On this episode of Intentional Marriage, co-hosts and married couple – Justin and Cresta Burt – talk about the fact that they have a lot of family coming to visit because one of their children is graduating high school, and how to deal with such an unusual situation.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• What a lot of people don’t understand, and that I will communicate with my boys once they get married, is that we come second to them. A lot of parents don’t have that view, especially if they’re young and married. Their family comes first, they’re always welcome here for Christmas, for holidays, for everything and anything, any day of the week. We’ll give them cool gifts and bribe them to come, but if their family time becomes more important we’ve got to be able to provide them the opportunity of saying “no” without feeling bad.
• When we have all this family visiting, the most important advice is: We come first in our decision making. That’s not to say we don’t think about other people or take their thoughts and feelings into consideration. However, we have to make the decision that is best for our family. That comes first and foremost, and that applies to graduation, Christmas, Thanksgiving, any holiday you celebrate (apart from Father’s Day, then I can be a little selfish!).
• For Christmas this year, we made our plans and then told our family what we had chosen to do. Some family chose not to spend as much time as they would normally, but that was their decision.
• Whatever your immediate family unit looks like (husband, wife, kids), that’s what you’ve got to base your decisions on. You can’t base it on your parents or a rogue cousin that comes around once in a while and throws a fit, it’s your decision to make. That’s where a lot of people are scared to make that decision because they’re scared of making people upset. I was that way for a long time, but you’ve got to realise that if their feelings are hurt – while that’s not fun – it’s on them and the expectations they’ve set.

BEST MOMENTS

‘There was a lot of tension for us in these situations initially, and then we figured it out.’
‘When you get married, your spouse is first, you are your own family and everybody else comes second.’
‘When you have a spouse, and you may have divorced parents, you could have up to four families to see over Christmas time. That does present some challenges when you’re making those decisions about how to divide up your time.’
‘Start your own traditions, it’s your family, be your own family unit. Incorporate in-laws and parents into that because family is very important, but do not allow them to dictate what will and will not happen.’

ABOUT THE GUEST

ABOUT THE HOSTS

Justin and Cresta Burt are marriage coaches who specialize in helping couples regain their intimacy inside and outside the bedroom. They share how their Intentional Marriage principles can help couples find their "Happily Ever After."

Though they have a great sense of humor and enjoy making people laugh, Justin and Cresta take their work seriously. They know that marriages can be healed and relationships can be restored when both partners are intentional about making things better.

CONTACT METHOD

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