Conflict Owner's Manual

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Conflict Owner's Manual

Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert

109 episodes

20 hours ago

Do you want to be so likeable that you never have conflict? Is your goal to be so nice that any conflict is either avoided or is resolved as fast as possible? We suggest that being relatable might be the conflict competency you're looking for. show note: Watch episodes 106 and 107 for more information on communication audits. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, ...

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Society & Culture,

All content for Conflict Owner's Manual is the property of Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.

Do you want to be so likeable that you never have conflict? Is your goal to be so nice that any conflict is either avoided or is resolved as fast as possible? We suggest that being relatable might be the conflict competency you're looking for. show note: Watch episodes 106 and 107 for more information on communication audits. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, ...

Show more...

Society & Culture,

Episodes (20/109)

Conflict Owner's Manual

110 How is your relatability a conflict competence?

Do you want to be so likeable that you never have conflict? Is your goal to be so nice that any conflict is either avoided or is resolved as fast as possible? We suggest that being relatable might be the conflict competency you're looking for. show note: Watch episodes 106 and 107 for more information on communication audits. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, ...

22 hours ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

108 What benefits do you get from conflict competence?

How do you feel during and after you have a conflict? Our goal is for you to manage your conflicts well enough that you don't feel bad, awful, or regret. You'll do conflict better when you know the real issue that's the problem, and then choose the right conflict competency to manage that issue. That's how you own your conflict. Let's see how you can own your conflict. show note: examples of conflict analysis are in my substack newsletter: https://substack.com/@deborahsword Send us a text. W...

1 week ago

6 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

109 What conflict competencies help when you're overwhelmed

These are overwhelming and complex times, with demands on our time and resources from many directions. Sometimes, you need help sorting out how to address your internal conflicts. We demonstrate a process, name some conflict competencies to use, and suggest you approach your internal conflict kindly, with humility and hope. show note: Dr. Norman Yan, quoting the late Canadian poet Richard Outram, believes the cardinal human values are humility and hope. Send us a text. We love hearing from y...

2 weeks ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

106 How do you conduct a conflict communication audit

A conflict communication audit takes a lot of context and factors into account. But all of those factors are within your control. In this second episode about conflict communication audits, (listen to episode 107 for the first part) are five components of a conflict communication audit that will improve both your conflict competency, and the quality of your relationships. show notes: Episode 107: Have you done your conflict communication audit? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6vFheobu3k Ep...

3 weeks ago

7 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

107 Have you done your conflict communication audit?

Perhaps you ask: "What's a conflict communication audit and why do one?" It isn't like a corporate communication audit of executive memos and such. Do you understand how you show up in a conflict? Your conflict communication audit includes your words, actions, and impressions you give during conflicts. Your conflict communication audit takes all your conduct and context into account, from the perspective of the person you're in conflict with. What you say and do might not be what they h...

4 weeks ago

6 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

105 Resolution emerges from owning your conflict

Here's what's unique about this podcast: Our belief is that you already have skills to manage conflict. We help you practice your skills, so you improve your conflict competencies. Rather than focusing on resolving any particular conflict, in each episode we point out one or two of your skills that are useful with most people in many contexts. We show how resolution can emerge as a result of you owning your conflict. In this episode, Tyson and Deborah record in the same room for t...

1 month ago

7 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

104 Superman's intentions are a conflict competence

The movie, Superman, is a fun practice tool for analyzing how intentions matter in conflicts. As you intend, your actions follow. As Superman fights Lex Luthor's metahumans on the battlefield, they also wage a media war of words to win public belief over who is to be believed. Which one of them has true intention for good and which one has secret intention for evil? Luthor undermines trust in Superman's intentions, but Superman has allies uncovering the secrets of Luthor's intentions. In the ...

1 month ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

103 What are conflict competent responses to being offended?

It's achieved international newsworthiness that people are offending and being offended, cancelling and being cancelled, silent and being silenced. The headlines exist because someone insists that they have the only correct opinion. And, it might be the correct opinion, but is it the only allowable opinion? We discuss some conflict competent approaches when you're feeling offended or have been accused of being offensive. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflic...

