Sometimes the hardest seasons are the ones that make us. In this episode, I share a story I’ve never told publicly, the moment everything I’d worked for almost came undone during my student teaching. What started as a field trip turned into one of the most difficult and defining chapters of my life. Through betrayal, uncertainty, and months of fighting to graduate, I discovered something I didn’t know I had: the ability to stand up, to keep going, and to find strength in the middle of conflict. Drawing from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and the timeless Hero’s Journey, this episode explores how our greatest struggles often become the very things that shape us, and how, as the comedian Katt Williams once said, that’s what every hero of every story has in common. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

We love verses like Jeremiah 29:11.  You know, the ones that promise a future and a hope. They’re comforting, clean, easy to print on a mug or a graduation card. But what happens when life doesn’t match the verse? When the “plan” falls apart and the promises feel hollow? In this episode, Coffee Mug Theology, I talk about how we’ve turned ancient words of exile and endurance into quick-fix slogans, and what gets lost in translation when we do. This one’s about loss, anger, meaning, and what it really means to find faith when the plan stops working. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

We grow up on stories that tell us life is about slaying the dragon and winning the prize. Disney fairytales, men’s groups, even church slogans repeat the same script: the battle is always “out there.” But Joseph Campbell flipped the story, reminding us that the real dragon is within, and the way forward isn’t conquest, it’s following your bliss. In this episode, I wrestle with what that actually means for men, fathers, and anyone trying to move beyond sea-level living. We’ll talk about shallow scripts, quiet desperation, and the deeper kind of dragon-slaying that leads not to prizes, but to presence, aliveness, and depth. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotions for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode, I step into the shadows with Marvel’s Thunderbolts, a story of misfits, scars, and the power of presence. From Sentry’s battle with the Void to Yelena’s moment of recognition, the film raises a question we all wrestle with: what do we do with the darkness inside of us? Some days we try to bury it, some days we stare right into it, and some days we need someone else to remind us we don’t have to face it alone. Along the way, I reflect on Robin Williams, both the roles he played and the quiet, compassionate ways he showed up for others in real life and on Jesus, who never rushed people out of their pain but entered it with them. Together, they remind us that empathy doesn’t mean fixing or rushing the darkness away. It means staying. It means naming the shadow without shame. And sometimes, it means discovering that our misfit-ness, our scars, and even our Voids might be the very places where healing begins. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What do you do when the world feels too heavy? When you're tired, discouraged, or just numb from the noise? If you're me… you watch America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer moments on YouTube.And you cry. Every time. In this episode, I’m sharing a surprising ritual that’s become one of the most healing parts of my life. We’ll talk about how a talent show, yes, a talent show has become a space for emotional release, joy, defiant hope, and sacred connection. We’ll explore the deeper psychological and spiritual reasons why these moments hit so hard, why they make so many of us weep, and what they reveal about our deepest longings: to be seen, to be celebrated, and to belong. This episode is a love letter to awe.A confetti-covered sermon.And a reminder that joy is not weakness, it’s resistance. If you’ve ever cried during a viral audition clip, this one’s for you. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

Sometimes a song finds you when you need it most. I had never heard Wrabel’s “The Village” until I stumbled across a dance group performing to it on Britain’s Got Talent. What started as a quick break from writing turned into something deeper, a mirror for the world we’re living in right now. The song, originally written for the trans community, echoed wider truths as I watched dancers of all different backgrounds embody it on stage. And it left me with a haunting thought I can’t shake: there’s something wrong with the village. In this episode, I sit with that lyric, wrestle with what it means for us today, and ask where we go from here. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

This episode started as a response to something I heard on a Christian podcast about God’s discipline. The words weren’t new, I’ve heard the same script my whole life, but they brought back memories of how deeply this theology shaped me. Growing up, I learned to see every disappointment and setback as punishment, every “no” as God disciplining me. What really grabbed me, though, was how seamlessly the hosts moved from talking about God’s discipline to how they plan to spank their child, as if one naturally flowed into the other. That hit me hard, because I know the damage that both of those messages can cause. In this episode, I share why spanking doesn’t produce wisdom but only breeds domestication, what scripture actually means when it talks about “the rod,” and why a God of love can’t be confused with a God of fear. At the heart of it all is this question: what kind of legacy do we want to leave? One rooted in control, or one rooted in trust and love? If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode, I sit with the words of Thomas Merton, an American Trappist monk, writer, and mystic whose reflections on faith, identity, and community continue to resonate decades after his death. Merton warns against what he calls “the heresy of individualism,” the temptation to define ourselves only by what we’re not, to build our lives on separation and judgment. His challenge struck me deeply, because I’ve lived that temptation:  shrinking myself, building an island of “no,” and cutting myself off from connection. In this conversation, I explore what it means to move off the island, to see others as mirrors, and to rediscover the breath of the Spirit by starting with yes. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

