Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

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Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Alex Alexander

147 episodes

4 days ago

Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience. You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point. Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for so long that I could cry thinking about how excited I am for her. Sure, buying presents and wr...

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Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience. You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point. Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for so long that I could cry thinking about how excited I am for her. Sure, buying presents and wr...

Show more...

Personal Journals

Society & Culture,

Health & Fitness,

Episodes (20/147)

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Moving Past Inconvenience and Leaning into the JOY of Helping Our Friends

Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience. You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point. Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for so long that I could cry thinking about how excited I am for her. Sure, buying presents and wr...

4 days ago

32 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Reframing Rejection with Tanesha Moody

When putting yourself out there, rejection is inevitable. But here’s a reframe you might need to hear: YOU are not being rejected. It’s only your OFFER that is being rejected. Tanesha Moody was, at one point, drowning in rejection from every direction, from job applications to dating apps to her own friendships. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered the transformative power of separating rejection from yourself. Today, Tanesha is a speaker, writer, and founder of Full Ou...

1 week ago

42 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Write Your Own Friendship Manual: Building Authentic Relationships While Neurodivergent with Lee Hopkins

Have you ever felt like everyone but you received some kind of friend-making manual? Today’s guest, Lee Hopkins, is a social connections and business culture coach and CEO of Patterns of Possibility – but his journey to this work started with his own decades-long struggle. In this episode, Lee shares about navigating friendship after recently learning that he has autism, and how this revelation has impacted his relationships with friends, family, and ultimately, his way of life. L...

2 weeks ago

1 hour 3 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

How to Not Feel Neglected in Conversations with Friends (and Why Sometimes TMI is a Good Thing)

It happens to all of us: you leave an interaction and realize the conversation was all about the other person. They didn’t ask a thing about you. Today’s episode is about feeling ignored in conversations with friends. In these situations, it’s easy to play the blame game, but the truth is, we are all responsible for our half of the connection. What do you say when a friend asks how you’re doing? Do you say “good” or “fine?” Or do you give an honest answer? How hard do we expect friends ...

3 weeks ago

26 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

[REPLAY] The Enormous Impact of Small Intimacies

Sometimes to feel closer to our friends there’s this pressure to share our most vulnerable feelings or unearth some deep, dark secret. But what if I told you there are more ways to feel connected to our friends that are actually simpler, easier, and more common? That in fact, there are DOZENS of ways we’re trying to open up to each other, but because they’re not “big” shares, they’re often overlooked? I believe we are all missing out on small moments of connection with our friends, an...

1 month ago

36 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

[REPLAY] You Say You Want a Village … But Do You?

Your village is out there, waiting for you. It might even be knocking on your door, and you haven’t realized. People often think they need to make enormous shifts to find community; they need to move to a tiny village on the other side of the world or into a compound in the woods. But that’s not true. Here’s what you actually need: subtle shifts and a willingness to be uncomfortable. So many people talk about how they want a village, and yet, I see them rejecting the small changes...

1 month ago

36 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

[REPLAY] An Extensive Look at the Wheel of Connection

This whole podcast was only a dream a couple years ago, and here we are now with 100 episodes. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for sharing these conversations with your friends. In this episode, I share some life updates and talk intensely about the Wheel of Connection (view this visual diagram!), which is a foundational concept to my work. I give an overview about each of the categories, and at the end of the episode, I talk about how to do a basic Wheel of Connection audit.&nbs...

1 month ago

1 hour 3 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

[REPLAY] Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots

About three years ago, many of my friends moved away within a six month period. While I was excited for these friends, I also grieved; my friends are my main support system, my family. How would I keep these friendships alive? I invested a lot of energy into thinking about it, through which I developed what I’m tentatively calling the “Your People” framework. The best way to think about this framework is to imagine a tree. Trees start as seeds, and then you provide them with nutrients and s...

1 month ago

47 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

[REPLAY] What Is A Friend? And the 4 Types of Friends We All Have

[REPLAY] FOUNDATIONAL FRIENDSHIP IRL EPISODE This month, I’m replaying four episodes that I consider FOUNDATIONAL to understanding all other Friendship IRL episodes. These are the episodes that break down the frameworks and mindset shifts you need to build the connections you want. EPISODE DESCRIPTION Today’s foundational episode tackles this ONE question: What is a friend, really? A lot of people are walking through life focusing on what isn’t there when it comes to friendship. There...

2 months ago

21 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Reframing the Idea of “Quality” in Friendship

Quality over quantity – you’ve probably heard this phrase when it comes to friendship, right? So many of us strive for a few “quality” all-encompassing friendships, thinking that’s better than having lots of less intimate friends. But is that way of thinking actually limiting us? There will be times in your life – maybe as a new parent, or after a loss – when you’ll gravitate toward the friends who can relate to your situation, even if they’re not those “quality” all-encompassing friends. Som...

