In this fitting and perfect send-off and season finale, I'm joined by two very awesome fellow podcasters and entrepreneurs who also happen to be platonic life partners. Foxxy Devine aka Seth Hill and Luna Hawks aka Jozette Gordon are fire dancers, apothecary owners, fashion designers, illusionists...the list goes on! They're also super witchy and fun, and this was a great episode where we got to learn all about who they are and what they do.
Of course get to hear their story of becoming platonic life partners, which began as a business partnership and has evolved into multiple business partnerships, co-habitation, shared bank accounts, and plans for the future. All without romance and sex!
We break that idea down and ask why those types of things are usually reserved for romantic relationships, and how we might open that idea to close, intimate, life-long platonic ones.
This was a super fun episode where we laughed and got deep about relationships structures, and it was the best way to end this first season.
Thanks to all of you for tuning in this year and see you in February!
Learn more about Seth and Jozette by following them on IG: @FireBurnCauldronBubble and check out their podcast and shops:
www.fireburncauldronbubble.com ; www.firemagick.org ; www.magickapothecary.com ; www.slitweave.com
Maria has been openly polyamorous for the past 10 years and has shared her experiences through multiple media sources over that time. Having heard of polyamory at an earlier time in her life, her own realization that she was polyamorous was like the turn of a light bulb. Maria woke up one day and it hit her right there, "I'm polyamorous!"
It still took another 2 years for Maria to begin her first polyamorous relationship, and she recommends others to take some time to learn about polyamory before they jump in. Speaking of jumping in, Maria and I get into some good conversation around NRE and the science behind the hormones it, and Maria shares that the secret to keeping those feelings of being in love strong is remembering to be in the moment.
Slowing down seems to be a theme for Maria, and she shares how taking things slowly played a role in reigniting the spark of intimacy that was damaged when she came out to her husband as polyamorous, ultimately salvaging her marriage. Maria reminds us of the importance of living in the moment through all of life's experiences--sexual or otherwise!
Getting into some discussion about her coaching practice, Maria then shares what S.E.X.y relationships means to her (Synergistic Energy eXchange), and she shares how people exchange energy not just in sex, but also in other unexpected group activities, such as group meditations.
This really was such a fun conversation and there's a ton of great nuggets through this episode.
Learn more about Maria at www.mariamerloni.com and follow her on IG: @MariaMerloni !
Angelica is a passionate writer who's been writing creatively as long as she's known how. She's in the process of writing an epic, queer, and witchy tale spanning a total of 12 books, and folx...she's already written 4 of those books!! Angelica tells us a bit about her books and her characters, and how her life influenced her story.
Being raised Roman Catholic had an effect on Angelica's view of herself. As she deconstructed her religious guilt, she had to unlearn the idea that, as a woman she was not someone's property, and she had to learn to she the expectation to become a wife and mother first and foremost.
Religious guilt sucks, amiright?!
Angelica shares how she navigated shedding her religious guilt as she felt the call to non-monogamy during covid quarantine, when she discovered that sharing love with just one person wasn't enough for her.
We get a great story from Angelica as she tells us of her proposal, and shares how her fiancé took the news when she came out to him as polyamorous. She explains how her polyamorous identity was one of her many identities, and how coming to terms with different identities gave her multiple opportunities to give herself space to learn and grow into the truest version of herself.
Find out more about Angelica by following her on FB: @GuitiderCreations, and buy her books at www.patreon.com/authoroflast !
We are lucky enough to be joined in this episode by listener Stephanie Symonds-Smith on her BIRTHDAY, and her bubbly personality shines through as we laugh our way through a fantastic conversation.
Stephanie shares her story and background, including her ambition to become a sex coach and some history on her polycule. She introduces us to her constellation, including her husband, their partner, and a couple that she dates!
Recently Stephanie's husband and their partner have become closer, and Stephanie shares her lived experience as she lived through that transition. She shares how her communication with her husband had to improve even though she is more likely to want to talk about challenges in their relationship, whereas he is more likely to ruminate on his own.
