A listener writes in to ask advice for dating their best friend. Ell digs out an old email from Mary immediately post their break up back in 2017, and Ell & Mary ask a bunch of their friends: is it ever a good idea to date your mates? 

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When transphobes call the definition of a woman ‘common sense’, what do they actually mean? We have little in common and, at least to us, they speak little sense. Following the Supreme Court’s judgment on trans rights, Mary uses Andrea Long Chu’s radical work ‘Females’ to try to understand what trans-exclusionary feminists feel they are ‘losing’ to trans people; while Ell explores studies that find commonality and solidarity between bi+ and trans communities.

If you can, please don’t hesitate to donate to the following causes raising money for trans rights:

https://www.translegalclinic.com/donate 

https://goodlawproject.org/crowdfunder/supreme-court-human-rights-for-trans-people/ 

https://notaphase.org/ 

https://transactual.org.uk/get-involved/ 

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Lamya H is a queer muslim parent, and author of the memoir Hijab Butch Blues. Join Lamya, Ell and Mary for a conversation around Islamophobia, queer parenting and faith in justice. 

Support The Good Law Project legal challenge of the UK Supreme Court ruling on sex-based rights: https://goodlawproject.org/crowdfunder/supreme-court-human-rights-for-trans-people

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In this latest instalment of Life of Bi’s Agony Ankle segment we hear from a listener who’s struggling to work out what to wear to the Cloob. Luckily Ell and Mary are expert fashionistas (🤨), and touch on some big Qs while dispensing advice: what does ‘sexy’ actually mean when you’re asexual? Are we dressing for ourselves, or others? And what do you do when yer old friend dysmorphia means you don’t want to be perceived by anybody, at all?! 

Get involved; ask your own Agony Ankle question at hotterproject.co.uk/lifeofbi

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Buckle up fellas! And ready yourselves for an excursive exploration of how bisexuality operates under capitalism. We’ve long been fans of Sophie K Rosa’s radical writings on modern love, intimacy, and relational structures, and were thrilled to find that they are a fellow bisexual — and listen to LOB. In this episode we wonder: are bisexuals too slippery to market to? what does capitalism stand to gain from ignoring fluidity? and — does bisexuality suffer from… a branding issue?!

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The first edition of Agony Ankle - where we answer your questions. Join us for today’s classic bi+ dilemma - am I actually bi? To write in with your own queries, dilemmas and goss - head to hotterproject.co.uk/lifeofbi. 

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Did you know it’s Bi+ Health Awareness Month? Oh, and did you know that bisexual people suffer from worse mental health than their lesbian and gay counterparts? Well, we didn’t either. Until we met Bailey. Join us for an eye-opening exploration in the under-researched field of bi+ mental health. 

Bailey is co-host of the Bisexual Killjoy podcast - go check it out! 

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A chill chat about the politics of optics snowballs into a deep dive on Judith Butler and the cosmos. Ell and Mary muse on what it means to be ‘culturally intelligible’ as bisexuals, and wonder if it really matters — finding solace in the work of theoretical physicist Chanda Prescod-Weinstein.

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It's been four years since Ell and Mary started working on Life of Bi. Join them for a big conversation about how their relationships to bisexuality have changed (or stayed the same) since then, touching on bi-erasure, biphobia, flux, doubt, belief -- and how all these make a Life of Bi.

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In this very special episode, Ell and Mary talk to veteran professor and HIV/AIDS activist Dr Monica Pearl about her experiences with Act Up and the unique and under-studied intricacies of queer friendship. A perfect antidote and/or accompaniment to the festive season when the emphasis is on “family time”. 

We met Monica at the Sexuality Summer School, a week of workshops, performances and roundtables held each year at the University of Manchester.

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change is in the air for Ell and Mary as they reflect on rituals surrounding moving out, moving in, and moving on. What starts as a ‘wedding planning’ episode turns into a call for ceremony in our everyday lives.

