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Myrtle Alegado (host): Okay, newlyweds. After the wedding, many of you expect wedded bliss to be automatic. You've married the person of your dreams right, so they should be able to anticipate every thought, wish, and need. But even after decades of marriage, I can tell you, this is not the case. So, all you newlyweds out there stay tuned as we continue our series on effective communication in marriage. 



Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I've been married to my husband, Paul, for over 21 years. 



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Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life



Myrtle Alegado: All right, so in this episode of our effective communication in marriage series, we'll be focusing on expectations. Is it relevant to a successful marriage that expectations are clear between the husband and wife? Sure, it is. In the same way that having unclear expectations contribute to an unsuccessful marriage. Consider for a moment this quote from an article entitled The Psychology Of Expectations, and I quote: Without actually verbalizing expectations about give and take in a relationship, people construct stories in their heads about legitimate expectations of each other, and unspoken expectations are almost guaranteed to go unfulfilled. In an article we found on psychologytoday.com, Dr. John Johnson, a psychology professor at Pennsylvania State University, explored how unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments. Now what exactly does that mean?



To get this discussion underway, I'd like to introduce today's guests, Darnelh and Kim from Fremont, California, and they've been married since August of 2019. Welcome to Happy Life, Kim and Darnelh.  



Darnelh: Hello



Kim: Hi, everyone.



Myrtle: How are you today?



Kim: Oh, we're doing great. It's really nice to be here, so thank  you.



Myrtle: Oh, we're happy to have you. Okay, so newlyweds. Going back to that saying “unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.” Well, simply put, it means we feel happy when expectations are met but disappointed when they aren't, even though other expectations we have are actually without good reason. And to break it down further the example they used in the article was a cup of coffee. Okay, so now you're probably wondering, “Myrtle, what does a cup of coffee have to do with expectations in marriage?”



So, just bear with me for a second as I share with you my take on this. I was able to relate to the article's cup of coffee example, because when I wake up in the morning having a cup of coffee makes me happy. Darnelh and Kim, do you two look forward to your first cup of coffee in the morning too?



Kim: I do. I think I’m a big(ger) coffee drinker than Darnelh, but I always, it's like the first thing that I have to have in the morning.



Myrtle: Okay, so maybe Darnelh can relate to the article’s cup of coffee example with maybe his morning cereal, or his pancakes, or what have you. 



Obviously I know that I have to carry out steps to produce that cup of coffee, and that it just doesn't appear out of thin air on my counter waiting to greet me. But there have been times when my husband makes it to the kitchen before me, and in my head I'm like, “Oh, this is awesome. He'll probably have my coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs.” But, I never actually articulated or expressed to him before he went downstairs that I'd like him to mak...