⚠️ Warning: Chapo’s back from COVID, Bomb’s been on the Staropramen, and somehow Paris, beer maths, and Jesus’ biscuit knees all make sense after ten minutes. Expect lager-fuelled logic, Essex League nostalgia, and more theology than Sky Sports could stomach.

In this week’s carnage:

🍺 Bomb swears he out-scored Gabriel Jesus “in the Essex Sunday League, mate”

💶 Chapo breaks down Paris pint economics (€8 happy hour / €14 sadness)

🤖 Chapo’s Amazon hub explodes mid-pod claims “AI rendering farm interference”

💬 AFTV roasted into orbit Lee Gunner declared “a twat”

😷 Chapo confesses to COVID, Wi-Fi exorcisms and a new German boss who quotes ’Allo ’Allo!

⚽ Saka praised, Mainoo compared, United Trey slandered, and the lads still find time to call Liverpool fans delusional

🚨 David Coote branded “90-grand wrong’un” and sentenced (by us) to rot

👕 Hawk & Tun FC update: new kits, new players, Man in Chair upgraded to a folding throne with dual beer-holders

🪓 Stick of Justice returns Bomb wields it like Thor with a hangover, smiting pundits, refs and anyone wearing a half-and-half scarf

🎭 Manager chat turns into life coaching: Mourinho ego analysis, Ranieri therapy, and Pep worship

😂 Bonus chaos: Victor Boniface’s four-girlfriend philosophy, kudos’ misplaced **** on Sky Sports, and Spurs still being Spurs

💖 Ends wholesome: shout-outs to US, German and Qatari listeners, Brentford’s mental-health benches, and Palace’s aftercare for academy kids before another “**** Sheffield” sign-off

Two WhatsApp warriors. One barely-contained bromance that would fail every BBC background check.

So crack a tin, brace your earholes, and join the world’s most chaotic pub-cast where football dies for your entertainment every single week, and there’s barely any rude writing on the toilet walls.

💩 P.S. Sheffield is still a shithole.

💩 P.P.S. Whilst Sheffield is still a shithole, guess who edits the descriptions and hasn’t given BOM the password to get in and change it?

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