Today we replay the first in a number of popular episodes.  We believe it's still a very relevant topic!!!   In today’s episode, we use a question posed to us by one of our listeners to have a discussion around what to do when your spouse seemingly pulls the old switch-a-roo and wants to make a major life change, despite previously agreeing with each other. “Hi Destination Marriage!  My husband and I are curious to hear your thoughts regarding the situation that has us currently at an impass.  After 5 years of marriage my husband is adamant about having kids even though we both agreed prior to getting married that kids would not be part of our future.  I was very open and honest with my husband that my desire was to be a career woman and I never felt the need to have children.  He is constantly bringing up the topic and it’s causing us to argue.  I feel misled because he knew my stance on the topic and agreed prior to committing to marriage.  Where do we go from here now that we are both on completely different planets when it comes to having children?”   We first discuss some general thoughts around these scenarios Importance of pre-marital counseling Importance of open and thoughtful communication – try to get to the bottom of what might be driving the firm stance? Fear, rejection, bad childhood? When you should sacrifice and changing your stance in order to show love for your spouse If you do change your stance, a commitment to not get bitter – ever!     Questions to ask???   Is this simply a result of the husband changing over the last five years or did he deliberately mislead his wife in hopes that she would have a change of heart ? Is there really any room for compromise? This is a huge ask of the wife who clearly is career focused and could potentially have to put her career aspirations on hold.  Be sensitive but also highlight the very real fact that when you’re holding that baby in your arms for the first time, your entire world changes and you can’t imagine life without that baby Other similar scenarios: Husband and wife both work and contribute to the household income. Wife then decides she no longer wants to work after having their first child so she can be a stay at home mom. The option of the mom remaining home to focus on caring for their child was never discussed because both husband and wife agreed the wife would remain working in order to continue having two incomes.  Now what? Same scenario but the husband wants his wife to stay at home and quit her 9-5 to soley focus on being a mom caring for the home. She however is excited to be a new mom but also loves working and wants to return to work which is creating an issue within the marriage. 

Join us as Tommy and I break down the latest 90 day fiancé arrest, our thoughts on the Tinder Swindler documentary and our personal experience with vitamin infusions.   90 Day fiancee arrest: In the latest 90 day fiancee news, Geoffrey Pashcel from season 4 of 90 day fiancee before the 90 days has been sentenced to 18 years in prison for domestic abuse and aggravated kidnapping. Now we both were wondering how they were able to sentence him to 18 years but apparently, Geoffrey had priors under his belt.  Two federal drug charges for drug trafficking and possession with intent to sell a controlled substance were already on his wrap sheet when he was chosen to be on the show.   Geoffrey portrayed himself as an outdoorsy single dad, fitness buff, entrepreneur, actor who is looking for love when he came on the show. His 90 day love interest, Varya, has made the move from Russia to the US and is still supporting him.  The abuse charges against him were from his previous fiancee from before his 90 day fiancee days, Kristen Wilson.   This man has to be the biggest narcissist to even apply to be on a tv show. Also, does anyone at TCL conduct a background check on these characters?  I need to know!!!  As much as I like to watch the drama unfold on this show, I would prefer they not employ abusers or kidnappers.    TinderSwindler   If you think that was alarming…just wait till you watch the TinderSwindler!!!! This new documentary walks us through a disturbing, alarming web of a story of a con man who used tinder to find his victims.  …if you weren’t already uneasy about online dating, this may be the story that ends your desire to swipe right.    First off, the story is told very well. They did a great job narrating, sharing detailed information from voicemail messages, texts and videos.    Questions:   How did he even start such a scam? How much money are we even talking about? Is this guy smart or is he just so desperate that he’s willing to try just about anything to live a lavish life he clearly didn’t earn?     We’re trying new things in 2022!! We went to a wellness center to get vitamin infusions last week to help us get that boost of energy and replenish our bodies after being under the weather in December. The vitamin cocktail we chose was the Meyers cocktail – describe what this one is for and what’s included.    IV – Drip – Myers Cocktail What does the data say? Science Based Medicine A closer look at vitamin injections. Scott Gavura on May 24, 2013   “But despite all the hype and all the endorsements, there is no credible evidence to suggest that routine vitamin infusions are necessary or offer any meaningful health benefit. Vitamin infusions are a marketing creation, giving the illusion you’re doing something for your health, but lacking any demonstrable efficacy. What’s more concerning, providers of vitamin therapies target their marketing at those fighting life-threatening illnesses like cancer, selling unproven treatments in the absence of good scientific evidence that they are beneficial. The intravenous vitamin industry is a sideshow to science-based health care. Yes, there is an established medical role for injectable vitamins, though it’s no energy-boosting cure-all – they’re used to replace what we should obtain in our diet.” Intravenous micronutrient therapy (Myers' Cocktail) for fibromyalgia: a placebo-controlled pilot study   Did it work? What did we feel? Cost effective?  