I was on a plane recently watching the new Bob Dylan movie when a scene with Pete Seeger stopped me in my tracks. Why in the world would a folk singer be in court over a song? That moment opened up a hidden history I had never been taught: “This Land Is Your Land” wasn’t just a patriotic anthem, it was a protest. And it made me start to see a bigger pattern. We do this all the time. We take prophets, revolutionaries, artists, even Jesus himself, and we sanitize them. We file down the edges until all that’s left is a safe version that won’t disrupt us. In this episode, I want to ask: what do we lose when we do that? And what might happen if we went searching for the verses, the voices, the truths that were cut out? If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

This episode started with a reel:  Two pastors, loud and confident, claiming they were standing in the footsteps of Jesus by resisting culture and government control. And while I disagreed with their message, something deeper stirred in me. Because I’ve heard that same level of certainty on the other side too, in the progressive voices I often align with. And honestly? I’ve heard it in myself. So the question that kept echoing wasn’t just “Who’s right?” it was “Is that even the right question anymore?” In this episode, I explore the danger of certainty, the ways we all use scripture to back ourselves up, and the spiritual cost of needing to always be right. But more than that, I ask: Is any of this moving us closer to something good? Something more free, more human, more like Jesus? If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In a world where everyone seems to be talking past each other,  online, in politics, and even in the church, what would it look like to slow down and actually see the person in front of us? In this episode, I explore the word sonder, the realization that every person you encounter is living a life as vivid and complex as your own and how Jesus embodied that in every interaction. From the woman caught in adultery to Zacchaeus to the bleeding woman, Jesus saw the human before the problem, the wound before the wrong. I also wrestle with my own struggle to do the same, especially in a culture addicted to clicks, likes, and quick takes. This isn’t just about changing the way we speak to others. It’s about challenging ourselves to speak from a place that sees, honors, and values the humanity of the person right in front of us. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

Episode 200! I can’t quite believe we’ve reached this point: two hundred conversations, stories, and reflections shared with you. And for this milestone, I wanted to talk about something that’s been weaving through all of them: the power of metaphor. From Iron Man’s first suit to the parables of Jesus, from Joseph Campbell’s wisdom to Pete Holmes’ “finger and moon,” metaphors shape how we see the world and ourselves. In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z”, I explore why we need metaphors, how they sneak past our defenses to speak to the heart, and what happens when we mistake the metaphor for the thing itself. Along the way, I connect modern myths like Marvel movies to ancient scripture, and even take a surprising detour into The Lord of the Rings to unpack Smeagol’s haunting transformation into Gollum. Whether it’s a shepherd, a superhero, or a hobbit clutching his “precious,” these stories are pointing us toward something bigger, if we’re willing to look past the finger and see the moon. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What do a punk rock lyric and the teachings of Jesus have in common? More than you might think. In this episode, inspired by Frank Turner’s raw line from “1933”:  “Be suspicious of simple answers, that shit’s for fascists (and maybe teenagers)”.  We dive headfirst into the beauty and challenge of the messy middle. From the “greatest commandment” conversation in the Gospels to the wisdom of mystics like Teresa of Ávila, Thomas Merton, and Richard Rohr, this is an invitation to live in the tension, embrace complexity, and resist the lure of easy answers. If you’ve ever felt like life, faith, and God are anything but simple, you’re in good company. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What if no one sees the whole picture and that’s the point? In this episode, I explore the ancient parable of the blind men and the elephant through the lens of my time in the ICOC, where we weren’t just taught that we held the truth we were the truth. But faith shaped by geography, cultural inheritance, and rigid certainty eventually started to crack. This episode is about those cracks. About what happens when we mistake our piece for the whole. About how the voices we were taught to ignore might just be holding something sacred. And about the possibility that listening, really listening, might be one of the holiest things we can do. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z”, I take a deep dive into a sermon titled Sex By Design, delivered at a Christian marriage retreat. The pastor laid out what he called the “6 Divine Truths About Sex” (and their “demonic counterparts”), while his wife stood silently beside him the entire time. I walk through each so-called truth, unpacking the theology, the metaphors, the unspoken subtext, and the ways these messages still shape, and often harm our understanding of sex, intimacy, and worth. Along the way, I share my own “Divine Truths About Sex,” ones rooted not in fear or control, but in agency, healing, and the belief that your boundaries, your story, and your body are yours. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode, I wrestle with one of the hardest, and most liberating truths I’ve come to face: that the pain, division, and harm in our world isn’t just the result of some ancient curse or cosmic enemy. It’s us. We’ve been taught to blame Satan, to blame Adam, to see ourselves as born broken. But what if that story isn’t the whole story? What if we carry both light and dark within us, and what if the power to heal begins when we finally stop blaming and start owning? From wolves and theology to shame, sin, and systems, this episode is a call to step into honest reflection… and hopeful responsibility. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. If you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.   You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What if we’ve been looking at sin all wrong? In this episode, I reflect on the way sin was framed for me growing up, how it became a label, a burden, a weight I carried long after forgiveness was promised. I talk about my time as a teacher, how I tried to help students see that their choices don’t define their worth, and how that same truth applies to us as adults. I explore the original meaning of sin: “to miss the mark” and what it means to reframe sin not as a list of dos and don’ts, but as the things that either give to us or take from us. Inspired by The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, this episode is an invitation to let go of shame, reclaim our humanity, and step into something more freeing, more honest, and more whole. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

