'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the 'cast, Megan and RJ had lost it at last. Answering listener questions about not naming children, which authors to date, and which authors they'd choose to punch authors they hate. Questions about cats, libraries, and more became arguing about maritime law and weird porn. And if you're feeling the year-end blues, just remember that Zora Neale Hurston pegged Langston Hughes.

We'll just get this out of the way right here: No, we haven't watched season 2 of The Mandalorian. Yes, we know his name is Grogu. Now. After calling him Gorgu 500 times. Oops. Hey, it's all part of falling down the rabbit hole with Alice In Wonderland by Probable Pervert Lewis Carroll. Featuring: Unlocking the mystery of why all Alice in Wonderland adaptations are Like That™, learning upsetting penguin facts, and...actually that's pretty much it.

This Thanksgiving, be thankful your significant other doesn't expect you to pull a Virginia Woolf and write them a stealth love letter in the form of the celebrated and experimental genderbending novel, Orlando: A Biography, like Woolf did for her girlfriend. Instead of just, y'know, getting them a gift card to The Cheesecake Factory. Again. Christ, Todd, get it together.

Do you hear the people sing? Megan and RJ sure do as they get all kinds of Les Miserables on this special Patreon-request episode. Learn why no matter what time it is, it's always Time For Victor Hugo's Opinion, pro Les Mis speedrunner strats, the dark, horny truth behind the numbers 24601, and the Definitive Top Ranked Javert Drownings.

So...there's an acclaimed spooky Gothic novel called Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier and there's a new original movie on Netflix also called Rebecca and, in theory, this episode is about that, and NOT Paul Hollywood, evil housekeepers that sound like Wario, or James Bond devouring a mansion. In theory. Happy Halloween everybody!

Listener beware, you're in for a scare, Megan and RJ are here to give you Goosebumps! Learn all about RL Stine, the man behind the bumps, plus: Hairy Adoption Alternatives, "What's the Deal with Kids and Ventriloquism?", and the oral history of Goosebumps Live On Stage. Yup.

"Christine, I am The Angel of Music, and you must never touch my mask...seriously, have you ever taken a puck to the face unprotected? Brutal." It's Halloween, and you know what that means: Spooky ghosts, haunted opera houses, horny Frenchmen, and Emilio Estevez menacingly whispering things about ducks and/or hockey. It's Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera! I think!

In this episode, Megan and RJ ask: What killed John Keats, arguably the softest of the Softboi Romantic poets? Lord Byron and Percy Shelley blame mean reviews, but we're *pretty* sure it was the tuberculosis. Probably. See also: Poems About Things, discussions on whether or not peen-cursing equals female empowerment, the inherent sexiness of Grecian Urns, and Extremely Specific Burial Requests With RJ.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??? By which we mean a book about football. Specifically, Friday Night Lights, journalist H.G. Bissinger's journey to Odessa, Texas, a town so obsessed with its high school football team it was willing to sacrifice grades, hopes, dreams, mental wellbeing, and yes, a testicle here or there. RJ scores a touchdown in the blogosphere, while Megan tries out some new catchphrases.

Life has thrown a lot at Megan and RJ lately, and so instead of a normal episode, they're going to explain lit theory, because that's easier somehow? Thrill as Megan threatens long-dead literary critics with bodily harm, shrug as RJ threatens to suck Bigfoot's ween before briefly becoming possessed by a competent theory professor, and tremble as we are all forced to experience Oh My F@cking God Philosophy Class, if only for a few minutes.

It's a real Throwback Thursday of an episode: Shakespeare! Vin Diesel reminding us of the importance of family! Rampant horniness! (Wait, that's just Shakespeare again) Off-key singing! Incorrect information regarding dairy products! Rambling tangents about 90s movies! So hop in your Death Zamboni and let's go, for there never was a story of more woe than RJ's new segment on Juliet and her Gnomeo.

Sure, he was born about 14 years after Hamilton died but our point still stands. This episode marks an ON!LC first as we cover a memoir: The Narrative Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave. Highlights include: Frederick Douglass Is Smarter Than Everyone, the inherent stupidity of displaying the flag of a war you lost, and where are The Good Historical Brad Pitts? RJ finds his financial forerunner and Megan might be just as bad as Epic Rap Battles Of History.

In this episode, we cover author Witi Ihimaera and his culturally influential novel, Whale Rider, and learn the dangers of not properly appreciating your great-grandchildren, the (continuing) fine art of mascot-naming, the inherent awesomeness of old ladies, and the objective categorization of Miami Dolphins coaches...And yes, RJ makes whale noises.

In an episode that will go down in history alongside Ethan Frome and Of Mice and Men as "wow, that sure went off the rails fast," podcasting maniac and aspiring world-record-holder Scottye Moore joins us to cover Tennessee Williams's play, The Glass Menagerie, and things quickly dissolve into John Malkovich-impersonating, Nelly-singing, symbolism-screaming, gay-deceiving, screen-projecting chaos. Listen to Scottye's 500 other shows at https://www.aloadofpurebs.com/ Or read his mad rantings at https://twitter.com/scottyemo