In this episode of Dads on Tap, I share my journey from a childhood marked by my family’s financial collapse and personal struggles to discovering the concept of "the gap"—the space between the man we want to be and the reality we live in. Through hardships and a life-changing question from a mentor, I began to uncover the challenges holding me back. How do we bridge that gap and become mature men?
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My origin story
I grew up in Michigan, the second of four boys. My dad was an entrepreneur with a successful business, but when I was eight, we moved, and his business failed. Financial struggles followed, leading to marital problems for my parents. Between the ages 8 and 18, we moved 10 times.
One day, I came home to find my mom had left with my two youngest siblings, leaving my older brother and me with my dad. We struggled to keep food on the table as our family went bankrupt and lost everything.
For weeks, we lived in a tent at a campground. Eventually, my mom came back, and my parents reconciled—but we weren’t allowed to talk about what happened. We were just expected to move on.
In college, I started a career that connected me with influential leaders and large organizations. I believed my worth came from my titles and accomplishments, not who I was. Then, during a tense work meeting, my boss called me out: “I know this issue is frustrating, but your reaction was so much bigger than the problem. What’s in the gap?” That question changed my life.
What’s in ‘the gap’?
The gap is the space between the man we dream of being and the reality of who we are. We want to be great husbands, dads, and men of integrity, but sometimes our actions don’t align with our ideals. We may desire to be encouraging spouses but end up being neglectful, or we aim to be present fathers but find ourselves angry and reactive.
The behaviors holding us back are symptoms of deeper issues—false beliefs or unspoken vows we’ve made about ourselves. To grow into mature, spiritual men, we must identify and address what’s in our gap. Reflect on moments when your reaction seemed outsized to the situation—those are clues to the underlying challenges keeping you from the life you want.
I offer coaching to help uncover and close the gap so you can live out the dreams you have for your life. Together, we can tackle what’s holding you back.
Identify what causes ‘the gap’
No one sets out to be a poor husband or father, but the gap can lead us there. Over time, we slide into habits that keep us from the life we envision. These behaviors—whether neglect, anger, or compromise—are usually symptoms of deeper issues.
The root cause is often a false belief or an unspoken vow we’ve made about ourselves, such as “I’ll never fail like my dad” or “I have to earn love through achievement.”
Self-restraint isn’t enough to overcome these patterns; we need to uncover what’s truly keeping us from maturing into the men we want to be. Reflect on recent moments where your reaction felt out of proportion to the situation—those are clues to what’s in your gap.
I offer coaching to help you identify and address these challenges, empowering you to bridge the gap and live out your dreams as a husband, father, and man of integrity. The journey starts with one question: What do I need to know-What’s in my gap?
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At Dads on Tap, we believe in helping dads become their best selves. A dad’s role in the family is essential—but how can you extend that role into your community? How can serving others make you a better father, friend, and neighbor?
In this episode, I sit down with my good friend, Drue Warner, the lead pastor at Good News Church in Sugar Hill, GA. Drue has spent years mentoring dads through the local All Pro Dad program and serves as the point leader for the Dads on Tap chapter in Suwanee, GA. Together, we explore how embracing community service can transform not only your family but also the world around you.
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Watching a Dad Who Serves
Growing up as the child of a pastor, Drue saw firsthand the impact of serving others. His father was deeply committed to helping people in the church and the community, setting an example of grace and love. That influence stayed with Drue. When he faced challenges of his own, he was reminded of the grace his father modeled, helping him connect with the mercy and joy of his faith. This inspired him to dedicate his life to serving others.
Drue’s involvement with All Pro Dad began when his oldest child was in elementary school. Through this program, he discovered a passion for connecting with other fathers and supporting children—not just his own but others in the community. Watching his dad serve gave Drue a blueprint for how to raise his children. He shares a story about running a food drive with his kids from their neighborhood pool parking lot, teaching them the joy of giving and helping those in need.
Meeting the Needs
Drue wasn’t just called to serve his neighbors; he also felt called to adopt. His journey as an adoptive parent offers a unique perspective on serving a child in need. Drue explains that adoption is more than just parenting—it’s stepping into a larger plan, offering hope to a child who needs a loving family.
For Drue, adoption is also a powerful metaphor for the Gospel. Just as God adopts believers into His family, every adoptive parent welcomes a child into theirs, giving them the full love, rights, and privileges of being part of the family. Drue encourages other dads to be open to adoption, reminding them that every journey in parenting is challenging, but every child deserves to be loved and raised with purpose.
How Do You Get Started Serving Your Community?
Do you want to serve your community but feel unsure where to begin? Drue offers simple, actionable advice: start by getting to know your neighbors. Many people in your neighborhood may need help with tasks, meals, or financial struggles. Sometimes, the most impactful service is offering to meet small, everyday needs.
Beyond your immediate neighborhood, explore local organizations like food banks or nonprofits. Stop by, ask for a tour, and find out how you can contribute. Schools are another great place to make a difference—many need mentors and positive role models for their students.
Find ways to serve using your own skills and passions. Love golf? Host a program teaching kids how to swing. Enjoy cooking? Organize a neighborhood breakfast. Good with your hands? Offer repair or yard services to your neighbors or local schools. The key is to think simply, ask where help is needed, and take the first step toward meeting that need.
