abstraction helps us grasp the real thing. it’s been a minute.the last time I released an episode was in May-right in the midst of the loss and grief that swallowed me for a while. this is not a grand re-entrance, just a stumbling ramble back into this unending conversation of what it means to see in real time. In this episode I talk about the moment I finally opened my nostalgia now photographic journaling ritual again after the longest hiatus I ever took from it.Through it I rediscover how the blur and abstraction, instead of taking me away from reality, actually pull me closer to it. every photograph doesn't have to be about what’s gone,it gets to be a correspondence with what’s still here. I share what it’s been like to feel creative again after lossand to find the side doors back into presence when the front one feels jammed. this is me re-entering into this space- blurry eyed and awake. subscribe on substack for the visual version of this episode.

The following is my experience over the last 3 months in losing my pregnancy. I’ve repeatedly been told how common it is to have this happen-and yet again, I find myself in a “common” place with such a minimal amount of context for it. Grasping for hands to hold in this hushed common ground has been critical, I hope my voice becomes a hand you’ll never need to hold. get the visual version here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

when I was a little girl, before I had any understanding that most of us never do exactly what we say we want to do, my dad told me if he ever had the chance he would 100% go to the moon.I was absolutely horrified.But even in my panic,even in my steadfast objection-I remember his eyes. Where is the inner space where fear and trepidation get swallowed by enthusiasm/inspiration/life force itself?get the visual podcast delivered to your inbox for free via substack

What happens when we start respecting ALL parts of ourselves- like the exact constellation we are meant to be?What happens when we stop operating from a place of insufficiency or subconscious shame and start living our lives according to our own design?Join the conversation with human design guide & business mentor Sylvia Bbelasubstack for this episode coming soon: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/ More from Sylvia Bbela :https://www.instagram.com/sylbbela.co/All things Sylvia here

But no matter how intensely I feel something, I’m always left with this sensation that there is a trapdoor the feeling didn’t make it through.a forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me… I could cry at a leaf on the fucking ground if I think about it enough.But I cannot escape this feeling that I am not feeling enough.A sensation of some sort of weird disconnect-A severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of elusive satisfying place that I’ll never know.Subscribe to substack for free visual podcast episode delivered to your inbox.  

When I can’t be with myself or what is, I turn to repetition.Why do I listen to the same song over and over and over and over again? Is it because they are saying something I wish I could?Is it because it makes me feel something I can’t muster up for myself?Is it because I’m looking for permission to feel something I haven’t even let myself acknowledge?Why do I watch the same shows over and over and over again? Is it because I want to feel comforted and familiar without having to actually participate?Is it because I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don’t have to feel it fresh and hard?Is it because I won’t allow space for something I don’t already know? Why do I prefer to read or write about things instead of doing the thing itself? If I read about writing instead of actually writing, I can feel like I’m in that world without actually having to be in the work of it.If I read about others thoughts on philosophy and life, I can breathe the sigh of relief that I’m not as alien as I thought and lessen the compulsion to have to articulate myself. The benefits of choosing this peripheral version of living have a limited shelf life.As cozy as it is, this repetitive overconsumption of repetition leads to repetitive undercreation. The temporary relief sedates us. It paralyzes our ability to actively engage/create/and experience life from our unique version of creative life force.It becomes an autopilot choice to be a passive bystander rather than an active participant. Why am I the only exception to my deepest belief?An unconditional love and acceptance of what is…unless what is, is me.This episode is an invitation to renovate the well grooved neuropathways of our mind to a home that feels good instead of just familiar. Get a free visual version of this podcast delivered to your inbox via subscribing to my substack :)  

Just because art can clarify and illuminate and help you feel through things, doesn't mean that those things resolve or feel complete.The subconscious expectation and unfulfillment of that expectation can do some damage.If this episode feels incomplete it's because I feel incomplete right now and I'm going to let it be incomplete because as you know, I am working on not demanding everything I create to resolve something inside of me.(And ironically, maybe that will resolve everything. lol. )Get this episode as a free substack post. I call them my visual podcasts :) click here.  

 Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. It's all I've ever known. This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt . I grasp for moments like chasing bubbles. Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact…Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE.

Photography has betrayed me.It’s given me an out under the facade of going in.It’s become an emotional to do list too long to ever conquer.Just as I brain dump my ideas and to do tasks onto a paper in an effort for relief and fake accountability, I take pictures when I’m seeing something that feels too much, thinking- I’ll feel this later.My friend asked me the other day in response to my photographic frustration- “can’t that moment be enough? The thisness of that moment and why you photographed it?”- can’t it be whole on it’s own without feeling like there’s a further emotional processing that needs to happen?It was such a wonderful question that felt like buoyant possibility.And I immediately felt the answer I didn't want...nope.Today I ask you one of the most important questions anyone can be asked in life- the same question that revealed my sophisticated subconscious self sabotage that made me consider putting the camera down for a while.Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE. 

i started baking bread.most might not find that cause for concern- but for me, it’s alarming. 1/3 life crisis?(too old for 1/4, too young for mid)i’m feeling a little refreshingly lost.lost in a way that feels more like freedom than panic. I had a major shift in my headspace after my recent trip to Europe.I'm ready to talk about it.subscribe for free visual podcast episodes