We also talk about how she learned to go against her natural inclinations to pry, and give her partners the space and time to think things over and come to her when they're ready.
This was definitely a fun episode that touched on a bunch of different topics, and Stephanie left us with some great personal stories and lessons learned.
Learn more about Stephanie by following her on IG: @wickedly_stephanie !
Albert has been creating awesome content on Instagram @polymananswers, and you should definitely go check him out! In this episode, he talks about how he grew up in a polygenist household, so non-monogamy was always part of his history. Patriarchal culture being what it is, however, it came as a shock to even his non-monogamous family when Alberts femme partners were given the same freedom to have other partners as he did.
The blowback Albert experienced was enough for him to learn quickly to have boundaries. He decided that he did not want to interact with anyone who is trying to invalidate how he wanted to live his life. He learned to reinforce his boundaries time and again, forcing his family to come to terms with not having access to him unless they were respectful of his choices.
After talking a bit about the traffic on his channel, we start to talk about the privileges we have as men in polyamory. Being praised for having multiple partners, for example, as opposed to women who are more likely to be slut-shamed, is a privilege that we as men have. We talk about how living in a religious, patriarchal society sets expectations for men to have sexual conquests, whereas women are expected to remain pure, innocent virgins until marriage.
We chat about what we can do to be allies, in addition to talking about hoe Albert wants to have a positive influence as a content creator of polyamorous content.
This was absolutely an awesome conversation with a truly remarkable dude, and you should absolutely check out his stuff!!
Learn more at albahlove.mypixieset.com and follow him on IG: @polymananswers!
Justine joins me on this episode to talk about the intersection of polyamory and sex work. As a sugar baby herself, Justine talks about the work, effort, time, and energy it takes to be successful as an online sex worker. Having and maintaining multiple online relationships is a full-time job, and Justine talks about how these relationships often become real relationships, even if they start as transactional.
One thing that came up during our conversation was how Justine protects herself in her sugaring dynamic, using things she learned on her polyam journey like boundaries, communication, and consent.
Justine warns about how sex workers can fall prey to predators, especially when they enter into sex work when they're hard up on funds. She also shares how some predatory practices, like blackmail, can be used against either party.
Polaym boundaries and sex work boundaries sometimes overlap, and Justine talks about some of the rules, agreements, and boundaries that she uses in both polyam relationships and also when vetting her sugar daddies. Just like in her polyam relationships, Justine requires that all partners are aware of their transactions, so that everyone involved can maintain informed consent!
This was a super fun and insightful conversation that you won't want to miss!
Learn more about Justine at www.stereo.com/gumdropjones and follow her on IG: @beautifulstackofpancakes !
Sarah was one of those friends who was always the listening ear, until finally someone mentioned that she should actually get paid for helping people the way she did! Inspired to social work and helping others, Sarah found that shame came up over and over again in her practice with regard to identity, gender, sex, sexuality, and trauma.
Sarah explains where shame tends to come from (often societally influenced), and things get really deep when she starts talking about the differences between guilt and shame.
Our conversation keeps getting deeper as we talk about shame with regard to our identities, especially when it comes to many of our relationships to religion. Spirituality and a relationship to a higher power can still be extremely important, and Sarah talks about how people are able to take the pieces of the lessons we may have learned growing up in the church, and leave the parts that don't serve us behind.
You won't want to miss the rest of this awesome conversation with an incredible human!
Learn more about Sarah at www.SarahBetz.com and follow her on IG: @SarahBetzLCSW !
I almost feel like I need to put a trigger warning on this conversation with my brother, but I was teased enough about the disclaimers I made during the show that hopefully will be enough!
My brother, Hernan, and I are two very different people, and in this episode he shares some of the things he's learned over the past 9 months and 113 episodes of this show. I told my bro about being polyamorous a few years ago, but even though we spent a lot of time doing business together, we never really talked in depth about what it is and what it means.
Hernan talks about the lessons he's learned from the polyam community, including practicing more open communication in his own monogamous relationship as he and his wife navigate raising their family.
