Tough Love Thursday - Stop Shoulding
This week’s Tough Love Thursday is to stop “Shoulding” - saying and thinking that things and people should or shouldn’t be a certain way!
When we waste energy on shoulds we’re taking away from our happiness in the moment and our ability to improve our life. “Should” is just us fighting what actually is. Our thinking is creating a narrative about what’s going on, and usually how unfair or wrong it is that it’s happening.
To help us overcome this tendency to should ourselves into negative headspace, we can use replacement words.
When we say we should do something - eat better, save more, invest in our mind’s health - we can replace that with “I will”. Now we’re creating a positive intention instead of either berating ourselves for not living up to a standard or wishing for magical improvement some point in the future.
If we’re talking about other events or people, we can replace should with what we’d like to see. Instead of “they shouldn’t be so disrespectful” we can state our boundaries with “I’d like it if…” and be specific, kind and clear about what we want.
Any time we should we’re in judgment mode about something outside of our control. When we replace should we’re brining back our acceptance of the present and our agency to improve our lives.
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