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After a summer full of wedding bells and disco dancing, Ell and Mary are inspired. But should they take sweet sweet matrimony with a pinch of anti-capitalist salt? Join them as they look at the history of gay marriage in the UK, exploring the choice at the heart of many a queer issue: assimilate, or resist... 

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How can we understand the intersection between queerness and neurodiversity? Ell and Mary take a hard look at the existing research to try and understand why so many queers are neurospicy, and vice versa. Splitting up to look for clues, Ell turns her attention to the co-occurrence of ADHD and bisexuality, while Mary interrogates the connection between autism and gender-nonconforming identities.

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It's the episode you've all been waiting for... Ell & Mary's hot (well, now tepid) take on the hit BBC show I KISSED A GIRL. Join us for a deep dive in which we ask: what does "gay panic" actually mean? Is there such a thing as bi or nonbinary panic? What's the deal with gender on the show? And most importantly: if we were on it, would anyone fancy us?!?

Alison Bechdel clip: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/04/13/t-magazine/butch-stud-lesbian.html

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It's been 10 years since the film 'Pride' came out - a heartwarming billion-dollar British blockbuster about the birth of Lesbians and Gays Support The Miners (LGSM). Ell and Mary chart the legacy of LGSM from its early days to today's Lesbians & Gays Support The Migrants movement, asking: what can it teach us - or warn us - about solidarity today? 

Show solidarity with Palestine now by donating to Medical Aid for Palestinians: https://www.map.org.uk/ 

Or join Direct Action near you with Palestine Action: https://palestineaction.org/

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Are bi married men the most invisible bisexuals? Join Ell and Mary in conversation with Robert Cohen, author of ‘Bi Married Men: Stories of Relationships, Acceptance & Authenticity’ and host of the wildly successful podcast 2 Bi Guys.

Find the book here: https://www.routledge.com/Bisexual-Married-Men-Stories-of-Relationships-Acceptance-and-Authenticity/Cohen/p/book/9781032473260

And tickets to our Bristol run here: https://bristololdvic.org.uk/whats-on/the-last-show-before-we-die

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It's Ell & Mary's 30th episode, and they celebrate by not mentioning bisexuality a single time! Come ease into 2024 with a discussion on the queer credentials of Andrew Haigh’s latest film All Of Us Strangers. Expect low-stakes chat with high-brow ideas, including Lee Edelman’s Death Drive and Bessel van der Kolk’s theory on body trauma. P.S. this is not a film podcast. We repeat, this is not a film podcast.

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Ell and Mary aren’t film critics but they are queer. And that’s all the expertise they need surely? It’s cold outside, come on in for a free-spirited barely-edited long form discussion of Todd Haynes’ movie Carol starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, hosted by your fave amateurs. Things are about to get sexy…

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On November 9th, The Telegraph published an opinion piece by writer Brendan O'Neill titled, 'Queers for Palestine must have a death wish'. In today's episode, Ell and Mary answer: no we don't. Palestinian liberation is a queer issue. Here's why. 

Support alQaws for for Sexual & Gender Diversity in Palestinian Society: http://alqaws.org/support-us 

OXSID interview with Dr Sa'ed Atshan: https://soundcloud.com/oxsidorg/a-discussion-of-queer-palestine-and-the-empire-of-critique-with-dr-saed-atshan 

GAY TIMES interview with Dr Atshan: https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/originals/why-the-lgbtq-community-should-care-about-palestine/ 

Buy Mary's Queer Xmas cards: https://www.lifeofbi.co.uk/xmas-cards

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So yes fine, Ell and Mary are approaching thirty and they’re wondering what their lives might look like in five years time. Will they own houses? Who will they live with? Will they want babies? What does growing up look like if you don’t want a conventional life-style? Join them on a ramble through aspec perspectives, polyamorous advocacy and home-building.

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Find out more about our work: https://www.lifeofbi.co.uk/

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