We maybe go a little off the rails talking about feminism, making snap judgments, and stereotypes, and he makes his case that everyone is judgmental and uses stereotypes. He even manages to bring the conversation back to polyamory and the judgments our community tends to make toward unicorn hunters, before leaving us with some serentiy prayer level wisdom and a snarky conservative talk show host quote!
Follow Hernan @BusinessBrosPod for awesome business content every single day!
Beth never felt quite at home in monogamous relationships and had heard of poly once upon a time, but after her second marriage didn't work out Beth decided to be intentionally single for a while and during that time she dove into polyam research and discovered Solo-Polyamory.
I ask Beth about the things that she had to accept about herself and accept herself as a polyamorous woman, and she explains how she had to unlearn monogamy before she could even begin that process.
As it turns out, this interview is pretty pivotal in Beth's journey as it is the first time she has disclosed polyamory as part of her identity in a public forum, and it just happens to be October 11, National Coming Out Day when this interview was recorded!
After some chatting about Brene Brown's obsession with vulnerability, Beth share her thoughts on the relationship between vulnerability and self-acceptance, and oh boy did this conversation get deep!
This heartfelt chat with such an awesome person was so fun and refreshing. I think a lot of people will resonate with Beth.
Support Beth by going to www.singleparentsproject.com and follow her on IG: @butterflybeth !
Roy Graff has been on the show once before, but in the months that followed he has teamed up with several other creators for events and he's now moderating the men's Discord channel for Remodeled Love.
After sharing a few details of his collaborations, we jump right into talking about the differences in solo-poly, non-hierarchical, and just dating around. Roy talks about some common misconceptions around solo-poly, including the perceived lack of commitment that people incorrectly believe SoPo folks have in their relationships.
To get a better understanding of some relational differences, we get into the what makes open relationships and swinging different from polyamory, and Roy reminds us that long-term intimate relationships open the door for more. It's unreasonable to expect complete coldness, and we can't control or regulate feelings in non-monogamous relationships.
We then dig into some things that are important to SoPo folx, such as independence and autonomy, and how those values coincide with being able to offer commitment in a relationship. Roy offers great insight on these potentially competing values, and shares reflections on his own experience while offering thoughts on the relationships he's seen in his coaching practice.
All around this was a fantastic round two with Roy, and a conversation you won't want to miss!
Learn more about Roy at www.openrelating.love and follow him everywhere @openrelating !
Alonna Donovan Makinson was inspired to serve the polyam community when, as a practicing therapist, she discovered an abundance of polyam clients and a nearly complete lack of polyam affirming therapists in her area.
We dive right into the constant bombardment of messaging from all sorts of media sources, and how the "one man, one woman" messaging and lack of representation in the media for the majority of our history impacts all of us as a society at large.
Isolation and lack of social support are just a few negative side effects, especially when our relationship choices might be considered a deviance.
I grill Alonna pretty hard on the idea of deviance, especially where non-monogamy falls in the DSM, and the changes that Alonna sees in expanding psychology education to include non-monogamous relationship structures.
Learn more about Alonna at www.life-tree-consulting.com !
Miss Nookie is a kinky educator and runs datingkinky.com, a FREE service to help kinky folx find more than just one another; she facilitates kinky folx finding the resources and tools they need for successful kinky relationships!
In this fun-filled episode, Miss Nookie and I talk about her newest book, The Big Book of Ass, and despite a minor giggle fit here and there, we get to some really great conversation around all things anal.
Miss Nookie talks about getting comfortable with butt play, encouraging folx to learn to relax. She explains some human anatomy (did you know we have two sphincters?!), and how to gain trust to allow both sphincters to be ready for insertion.
Next we get into demystifying some of the stories we might hear around anal play, and Miss Nookie gives some good advice for those who might have some messy kinks. She also gives some tips on finding the right toys for anal play to make sure that nothing goes in, without being able to come back out!
We talk about important health implications when engaging in anal sex, especially around the transference of bacteria, and whether any of what we talked about changes for gay men versus heterosexual couples engaging in anal play.
