Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment
Beth Hillman | Parent Coach for Parents of Struggling Teens
111 episodes
1 day ago
We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering why they’re the only one doing all the hard work, resentment can do a lot of harm when left unchecked.In this episode, Seth and I tackle the trick...
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We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering why they’re the only one doing all the hard work, resentment can do a lot of harm when left unchecked.In this episode, Seth and I tackle the trick...
We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering why they’re the only one doing all the hard work, resentment can do a lot of harm when left unchecked.In this episode, Seth and I tackle the trick...
We are all wired to avoid uncomfortable feelings. We instinctively shy away from discomfort, parents and teens alike. Whether it’s solving a problem for our kids, distracting ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, or we’re trying to save the day, we often act to avoid the tension. But here’s the hard truth: our teens need to experience that discomfort in order to grow. In this episode, Seth and I explore why learning to sit with emotional unease, both for ourselves and our teens or young adul...
Co-parenting is hard - there’s no sugarcoating it. In an ideal world, both parents would align perfectly on every decision, from phone use to curfews to navigating friendships. But, as Seth and I explore in this episode, that’s often not the case. One of the biggest challenges I often see as a parent coach is when one parent holds firm boundaries while the other is more loose. It can feel like a tug-of-war, and the fear of "losing" your child to the more relaxed parent is real. But here’...
“An adolescent brain, it is what it is for a reason”- Brittney KingThe teenage years can feel like a rollercoaster. One moment your young teen is playing it cool, and the next, they’re literally rolling on the ground pretending to be a dog. Sound familiar? In this week’s episode, I sit down with Brittney King, a licensed counselor, mom of five, and creator of the Think Good Feel Good online courses, to dive into the world of teens, particularly those in Junior High, aged 11-15. “It’s suc...
What if improving your relationship with your teen starts with changing yourself?Are you willing to look at your own behavior to improve your relationship with your teen? If you know me at all, you know I truly believe the change begins with us. In this episode, Seth and I dive deeper into what that actually means for you as a parent. Seth dropped quite the truth bomb in this episode: "None of us is perfect in how we relate to everybody." And isn't that the crux of it? We go into situati...
Have you ever snapped at your partner or your teen over something small, not really sure why you overreacted? Or like no matter how much sleep you get or how many cups of coffee you drink, there’s still a part of you that feels completely drained? Oof, believe me, you’re not alone. In this episode, Seth and I dive deep into a topic that resonates with every parent: understanding our limits and how to recognize when we’re stretched too thin.We often fill our days with obligations or even ...
As parents, it’s natural to want to do everything we can to support our struggling teens or young adults. But where do we draw the line between encouraging them to grow and enabling them to remain dependent? It’s a delicate balance and I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to dive into one of the more challenging questions for any parent: How do we figure out what our teens are truly capable of?How much should you be doing for your kids? Should you be doing something for them when t...
You want your teen to be sober, don’t you? But aren’t you focusing on the wrong goal by expecting your teen not to drink any alcohol or take any substances? And what does being sober actually mean? Does it mean the same thing to you as it does to your teen?“Progress, navigation, experimentation, these are normal parts of teenage and young-adult life” - Seth GottliebSobriety is a complex topic and I’m grateful to be having a deep discussion with Seth today, who has some interesting takes while...
Why doesn’t your teen learn from their mistakes? Or admit when they’re wrong? Why can’t they just act like an adult? If you’ve ever wondered about any of these, you’re not alone. To answer these questions, we’re diving into the world of teenage brain development and what it means for us as parents. Spoiler alert: it’s not as straightforward as you think.Whenever your teen is acting out, you might think “In what world do you think this is okay?” Here’s our take: In the world where they thought...
“Parents have so much influence on their child’s concept of themselves.” - CiaraWhat if your struggling teen could look at themselves with hope and confidence, knowing they have the power to overcome their challenges?This second conversation with formerly struggling teen Ciara Fanlo is focussed around one main questions: What can parents do to best support their struggling teen? When asked what her own parents could have done differently, she replied: "Relate to me as someone who was ca...
