Tim Ash, co-author of the book
Primal Dating: The Unflinching Evolutionary Psychology Guide to Modern Relationships. Ash, an authority on evolutionary psychology, discusses how human dating behavior is profoundly influenced by our evolutionary past, arguing that our biology supersedes modern cultural narratives. He explains that men and women evolved for different, complementary roles, which dictate their mating strategies. Women are selective, seeking a "proven winner" who can provide and provision, while men are bred to compete for the best options. This foundational understanding is crucial for navigating dating, which Ash and his co-author, Dr. Limor Gottlieb, believe is a "hellscape" in its current form.
Tim attributes the challenges of modern dating to factors like online dating, where a gender imbalance and the ease of approach have led to women being overwhelmed with choices and men becoming "invisible". He criticizes the "happy talk" found in many dating books and certain "red pill" ideologies, such as the idea that all men can be "alphas". Instead, he advocates for a reality-based approach centered on self-improvement for men. Ash states that men must first become competent in some area, as true confidence and attractiveness stem from having agency in the world. He emphasizes that men's sexual marketplace value peaks later in life, around age fifty, in contrast to women's, which peaks in their late teens to early twenties.
The book also addresses the complexities of long-term relationships and the need for both partners to continuously invest in themselves. Ash explains that women will always test their partners to ensure continued provisioning and emotional support, a behavior with evolutionary roots. He advises men to remain "mysterious" and attractive to other women, as this subconscious perception of desirability enhances their partner's attraction. The book is recommended for both men and women, as it provides a guide to understanding the psychology of both genders and improving relationships, whether for dating or marriage. Ash hopes the book will help people approach relationships with more insight, peace, and success.
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