Learn more by visiting www.datingkinky.com and follow on IG: @datingkinkyofficial !
In this fun episode, my metamour Jason Daubert hops on to chat with me and see what polyam topics we might cover. We start by taking a page out of the Daylover's book (@RemodeledLove on IG) and start with Jason's privileges, which leads into some great conversation about the terminology that we use in our polyam communities.
I use "partner in common" instead of "shared partner" to describe the partner that connects us, and we talk about the connotation of possessiveness that we're addressing by changing our language. We also dive into the importance of pronouns (another important piece of the language that we use), and some of the challenges we might face when learning people's pronouns, especially if those pronouns have changed in the time we've known that person.
We then jump into talking about our experience as metas, starting with how things have been for him since our partner in common and I started dating. Jason shares his experience first, describing himself as someone who isn't very possessive, but still experiences the FOMO part of jealousy. Then he turns the question around on me and I share my experience of being the new partner, compared to their pre-existing relationship, and coming to terms with our individuality and uniqueness in our partner's life.
This was super fun, and I'm confident Jason and I will do this again soon!
Annie Boheler is a Somatics Certified therapist and we kick off this conversation by talking about the importance of having connection to and balance in our bodies, and how somatics training and therapy can help us find that connection.
On the subject of balance, we jump right into talking about what should or shouldn't be shared between multiple partners. Annie encourages us to question our reasons for sharing or asking for information, and recognizing where those questions are coming from--investigate our intentions.
We talk about the communication that need to happen between partners when asking what information can/can't be shared, and how to prepare for the potential of being told no. We get deeper here, when talking about how the person saying no might feel guilt for doing so, and how we can make space to sit with those feelings and be true to ourselves.
Learn more about Annie at www.annielovage.net and follow her on IG: @rewildingintimacy !
Greg and Leanne Million have been together more than five year (married for one) after meeting on OK Cupid, and during their relationship they have gone through phases of opening and closing their relationship. Both have had non-monogamous relationships in the past, but they are still imperfect humans with emotions that need to be examined and harnessed. As Greg notes, the one thing that connects us all is our emotions!
Leanne shares what emotions she was feeling when their relationship began as an open one, and she explains the conversations they had as they came to the mutual decision of temporarily closing their relationship. Greg's superpower is helping other recognize the power of vulnerability, and the vulnerability he showed during this recording was incredible! Greg was completely honest about which of them was asking for the relationship to be closed, and he shares his struggles and lessons learned through the process.
Greg and Leanne explain how we can practice harnessing our emotions rather than letting them take the reins, and using the power of those feelings to create lasting connections through vulnerability, physical activity, and intentional intimacy.
Learn more about Greg and Leanne at www.gregmillion.com and www.leannemillion.com, and follow them on IG: @leannemillion and @thegregmillion !
Kieran Grosman is a transman, kinky, polyam therapist out of ++++ who never had a successful fight with a partner. Every time the first fight happened, it spelled the end of the relationship! Kieran knew there had to be a better way, and therapy helped him learn and implement strategies to improve his relationships.
Kieran shares his experience with dysthymic disorder, what he describes as a continuous low-grade depression stemming from his closeted queer- and transness. Therapy saved his life by giving him the strength, coping mechanisms, and ability to identify with his queerness and embrace authenticity.
The pandemic has made life more difficult for a lot of folx, but one advantage that Kieran notes is the accessibility of more diverse therapy options. He talks about how important it is for queer folx to have a queer therapist, someone who can practice mirroring and be a beacon of hope to let them know they can make it through those hard times.
Kieran also explains changes he's seeing in his practice of more acceptance of trans or queer partners, along with the acceptance of potential exploration through polyamory for the partner discovering their new identity. He also shares two unexpected side effects of his transition, first becoming "invisible" as a masc-portraying person, and second being seen as "the enemy" by the lesbian community he previously knew.