Topic: Episode #55 - Jackie's Adele experience, celeb breakups & annual planning for 2022 Jump right into Adele news in Vegas Talk about past trip Residencies – used to be where performers go to die Sucks to plan a trip around the concert to then have it cancel Jason Mamoa & Lisa Bonet Divorce Jackie to read their full statement (other page) Discuss the announcement – thoughts good/bad/who cares? What happened, why divorce? Age difference in marriages – does it work when the man is significantly younger than the woman? Annual Planning Dive into where we went this year and why. Discuss the home – Air BNB Recap of annual planning goals, history, structure. Reference previous episode for greater details Instead of going into specific details of the entire process, we wanted to instead talk about what has changed, improved, gotten worse? Ways we have changed that aren’t positive? – Dreaming big vs reality? Ways we have improved the process – discuss ideas from each of us. What did we focus on this year vs. other years? Heavy focus on a positive, forward looking vision for 2022. After the chaos of 2020 and 2021, we only looked to the future instead of dissecting the past year. We spent a lot of time discussing our vision for the podcast and then writing out specific goals and steps to achieve them We talked a lot about traveling and upgrades we want to do to our home.

We lost a whole month of our lives. Happy New Year! Destination Marriage is back and ready for 2022 after an unplanned hiatus.  Join us as we discuss how we recently lost an entire month of our lives.  While everyone was knee deep in sugar cookies and gingerbread house making, we were knee deep in crackers and ginger ale.  We’re sharing it all from body aches to the impact it had on us both as a married couple. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!!

• We recently watched the documentary called LulaRich which is a popular and well known MLM on comfortable clothing or magical like leggings that fit every and all shape.  Yes,  who doesn’t like a piece of clothing that fits all…right?!! And better yet..this was a product that if you “put your whole heart and soul into it” would determine the success of your business and your financial freedom.  And mind you this MLM was targeting women who were typically stay at home moms that were daily struggling with their financial choices in order to make ends meet. • We’re going to discuss what we leared from the documentary, research regarding the hidden challenges or reprecussions  and of course our thoughts.• So let’s dive in shall we?• You are the boss of what you choose to do… I actually love that saying and I fully support. • LulaRoe – an MLM, one of many that unfortunattly has made headlines for negative reasons which we will dive into but let’s first focus on who the are and how this got started for our listeners that may not be as familiar with the product/MLM.• Started in 2013• Name originated from their first three grandaughers.• How it originated…• One of eleven children the founder of LulaRoe – Deanne Startup. • Met husband and business partner Mark Stidham on a plane.• She already had 7 children from a previous marriage.  Single mom, broke but determined to live a lavish life.• Her idea started from home.  She started making maxi skirts for her daughter and it grew into a business.  She then sold items to her first retailer so they could start a side gig selling her maxi skirt product to their friends for a profit.  Her retailers grew and LulaRoe was born.• Initial investment for retailers…$5000• Selling breast milk? Borrowing money from fam members? Credit card charges?• Tijuana Skinny’s… Deanne took several of the TOP retailers to Mexico to get the gastric bypass surgery to lose weight so they could portray a certain look for LulaRoe. • Demographic limit…No protected territories• Some people took that box and turned it into a million dollars and some people took that box and put it in the closet because it scared them…????• Bogus product..leggings soiled with mildew, moisture and foul smell.  Left in the parking lot exposed to elements then shipped out to retailers.• 127,000 sq feet – at that time he was putting stuff outside in cages.  It was exposed to the elements.  Holes in product, tearing of leggings, shorter hems.  They asked their retailers to take a hit to move the product regardless of the issue.• Pushing product than they could deliver at the same rate or level of quality.• Did anyone actually make real money?  Not 10k but realy sustainable money to keep a family moving in the right direction towards financial freedom?• Responses from owners of LulaRoe to Retailers who were struggling to sell: o You’re stale o Youre in the wrong business• Is this a pyramid scheme?o Policy?o How you make money?o Compensation structure?o How much was spent monthly to buy product?o Buy back policy?• Compleltely went away – facebook groups went off the charts with women looking for representation• Defective products – Facebook group• Class Action Law suits: • Current payback to retailers at the time of deposition (year date ) 100 Million dollars• Make good refund policy nullified: • Daniel Kang – friendship – ghost squad. Fancy Swedish car squad• 100 people have filed for bankruptcy • They divorced • Compay targeted women who wanted to meet the needs of their family life by staying home to raise the kids and take care of the home.• 4.75 million settled with suit with the the state • LulaRoe is still currently doing business but many have left in droves.  

