Hey, how’s your year going? Pretty great? Great? We’re coming to you, our dear listeners, to let you know that we’re going to be taking a brief pause on the show while Cassie recovers from a medical procedure. We love you and hope you’ll listen on with us when we return!

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We’re back! Happy new year! We missed you and hope you’re ready to immediately sully the blank slate with a truly absurd episode of America’s Next Top Model. This week, we watched “The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower” and “The Girl Whose Boyfriend Is Cheating On Her” and watch the girls visit a previous Top Model champ, assemble their own posses, and meet a couple of real Jackasses. Then, we all recoil in horror as Lisa ventures into exciting new diaper-related territory in a bid for attention. Cassie talks about putting things in her nose, Erin says “Steve-O” really weird, and Producer Spouse is no longer allowed to sing Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are by Meat Loaf. Listen on!

S05E08: The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower
S05E09: The Girl Whose Boyfriend Is Cheating On Her
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Friends, family, elves and reindeer, it’s time for a holiday treat! This year, we decided to take a break from talking about ghastly people wearing great clothes on America’s Next Top Model, and instead decided to talk about ghastly people wearing great clothes on Gossip Girl! We discuss the season one holiday episode “Roman Holiday,” in which Blair’s father brings his boyfriend to town, and hijinks ensue. Serena searches for the perfect present, Erin and Cassie pick their favourite outfits from the show, and then Erin, Cassie, and Spouse all discover they murdered angels in their youth. Pour yourself a nog, throw on an expensive scarf, and join us for a laugh or three!

Folks, that’s gonna do it for us for 2020! Thank you for joining us this year. We’ll see you first week of January 2021 to continue our watch of Cycle 5 of America’s Next Top Model, but until then, stay safe, and have a wonderful and warm holiday season. We love you!

Gossip Girl S01E11: Roman Holiday
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Legend tells of an incredible discovery to be made within the notes for the seventh episode of season 5 of Resting On Pretty. Nobody has succeeded in cracking the code thus far, but perhaps you, dear listener, will prevail. Best of luck.

tHis week, we watched “the gIrls who are 1940s pinups” and wiTnessed tHe models run An obstacle course and get covered iN manure, cassie plays a bunch of pranKS, and there’s a very stinky go-see. FavOuRite photos are taken, there’s muLtIple Slyly writTEN tyra mails, and one model handles a panel challenge wIth some true iNGenuiTy. spOuse gets extremely Owned, erin starts a clUb for watching hoRror movies, and Cassie helps yOu dO your hoLiday SHOpping. listen on, Won’t you?

S05E07: The Girls Who Are 1940s Pinups
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Writing to you on the eve of the second Toronto lockdown, enjoying the snow outside, and listening to these two goofballs talk about America’s Next Top Model. Hard to be in too bad of a mood. Try to ruin my evening, I dare you! Double dog dare! You can’t! You’ll be reading this at LEAST two days too late! Anyway, what have we got here - okay, so this week, we watched “The Girl Who Loves Bubbles And Talks To Plants”and saw the models put on food based masks, relax in a hot tub, record a secret-heavy commercial and lightly plagiarize each other. Erin reveals she liked the television program Charmed, and Cassie reveals some equally interesting personal news.

S05E06: The Girl Who Loves Bubbles And Talks To Plants
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Howdy stranger. You’re not from 'round these parts, are ya? Yeah, this town ain’t been the same since them Resting On Pretty gals came through. Wouldn’t stop talkin’ ‘bout some reality tellervision show they’d watched recently. Somethin’ ‘bout “The Girl Who Gets A Boob Job” - don’t sound like sorta thing you’d bring up in polite company, now do it? Anyway, apparently in this here episode, the models learn ‘bout their flaws, someone by the name a Janice comes through - now they seemed REAL excited about that one - and some other feller named Spouse eats an ice cream sandwich. Ain’t none of my business. Anyhoo, what’cha drinkin’?

S05E05: The Girls Who Gets A Boob Job
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Dear Mister “I’m Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans,” this will be the last podcast I ever send your ass! Today we watched “The Girl Who Makes A Disclaimer” and watch as a hard moral line in the sand is drawn about cutting your hair too short, witness some mildly sapphic longing, and think about the Work Bitch music video. There’s multiple runway challenges, a green screen, and both Erin and Cassie are feeling crabbier than usual for reasons outside of the podcast! All the best, your loving friend, Stanley.

