Parenting at a time when safety is top of the list, can make it difficult to raise a child who's able to cope with failure and think for themselves. In the midst of parenting and family life, the question of 'what kind of adult do I want to raise' easily gets lost in daily fire fighting. In order to make life a little more efficient we so easily dismiss our child's requests for autonomy in favour of efficiency, control and certainty. But, for Oscar Van Rooij, a favourite g...

With the divorce rate in the UK currently at 42% it is important to shed light on the complexities of living in a blended family. How soon after getting together can your new partner rightly correct your child?How do we avoid becoming the wicked step parent without trying too hard to be liked?Why is it vital that you speak respectfully about your child's other parent -even though he / she is the one who left and inflicted hurt? Step parenting is not easy but blended family dynamics &n...

Oscar Van Rooij is back! The Dutch mindset coach, public speaker and Tony Robbins associate is joining me on today's epsisode to explore the existential dilemma we all grapple with: Our innate human needs; on the one hand, to belong to others/ the group. And also, belonging to ourselves and being true to what we feel and sense. We ask questions like: What have you learnt to be / not be - in order to receive love, attention or praise? What triggers you most in your child? ...

This episode is for you if you are raising toddlers or anyone occasionally behaving like one. It IS hard to raise little children. And even harder when we lack clarity around what is expected of us at their developmental stage. If we parent our toddler like we would our infant, and our teen like we would our primary schooler - we soon find that we will have some epic power struggles on our hand. This episode will help you to get clear on your role - and define when you've ...

With December around the corner it is easy to step onto the same old merry go round that takes us to exactly the same place every year; overdraft, overwhelm and a looming new year that feels anything but exciting. Granted, Christmas is joyful and fun. But I can see from my engaged followers on social media that too many of us end up working harder than ever during December and ofte have a sense that we could have done things differently. But what? In this episode I share ...

The ability to weather upsets, setbacks and unwanted circumstances is a quality we all want in our children. Without it, we all know that life is going to be difficult. But how do we foster reslience in our children? By removing obstacles in their path? By praising them all the time? By toughening them up? In this episode we explore how OUR own feelings about our child's experience influence our child's resilience and 3 ways that we can support them when life ...

They're all over social media; Funny memes with parents mocking modern parenting - showing the ridiculous ways that we as parents have become subservient to our children and scared to put a foot wrong. It's funny. And sadly true. In this episode I ask the question: How have we gotten here? And I offer my perspective on what many of us have misunderstood in the pursuit of giving our children a sense that they matter, that their feelings are valid and that they're unconditionally loved. ...

Of course threats work. In the here and now - if we are willing to threaten to take something away that our child really cares about. But do threats as a way to foster cooperation give us what we want for our children and ourselves in the long run? In this episode I propose that we put guilt, shame and our own inner critic to one side - and simply get curious about the long (and short ) term effect of threats in our parenting. This episode might be just what you need to s...

The afternoons with children can feel like a dreaded part of the day. The time of day when the tank is emptying, but the kids' needs and emotions are most pressing. Kids fall out in the car The snacks you bring are not the right ones The mode of transport is not what your child had wanted Why are afternoons so difficult? In this short episode, I offer a different way of viewing this part of the day and structuring it in ways that serve both you and your child. T...

She can ride a horse. She can get herself dressed, make breakfast, cycle to the shops and take the bus. Why can't she just tidy up all the clothes in her her own room???!!! Have you ever wondered why you're locked into conflict about the same scenarios in your family? If so, this episode is for you. Pulling from the work of Byron Katie, I show you how her 5 mind opening questions helped me to view my recurring battle with my daughter - and what you need to know about independence befor...

All people pleasers were once parent pleasers. People pleasing is something we all do to some extent. Why? Or else no one would want to be around us. The constant balance we are all faced with having to strike, is when to cooperate with others and do what the world wants of us - and when to honor our own limits, wants and desires. As Jung famously said; "The first half of a human's life is spent living in accordance with what others want from us. The second h...

Trauma has become part of mainstream language. Trauma is no longer understood as what brings us into A&E -but what occurs as a result of childhood experiences growing up. But how do we make sense of trauma when it comes to our parenting? How can we help our child cope with difficult circumstances? You might have sometimes wondered: Have we traumatised our child? In my work with parents I often get asked if: - The aggressive sleep method they applied when their ...

We all know that children lie sometimes. But - when our OWN child lies - it can feel hard not to get triggered. "I told them I want the truth" "I'm raising a liar" "Why is my child so deceitful?" In this episode I share 3 perspectives about lying - that can help you hopefully stay a little more grounded when you respond to your child. And actionable strategies to help your child to tell the truth. You might want to share this one with a friend or your partner To get weekly...

There is that fine line that we can cross as parents when what our child does or says provokes us. It is that line that line that denotes that we are dealing with and talking to our child - and not another adult. We modify our language We dial down the volume We engage in less threatening body language. After all, we are talking to a child, right!? But most parents will recognise that once the surge of cortisol and adrenalin rushes through the blood and gears you up for fight or fligh...

The thing that we most yearn for is to feel connected and that we matter to each other. But why is then, that we often prioritise the laundry, packing the bag for the next day and emptying the dishwasher over spending time with our partner? And what is the cost of living this way? I asked someone who really knows about the importance of relationships. Catherine Topham Sly - BACP accredited couples relationship therapist and transformation coach is worth a follow on social media where she...

All too often, the children's school break is anything but a break for us parents. It feels more like an addition of work and chores -or more of everything; conflict, connection, tears and joy. Intense togetherness with our family highlights one thing; our ability to have our own needs met when we're surrounded by little people and partner's with needs too. Experienced health coach, Sarah Stannard is my guest in this episode and she shares her top tips for getting us mentally and physica...

Can you actually change your mind without loosing your child's respect? When your child has asked you for a snack and you've said no - but you realise that your child might be more hungry than you thought or you just don't have it in you that day to tow the line or When you cancelled the birthday party your child was looking forward to going to - in a fit of frustration Can you actually change your mind without being seen as permissive? Many of us WANT to - but feel bad...

Have you ever felt that everyone else's feelings and needs take precedence over your own? That you are so quick to tune into the needs of those around you, that you figure you'll come back to you when you have enough time.. only that time never comes? That's called parenting. But it need not be this way. Because it benefits no one. It is when we start our day on the backfoot in this way, that a morning tantrum, lateness or a forgotten bag throws us and sees us react...

Few things can feel more upsetting than to part ways with our child at the school/ nursery gate, following a morning of chaos, tears and tantrums. How do we get children to cooperate with us in the morning without the use of threats, yelling and defiance? My wonderful guest in this episode is Angeliki, mum of 2 and a mum I have had the pleasure of working with over the past 3 years. Angeliki's biggest frustration at the moment, is instilling independence in her 8 year old...

Nothing like a little sprinkle of doomsday picture to motivate our child, right?! In this episode we dive into 5 common ways that we drain our own energy as parents and inspire fear, limiting beliefs and insecurity in our children. We also look at our obsessive focus on the British weather and using our child's difficult moment as a teachable situation - rarely feels effective. Finish the year a little clearer on what you might unintentionally pass on - so that you can show up ...