Inspired by “Special” by SZA

What happens when the person who broke your heart becomes everything you wished they were... but for someone else? What do you do when the softness you once carried so proudly feels like it’s gone forever?

In this episode, I reflect on what it means to lose touch with your former self, especially after being deeply vulnerable with someone who couldn’t meet you there. I open up about the grief of watching someone else receive the version of them you begged for… while you’re left trying to remember who you used to be.

We talk about avoidant attachment, mirroring behaviors as a neurodivergent survival mechanism, emotional numbness, and the confusing intersection of healing and shutting down.

Maybe you feel less expressive. Maybe solitude feels safer. Maybe you're scared you’ll never feel as deeply again. You're not alone.

This is a love letter to everyone in their numb era, questioning their identity, and trying to rebuild their sense of special.