Time to get really honest with yourself. What coping mechanisms are you using to hide from your pain? Are you doing the hard work required to transform your consciousness? Believe me, I was there. Caught up in all different ways to alleviate the pain - until I realized that true alleviation comes from shining a light on it. Just like you can get honest about the internal temperature of a steak that needs additional cooking, so too can you get really honest about an internal part of you that still requires transformation. The question is, will you? What is it that you need? Courage....plain and simple.