To be honest with y'all, I’ve been sitting with this one. This episode is a response and a critique from of a podcast episode I recently listened to titled “Boyhood Resurrected.”   As someone who’s deeply invested in the work of raising boys, mentoring teens, and wrestling with what masculinity means today, I came to this episode curious, but also aware of the mouthpieces of this conversation.  What made me uncomfortable is that I agreed with some of what they said. I understand the concerns about boys feeling lost in modern systems. I share the desire to see boys grow into healthy, resilient men. That’s part of my life’s work. But Boyhood Resurrected left me frustrated, unsettled, and, honestly, mad. Not just because of what was said, but because of what was assumed: about men, about women, about parenting, about power. This isn’t just a conversation about raising boys. It’s a cultural playbook wrapped in fear, control, and shame. And I think we need to talk about it. Because our boys deserve more than tired tropes and toxic narratives. They deserve agency. They deserve complexity. They deserve to be whole. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

What if the thing you were always taught to fear… was actually the thing trying to lead you home? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dive deep into the power of doubt not as a spiritual failure, but as a sacred invitation. I reflect on growing up in a faith system that demanded certainty, punished questions, and taught me that doubt was a sign of weakness. But over time, I’ve come to believe the opposite: that doubt isn’t the enemy of faith. It’s often the birthplace of something more honest, more human, and more mine. From the story of Thomas to insights from Richard Rohr, Rob Bell, and Peter Enns, this episode explores what happens when we stop fearing the unraveling, and start trusting what it might reveal. If you’re deconstructing, doubting, or just exhausted from pretending, this one’s for you. If this episode meant something to you, I’d love it if you’d take a second to like, subscribe, and leave a review, it really helps more people find the show. You can head over to clemenzwithaz.com to grab something from the shop and help support the podcast. If you'd rather just drop a few bucks to keep this work going, you can do that through the GoFundMe link here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps. And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:Devotionals for the Deconstructing & Disillusioned, it’s a space for people who still have soul, but no longer fit in the boxes they were handed. Thanks for being here.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down with Jeremy Steele, also known as The Skeptic Pastor for a conversation that’s honest, wide-ranging, and refreshingly unpretentious. Jeremy is a United Methodist pastor, author, podcast host, and the founder of Not Church, a faith community for people who’ve been hurt by religion but haven’t given up on the sacred. We talk about what it means to unlearn harmful theology, live with doubt, and stay curious without becoming cynical. If you’ve ever wondered how to hold onto your spirituality without the baggage, or if you’ve walked away from church but still long for something deeper, this one’s for you. You can follow Jeremy on Instagram @skepticpastor, check out his podcast Unbelief (available wherever you listen to podcasts), and learn more about his inclusive, online community at notchurch.net. His book including How to Not Suck at Being Christian, and others, are available wherever books are sold. As always, you can find more episodes, blog posts, and ways to support the show at clemenzwithaz.com, or follow me on Instagram @clemenzwithaz. or you can contribute to the GoFundMe here:  https://gofund.me/7ebb0524.  Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it. Thanks for being here and for staying open.