Conflict Owner's Manual

EXPLORE

Society & Culture

© 2024 PodJoint

https://is1-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts221/v4/74/d9/f3/74d9f3ea-d934-ba97-9a52-5a6bb081cde8/mza_15794627636061725184.jpg/600x600bb.jpg

Conflict Owner's Manual

Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert

90 episodes

2 days ago

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as compromising. When is compromising an approp...

Show more...

Society & Culture,

All content for Conflict Owner's Manual is the property of Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as compromising. When is compromising an approp...

Show more...

Society & Culture,

Episodes (20/90)

Conflict Owner's Manual

91 When is compromising the best conflict competency?

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as compromising. When is compromising an approp...

2 days ago

8 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

90 What is a conflict management mindset?

You use your conflict competencies in every conflict. You can choose how your conflict competency and managing conflict work together. The key is your awareness of your conflict management mindset. Here are a few tips for powering the mindset that will help you do conflict better and improve the quality of your relationships. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, ...

6 days ago

4 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

89 When is accommodating the best conflict competency?

There is no 'best' conflict management style to use in all contexts and for all relationships. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, the context, and the relationship. You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but most likely you usually default to using only the one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as accommodating. When is accommodating others...

1 week ago

8 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

88 How do you resolve a communication mismatch?

Sometimes, even when you try hard to resolve a conflict you hit an impasse. There are many possible reasons that a conflict resists resolution, and one is when your communication styles are so different that you become impatient and frustrated with each other. You want to find a way forward, but you just can't seem to understand their approach to the problem. Here are some conflict competencies for dealing with this communication mismatch. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah...

1 week ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

87 Watch TV to practice conflict analysis

Being able to analyze conflict is one of the most important conflict competencies. You will want to know what's really going on, underneath the issue that seems to be what the conflict is about. If you understand what the actual conflict reveals, not the surface issue someone is yelling about, you have a better chance of coming up with the right questions to solve the right problem. But, how do you learn conflict analysis skills without creating a conflict for practice? We use popular culture...

2 weeks ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

86 What's the right age for repairing a relationship?

Tyson and I are grateful to have Conflict Owners Manual listeners ranging in age from teen to seniors. Who is too young and who is too old to improve their conflict competence? Only you can decide when you're ready. But, there's one more consideration. Conflicts also age. The common wisdom is that managing a conflict early is easier, but that doesn't mean an old conflict can't respond well to your conflict competency. Here are some suggestions for how to be conflict competent at any age you a...

2 weeks ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

85 How to stay non-defensive when verbally attacked

When others verbally attack you, it's hard to keep your cool. Three common but ineffective arguments an opponent might use against you are: 1. ad hominem attacks, (attacking you personally rather than discussing what you said) 2. "straw man" arguments, (misquoting you and attacking you for the misquote as if you'd said it) and 3. simply being a jerk. We offer strategies for being conflict competent, even during the many ways you might be misquoted, misunderstood, accused, an...

3 weeks ago

12 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

84 What conflict competencies might have helped my 40 year old self?

Some conflict competencies are subtle and invisible to others. Two skills start as small differences in your approach to conflict that lead to a big difference in outcomes. One skill applies to your mindset, and what you believe. The other skill applies to your behaviour, and what you do. Together, these two conflict competencies are powerful tools in your conflict competency toolbox. Show notes: Episode #5, How to change the other person in a conflict. Send us a text. We love hearing from y...

3 weeks ago

3 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

83 What do you fear in conflict?

What would your situation look like if you weren't afraid? Fear is a 360 degree driver of conflict, from starting conflict to escalation, to creating impasse, to preventing implementation of an agreement. There are conflict competencies for meeting the fears that hold you back from having difficult conversations. We discuss some of those conflict competencies, and demonstrate how they might improve the quality of your relationships. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword ...

1 month ago

10 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

82 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 30-year-old self?

No one is born conflict competent. Over time, we learn complex communication. The quality of our relationships improves. In this second take on what skills we wish our younger selves had known, we move up a decade to slightly more advanced conflict competencies: perspective taking, and graciously accepting that loving critics give feedback we might need to hear (even if we don't like it). Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of expe...