2 months ago

23 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

The Surprising Benefits of a Friendship Pause

Picture this: you're staring at a text thread with your friend, and you realize you've had the same argument three times the past month. You love this person … but right now, you kind of can't stand them. Today, we're talking about friendship pauses. Let me be clear: this isn't ghosting, breaking up, the silent treatment, or a passive-aggressive power move. A friendship pause is an intentional choice to create space to reflect, make changes, and do some individual growth. Here’s the cav...

2 months ago

22 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Social Engineering Your Way Into Friendship, From Picnics to the Six Points of Connection, with Charlotte Massey

Have you ever moved somewhere new and felt like you were on the outside looking in? This was Charlotte Massey when she moved to Seattle in the midst of the pandemic, when making friends was borderline impossible. Instead of accepting isolation, she got strategic about it. We’re taking friend-dating spreadsheets and sales funnel approaches. Charlotte is the executive director for the Seattle chapter of the U.S. Chamber of Connection, a new civic organization tackling the loneliness epidemic, a...

2 months ago

1 hour 3 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

All About Fringe Friends

Have you ever felt like you were the “extra invite?” The “filler friend?” The friend who gets invited to the big events but never the intimate gatherings? There are lots of reasons people find themselves in this position. Maybe a big life change has altered friend dynamics; maybe you’re just in a totally new friendship group. But maybe you’re also exhibiting behaviors that are keeping you on the fringe. If you want deeper friendships and to be part of more intimate gatherings, you can c...

3 months ago

36 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Being a Social Artist and Why Friendship Deserves Its Own Soundtrack With Leila Six

There are songs about romantic heartbreak, but where are the songs about losing a friend who meant EVERYTHING to you? That’s what Leila Six and I want to know. Today’s guest, Leila Six, is a singer-songwriter who is asking the hard questions about friendship in her music, using art to contribute to a culture that values all kinds of love, not just the romantic kind. In this episode, we dive deep on why friendship deserves its own soundtrack, how art can help us process complex emotions, and w...

3 months ago

52 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Navigating the Great Friendship Shift with Ericka Parker

A few years ago, five sets of my friends moved away within a six-month period. These people were my emergency contacts, the people I did Sunday dinners with. I was devastated. This isn’t a unique experience; it often happens to people in their late 20s and early 30s, when life paths start to diverge. Friends get married and have kids. They travel the world and pursue their careers. The friendships start to feel different. I call this phenomenon the great friendship shift, which I talk about t...

3 months ago

1 hour

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

The Spectrum of Digital Connection, From “Likes” to Deep Conversations

The other day I was telling a friend about my goal to be better about responding to text messages in a more timely manner. My friend agreed: this was something I needed to work on! And this was fair. Other friends have called me out on this, too. But after recent episodes about virtual communities, parasocial relationships, and online friendship, it hit me that I’m not actually bad at ALL digital connection; I’m just drawn to certain types. In today’s episode, I delve into the spectrum ...

3 months ago

32 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Making Friends Online with Minded Society Co-Founders Marcela and Claudia

In the past few episodes, I’ve talked about keeping in touch with friends through the digital space. This episode goes a step further: how do you MAKE friends online? Today’s guests are Claudia and Marcela, the mother-daughter duo behind the Minded Society, which offers a supportive virtual environment for women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, with monthly events, book clubs, and personalized connections, helping members find authentic friendships across distances. We dive into everything, ...

4 months ago

58 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Are Online Friends REAL Friends? (Hint: YES!)

Are online friends REAL friends? I’m not talking about parasocial relationships, which are one-sided relationships; I’m talking about people you’ve had conversations with, people who know things about you. My personal opinion is that they most certainly are. In this episode, I talk in-depth about the difference between my friends I met in person and the friends I met online. I combat some of the pushback people have against people you meet online and highlight some of the benefits of on...

4 months ago

36 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Using Parasocial Relationships as a Bridge For Real Community Instead of a Replacement For It

The term ‘parasocial relationship’ was coined in the 1950s by American sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl to describe how people connected with TV personalities at the time. Today, parasocial relationships have expanded to include celebrities, influencers, athletes – even podcast hosts! Social media in particular has taken parasocial relationships to a new level; it blows my mind how much I know about some people I’ve never met. In this episode, I talk all about the paras...

4 months ago

47 minutes

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Using Data to Manage the Friendship Mental Load With Mark Houghton

When was the last time you just called a friend because you wanted to talk? We carry these super computers in our pockets, but sometimes, using them to stay in touch feels more complicated than ever. There are some people we can ring spontaneously. Others require multiple rounds of scheduling. This episode is about the gap between wanting to stay connected and actually doing it. Today’s guest Mark Houghton, doesn’t just relate to this problem; he decided to solve it by creating the SoonCall a...

5 months ago

52 minutes