One of the common behavior patterns we HSPs can be prone to is people pleasing – or partner pleasing! Interestingly, on the surface people pleasing seems lovely, it can wreak real emotional havoc and really hurt our intimate relationship over time. Today my special guest, Todd Smith, a highly sensitive person and host of the podcast, Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, and I are going to talk about all about people and partner pleasing: what it looks like, what it leads...

200 I have developed a habit of forgiveness over the years in my marriage. And today I want to tell you about it and why it has saved my marriage–and my own heart– over and over. Forgiveness is so easily misunderstood. I share about how I was confused about it, too, and how, in the past, this led to stopping myself from forgiving things my husband has done that felt hurtful to me. But, luckily, I figured out how to move past that, and I learned how to really forgive. (And t...

199 Resentment, grievance, and blame: these are not easy things to move past in our intimate relationships, especially, when it feels like your partner has piled on many little – or big – hurts, transgressions, and wrongdoings over the course of your relationship. Resent and blame come very naturally to us as humans, so if you feel them, you are oh-so-normal. AND, they are keeping you locked out of your heart. THey are keeping you from the love you could otherwise be feeling, and the lo...

198 To make your relationship better, it's absolutely essential to BELIEVE it is possible to do so. That's why I love sharing about the changes my clients see when they work with me: it helps you believe you can also make your relationship better, too! But it's even more helpful and inspiring to hear directly from these women themselves. So here's Caroline! Get ready to feel so much hope and inspiration. When Caroline came to me for 1:1 coaching, she was struggling with feeling sm...

197 One of the reasons so many marriages and relationships are not as good as they could be, or are really quite painful, is that we tend to approach our relationships in instinctual ways. Since instinct often comes not from our inner wisdom (that intuition’s role), but from our inner protective patterning and our cultural conditioning, following our instinct in our relationship can often slowly –or quickly– erode the love and closeness in it. The truth is that building and mainta...

196 Hope comes in various flavors. Some of them promote better relationships, and some drag them down. Hope can leave us helpless to change things, OR make us powerful agents of change in our marriages (and other areas of our lives, of course). Today you will hear about the 2 kinds of hope that don’t help, and the 1 kind of hope that makes ALL the difference in your marriage–and in being able to make your marriage the loving one you want. This episode is especially for you if you've bee...

195 This may be one of the most important episodes you will hear to make your marriage the one you want it to be. Especially if, like so many women, you wonder “Why should I be the one to do the work on our relationship?” Or you feel burdened or resentful that you seem to be alone in working on your marriage. Or if it just seems unfair that a lot of relationship advice is directed at women, when men have so much to learn when it comes to having a great relationship. If you're feel...

194 Today we are shining light on an almost funny thing that goes on deep under the surface in us women, which can really cause rifts, pain, and unnecessary suffering in our marriages to men: What I am calling Reverse Sexism in relationships. What is that, you may wonder? Tune in to find out. You will hear many examples of it, both how it has shown up in me personally, and my clients, too. You’ll hear why it costs us so much, and why it happens at all, how to find it in your...

You shape your emotional experiences SO deeply. Even if you can’t see it now, even if it feels like your partner is the main shaper of how you feel in your relationship, even if it seems like you are often emotionally at the effect of the world. YOU, in fact, are the #1 source of your own emotions. This is the best news EVER. Because it means you have so much more power over how you feel in your relationship--and how the relationship goes-- than you've ever known. It’s time to learn to ...

192 If there has been one major underlying concept that I have woven into nearly every episode of this podcast, it is the concept of emotional delegation (or its opposite, emotional agency). BUT I’ve never made a podcast episode solely dedicated to making sure you understand this concept. So today is the day! I made this episode to clearly define emotional delegation for you, and help you see how it may be playing into your relationship challenges, and so you can start the journey...

191 Vulnerability is the secret magic sauce that makes for the best, most connecting communication in your relationship– and today you are going to learn all about it! You’ll hear: What vulnerability actually isWhy it is so magic in relationshipspecific examples of what communicating vulnerably looks like, along with when to lean into using it, Why you may not be being vulnerable when you most need to beWhat that costs you and your relationship And, of course, what it takes to truly...

190 I made you a special short quiz to determine the level of dysregulation in your unique nervous system. (This episode goes hand in hand with episode 189, so I highly recommend listening to it first, or after you take the quiz.) Why should you take it? Because as highly sensitive people (and really, as just regular human beings on this planet in these modern times), our nervous systems are often chronically dysregulated. And this has a major impact in a not-so-great way on our lives i...

189 (This episode goes hand in hand with episode 190) Being a highly sensitive person obviously means we are more sensitive than others. This has real ramifications in our love lives— both wonderful and challenging. Listen in to this VERY revised (almost totally new) version of an older topic, where you will learn that, luckily, you can support your sensitive self in ways that amplify the best parts of your sensitivity, and make the challenges of it so much easier. &n...

188 Developing healthy boundaries is an absolutely essential part of having a great intimate relationship, especially as highly sensitive people.They are a way to take care of yourself, each other, and the relationship. I teach 3 types of boundaries, and today we are diving into the 2 psychological, or energetic types of boundaries: Protection boundaries, and containment boundaries. (Please listen to episode 51 for Relationship Boundary Basics.) When you use these kinds of bounda...

187 If you want a great–or even just good– marriage, you of course want to feel close and connected to your spouse. When you and your partner have that going for you, it’s one of the best feelings ever! But even if you're not feeling that way these days, there is a LOT you can do to receive and deepen the connection and closeness in your relationship (in almost all cases). It can take a little effort and a bit of know-how. So today I want to give you 2 principles to set you up to...

186 In this episode, you will learn about one very powerful, but simple, way to generate emotional connection and strengthen all realms of your relationship. Words and great verbal communication can really add to the closeness you feel in your relationship, but they are absolutely not the only way to deepen connection. In fact, there is plenty of research that shows the power of physical touch to create the kind of closeness and intimacy so many of us want in our relationships.&nb...

185 Every marriage needs a foundation of respect to thrive. Yet, in so many marriages, there’s a lack of respect. Studies show that men, especially, feel its lack, which tends to take a big toll on the sense of love and connection in that relationship. Why is this so common? Well, for one, it does not always come naturally to be respectful. And, as women, we may sometimes shy away from giving our respect to our spouse because we have a misunderstanding of what it looks like when i...

This episode is one of the -- if not THE-- #1 most essential episode of this podcast, if you want to have a loving, connected lasting marriage. SO important I'm updating and re-publishing it so you can listen again--or for the first time. Most of us limit ourselves (unconsciously, of course!) from feeling as much love as we could in our marriages. We therefore not only miss out on all the love available, but we also miss out on the benefits it brings to our marriages, and to our o...

183 This episode is for everyone in an intimate relationship —especially if reactivity is ever an issue, or if you ever find yourself in sticky, difficult, or heated interactions with your spouse– or you just want to communicate and relate even better! You will learn one of the most essential skills you can develop to make your relationship strong and loving: The Pause. Being able to pause is immensely powerful when it comes to communication and navigating conflict is a gra...

182 The ESSENCE of what it takes to have a good – even GREAT – marriage is not complex – it's actually very simple. In this episode, I boil down EVERYTHING I teach my clients to do–and everything I have done to make my marriage the amazing loving thriving one it is– into the 3 things you must do to have the same. Just 3! Because I want you to see how simple it really is. That said, DOING them may not be “easy” without learning some basic things. Which is why, in this episode...