What does mental wellness really mean, and how do we teach it to kids and teens when the adults around them are stretched thin?

In this episode, Dr. Caroline sits down with licensed clinical social worker MJ Murray Vachon, who brings nearly 40 years of experience working with adolescents, families, and midlife adults.

MJ shares the two mental wellness definitions that guide her work, how Dr. Dan Siegel’s “river of calm” helps us understand chaos and rigidity, and why adults’ emotions are contagious for kids.

You’ll hear stories from classrooms, families, and even Notre Dame athletes that highlight the everyday ways mental health is shaped by modeling, connection, and self-regulation.

Listeners will walk away with practical tools like the FACES model, NESTS for self-care, and playful strategies that keep mental wellness accessible for kids and adults alike. This conversation is a reminder that children can’t be healthier than the adults raising or teaching them—and small steps in our own wellness ripple out to every child we support.

Homework Ideas

Check your own state first

• Each day, pause and ask: Am I calm, chaotic, or rigid?
• Use a grounding practice (deep breaths, stretch, short walk) before engaging with kids.

Create a “Glimmer List”

• Write 5 small, free things that bring you joy (music, a walk, a funny show).
• Do one daily and encourage your child to make their own list.

Practice NESTS Self-Care

• Nutrition: regular balanced meals.
• Exercise: daily movement.
• Sleep: aim for consistent bedtimes.
• Technology: set limits that support rest and focus.
• Stress skills: model a simple coping strategy (breathwork, journaling, quiet time).

Model Validation + Boundaries

• Acknowledge feelings: “I hear you. This is hard.”
• Don’t over-explain—hold space, then guide with calm presence.

About MJ

With more than 50,000 hours of clinical sessions, I’ve spent nearly four decades helping people navigate anxiety, stress, and life transitions with practical, science-backed skills. I’m the creator of Inner Challenge, a mental wellness program launched in 1993 and taught for 21 years in junior highs and even with Notre Dame Football, equipping teens and athletes with coping strategies to boost resilience. As host of Creating Midlife Calm, chosen by Maria Shriver as her “Listen of the Week,” I weave stories and evidence-based tools into actionable practices listeners can use right away. My work always comes back to this: real-life coping skills that are simple, doable, and effective.

I started the podcast Creating Midlife Calm because I know the parents of teens are the key to helping them develop the mental wellness that will carry them through adolescence and into adulthood.

Get in touch

Instagram: @vachonmjmurray

Facebook: MJ Murray Vachon LCSW

Website: mjmurrayvachon.com

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Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/