1 month ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

102 How is 'owning' your conflict a different skillset than resolving conflict?

Would you like to have the secret to resolving your conflict? The secret is: improve your conflict competency so you have skills to handle almost any conflict. No model or script is needed for the skills we encourage you to practice and use. They are: (1) conflict analysis, (2) self-awareness, and (3) appropriate conflict styles. The details are in the episode, just as two small cute dogs come to check what's happening in the office. To see the dogs, go to YouTube.com@conflict-owners-manual. ...

1 month ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

100 What elite athletes can teach about conflict competence

Elite athletes heal faster and manage pain better than most people. We can apply their techniques to improve our conflict competence and manage conflicts better than most people. So, what are those techniques, and how can we apply them to conflicts? Show notes: Research paper: Carole A. Paley, and Mark I. Johnson. 25 June 2025. Human Resilience and Pain Coping Strategies: A Review of the Literature Giving Insights from Elite Ultra‐Endurance Athletes for Sports Science, Medicine and Society....

1 month ago

3 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

101 Are you missing opportunities to talk before you judge (and are judged)?

When someone posts about a conflict on social media, they can expect comments and judgment to pile on. Did the person who posted talk to the other parties in the conflict before asking everyone in cyberspace to judge? In this conflict analysis of a social media post, we discuss assumptions, boundaries, expectations, public grievances, and who might be taking advantage of whom. This episode is part of our series of conflict analysis using popular culture for practice. show notes: These episod...

1 month ago

10 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

98 What does it mean to own your conflict, and how do you own it?

Why would you want to own your conflict? When you don’t manage yourself in conflict, do you make the situation worse? Here are three steps to take towards owning your conflict, so that you can be the conflict competent person you want to be. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics...

1 month ago

4 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

99 Not every conflict has to become a fight

We recorded this episode before this week's political assassination, but as I listen to the recording before posting it, that's what I think about. If we reduce a human being to just their politics, or to a single trait, or to one note of their personality, we lose more than we can possibly 'win' (whatever winning might even mean). So, can you disagree, or have a conflict with someone and not have it degenerate into a fight? We discuss how. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Debora...

2 months ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

97 How to use cartoons to practice conflict competence

You can practice conflict competence almost anywhere, using every interaction, even characters' dialogue in cartoons. Using two cartoons as examples, we analyze the scripts for the opportunities to understand each other that the characters missed. (Please accept that we changed the character names). show notes: Cartoon #1, Between Friends, by Sandra Bell-Lundy Parent: Wear your boots. It’s snowing. Child: I’m not wearing boots. It’s spring. Parent: But it’s snowing. Child: But it’s spr...

2 months ago

11 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

96 Did your simple conflict get complicated fast?

Some conflicts expand beyond their origin story, so you lose track of who started the conflict, and what your original conflict conflict goals were. That's conflict creep, where conflict exceeds the simpler scope and more limited objectives you had when the conflict started. After a conflict creeps, parties forget about solving the problem, and just want to win. So, how do you stop conflict creep? Using John Paul Lederach's six stages of conflict escalation, we look at how you can recognize t...

2 months ago

6 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

95 The good, bad, and ugly of being avoided

What skills help in a conflict where you're willing to talk but the other person is avoiding you? We discuss conflict styles, so that you can choose what's most conflict competent to use in the context, situation, and relationship. show notes: episode 46: How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflict episode 50: What you miss when you respond the same to every conflict Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of ex...

2 months ago

11 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

94 What's the harm of a polarized conflict?

Even regular folks like us are affected by this era of polarized conflict. It isn't just politics and social media that has become polarized in how conflicts play out. What does it mean for our personal relationships and ourselves personally when we fall prey to polarizing conflict in our personal relationships? Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share...

2 months ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

93 The good, bad, and ugly of competing as a conflict competency

You have at least five conflict management styles available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. But you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as competing. When is competing an appropriate style to use, and when does competing not serve you and your relationships well? Send ...

2 months ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

92 How to talk about workplace conflict at a job interview

What does a good wellness program at work offer? The 2024, Wellhub State of Work-life Wellness Report lists some of the benefits of a good wellness program. Mostly missing is the benefit of a good conflict management system. Here are tips for discussing a conflict management system design at work, even before you get the job, because the stress of conflict is incompatible with wellness, unless it's well managed. show notes: https://wellhub.com/en-us/resources/work-life-wellness-report-...

2 months ago

3 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

91 The good, bad, and ugly of compromising as a conflict competency

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as compromising. When is compromising an approp...

3 months ago

8 minutes