Every minute of this interview had me on the edge of my seat, and Kieran's final thoughts came as a bit of a surprise: a call for gentleness and understanding toward an older generation. You'll have to tune in to hear it!
Learn more about Kieran at www.kgrosmanpsyd.com !
Before anything else, I wanted to make sure that when approaching this topic of "is polyamory right for me" that I was speaking with someone who was accepting and affirming of polyam. Our guest Maya Lane has her own history with the poly life, and she explains all of the things that it has done for her life and why she is completely supportive of those who practice it.
Maya shares the story of her now twenty-year marriage, a relationship which started out non-monogamous and stayed that way for over a decade. She further explains the factors that made her question whether polyamory was still the right choice for her, including balancing her children, family, career, and multiple relationships.
Tune in to hear us talk about polysaturation, unresolved attachment wounds, and why it's important to work with a therapist like Maya when entering non-monogamy and get the help we need when the hidden, scary shadow pops up in our relationships.
Learn more about Maya by going to www.mayalane.net and follow her on IG: @Maya_Lane_MFT !
Brittany Bannerman is one of those people that always had friends coming to her, telling her their deepest darkest, and she found herself wanting to help people navigate their mental health full-time. She's proud to be able to be part of people's healing journeys, and when polyamory was presented to her in some of the communities she was a part of, she discovered that it made a lot of sense to her and she wanted to support people shed monogamy and embrace their authentic selves.
One principle Brittany learned along the way is what she calls open-handed love, which frees us from placing expectations and conditions on those we love.
I challenged Brittany on this, arguing that expectations and conditions are normal and necessary in relationships, especially in cases of abuse. How can we practice unconditional love when someone has hurt us?
Brittany explains how that works and why open-handed love still applies even in these situations, and even frees us from carrying the pain and anger from pain, infidelity, and abuse.
Tune in to hear what Brittany has to say about these and other topics, and learn more about her by going to www.strengthcounselling.ca and follow her on IG: @strengthcounselling !
I've never considered myself much of an artist, but Tara Graviss has heard that from her clients before and it never stopped her from helping them! As it turns out, art is more than drawing and painting, and Tara's expertise is in finding which artistic expression works best for her clients and to use it as a tool to talk about their feelings.
During our chat, Tara explains the difference between art therapy and expressive art therapy, that being who decides the meaning of the art that's being created. She further explains how expressive art therapy is a way to express our feelings without using words. Even if you're the type of person who can't draw stick figures, Tara can help you express yourself through other mediums, such as theater, music, dance, and interpretation.
Tara's expertise is in trauma therapy, specifically for folx who have experience sexual trauma and abuse. For those who have tried traditional talk therapy, expressive art therapy might be an additional resource to explore and heal that trauma. Tara explains the process, often beginning as a group session that creates safe growth environments, later transitioning to private sessions.
For someone who doesn't feel particularly artistic (me), Tara helped me see how everyone is an artist in some way or another. Tune in to hear some tips on how to get started in getting in touch with your body and start to heal from these challenging times!
Learn more about Tara by following her on IG: @theartof_resilience and @theartoftantra !
How many of us have even considered what Self-Consent means? In this episode, educator and therapist Sophia Graham walks us through her journey to discovering how important self-consent became to her, and how it can help each and every one of us!
Sophia challenges us to ask, "Who am I?" and refuse to leave that question answered only at the surface. She encourages us to explore ourselves more deeply than ever, bringing all of our various identities to light and finding out whether our identities are chosen or accepted by default.
She shares her experience in consent workshops, including the tea metaphor that's often taught, and how the idea of consent goes beyond our interactions with others and includes our inner dialogue as well.
Slowing down and centering consent with ourselves, asking more questions about each circumstance, and trusting our emotions to guide our decisions are just a few tips Sophia offers to help us learn the art of self-consent, and that is just the beginning!
Tune in to hear what she has to say about contradicting desires, overcoming social anxiety, and recalibrating the hustle mentality to allow for a more fulfilled life.
Learn more about Sophia at www.loveuncommon.com and follow her on Twitter @LoveUncommon !