From a very young age, Ciara felt like she didn’t belong. Cutting was just one of her destructive behaviors to cope with the pain she felt: not knowing how to be in the world with how sensitive her heart was.Ciara Fanlo is a previously struggling teen who spent the majority of her adolescence in treatment, including inpatient hospitalization, wilderness, and therapeutic boarding school. Reflecting on her past, she recognizes how sensitive she was as a child and teenager. She often felt like a...
WHY can’t my teen just do what I ask them to do?! I’m sure you’ve had this thought before, just like any other parent on this planet. Today, Seth shares a relatable story of a teen who’s not showing up and isn’t showing any motivation for behavioral change. Sounds familiar? Then this episode is for you.Why do our teens show up like this? Where is this behavior coming from? They’ve signed the home contract after treatment so why are they not following the rules?“I wasn’t gonna take responsibil...
“You think you’re doing okay and then you realize ‘How did I miss how much my child was struggling?’” - HopeMeet the parents from my latest parent coaching group. Eight months ago, these parents went on a 6-month journey with me to influence lasting change in themselves and their struggling teens. Now, they’re bravely sharing their stories, what it means for them to ‘do the work’ as a parent, and much more.“It was really hard to distinguish what’s teenage behavior, fighting with your mom, or ...
How can you best support your struggling teen according to former troubled teens? As teens, Hayley and Colin were both sent to wilderness, followed by other treatment (residential treatment center, and therapeutic boarding school). Now, approximately 12 years later, they use their experience as former troubled teens in treatment to provide peer-to-peer coaching for teens and young adults who feel like therapy hasn’t been the right fit or who are transitioning out of therapeutic programs ...
How can you trust your teen is learning and growing even when some behaviors look similar? Moving past your teen’s previous behavior can feel hard, especially when they’re showing similar behaviors now. But they’ve been to treatment, and they’re older now, so how can you know whether it’s a repetitive pattern behavior you’re witnessing or whether maybe the same behavior has a completely different motivation behind it?When something’s unknown, it’s very easy and normal for us to look for ...
We all have difficult relationships in our lives. A difficult relationship for me was the one with my father.We’re a few days after Father’s Day and I decided to dedicate this episode to my father. In this emotional episode, I’m sharing the talk I gave at my dad’s funeral. I remember how extremely hard it was, wanting to speak to the reality of my childhood and our relationship and at the same time shine a light on some of his good qualities.“I remember just thinking and crying over how in th...
Have you ever felt stuck in a triangle within your family, where one of you takes on the role of the victim, the other the villain, and another the hero? Maybe good cop, bad cop sounds familiar to you?This is what we call the drama triangle, or triangulation, and it happens in every single family, whether you have a struggling teen or not. It often becomes a vicious cycle leading to massive problems and dysfunctional dynamics in our family. When one of you falls into their role, it triggers t...
In this deeply personal episode, I share my own journey through the challenges of parenting a son struggling with anger and substance abuse. In this crossover episode with People Who Suffer, Andrew McKee interviews me for a change and I’ll walk you through the first signs of my son’s struggles and how my emotions became entangled with his; when he was angry, I was angry. When he was upset, I was upset.The situation escalated when my son confessed his substance use, disappeared emotionall...
Why do our teens keep falling back into old habits?Whether it’s big changes like making healthier life choices or smaller ones like working out more, change is hard! But why? Why is change so hard? And at the same time, it’s also hard to watch someone go through the stages of change, isn’t it? When your struggling teen knows their behavior isn’t working for them anymore and they want to change, they’ve taken an incredibly important step in the process of change, but they’re not there yet...
What can you do as a parent when your teen is refusing therapy? Or when your kid stops engaging in therapy?I have a question for you, parent: Do you know WHY your struggling teen doesn’t want to go to therapy (anymore)? “I think most people really want to rise to what level they can and there’s probably something significant in the way if they’re not rising to that point” - Trevor AllenToday’s guest, Trevor Allen, helps us see beyond therapy refusal and take a collaborative approach with...
Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment
We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering why they’re the only one doing all the hard work, resentment can do a lot of harm when left unchecked.In this episode, Seth and I tackle the trick...