S05E04: The Girls Makes A Disclaimer
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Folks, we’ve given it some thought and have decided that we are no longer going to cover America’s Next Top Model. Instead, we are going to drive ourselves considerably less mad watching the 1984 procedural situation comedy Night Court! Isn’t that better? Aren’t you in a better mood already? Anyways, this week we watched a really weird episode from the show’s fifth season, “The Girl Who Needs A Miracle,” in which a bunch of models get makeovers. Will Judge Stone like the Mia Farrow haircut one of the models is given? Will Rufus the cat successfully distract all three people involved in the creation of this podcast? Will Spouse get robbed by another Tyra Mail? Listen on, dear listener!

S05E03: The Girl Who Needs A Miracle
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[Transcribed audio from the last dispatch of the SS Resting On Pretty]: Something happened to my crew, it’s… it’s just me left. We… we watched “The Girls Become Superheroes” this week and… god. There was a tour of Beverly Hills… a party and runway show… Cassie made a quiche. We thought everything was going well… we though [inaudible] we were wrong, we were so WRONG. We… who’s there? Oh g[static, audio cuts off]

S05E02: The Girls Become Superheroes
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When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to tell me stories of a reality television program where models would compete under the watchful eye of an elder (relative to models) guide giving bizarre advice couched in riddles, for the entertainment of millions of young millennials trying not to think about the Iraq war. Stories turned to legend, legend turned to myths, and myths turned to… forgotten… myths. But it’s true. The stories were all true. This week, we kick off Cycle 5 of America’s Next Top Model with a bang and watch “The Girl With A Twisted Catchphrase,” and are shocked to discover that it’s not a Joker quote. We meet a veritable swarm of new models, Tyra gives some extremely helpful advice to lesbians everywhere, poses are posed, and one model gets the chance to ask Tyra Banks any question she likes. She uses the opportunity wisely. Meanwhile, we all struggle to remember what town Twilight takes place in. Listen on!

S05E01: “The Girl With A Twisted Catchphrase"
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Look, we know you lil Sisyphuses are as excited as we are to start the next season of ANTM. But! Before we get to pushing that boulder a fifth time, we have a little treat for you. This week, in a very special bonus episode of Resting On Pretty, we are joined by former contestant Jenascia Chakos Carter, a proud loser of Cycle 2 of the show, and one of our favourite models we’ve met in the podcast’s lifetime. Jenascia took some time (out of having recently had her second baby!!!) to talk to us about her time on the show, what exactly, if anything, she was expected to do about her height, her thoughts about the show’s reevaluation by viewers in the current political moment, and her reformation from plant killer to plant rescuer.

You can bother Jenascia with your plant questions on Instagram at @dirty.planties, and we’ll see you here next week for Season 5, baby!

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We’re here, we’re clean and clear, get used to it! Folks, we’ve made it to the end of another season and witnessed another contestant become America’s Next Top Model, so it’s time to see how they, and their peers, did! We get some drinks going to celebrate not only this momentous occasion, but also, the one year anniversary of this very podcast, AND the end of Janice Dickinson’s tenure on the panel of judges. We’re going to, for lack of a better word, “miss” her.

Thank you for sticking with us through Resting On Pretty Year One! What a treat it is to make this show for your ears. See you soon for Season 5!

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Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, and wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, tell that this podcast has made it to the end of another season! This week, we watched as America’s Next Top Model is crowned in “The Girl Who Walks On Water” and are joined by publicist, pole dancer, and immediate best friend Fabiana to talk all about it. We admittedly had too much fun talking with her, and think you will have at least as much listening as we discuss bad looks from our youth, bizarre Texas football customs, the weird moving goalposts of weight in modelling, and of course, nü-metal. Hope you have somewhere else you were planning on sleeping tonight, because this one was a barnburner!

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Fabiana’s Twitter: @ThePRBish

PRODUCER SPOUSE’S NOTE: Erin’s audio is a bit distant for the back half of the show, as the software we used quietly and without alerting us switched microphones to the one in my laptop. It’s still relatively listenable, and the episode is so good that we hope it makes up it for this. Sorry and we love you.