Drue’s story reminds us that service begins with small actions—whether it’s mentoring, volunteering, or just being available. When dads step up and serve, they inspire their families and communities to do the same. Tune in to hear more about Drue’s journey and discover how you can start making a difference today.
Resources & People Mentioned
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How do you really grow into a successful man? Should each man really be an island? My guest, Curt Trotter, shares the importance of communal support for men and the role of faith in personal growth. Growing a man comes down to something very simple for Curt: you can't do life alone—you have to share your life with other men.
Being surrounded by supportive peers can significantly enhance men's ability to grow and overcome challenges. Authenticity, humility, and teachability are critical traits that fathers should embody and instill in their children. The willingness to admit personal shortcomings and the desire to learn continuously can help fathers become better role models and support their children effectively.
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The Significance of Individual Support in Parenting
Curt's approach to parenting starkly contrasts with his own father's expectations. He believes in the importance of supporting his children’s unique talents and career interests. Unlike his father, who wanted him to join the family business, Curt encourages his children to pursue their individual passions. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing and nurturing each child's unique gifts, avoiding the imposition of specific career paths or interests.
Curt is committed to being there for his children in a supportive and non-intrusive manner. This approach fosters a sense of independence and confidence in his children, allowing them to grow into well-rounded adults.
Faith, Community, and Personal Growth
Curt's faith deeply influences his life and work, making him an integral part of the community at Browns Bridge Church. A significant aspect of Curt's community involvement is his participation in our Dads on Tap initiative. Curt discusses the importance of communal support for men's growth, making it clear that men need other men to share experiences and build accountability.
Teachability plays such a huge part in the personal growth journey of men. Curt defines teachability as a combination of the desire to learn and the willingness to change, highlighting it as a fundamental trait for overcoming challenges and achieving significant progress.
Drawing from his extensive experience working with thousands of men, Curt has noticed that those who exhibit humility—admitting they don't have everything figured out—and teachability are the ones who often grow the most. These characteristics enable individuals to remain open to new ideas and transformative experiences, paving the way for meaningful development and improvement in their lives.
Identity and Personal Development
Having a clear plan and system to achieve your goals is important, whether in personal habits or business. Many people struggle because they lack a structured approach, making it difficult to reach their objectives. Curt’s advice for dads includes teaching their children the value of strategic planning and goal-setting to help them navigate both personal and professional challenges.
Curt also highlights the need for fathers to transition eventually from day-to-day parenting to becoming mentors and friends to their adult children. This shift helps foster a supportive environment that encourages independence while maintaining a strong, supportive relationship.
Resources & People Mentioned
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Are you a purposeful and present (P2) dad? Being a dad is the only thing that we do at best responsively, at worst, reactively. So how do we move from reactive to responsive? How do we become more present? What can we do to change the way we show up?
Jeff Hamilton is a husband, father, pastor, high school sports coach, and founder of the ”Dad Academy.” Jeff founded Dad Academy to help men become the fathers they wanted to be. Because men function best when they know what’s expected of them and have a plan to accomplish that.
So he took his graduate degree in Strategic and Organizational Leadership and created a workbook that helps men write a business plan for being a better dad. Learn all about the principles he teaches in his academy in this episode of Dads on Tap.
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Understanding your mission as a dad
Jeff credits “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” for heavily shaping him (and believes it should be on everyone’s reading list). One of the principles outlined in the book is to “begin with the end in mind.”
What is the end outcome of being a dad? For Jeff, the answer is “Raising healthy adults to contribute to their community who speak life and bring value to their relationships.” If that’s the end in mind, every step you take along the way must help you accomplish that goal.
You’re partnering with God’s mission. He entrusted these lives to us. It’s a wonderful privilege and responsibility. Jeff firmly believes that your success in life will be measured by the kind of kids you raise. They are how you will be remembered.
Preparing your kids for adulthood
A dad’s mission is to pass on his values and skills to his children. As a parent, you’re developing courage in the life of your kids. They have to learn how to make decisions. That starts from the very beginning. Even the little things like teaching a child to cross the street, tie their shoes, or hold their silverware are important. After all, everything a child knows how to do is learned somewhere.
It isn’t just about learning hard skills like learning to paint, changing the oil in a car, or using a drill. Your kids also need emotional intelligence. They need to learn soft skills, relational skills, etc.
You have to intentionally share everything you know how to do. And when there are things you don’t know how to do, invite other people into your family’s life to give them those skills that you’re lacking. It truly takes a village to raise a child.
Defining your family culture
What are your norms? What are acceptable behaviors? The norm in Jeff’s family culture is “Everyone contributes.” Your expectations of a five-year-old will be different from a 15-year-old but everyone contributes in some way.
Culture also has to do with language. What tone is acceptable? How do we navigate conversations and communication?
Rituals and traditions are also important. These things define and remind you who you are. How does your family celebrate holidays? What special things do you do for birthdays? Memories are associated with those traditions.
Part of your family culture is memory-making. Traditions and rituals are one way to create a resource bank of memories. But Jeff believes that vacations are key. You have to set aside intentional time and create space for memories to be made. The things you’ll remember about your family will be the things you did throughout the years that connect you to your identity.
It doesn’t need to be extravagant—but it must be meaningful. Do something that shows your family they are a priority.
Learn more of the things you need to think about to be a better dad and raise amazing humans in this episode of Dads on Tap.
Resources & People Mentioned
Connect with Jeff Hamilton
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