Today we have a Dear Destination Marriage sent by a listener who is currently experiencing a power struggle.  "Dear Destination Marriage, My husband and I have been married for six years but we’re experiencing a shift in our relationship that is stripping us of the happiness we once had and is causing a lot of arguments in our home.  My husband and I both started out building our careers at the same time and came into the marriage with close to a 50/50 equal financial contribution.  Within the last six months my husband has made leaps and bounds with his company and is making great money.  While the increase in our financial pool is wonderful, his control over our finances and disregard for my thoughts on how money should be distributed is creating a great divide.  I feel as though I have no voice and at this point every conversation ends up becoming an argument.  Do you have any thoughts where we go from here?"   Questions: What is the root of this type of behavior? Big head Previous money problems – recently crawled out of a 2020 hole? Added stress of new role – “Innocent” – doesn’t realize what he is doing to his wife? Fear of losing everything he’s earned?   Can financial power struggles be a sign of other underlying issues? Suggestions:   Don’t stop talking to one another - Silence can be dangerous. Take time to listen before responding. Act in love Keep the conversation on topic.   More extreme suggestions if things don’t get resolved: Marriage counseling Separate accounts (not sure if they’re separate now).  

It’s National Mental Health month so what better time to address the upcoming holiday season.  The holidays can be a wholesome time of building memories, indulging in your favorite foods and feeling the love of your family and friends but it can also be a tumultuous time for those who don’t have family nearby, have experienced a recent loss, are in the midst of a financial struggle.  The reality is that the holidays can bring on a level of stress that may make us all in need of a mental health check but let’s discuss some thoughts on how to keep it as stress free and fulfilling as possible. Who wins when you blend family traditions in a new marriage? State the potential problem Family personalities influencing decisions – guilt, anger, stubbornness, passive aggressive comments from family Real and deeply held religious beliefs Practical problems such as travel, same day events Desire to start own tradition   Our traditions and what we have blended and why What has been successful We benefit from having in-laws and extended families that enjoy being with each other. Shared faith We have been pretty firm in what we want to do and communicating our plans   Examples Christmas Eve Food traditions – mixing it up Switching b/t Christmas and Thanksgiving based on everyone’s schedules/family situations We’ve held events at our home over the years because it’s an easier hub to blend both families with space and location.   Tips for a win/win experience in blending traditions and culture Discuss +/- of each and determine what is important to honor each side of family and balance that against your own nuclear family Plan ahead Be open to compromise Include an activity – a game, a craft, whatever it is just avoid idle time Effectively communicate your decisions to your respective families Be patient with one another when adapting to the other’s traditions Have realistic expectations Keep conversations that could pose as a land mine off limits Create a budget   Importance of Creating Your Own traditions - From the site artofmanliness.com Provide Source of Identity Stengthen the family bond Offer comfort and security Teach values Add to the rhythm and seasonality of life Pass on cultural and religious heritage Connect generations Create lasting memories

