, cultural critic, and author of numerous books, including They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us, A Little Devil in America, and There’s Always This Year. He’s very passionate about music, as is evidenced in his massive collection, purchased online and at concert venues, of concert t-shirts, band sweatshirts, and other vintage apparel linked to various artists. Hanif walks us through his criteria for selecting which shirts to buy as well as what will determine the coming culling of his collection down to a more manageable 70. He also details the white whale that’s still out there, the item he dreams of: Tina Weymouth’s Talking Heads jacket last spotted onstage in Rome in 1980. Tina, if you still have that jacket, give us a call. Fall asleep as you listen to Hanif, who has a lovely soothing voice, take you through his closet and his thinking.

If you love history, you already know about the lovely podcast The Memory Palace, which celebrates the quirky and intriguing elements of stuff that has happened. If you haven’t heard it, go listen. But first, hear honey-voiced host Nate DiMeo explain his complex and impassioned opinions on team names, logos, the nefarious nature of image consultants, and Utah somehow being known for Jazz.

Nobody knows pop culture better than Linda Holmes, one of the hosts of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour, and culture doesn’t get much more pop than the nineties teen prime time soap Beverly Hills, 90210. Let Linda guide you to sleep while she introduces you to Brandon, Brenda, Kelly, Steve, Donna, and even Scott, who we frankly didn’t even know existed until Linda told us about him. We also challenge Linda to tell us, in the calmest and most soothing way possible, about the car bomb that killed Dylan’s dad. Linda Holmes has the honor of being the first returning guest on Sleeping with Celebrities and if you’re still awake after this episode, go back and listen to her give the full scoop on Melrose Place.

There are many places to acquire food and household items in the greater Los Angeles area. You could go to Costco, you could go to Ralphs, you could even swing by 99 Ranch. Or if you listen to this episode with the delightful Sierra Katow, you could visit all these places and let Sierra do the driving while you zonk off to sleep, sated with the audio equivalent of free samples of tasty snacks. You might have seen Sierra on Sex Lives of College Girls or Last Comic Standing or perhaps you’ve heard her as one of the hosts of Maximum Fun’s TV Chef Fantasy League. Or maybe you just know her from the produce aisle.