In this episode, we dive deep into a topic that often gets overlooked in marriage: the difference between wounds carried into the marriage (pre-marriage wounds) and wounds that arise in the marriage (in-marriage wounds).
If you’ve noticed recurring conflict, cycles you can't seem to break, or strain in your relationship that doesn’t seem to make sense, this one is for you.
We’ll unpack:
Why simply changing the scenery (new job, new house, new spouse) won’t fix the root of the problem.
How to identify whether a struggle started before your covenant or within it.
The difference between trigger and root — what event might have ignited the wound versus what history is actually fueling it.
A useful diagnosis framework (four questions) to help you trace the origin, the agreement you've made, and where the fruit of the wound is showing up.
Common examples of pre-marriage wounds: family dysfunction, step-family trauma, unmet father/mother images, old soul-ties, unhealed childhood vulnerabilities.
Common examples of in-marriage wounds: betrayal or secrecy, poor communication patterns, spiritual imbalance, financial conflict, withholding affection or intimacy, misaligned leadership in the home.
Practical next-steps: How to steward the wound — for pre-marriage wounds, how to renounce unhealthy vows, rebuild identity, seal the temple and fill the void; for in-marriage wounds, how to walk in ongoing repentance, rebuild governance, restore what’s broken, and remove what’s feeding the wound.
Why it matters:
Many couples think their conflict is only about “what’s happening now,” but the truth is that unresolved issues from before the marriage often surface inside the marriage and get mis-diagnosed.
If you treat the fruit instead of the root, you might keep experiencing the same patterns in a new season.
What you’ll walk away with:
A clearer understanding of whether your marital pain is rooted in the past or being created in the present.
A clearer path toward healing: both internal (identity, past wounds) and relational (communication, trust, leadership).
Practical steps to apply in your life and in your marriage that move you beyond mere avoidance or surface fixes.
A renewed hope: you don’t have to keep repeating the same cycle. The difference between pre-marriage and in-marriage wounding can make all the difference.