Today’s episode is title - The apology you never knew you needed. Jackie’s story - As you know, we’ve been married for 20 years and within that time we’ve exchanged apologies but the apology you never knew you needed is different. It’s a recognition and an act of accountability for something that was done in the past and may have been pushed back into the files of your heart and more than likely it’s collected some dust.  And yes..with time feelings may change or hurts can heal but in this case without recognition or an apology it can create obstacles in a marriage. In our early years of marriage I made the mistake of placing an unrealistic expectation on Tommy. Honestly I hadn’t even given this thought or even recognized it until recently. I placed a pressure on him that he could and would make certain things happen because he was my husband. Not in a bratty, “this is what I want” mentality but I had a level of dependency that was unfair to place on him.   He was my husband though..not a genie. The unrealistic expectation added pressure, caused frustration and disagreements earlier on in our marriage.  Like I said..we were young and my preconceived notions were obviously off in this area but that’s not an excuse.     Tommy’s reaction  The impact of the apology How it made me feel in the past – frustration, unsure what to do, bottle up anger What it meant to me   How that effects your marriage before and after the apology Moments you remember that make you grow together and further deepen intimacy.            

We are very excited about today’s episode, part 2 of our 20 year anniversary episodes. Before we went on our anniversary trip to Jamaica, we did a look back at what the past 20 years of marriage means to us and also a sexpectations episode on what we have learned and what we tell!  It was a lot of fun so if you haven’t listened yet, please download episode 47.   We’re back from our anniversary trip to Jamaica and it was honestly one of the most needed vacations we’ve ever had.  First let me just say everyone is traveling this summer and booking a flight that didn’t cost an arm and a leg was almost impossible.  We looked at Aruba, Turks, St. John, St. Lucia…We even checked out Mexico but the seaweed situation is apparently out of control lining the beach with the smell of rotten eggs so we passed.  We knew we didn’t want to lift a finger on this trip so we landed on Sandals.  A few friends of ours had been and raved about it so we thought let’s give it a try.    Our trip was a great time to reconnect with each other and do some dreaming about what the next 20 years looks like in our lives as well as our plan for the next few months of episodes of Destination Marriage. We are so excited about our upcoming topics and we will offer a sneak peak at the end of today’s episode.   For today, we thought it would be interesting to do a little back and forth on what our vision for the next 20 years looks like. The caveat is neither of us have seen what the other is going to say.  So, you will get to hear us learn and debate what our next 20 years looks like in real time.  Maybe some fireworks!!!

Today's topic is rejection and some best practices we can all incorporate to move past those pesky feelings that can prevent us from moving forward in life.

Tommy is flying solo on today's episode and asks the question - "Are husbands only civilized because of their wives?"  

Welcome to part two of our discussion on the poison that is Narcissism.  If you haven’t listened to last week’s episode, we would love for you to take a listen as we discussed The Hulu documentary – The Housewife & The Hustler about Tom Girardi & his wife Erika Girardi…aka…Erika Jayne: Only a true narcissist would think first about the admiration, praise and fame before thinking twice about the crimes they’re committing against another person. How do you spot a Narcissit!! Here are some of the signs you’re dealing with a narcissist – how to spot them.   Two faced Blames others for failures Acts different in public vs. private Unreliable Superior attitude Lives in a fantasy world Distorts the truth or facts to suit own agenda Only emotionally available when they want something Lacks sympathy for others Controlling Provokes people then blames them for the fight Can not admit to mistakes Creates Confusion Financial Abuse Emotional Abuse No Remorse Violates Boundaries Not Accountable Obsessed with Looks Energy Vampires Smear Campaign Controlling Posessiveness Excessive Need for Validation   9 Signs you are married to a narcissist – according to Psycom.net   #1: You Feel Isolated Drifting apart from some friends after a big life change (marriage! babies!) happens to everyone, but if your life is now rife with severed ties, it’s time to pause and reassess. “After marriage, narcissists often isolate their spouses from their friends through a slow and methodical process,” says Cristina Dorazio, Ph.D., a psychologist who provides both individual and couples therapy in New York City. (Bad-mouthing others is a very common narcissistic behavior, notes research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.) “They can be very good at this, even making you start to question why you were ever friends in the first place,” says Dorazio. This is especially true for friends who are “on to” your narcissist spouse’s behavior. #2: You’re Being Gaslighted Why can’t you take a joke?  I never said that! Why are you always so angry? You’re being paranoid. Why can’t you let go of the past? No one will ever love you like I do.  #3: Praise Looks Like This After the I Dos, however, that often shifts dramatically. Now, the compliments may only arrive when you are in the company of others. “This allows the narcissist to look like a great husband in front of other people and contradicts any complaints you might share about him later,” says Dorazio. Another flattery twist: While compliments directed to you might fizzle, a narcissist might instead lay it on thick to others in your orbit. “They do this to feed your insecurity,” says Dorazio. #4: It Feels Like Your Partner Is Trying To Make You Jealous Beyond praising others, a narcissist may talk glowingly about an ex or flirt with someone right in front of you. This is no accident or innocent misstep, but a strategic move designed to make you feel jealous.  Beyond stoking your own insecurity, researchers note that narcissists do this in order to wield control and/or to buoy their self-esteem.   #5: There’s This Jealousy, Too Jealousy is not an uncommon reaction when a baby joins a narcissist’s family, says Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., professor and chair of the department of counseling and higher education at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb. “Narcissistic partners can become resentful of the time you invest in childcare, so he might begin to insist that you focus more attention on the marriage than the child.” This, however, is not universal. Some narcissists, in fact, dramatically shift their focus solely on the baby. “These narcissists may see the child as an extension of themselves, so they co-opt the child, leaving you on the sidelines in terms of attention and family involvement,” says Degges-White. #6: Your Parenting Skills Are Criticized “Narcissists often blame any perceived ‘bad’ behavior of their children on their spouse’s lack of parenting skills,” says Dorazio. Adding insult