2 weeks away from home.this episode is not yet about my trip, but about the idea of leaving my kids for 2 weeks, re-evaluating home, work, and a life loosened from being constrained by roles.Subscribe to get visual podcast episodes to your inbox.https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/show notes- more conversation on full time artistry and part time work: FULL TIME ARTIST & part time work w/Morgan Bukovec

i’d rather sleepwalk through the day than sleep through the life that chose to visit me at 3:45am on my birthday.read & subscribe here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

“You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever!” My son screams in panic after an idyllic time eating dinner on the river bank and throwing stones in the water. I found myself telling him, “I understand that you feel panic and upset that we aren’t going to get to do what you want but that doesn't have to take away from the good time you just had. It doesn't have to be a waste.” I'm laughing at my hypocrite self as I'm saying this knowing full well this is probably the number one thing I yell at myself about internally about EV-ER-Y SIN-GLE DAY.How can we guarantee we aren't wasting our precious time on this earth?After listening to a meditation on desireless action and reading a how to poetry book, I found an answer. What came to me has given me a renewed sense of power and relief.How can we bridge the gap between our desired result and present desire?Pretty damn easily actually...subscribe to my substack to get episodes delivered to your inbox (with pictures:)) 

Today is about the profound impact of good questions.Introspective questions.The issue is, sometimes we forget to ask ourselves (good/non self deprecating) questions.So, having someone to talk to is really important.*someone who is more concerned with listening than speaking. *someone who is more curious and expansive than lovingly trying to brace you for impact.*someone who has the ability to ask really fucking good questions rather than offer (irrelevant) advice. Really good questions happen when someone is listening for what you're not saying just as much as what you are saying. They happen when someone is more invested in your wellbeing than their ego or fears. This is my lived experience of working with a mentor/coach over the last 4 years.What happens when we get asked good questions?Our world opens up.Want to read and look at pictures instead of listen? Subscribe to my substack.

My used book called me a hypocrite.I almost didn't record this episode because I had nothing to say.I followed my unproductive instinct and magically found something to say.Your turn...GET VISUAL PODCASTS STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX.

“if one reaches the point where understanding fails, this is not a tragedy. It is simply a reminder to stop thinking and start looking. Perhaps there is nothing to figure out after all. Perhaps we only need to wake up.” -Thomas Merton Perhaps it’s just a sliver.a nuanced change.from looking to seeing.Let yourself see beyond your eyes. full body seeing.SUBSCRIBE ON SUBSTACK TO GET VISUAL PODCAST EPISODES.This episode is our monthly exploration into personal photographic journaling.

Concoctions: The anti recipe? no. after giving it thought, I realize concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way.(also, can being “for” something stop meaning we have to be “"anti” something else?)((but to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. lol))intuitive cooking? based off a lifetime of tasting experiences, thanks to recipes (ironically).okayyyyyyyy. so what’s the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other?After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned & recorded end point of intuitive concocting. Essentially it’s all the same thing and the only thing that’s different is our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications.They are both beautiful.But this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way.Every single thing you do has this innate wisdom to it. There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually- in the way that is natural to you. Instead of looking around at how it’s outside of the norm, the way it's usually done, or the way that most people understand- instead of using that as a weapon against yourself, maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality. Maybe it’s not subpar. Maybe it’s more than enough. Maybe it’s fucking genius.Interest in the visual version of this episode?Subscribe on Substack here & join the community <3

One day, you will not be here. One day, everything and nothing will matter. One day, the pictures become painfully precious. One day, hindsight will show you the life you could have lived. Right now, you are here. Right now, everything and nothing matters. Right now, the pictures are painfully precious. Your hindsight is available to you now. Your life is available to you now. Live that life now. Whatever it is- connect to yourself and love yourself today.If you don’t know where to start, look to your pictures.They will tell you.They know. This feels like the most urgent conversation we could be having.Grab the free, visual/written version of this podcast on Substack. In loving memory of EJ HASSAN.

When does the quest for "why" turn into justification paralysis?Is figuring out the root cause the only key to moving forward? or is it as simple as a decision?With visual journaling I reflect on the big and little picture(s) for feelings rather than answers.NOTES from Bianca:Sacred Seeing on Substackhttps://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/

waking up with a racing chest.putting your brain in front of your divine inspiration/intuition.letting yourself hear what you are trying to tell yourself through the photos you take."WAIT! I gotta get mommy a flower!" click click click.wake up. click click click. let the light in. opens up this well of knowledge and wisdom and witnessing of yourself that can actually help you live your life more deeply. It opens everything up to what really actually matters. The only thing that matters is right now.And right now, whatever, you're looking at, pressing a button to, there is something so earth shatteringly vital about that because you're choosing to do that. You are intuitively choosing, “this” out of everything available to you in your whole life. This. Now.   BREAKING NEWS:Each podcast episode will now also be published on substack. A new labor of love in pairing words and imagery.SHOW REFERENCE NOTES:PEA THE FEARYHAYLEY CARR NOTES from Bianca:1:1 BREAKTHROUGH VISION SESSIONhttps://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/Check out my newest offer- REMOTE PHOTO SESSIONS for emerging artists.