1 month ago

3 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

81 How conflict competence impacts loneliness for the better

Conflict competence improves quality of relationships. Building community improves quality of life. In this era of loneliness, where friends are so important, are your relationships dependent on your friends having opinions you agree with or like? Here are some strategies for sharing conflicting points of view (POV) without it causing conflict. Improve your conflict competence, have friends, build community, improve quality of life. Show notes Episode 64: How is self awareness a conflict com...

1 month ago

8 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

80 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 20-year-old self?

No one is born conflict competent. Babies don't negotiate, they demand. Over time, we grow up and learn people skills. The quality of our relationships improves. For some, with homes that nurture learning these skills, conflict competence comes early and easy. For some, like me, home wasn't a calm and conflict competent environment. My learning conflict competence was a long, slow and deliberate undertaking. After breaking up with my family at 20, I learned to appreciate them using my conflic...

1 month ago

3 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

79 Do you and your roommates (or family) need a conflict management plan?

If you find yourself sharing space, whether with a partner, roommate, family, or stranger, it's a good idea to agree with them on a conflict management plan. But, if you didn't have an agreement on how to resolve conflicts before you have a conflict, it isn't too late to invite the discussion. Here are some suggestions. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like i...

1 month ago

12 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

78 How do you use and practice conflict analysis?

The conflict competency I use most often is conflict analysis. You want to answer the right question and resolve the correct conflict, which means analyzing what's really going on. Look beneath the surface, and dig deeper than motives and personalities. These two novels demonstrate the types of analysis that get to the heart of the conflict. show notes: The two novels are: The Man Who Saw Seconds, by Alexander Boldizar. (2024) Blue Ticket, by Sophie Mackintosh. (2020) Other episodes about c...

1 month ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

77 How to ask good questions that invite conversations

This is the third episode on what makes a good question in conflict situations. We look at the purpose you want your question to serve in the conflict you’re having. The conflict competence is to use good questions as an invitation into a conversation. We show you how. Show notes Episode 72: what’s a good question when you’re calm may not land the same way on someone you’re in a conflict with. Here are suggestions for asking good questions in conflicts. Episode 74: what’s a good questi...

1 month ago

8 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

76 How do you know when to quit trying dialogue?

Are there times when trying dialogue is wasted time? A listener mentions our polarized political climate, and asks if dialogue is always the way to approach emotionally charged differences in opinion. If it's time to stop trying, how would you know? How would you quit trying? Here are some examples of conflict competent responses when dialogue isn't helpful. show notes: Episode 38. What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with? I discuss Dr. Loretta Ross's book, Calling In...

1 month ago

5 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

75 What movie, show or book shows conflict competence done well?

It's an accepted truth of the creative community that conflict is story. No conflict, no story. No conflict is boring, not drama. Or no dramatic story that anyone wants to read or watch. What are the conflict competencies we can learn from rewriting the script of the conflicts in stories so the characters talk to each other before the conflict becomes the story? We rewrite Romeo and Juliet so that it ends in a wedding rather than funerals. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah...

1 month ago

9 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

74 What makes a good question the right question?

A good question is the right question for the conflict you’re having. You’ve heard the expression: there’s no such thing as a silly question. But, in conflict, some questions keep a conflict going, escalate the conflict and/or inflame hard feelings. Here are examples of good and not-so -good questions. show notes: Episodes 58, 60, and 72 discuss how to ask, use and follow up good questions. After listening to episode 74, browse to the others. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr...

2 months ago

4 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

73 Why describe your conflict in story or simile?

We remember stories better than we remember lectures. Stories entertain, comfort, explain, build bonds, persuade, and teach, among other connections. How you tell the story of your conflict reveals your point of view. We discuss how differing points of view are integrated to make a more complete story of the conflict. We suggest you find a role model who inspires your conflict competence. show notes: Watch John Paul Lederach @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiP_mQamUoc. Read his 28 bo...

2 months ago

10 minutes

Conflict Owner's Manual

72 What is a good question?

A good question increases your chance to get good answers. How you think about a good question and its answer is different in the heat of conflict than how you think about questions and answers in calm conversation. What are those differences and how can you navigate from calm convo to questions that don't provoke more conflict? Here are some examples. show notes: AI offers this list of components of a good question, edited for brevity: A good question is • clear • o...

2 months ago

5 minutes