Most of you are probably familiar with Erin Brokovich – the legal clerk who was instrumental in building a case against the Pacific Gas & Electric Company of California for dumping a carcinogen known as hexavalent chromium.  The trial lawyer who won the 460 million dollar settlement was Tom Girardi and in this case of the documentary…The Hustler.  The housewife is none other than Erika Girardi or some may know her as Erika Jayne which is her stage name/alter ego. Tom Girardi: Married his first wife in 1964, second wife in 1993 and his third wife Erika in 2000. Tom is 32 years Erika’s senior. He has been a powerful attorney in LA for many years – he’s tried major cases against Lockheed Martin, LA Metropolitan Transportation authority and Hollywood’s seven major studios in addition to the PG&E case that made him famous. One lawyer in the documentary said “he was LA Law”. He had so much power that lawyers wanting to become DA’s or judges and local politicians had to sort of get his blessing or kiss the ring. There was a lot of rumblings over the years regarding embezzling or not paying out settlement funds to other lawyers or his clients but it wasn’t until December of 2020 when he was sued publically and held in civil contempt for embezzling money from a number of families who lost loved ones in a 2018 Lion Air Boeing plane crash that his house of cards came crumbling down   Erika Girardi…aka…Erika Jayne: Had been married briefly and had a son prior to moving out to LA to pursue a career in entertainment. She had previously worked as a stripper in NJ before deciding that LA was where she needed to be in order to make her dreams of stardom come true.  She met Tom while working at Chasen’s as a cocktail waitress in the 90’s. She was actually the one to make the first move – she noted in her memoir that she slipped him her number while at the restaurant and also told him she was single.  According to her memoir, his secretary contacted her to set up a date and Erika declined also informing the secretary that if Tom wanted to take her out he would need to ask her himself. After a 6 month courting they got engaged but I do think it’s interested that Tom told her when he proposed that he would never where a wedding band.   Shady Business: So now that we have some back story on both The Hustler & The Housewife…let’s dive into the most recent allegations that have now brought these two into a very different spotlight than what they’ve been accustomed to. 2 Million stolen from the families who lost loved ones from the Boeing crash – he was asked to pay this money back to the families who were each owed $500k in December. When questioned about the whereabouts of the 2 Million dollars he was told by his attorney to plead the 5th.  11 million to a family that experienced tragedy a loss due to a gas pipeline explosion in California. $5 million owed to Law office of Phillip R. Sheldon as well for cases that were referred to Tom and won. Being sued for fraud and breach of contract. So where did the money go? Well…that’s literally the million dollar question right now.  Tom funded Erika’s pop star career and their over the top lavish lifestyle.  It’s said that he gave her upwards to $20 Million to hire glam, travel, build a team for her music…you name it.  What’s interesting though is that everything that was filmed on the housewives or their home tour is now being used to track assets.  Also, why on earth would you agree to a reality show if you know you have some major skeletons???   What do we think of this whole mess? Only a true narcissist would think first about the admiration, praise and fame before thinking twice about the crimes they’re committing against another person.    Here are some of the signs you’re dealing with a narcissist..   Two faced Blames others for failures Acts different in public vs. private Unreliable Superior attitude Lives in a fantasy world Distorts the truth or facts to suit own agenda Only emotional

