When people go through significant life changes, relationships get tested. Sometimes the circumstances and chemistry that brought two people together changes significantly. The question becomes whether or not the connection between them is strong enough to adapt to the new season, new circumstances, and perhaps even the new convictions that one or both of them carry. In this episode, I interview my oldest daughter, Keana [19]. She is someone I deeply respect and admire, and on this particular topic, she carries a unique perspective that’s well worth listening to. We talk openly about our own relationship, and she gives her thoughts about what it really takes from two people to heal a relationship that has been strained or broken.

Life can be absolutely brutal. When the people we love the most, or perhaps even God, leave us feeling deeply disappointed, it is soul-crushing. But without hope, you simply can’t grow and sustain healthy relationships. Hope is an essential ingredient for love—non-negotiable. So, how do we maintain hope after experiencing so much loss and trauma? In this episode, I have the privilege of interviewing Dr. Alistair Reese, a close friend and mentor, and someone I admire greatly. He is a man of extraordinary hope, and given some of the profoundly painful and traumatic experiences he and his dear wife Jeannie have endured, I would describe the resilient hope within him as miraculous. Dive into this episode for some inspiration and practical guidance on cultivating resilient hope in your life.

When people feel threatened by each other, it creates a chasm of mistrust. Self-preservation kicks in, and walls of defence go up. Sometimes, relationships tragically break down because of simple misunderstandings that create baseless fear. Other times, healthy boundaries are needed because of genuine abuse. Either way, it raises the question, “Can the bridge between us be rebuilt? If so, how?” In this episode, I have the privilege of interviewing Dallas Harema, a dear friend of mine here in Aotearoa. Dallas and his wife Lucy have spent decades working with people from all walks of life to help diverse communities thrive together. They have to wrestle with this question every single day in the community work they do and have learnt so much along the way. I love Dallas’ honesty and openness on this incredibly difficult topic, and I reckon you will as well.

Sometimes someone important in your life does something that causes you so much pain, it’s impossible to imagine the relationship ever being healed. When trust gets damaged this deeply, the thought of it ever being restored is unthinkable. Why would you bother considering what it would take for this person to make things right with you? In this short episode, I unpack some of my own journey and how I’ve found it helpful to reflect on what it would take for the people who have hurt me the most to restore their relationship with me. Whether or not they ever lift a finger to re-earn my trust, knowing what it would take to do so has been a huge part of my own healing in these relationships. Have a listen to hear why and how.

Each and every one of us is infinitely complex. Put two people together in a relationship, and now you’ve got infinite complexity times two! With all of that wonderful [or hellish] uniqueness, is it really worth even trying to understand each other? Is it even possible?  In this episode, I interview Cora, who has in many ways, devoted her life to the pursuit of understanding people. As a certified CliftonStrengths Coach, certified Enneagram Coach, Restoring Connections Mentor, mother of four, and wife to a man of profound mystery [that’s a joke], she knows a LOT about what it takes to truly understand someone. She shares openly about what gives her confidence that it’s possible and gives some practical advice on how to overcome obstacles to better understand the people you love most.

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections. They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries. In this episode, we look a little closer at: Healthy Boundaries - Protecting the Connection and these principles: 1. I learn and keep learning my limits 2. I set up boundaries and break down walls 3. I set boundaries for me and let you set boundaries for you 4. I have a plan for unmet needs

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections. They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries. In this episode, we look a little closer at: Powerful Communication - Guiding the Connection and these principles: 1. I prepare myself before important conversations 2. I pursue understanding first and agreement second 3. I tell you about me and let you tell me about you 4. I participate in establishing a clear way forward

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections. They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries. In this episode, we look a little closer at: Proactive Care - Feeding the Connection and these principles: 1. I care for you because I choose to. 2. I actively care for you even when I'm in pain. 3. I learn about you and care for you according to who you are. 4. I embrace my need to be cared for by you.

There are four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections.  They are: 1. Personal Responsibility  2. Proactive Care 3. Powerful Communication  4. Healthy Boundaries These are practices we've gleaned from those we are mentored by and that we learn from regularly. They are ancient truths that we have simply brought together in a new format. Restoring Connections was birthed out of the heartache and disappointments that we have navigated in our closest relationships. In our darkest moments, we had support from others who possessed the strength and wisdom that we needed. The lessons we have learned along the way have formed the core values of our training curriculum. It is now our privilege to support people in their own journey of strengthening their most important relationships and in turn, supporting them to mentor others also.

Close relationships are going to occasionally involve pain, and very close relationships are likely to occasionally involve a LOT of pain. Naturally, we want to do everything we can to avoid pain, but the reality is that pain isn’t what destroys relationships. Depending on how we respond to pain, it can either lead to confusion (the actual relationship killer), or it can lead to learning, growth, and deeper trust. In this second episode of a 2-part series, I dive into an exploration of healthy ways to navigate through pain wholeheartedly. That means ensuring our words, actions, and feelings are all lining up even when it hurts. I share some of my own personal, painful experiences and some of the practical steps I implement that help me turn painful situations into personal growth, and deeper relationships with the most important people in my life.