S04E13: “The Girl Who Walks On Water"
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We’re on the precipice of another exciting season finale of America’s Next Top Model, as well as our own podcast, so you know what that means - it’s time to bring everything to a screeching halt so we can answer some questions from you, dear listener! After a quick season recap, we discuss trips we’d take with the show’s judges, our favourite fall fashion trends, and a particularly model-ready dog. Plus, a previous guest of the show comes to us for shopping advice! Listen, coward. You will only be hearing a podcast.

S04E12: “What The Girls Did That You’ve Never Seen Before"
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Legend tells of two cranky ghosts who died in a podcast studio hundreds of years ago in the throes of rage over something inexplicable Tyra Banks once said. On nights just like this, when the rss feeds are just right, you can hear them shouting at each other about how absurd the television show they are cursed to watch forever in perdition is. This week, they’re talking about “The Girl Who Is Special,” and between the ostriches, three nearly nude men, and discussions about the appropriate emotional response to the legacy of Nelson Mandela, many are saying it has “it all” - listen on, dear listener, if you’re brave enough! OoOooOooooOOOooOoooOo

S04E11: “The Girl Who Is Special"
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At the start of every episode of America’s Next Top Model is the question “Do you want to be on top?” A fun little game you can play is see how foreboding the question sounds depending on which word you emphasize. DO you want to be on top? Do you WANT to be on top? And so on. You make joy where you can. Ugh. Let’s see - this week, in “The Girl Who Flops In The Mud” the show goes mask off and literally pits the girls against each other to see who judges the others the most effectively. It’s fun to do, it’s fun to watch, we loved it and felt great about it. On the other hand, our pets brought the podcast to a screeching halt on multiple occasions in a really endearing way, so we’re not packing it in just yet! Ad astra per podcast!

DON’T FORGET: Did you get your questions in for our upcoming mailbag? You should, we’re recording it pretty soon! You can DM them to us on Instagram or send us an email.

S04E10: The Girl Who Flops In The Mud
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We just wanted to enjoy an episode of America’s Next Top Model with cool animals in it, man. Instead, “The Girl Who The Lionesses Are Hunting,” (a title that definitely wasn’t reused, don’t go through the back catalogue to fact-check that) mostly spends its time body shaming Keenyah, which one might argue is the exact opposite of looking at cool animals! Damn. Also, they go to Africa, and Cassie tells us all about the time her dad got up to some mischief at Herman Melville’s house. What a king.

S04E09: The Girl Who The Lionesses Are Hunting
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There’s a certain clarity of purpose one implies when they describe something as evil that should prevent the term from being thrown about lightly, but I don’t think anyone here would disagree with us saying that America’s Next Top Model is… mildly evil. That being said, this week, we watched “The Girl Who Gets Bad News” and arrive at the conclusion that it maybe didn’t get a fair shake. The models do a sinful photoshoot, there’s some bad news and no bears, Cassie can’t stop saying “absolutely," and Erin will probably never live down a truly adorable malaprop.

DON’T FORGET: Our mailbag episode approaches! Send us a question, won’t you? Better yet, ask it!

S04E08: The Girl Who Gets Bad News
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The following message is intended for former America’s Next Top Model contestant Tiffany Richardson only:

If you would like to come on our show, eat french fries in the afternoon and talk about literally anything other than the events of “The Girl Who Sends Tyra Over The Edge,” consider this episode description a standing invitation. We’re so sorry. This sucked.

Anyway, this week Erin makes everyone do British accents, Cassie has to be talked off the edge of posting feet, and Producer Spouse has an epiphany about Tyra’s decision making process.

S04E07: The Girl Who Sends Tyra Over The Edge
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Folks, we’re feeling great. We’re feeling fine. We’re feeling like talking Top Model, against the recommendation of our medical practitioners and pleas and wishes of our loved ones! This week, we watched “The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance” in which the girls have to fight for their right to party responsibly. Then, suddenly and without much warning, TRUCKS. Meanwhile, Cassie goes to a store, Erin talks about the one absurd and embarrassing job she actually DIDN’T get in her youth, and Producer Spouse hopes there’s funny music cues.

S04E06: The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance
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