Today’s episode is titled "Finances - The Great Divide" Why are we doing this episode? To help our listeners by share our own experiences and what we have worked on and worked through It’s a real problem and a leading cause of issues and divorce in marriages: Data from TD Ameritrade found that 41% of divorced Gen Xers and 29% of Boomers say they ended their marriage due to disagreements about money. A study of more than 4,500 couples published in the journal Family Relationships states that arguing about money early on in your relationship, may be the No. 1 predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced. Why is it such an issue?  Well, a study by Ramsey Solutions found that the stress created by the crushing burden of debt and the lack of communication in a marriage is a breeding ground for argument. We also believe that lack of communication can create a distrust issue, whether perceived or real.  Hiding money Secret spending Perceived power play Topics we discuss specifically How to start off on a good foot together as a team Who is the spender and who is the saver What’s Mine, Yours, Ours Manage extended family expectations Managing large purchases How to successfully work through financial trouble   

Is your seltzer water causing you to gain weight?   Over the last few years seltzers have become all the rage.  It’s been the ultimate go to for a refreshing beverage.  Most of them have either little to no calories and come in a variety of flavors so what’s not to like?  I was consuming 3-4 seltzers a day..A DAY!! I tried them all as well and recently fell in love with some new ones until I found out that it was causing some health issues.  I was noticing that I was retaining water and I had gained some weight that really didn’t make sense.  My diet hadn’t gone off the rails and I’ve been working out consistently so I started to do a little investigating and I came across an alarming study that raised some red flags for me. A study conducted by researchers at Birzeit University discovered that rats who were fed seltzer waters to drink rather than regular still water gained more weight as a result of an increase in their Ghrelin levels.  Grehlin is a hormone naturally released when our stomach is on empty but this hormone increased significantly in the rats after consuming the seltzer. The rats that consumed the seltzers ate 20% more than the other rats!  We had an experience that honestly no one should have to experience but it’s a cautionary tale that we’ve been waiting to share.  So a few years ago, we traveled to Las Vegas for a conference and we were so excited because the company was putting us up at the Four Seasons.   What could we have done differently to prevent this from happening?  

Updates on life - Jackie took a tumble, weekend trips to Miami and Orlando In recent news you may have seen that Bill and Melinda Gates have filed for divorce. This couple has been together for 27 years and the news made headlines for obvious reasons.  The couple is said to be worth $130.5 billion dollars and have three grown children.  So why are they splitting after all of these years? A number of reasons are said to be the cause of their demise. Gates has admitted to being unfaithful. He reportedly had an affair with a co-worker in 2003 and he also had a strange arrangement of an annual getaway with his ex-girlfriend.  It’s said his wife agreed to this annual tryst but I can’t imagine this agreement didn’t cause some resentment over time.  Melinda is also said to have had concerns and issues with her husbands relationship with Epstein.  The 3 I’s that lead to divorce: Irreconcilable differences – how to manage finances, lack of sexual intimacy, extended family issues Infidelity – broken trust that can never be rebuilt. Incompatability – opposite views (politics, religion, how to raise kids, etc…) Can you come back from any one of these?    

Today’s episode is titled Silent Killers of a Healthy Sex Life.  We noticed that much of the advice or discussions regarding what hurts a married couple’s sex life are focused on some of the more obvious issues – things like fighting between spouses, time commitments of family/kids, infidelity , outward physical ailments, etc… What makes couples go from hot and heavy to a non existent sex life?  While a dip in the consistency of sex can negatively impact the relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce but it should urge both individuals to look into the deeper meaning behind the lack of the physical connection. Monotony in daily life – mood killer TV/Phone in bed Unspoken sexual expectations of their spouse Hidden Insecurities Dad Bod effect Emotional connection lacking