Close relationships are going to occasionally involve pain, and very close relationships are likely to occasionally involve a LOT of pain. Naturally, we want to do everything we can to avoid pain, but the reality is that pain isn’t what destroys relationships. Depending on how we respond to pain, it can either lead to confusion (the actual relationship killer), or it can lead to learning, growth, and deeper trust. In this first episode of a 2-part series, I dive into an exploration of healthy ways to navigate through pain wholeheartedly. That means ensuring our words, actions, and feelings are all lining up, even when it hurts. I share some of my own personal, painful experiences and some of the practical steps that I implement that help me turn painful situations into personal growth, and deeper relationships with the most important people in my life.

Shame, the feeling of inadequacy or being unworthy of love, is one of the most soul-destroying emotional experiences a human being can have. It wreaks havoc on close relationships. Every one of us will wrestle with shame at some point in our lives. Many, if not most of us, wrestle with it on a daily basis. In the modern age of extraordinary communication technology, most of us live immersed in a shame-driven online culture where every possible human flaw is put under the magnifying glass for the world to critique. It can be terrifying and paralysing. In this second episode of a 2-part series on ‘shame’, I draw on some very helpful wisdom from Cora regarding recognising ‘shaming’ practices that we use without realising it. We take a close look at why shaming is often a go-to behaviour, even with people we care for deeply [such as our own children] and what we can do practically to put the shaming tools down and pick up much healthier tools for communicating effectively with the closest people in our lives, especially when they are doing things that drive us nuts.

Shame, the feeling of inadequacy or being unworthy of love, is one of the most soul-destroying emotional experiences a human being can have. It wreaks havoc on close relationships. Every one of us will wrestle with shame at some point in our lives. Many, if not most of us, wrestle with it on a daily basis. In the modern age of extraordinary communication technology, most of us live immersed in a shame-driven online culture where every possible human flaw is put under the magnifying glass for the world to critique. It can be terrifying and paralysing. In this first episode of a 2-part series on ‘shame’, I draw on some very helpful wisdom from Cora regarding recognising ‘shaming’ practices that we use without realising it. We take a close look at why shaming is often a go-to behaviour, even with people we care for deeply [such as our own children] and what we can do practically to put the shaming tools down and pick up much healthier tools for communicating effectively with the closest people in our lives, especially when they are doing things that drive us nuts.

Going through painful, disappointing experiences can eat away at the hope we have for the future. This is especially true when we feel that we’re experiencing the same painful things on repeat! How can we move forward when we keep doing the same dumb things over and over? The answer, of course, is in our ability to learn, grow, and change… which can be really hard.   In this episode, we look at three guiding principles for healthy, non-judgmental conversations about problems. When Cora and I meet every week, we want to be focused on working together to tackle the issues in front of us rather than blaming and criticising each other. Believe me, it’s not always easy! These principles help us turn failures and frustrations into positive growth.

Our culture is utterly obsessed with labels. Why? And more importantly, is it actually helpful in any way? I think most of us tend to find labels helpful and stabilising when describing the negative behaviour of someone who has caused us pain or frustration. Especially if we can find others who agree with us. It brings order into our chaotic state. But what about when trust is the goal? What about when deepening your connection with the person in front of you is more important than soothing your own personal need to feel in control of the situation? Are those negative labels helpful, then?  In this episode, I share openly about my own thoughts regarding labelling behaviour, when I’ve noticed it to be helpful and when I’ve noticed it to be damaging, even catastrophic, to a relationship. This conversation springs mostly from our Personal Responsibility course module and, in particular, the necessity of retaining a judgement-free heart, which is incredibly challenging and absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship with anyone, anywhere, ever.

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when others see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us!  In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome. In this episode, Part 4, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the difficult one?”

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when other’s see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us!  In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome. In this episode, Part 3, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the idiot?”

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when other’s see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us!  In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome. In this episode, Part 2, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the weak one?”

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when other’s see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us!  In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome. In this episode, Part 1, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the bad guy?”

It’s extraordinary how awful a conversation can be, even, or perhaps especially, with someone you care for deeply. They say it takes 2 to tango, and if that’s true, then it should only take one to not tango, right? Are there language tools a person can use to steer a conversation away from the cliff edge and back towards productive, healthy dialogue? Are any of the language tools I tend to use injecting disrespect and fear into my conversations without me even realising it? In this series, Cora and I look at the phrases people tend to use that typically make conversations worse. We share our own stories of failure and success and offer suggestions for responding to these kinds of phrases in ways that typically ease anxiety, creating peace instead of fueling the fire. We also offer alternative, healthier phrases to use when we’re experiencing pain, frustration, or anger. In this episode, the 4th of 4, we go through a list of phrases that we’ve identified as being “Fear and judgment in self-defence".