The end of this episode is real bad in the audio department and if we continued to try and fix it, it might never air. So apologies for not only the delay, but also the quality of the last 20 minutes. Maybe we'll try to make up for it in the new year... This week, we dive back into the 80's for a quotable mess that we love. We also welcome back guest and good friend, Mike. Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton Background music: The Tomorrow War Soundtrack

Hosted by yet another bug: Chris. Maggots are gross. This is a universal truth. Our subject today, isn't. He's actually kind of rad. He just got the raw end of the deal in many regards. Advice to players: C O N S U M E Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle

Happy Halloween! In our continued effort to actually do something unique for this, the spookiest of holidays, we jump into an even shorter media than the 22-minute episode we covered last year. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Music: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

This week, we check out the straight-to-streaming blockbuster that probably shouldn't have. We also welcome our second guest and good friend, Mike, to talk about this sci-fi shlop. Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton Background music: The Tomorrow War Soundtrack

Just like last year, we're celebrating our anniversary by bringing you a whole bunch of nonsense inspired by the movies of the previous season. This time around we really started thinking outside of the box and have some fun things in store, including a whole mess of player options! If you enjoy this, please consider supporting us on our Patreon for more! The episode is a little late due to some technical difficulties. Advice to players: Now your DM has a method of lighting any and every monster you fight on fire. You're welcome. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr

Two years seems like too long to be stubbornly releasing these still and yet here we are. It's been a bumpy year and we're already off to a rocky start for year three with a late release but that won't stop us! We're going to keep on trucking with Alien³! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Fury Oh Fury" by Nico Vega Background music: The Alien 3 Soundtrack

Hosted by actual spider... or maybe not? Chris. Spiders. They're everywhere. You'll find them in your home, in bushes and trees, in attics and basements, and sometimes, you'll find them poured into a man suit. In rare instances, they're not spiders at all, but weird red lizard men. Nature is wild, isn't it? Advice to players: Remember to always relocate unwanted spiders to the outdoors instead of killing them. Unless they punch you in the face or trap you in an endless cycle of living out your worst nightmare in a perpetual web of dreams that will drive you mad. In those cases, I'd suggest moving. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle

The anniversary episode is taking us a little longer than anticipated, so here's a favorite Kibbles of ours in the meantime: Matt took a crack at this whole "background" thing and we think it turned out pretty good! We also have a Creature Crunch guarantee to uphold and a magic item to bash into the heads of your noisy goblin neighbors. Advice to players: If it's too hard, it's probably not worth doing! Unless, of course, your family is in peril.

We watch and outline one of the only live-action movies to feature no human people: The Dark Crystal. Join us as we discuss the anatomy of some puppets, fail to get past the wet-noodle properties of the protagonist, and welcome Creature Crunch's first guest. Then, stick around as we crunch up a couple creatures that really should have stayed ghosts: the Skekler and the Uler! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Throat Singing Cover We Will Rock You (Queen)" by KUULAR Background music: The Dark Cystal Soundtrack

We watch and outline a movie that we both remember being a lot better than it actually is: The Relic (1997). Join us as we take a journey through a poorly-lit museum, lament the fact that we can't see the cool monster when it looks the best, and marvel at how horrendously insane the fire suppression system is in this death trap of a museum. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that'll eat your hypothalamus: the Kachunka! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Museum of idiots" by They Might be Giants Background music: The Relic Soundtrack

Hosted by a multitude of entities crammed into one: Chris. Mutant powers are weird and frankly, I don't think we talk about the existential crisis created by some of them nearly enough. Today, we talk about a man (men?) who really exemplify the true need for therapy and give us an example of why it is so important. Advice to players: If you ever find yourself the parent of some kind of baby with powers, at  the very least, leave them a note or something  in case you die. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle

We watch and outline South Korea's highest grossing film: The Host. Join us as we follow the Park family's tribulations in the wake of a monster of a virus, learn us some Korean culture, and then laugh as Matt just can't say a simple line. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that'll put you right in quarantine: the hypochodricarp! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 01:06:30. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Mudskipper" by Lisasmith Background music: The Host OST

We watch and outline a wild take on the Cthulhu mythos: Call Girl of Cthulhu. Join us as we are charmed by some charismatic (if bad) actors, marvel at how sex-positive a movie like this can truly be, and really strive to make this a not family-friendly podcast. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that is totally in the public domain: the Door of Cthulhu! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 54:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "The Innsmouth Look" by The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets Background music: "New Cults" by the Night Birds

Hosted by weaponized sound: Chris. Screaming is a hell of a drug. Wait, what? Advice to players: PUNCH SOUND. DO IT COWARD. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle

Whoopsie, the audio screwed up during the crunch on this one and we didn't bother re-recording it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We watch and outline another classic monster movie: Tremors 2: Aftershocks. Join us as we yet again imagine what this movie could have been, celebrate the movie we got, and make a m̴͕̃į̵͠s̵̰̕t̶̥̚ä̷̺́k̵͙͋e̶̱̽ ̵̠̆í̵͚n̸̹̓ ̷̟͂ṫ̴͕h̸̤̀e̵̙͌ ̷͉͒c̶̤͆r̶̿͜ǘ̵̢ñ̶̠c̵̻͒h̸̜̆. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that absolutely breaks the 5e system: the Heat Screamer! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 01:09:00. Audio bad times: 01:11:30 - 01:17:25 Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Story of a Worm" by Sarah Maddack Background music: The only soundtrack track I could find

We watch and outline a unique take on the Phantom of the Opera: A Monster in Paris(2011). Join us as we bask in Sean Lennon's angelic voice, pint out the plot holes in a children's movie, and question what the hell Thomas and Martha Wayne are doing in Paris. Then, stick around as we crunch up the just the sweetest flea: the Heartfelt Strummer! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 54:38. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Le Fantôme De l'Opéra" by Robert Marien Background music: A Monster in Paris Soundtrack

Hosted by telescoping unknowable being: Chris. Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Or just get a pair of stilts. You know, whatever works. Advice to players: When you wear stilts, your head is always in the clouds. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle

We watch and outline a movie involving Matt's current obsession: Monster Hunter (2020). Join us as we educate on our limited knowledge of the video game series, restrain ourselves from gatekeeping a Hollywood director, and watch a two hour trailer for a sequel that'll probably never happen because of China. Then, stick around as we crunch up the most iconic of Monster Hunter monsters: the Wrath of the Sky! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 1:13:30. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Monster Fighting Time" by Parry Gripp Background music: Monster Hunter Movie Soundtrack

We watch and outline the oldest movie on our show so far: The Tingler (1959). Join us as we contain our own screams, get an education in some solid science, and drown in everything Vincent Price. Then, stick around as we crunch up the most spine-tingling creature yet: the Vibrator! Crunch begins around 54:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Spine" by They Might be Giants Background music: Movie too old (or something).

Hosted by Chris. Hopefully, the real one. What's furry, green, and looks like a goblin? The Jackal of course! This man does a lot of cloning and no apologizing, so strap on your Spider-man pointing at Spider-man meme and jump on in! Advice to players: Just let the copies duke it out. Only the real one will win. *wink* Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle