Do you think Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger ever had a magic act where Pliny the Elder would climb into a big wooden box with whatever the Latin is for "PLINY THE ELDER'S DE-AGING DEVICE" written on it. Then Pliny the Younger would jump out of the box and say "behold, it is I, Pliny the Elder but younger. But you may call me simply Pliny." Then William Pitt, who had been watching from backstage, calls his dad on the phone and says "Pitt! Pitt the Elder! It's your son, Pitt the Younger. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well listen to this!" and then he holds the phone towards the stage, not understanding that telephones can't convey a magic act that ended twenty seconds ago. "Pitt the Disappointment, more like," says Pitt the Elder on the phone to no one. In this episode. Steve gets scanned. Log gets Zimmed. Joe gets secrets. Charmed I'm sure.

I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. Elsewhere, Joe gets into advertising (again), Matt's been watching strangers on the beach (again), and Log regales us with tales from the life of man who sells fish in pubs (unique). P.S. You're a bee.

When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and forwards and getting confused", my grandmother used to put a hand on my shoulder and say "more haste, less speed". I looked her square in the eye and said "oh my god you mad hag everyone knows time = distance / speed, that is the most stupid thing I've ever heard". Then I would fall asleep from not being able to find my keys. It is THAT spirit of GET IT DONE that Gav brings to the world when he drives a car: up to - and exceeding! - the speed limit. This time, however, he has been caught, and now the only Zooming he's doing is in a meeting with a speed awareness instructor! (That's a real joke: there are nearly FOUR in this episode.) Meanwhile, Joe brings an angry father into the show. A man who wants to know why his debutante offspring has been scandalised to death by our vulgar utterances. And Log has joined a gym that is expensive beyond reason and reckons he can put it against his tax bill if he says it was research for the podcast. "Western Streets" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Oh my goodness, you STINK. Get in the bath immediately. I cannot BELIEVE how often I have to scrub the stink off of you in this bath. Urgh, first I need to scrape off this outer layer of Gavin, who has clearly been equating figures of Irish renown with NFL offensive positions. Oh, and what do we have under here? A Steve feature about his washing machine I shouldn't doubt. And, oh god, I've been sick, this is a whole bubbling film of Joe discussing the stagnation of the kitchen. OK get out, I love you again.

Take a little pinch of Regular, and a heaped teaspoon of Features. Pre-heat the oven. Sorry I was supposed to tell you to do that first. Unpinch the Regular and tip the Features back into the Feature Scuttle. Now that your hands are free, pre-heat the oven. Okay. Now you can repinch the Regular, add a heaped teaspoon of Features. Hold on. There was supposed to be greaseproof paper somewhere. Sorry. In this episode, Joe introduces us to Rumplestiltskin's weird brother. Log clears out a gay bar using the power of words. And Steve is back with a critically acclaimed sequel in the Brian Cradle sagaverse. Please love us!! "Volatile Reaction" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ "Touching Moments Four - Melody" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".

Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know. In this episode, Steve has an update from the British Podcast Awards. Log measures our pride with a capital pee. And Matt talks about chairs for what seems like ages, but turns out is only about 12 minutes. Okay here we go.

We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these years and for keeping this runaway train of nonsense chugging along and stocked up with coal. (the coal is likes and iTunes reviews and the track is Patreon money fyi)

Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single nod from a brute would be enough to butter my teacakes and make my shadow scurry up my garters, ahhh doooo believe. Ahh rahhllyy achsually dooooo if you don't mind. In this episode, Joe introduces me to the fine and upstanding gentlemen of this podcast, who I am assured are decent folk of good moral standing. And Log, ah am told, goes to war with various birds. Ahhh. AHHHHH. "That Zen Moment " Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Open wide, it's time for podcasts. In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Steve invites us on a tour of Candyman's factory, and Log lists the animals of his local city farm that have displeased him.

Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds AND uncles. So come on down to this episode. The uncles and birds are waiting... for you?? In this episode, Joe shows off his criminal underbelly. Log learns to speak the ancient language of beak. And Steve feeds so many damn birds. Now scoot!

Hello and welcome to the only podcast that is "Regular Features". In this episode, Joe samples forbidden chlorinated delicacies of the new world, Ryan Coogler bugles his way into and out of yet another scrape, and Steve wonders what if Bebop out of Ninja Turtles wound up Pope.

Welcome back to the Regular Features podcast, the only podcast that enters your dreams every night to chase you around a big hedge maze. And when you wake up there are hedge clippings under your pillow. And when you shake your husband awake to tell him about the dream, he has OUR faces. Dream within a dream, baby! We're the only podcast that does that, we checked!! In this episode, an Instagram voodoo-witch lets Gav in on an ancient secret you WON'T believe. Joe invites you on a murder investigation with a SHOCKING twist. And Steve pings around pointlessly like a DVD logo.

It's another quiet day in the Regular Features stock market today, and OH MY GOD THE FEATURES INDEX IS CRASHING. Put in a big buy order for Log talking about Tinkletown! Sell your stocks in Pope futures, because Joe's lifting the lid on a smoky secret! And whatever you do, hold onto your animal facts, because Matt's flooding the market!

Mmm, we have just baked a delicious episode. Now to leave it cooling on the windowsill with all delicious smell lines coming out of it. We hope there are no hungry readers hiding in our begonias. HEY. In this SPECIAL two-boy episode, Joe attempts to decipher a cryptic feature idea from his notes app. And Steve reckons Katy Perry aint been quite right ever since she did a loop-de-loop near a moon.

This week we preview the 2025 Video Games BAFTA Awards one whole week after they've been announced. How did we manage such a time-bending feat? We're not quite sure ourselves.

Four podcasters, two pairings, one episode. Joe and Gav face off against Matt and Log in a barely conceived concept episode. Do not adjust your set, because your set doesn't control podcasts.

In this episode, Log is up for a BAFTA, which looks like you're SHOUTING it because it's an ACRONYM. For the sake of making each of our features sound equally prestigious: Steve is talking about EARWAX, and Joe suspects somebody might be trying to MURDER the inventor of the SAXOPHONE. OKAY?

Hi, I'm Joe Skrebels. I just want you to know that I downloaded the public domain image used as art for this episode of the podcast before I realised it looked like me on that sled. I want to make it very clear that I did not teleport back to the 1930s for a photoshoot that I could use as podcast art almost a century later. I wouldn't do that, I haven't got the wherewithal. In this episode, Matt can't stop sninning, Log processes some stuff about a Paula Abdul music video, and Joe travels back in time to go sledding. Wait, no, don't pay attention to that. Alexa, delete that. ALEXA, DELETE THAT.

Welcome to Regular Features, the only podcast that's been clinically proven to be both big AND clever. In this week's episode, teenage Steve gets a visit from The Rock out of Wrestling, Matt intrudes into the personal doings of a Pikachu, and Log designs his own cash register, or "till", as in "I'm not serving you this pint till you give me coins for my cash register".